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Greetings Everyone! It's been a long time since I've posted on this forum and I haven't written much over the past few months except for a Christmas song a couple of weeks ago. So, I'm rusty and looking for some help to make sense of this lyric and to maybe include some kind of twist. I've run out of ideas. This song came to me while I was working my night job. It's not a busy job during the late night and I have the view of the night sky and trees all around me from my glass office. so this is what I've come up with so far! Slow tempo, classical.

Dance Alone
(c)2006, Linda Anthony


There she is, it's the night time
all alone with the moon
there she is, it's the right time
sing a melody to you

A few gents greet her and ride by
glance or two over to see
she keeps a smile, looks up at her sky
only the moon knows and the trees

That she danced alone in moonlight
twirls around majestic trees
they never mind her presence
they dance with her upon the breeze

May the moons illumination
cast a glow of ballroom light
in this forest of creation
find her there most every night

So she danced alone in moonlight
when there's no one there to see
while couples love throughout life
she imagines trees on bended knee

There's one now she curtsies to him
he holds her hand they start to glide
how she yearns to feel this moment
a real dance, a precious find

Until then she'll dance in moonlight
twirl around majestic trees
they never mind her presence
they dance with her upon a breeze...

unknown to her a man is standing
above a cloud shadows the scene
a brief refrain from the dancing
as he awakes her from her dream





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My Sound Click

In a time of universal deceit, speaking truth is a revolutionary act", George Orwell

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[This message has been edited by Linda A (edited 12-06-2006).]

Hi Linda,

I read this earlier (no time to post) and enjoyed the big roles you gave the moon/trees in this one. I had just read the book Happy Birthday Moon by Frank Asch (great children's book author). He elevates the moon with human qualities like you've done with the trees. Have you read it?

Your lyric is quite different but it gave me the same feeling as Frank Asch's books (that's a compliment). That said, there's some tightening to be done. I suggest making the trees have an even bigger role by describing them a bit more.

Not sure I'm following you on with these two sections------------------

There's one{???} now she curtsies to him
he holds her hand they start to glide
how she dreams to feel this moment
a real dance, a precious find

Until then {???} {when?} she'll dance in moonlight
twirl around majestic trees
they never mind her presence
they dance with her upon a breeze...


Does that verse describe her 'friendship with the trees' or with an actual person. I assumed it was the imaginary 'friendship' with the glorified 'tree'. But the following verse makes it sound like it's not part of the fantasy tree dance.

So, perhaps some focus into making the storyline a bit clearer?? Hope you get to check out that book---it's an adorable story and just might give ya that extra idea to help ya set this one up.

Hope I've helped. I assumed this was VVBCBV. Am I right?

Oh, one more thing since I like this so much, this line (last line, first verse--important place imo) It sorta left me confused

"...sing a melody to you..."

Overall, recommend the song be clearer whether the dance is with the moon or the trees or both. Connect your hook to that rather than the word "Alone". Just my opinion. In Asch's book, the bear is alone with the moon but he doesn't realize it.

Course, I realize if it were mine, I might not even like my advice!

Vanessa

ps. I'm reading your song to my son today since he's studying the moon (charting it's shape every day). Yesterday, we made construction paper models of the sun, earth and moon according to their relative size. The sun is over 4 feet in diameter, earth a 1/2 inch and the moon is a white paper hole punch (1/8 inch). We were all amazed at the huge difference in size. Just a side note.





[This message has been edited by royaldghtr (edited 12-07-2006).]

Hey Vanessa! Thanks so much for commenting and all of the time you've sacrificed for little ole me! I love your suggestions and it gave me a good idea to be more descriptive(I think). As far as the lines that you mention "until then" etc. I thought that the last lines of the previous verse helped with the first line of the next verse. But, It didn't do what I intended obviously.

I was most concerned with "sing a melody to you" because it really isn't connected to dancing in the way that I'm conveying it here. I was trying to show the narrator(vocalist) as telling(singing) this story to us. Do you buy that? Or should I just change it?

