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Florida
by bennash - 06/07/26 09:34 PM
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Lamb.wavv
by Gary E. Andrews - 06/05/26 04:07 PM
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 123
Serious Contributor
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OP
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 123 |
A blues number open to critique. ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/smile.gif) Damn Good Woman She burned the toast on Sunday Overcooked the roast on Monday but she simmers up right on Friday night She spent my paycheck at the mall Broke the bank with a long distance call but my honey's worth any 'mount of money She's a damn good woman An angel sent to be my own Oh, she's a damn good woman Thank God I'll never be alone She used to run with my best friend No tellin' who else's lover she's been but now she's mine you see, and that don't matter to me She won't go to church on Sunday And she don't go to work on Monday But in my sight, all that woman does is right She's a damn good woman An angel sent to be my own Oh, she's a damn good woman Thank God I'll never be alone
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 1,512
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Hi Ward! Good to see someone post a blues lyric. Not many blues writers here (mostly me) but plenty here appreciate the style. I like what you have going here. The flow kind of reminds me of Billie Holliday's "Ain't Nobody's Business". I see you have gone "free form" here rather than "purist" and have structured a chorus. I like to get creative sometimes also. Seems though your chorus could be a bit "grittier" perhaps?? It seems kinda bland for this genre. Maybe something like: She's a damn good woman Sweetest thing I've ever seen She loves me like the devil When she sheds her angel wings Oh she's a damn good woman Gonna treat her like a queen The same for your last line of last verse. Maybe you could say someting like: But we don't fight, "Cause that woman loves me right Well just my suggestions and my own opinions. Good luck with this!! Please do post some more blues!
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
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Hi Ward!
I Like this one, a LOT! The Love Object AIN'T set up to be anything BUT "Human"...& what a Welcome Change THAT is!
& The Guy singin' it comes off as a Heckofa Nice Guy, too!
I'd of course Yearn for Another Verse, perhaps...just Greed on My Part, I guess!
"KUDOS" for one that WORKS & leaves me Hungry for More.
Big Guy-Hug,
Stan
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 120
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Posts: 120 |
Nice post, I like this on a lot. The only thing I might add would be a bridge after the last chorus that speaks more specifically about what she does right. Contrasting against the general statements about what she does right in the verses. Maybe something like this
This good woman of mine
That keeps our home upright
Never breaks the budget
And never likes to fight
She's the pillar of stability
This good woman of mine
May not fit, but just my thoughts
Walter Farmer
(farmboy)
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 123
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OP
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Thanks everyone. I appreciate the suggestions. When I get around to feeling like writing again after this horrendous week, I'll put them to use.
Ward
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