7 members (couchgrouch, rpirone, Guy E. Trepanier, Gavin Sinclair, bennash, David Gill, 1 invisible),
847
guests, and
245
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 313
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 313 |
<cough cough, sputter sputter> It's been a while, folks! Best wishes for Pineyfest, please find a way to share some pictures with us all, and thanks in advance for the advice on this one!
From The Start or "I Call To You"
V1 Why do I only come to you Only when things are at their worst When I seem to have no where else to go When I sink so deep into despair And I feel all hope is gone I look up into the skies and simply know……
CH I call to you, I cry to you I fall down on my knees I tell you that I’m sorry that you haven’t heard from me I talk to you, I pray to you I come with humbled heart I beg for your forgiveness that I didn’t trust you from the start I call to You
V2 I have so many questions, Lord Most of them begin with “why” I'm so trapped within this life it’s hard to even try Your answers don’t come quickly I’ve learned to just be still I don't hear Your reasons, but the answer is in Your will
Bridge Lord, I know that even now I am truly blessed It’s hard to see good things clearly in the dark You give your love You shed your light You show the path that I must take if I open up my heart
Teri Foreman-Black June, 2005
[This message has been edited by Teri Foreman-Black (edited 07-19-2005).]
[This message has been edited by Teri Foreman-Black (edited 07-20-2005).]
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 4,037 Likes: 1
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 4,037 Likes: 1 |
Hello there Teri Foreman-Black! Its been a while - though you haven't lost your style! This reads really smoothe. Very heartfelt lyrics. This is such a little nit I am almost ashamed to say... v1L2 - I want to sing... When things are at THEIR worst I would also like to hear more of your hook... Would you consider repeating the last line of your chorus? Really nice song Hope all is well Joanne ------------------
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 313
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 313 |
Hey Joanne! ::big smile::
I was just listening to you this morning! The things I'm doing to get back into it, and hearing you is probably on my Top Five list. Thanks for the "their".... makes much more sense.
I'm not hearing music yet like most of ya, but I have done a bit better in the last few weeks.... Thank you for the kind words and always the inspiration!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Top 30 Poster
|
Top 30 Poster
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578 |
Hi Teri Foreman-Black, Yeah, the story's good and some good lines. The rhyme scheme varies, if that makes a difference to you. The last line of V 2 seems lomger than necessary and its quite a bit longer than the last line of V 1 . Maybe something more like-- I don't hear Your reasons but the answer's in Your will. The 3rd line in V 2 seems like could be cut down a bit too. Seems like the 2 long lines in the C, could be cut in half and have 8 lines. Yeah, I'd like the hear the hook-title more too. A person might just as easily think it would be " I Call To You" May need a little tightening up, but it's worth it Wy
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 313
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 313 |
Many thanks, Wy... I'll go back and look at those patterns and see if I can bring in the hook more... "I cry to you" I LOVE the "reasons" suggestion so I'll happily take that! With sincere thanks, Teri
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 11,806
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 11,806 |
Hey Lady!!! This is lovely!! Of course I had to come up with something to offer you. See if any of these ideas are of interest..they just seemed to flow a bit more smoothly to my meter ear: Why do I ONLY come to you When things are at their worst When I seem to have no where else to go When I sink so DEEP into despair That hope is all but gone I look UP TO the skies and simply know…… Bridge Lord, I know that even now I am truly blessed It’s hard to see good things CLEARLY in the dark You give your love You shed your light You show the path that I must take if I open up my heart Hope Jim is getting better each day and that the interview worked for Chris! Hugs, Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 313
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 313 |
Awe, Bobbie! Thank you! I'm taking all of your edits gratefully... they do make much more sense. I've been too close to this one for a while. Enjoy the next few days with Pineyfest and get some great pictures, ok?!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,005
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,005 |
Hi Teri So good to see your graciousness back here. Beautifully done. I love the line: "I tell you that I’m sorry that you haven’t heard from me" Bobbie took care of my other suggestions. Cheers, Terry
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,299
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,299 |
Teri: Wow! I live in Phoenixville, right down the road feom Royersford!! or will live there come Sept 28, 2005. I like the emotion you put in your song. Nice and sincere and revealing.
Good luck.
Stop in at the Steel City COffee on thursdays for open mic. Every second THursday of the Month I host the mic.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 313
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 313 |
Hey Tall One! Thanks for the look and kind words! It's always easier to critique something after Ms. Gallup, eh? : : Paul, a huge welcome to Phoenixville! I know it well, as the Steel City Cafe. Never had a specific reason to run in there; now it seems I do, at least on the second Thursdays of each month. We have a local songwriters' group around here. When ya get settled, let me know and I'll tell you about it. Thanks for the look!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 218
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 218 |
Hi Teri,nice to meet you,enjoyed the read.Have a great weekend
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450 |
Teri-
I liked this song a lot. There's nothing that I can add to the advice you've already been given, so good luck and stick with this song. It's great!
P.S. "I Call To You" sounds better as the title.
[This message has been edited by les_paul_gurl (edited 07-24-2005).]
Love is the best, yet worst thing that can happen to a person...
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 313
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 313 |
Cody and "Les Paul Gurl", thank you for the kind comments and read on "I Call To You". Now all it needs is music! Teri
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 4,037 Likes: 1
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 4,037 Likes: 1 |
Hi Teri - Definitely I CALL TO YOU! Connects to lyrics much better. Joanne ------------------
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,714
Posts1,160,942
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
There are no members with birthdays on this day. |
|
|
|