Illiterate me has no clue what VVBCBV means? AND DO I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT IT MEANS? WAHHHHH. Too much brain usage, I need a nap.

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My Sound Click

In a time of universal deceit, speaking truth is a revolutionary act", George Orwell

MySpace

i love it. SOmething mystical and magical about it. Feelings and emotions jump out. I dnno whether it makes me sad because shes there alone dancing to the moonlight or whether it makes me happy knowing that there is beauty in this world that this one woman is dancing along to. I think with limited changes it could be really great.

Keep it up

duane

Hi again Linda,

Ha ha! I'm illiterate too then. I don't know WHAT I wrote! Actually I meant to say VVCBCVC and the choruses are revolving.

What it means is there's a pattern going on in what you've written. And there's any one out of hundreds I guess. The basic plain Jane of country is:

Verse
Chorus
Verse
Chorus
Bridge
Chorus.

Well I guess the plain Jane would be

Verse
Verse
Verse
Verse

Think that is the story ballad if I'm not mistaken.

But, it's not as popular these days.

Verse
chorus
Verse
Chorus
Verse
Chorus

is basic song structure.

There's scads of variations.

The reason it helps me to deceipher what's chorus versus what's bridge is in the making of the melody.

Folks here usually just write VVVV or VCVCBC etc. to designate the pattern they see. Some write that above each section so potential cowriters can readily see what the structure is.

I thought you used the pattern above based on the rhyme patterns you have going on throughout the song.

You used the same rhyme patterns ABAB (line 1 rhymes with line 3 and lines 2 and 4 rhyme).

Then you did that with all the sections I've labeled 'verse'.

Same with the revolving choruses. You used ABCB with those. Only lines 2 and 4 rhyme.
That's a good thing. Variation between the verse and chorus.

I called that one section a bridge based on the content and where you placed it in the song. Even though it's rhyme pattern was the same as the verses, its meter seemed to be different.

Now, if I've got anything confused in my understanding, perhaps someone else will happen by and 'correct' me. But basically the labels just help tag things so lyricists and composers and artists can communicate easily about the song. That's my understanding.


Vanessa

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Royal Daughter

www.soundclick.com/royaldaughter

[This message has been edited by royaldghtr (edited 12-07-2006).]

I love it. I've had moments with the moon and it's okay to dance alone, sometimes it's even better.

Michael

Thanks Ascydeus, Vanessa and Duane! Duane, you have the mixture of emotion that I was hoping to caste out of this lyric. I hope the new year brings everyone some changes that are needed to live as comfortably as possible!

Enjoyed, but wonder if the Chorus section differs enough from the meter/rhythm of the verses?

Hi Nabe ,

Cars go by and hush the quiet
a brief refrain from our dance
lone soaring gull glides by it
only soul to see by chance

A tag maybe?
Pete

Hi Shaynman! Thanks and you're probably right!


Gosh Pete! That's truly touching. I'm adding it. Our Maine mentality with the approaching winter seems to intermingle or it could just be cuz you know I work on 95. Thanks and Happy New Year! Linda

Cheers Nabe ,
And a Happy New Year back atcha !
Pete

Hi Linda,
It's a pretty much different idea. That's always good. I think I followed fine. She dances with this guy and wishes it was for real and wakes up from her dream later. 'Least that's how it reads to me.
Shayne may have a point about the C not being set up much differently than the rest. If the music and/or singer could get the C to stand out enough , that wouldn't hurt.
The C seems to change from past tense in line one to present tense in the rest.
Pretty good though. IMO a little polishing is all that's needed
Wy

Greetings Wy! I'm thinking on the chorus and appreciate your additional feedback.

This is how it I'm trying to make it read. The girl is alone dancing around trees in the moonlight even if it's in her imagination. But while she is dancing alone she imagines that one of the trees is a man(she curtsies to him) and all the while there is a real man standing and watching that awakens her from her dream(her wish) to be with a real man because -there he is now and he is real!