JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 2 Between Sixteen and Seventeen

Hello People, I was just thinking with my fingers tonight. Is this late Saturday night blues or do I have a song here? This just barged into my head complete with music and preliminary arrangement. It may have been a migraine. It's four A M and I'm going back to bed. See you all tomorrow. Pleasant Dreams.

SIXTEEN
(c) Idamarie Naelitz 2/1/03

Pre-chorus 1: (Sung by backup)
Between sixteen and seventeen
My (turn man) turn woman year
A time to play at grown up
All systems in high gear

CHORUS;
Between sixteen and seventeen
The laughter and the tears
The passion spent in learning
Through the fantasies and fears
So many big decisions
So many ways to lean
A most important year for me
When I was in between

Verse 1;
Between sixteen and seventeen
I had a lovely dream
An ivy covered cottage
Of red brick painted cream
A most amazing part
Of my imaginary fate
Was that (he) she was there beside me
My first love, my mate.
Verse 2;
But, no, it never happened
It never did work out
And all those pictures I made up
Got scattered all about
We both married others
And went our separate ways
Between sixteen and seventeen
My god, those were the days!
OR____Those were my dreamin' days.
CHORUS;
Between sixteen and seventeen
The laughter and the tears
The passion spent in learning
Through fantasies and fears
So many big decisions
So many ways to lean
A most important year for me
When I was in between
Verse 3;
Yes, sometimes I still wonder
Where (he) she and I would be
If I had been in love with (him) her
And (he) she had married me
Though I would pick the same roads
That I chose way back when
The what ifs and the how comes
Still haunt me now and then
pre-chorus 2; (bridge) Sung by back-up
Between sixteen and seventeen
We all remember well
The triumphs and the heartaches
It was heaven, it was hell
CHORUS;
Tag:
A most important year for me
When I was in between
A most important year for me
When I was sweet sixteen

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[This message has been edited by Idamarie Naelitz (edited 02-02-2003).]

[This message has been edited by Idamarie Naelitz (edited 02-03-2003).]

[This message has been edited by Idamarie Naelitz (edited 02-03-2003).]

[This message has been edited by Idamarie Naelitz (edited 02-04-2003).]

[This message has been edited by Idamarie Naelitz (edited 02-04-2003).]

Hey Idamarie

Those are the very impressionable years and most of the time the developing emotions are in turmoil. A state of inner conflict exists as the person races toward womanhood or manhood.

You've painted a nice image of those ages in this lyric. Many do wonder what would hapen if they took another route down life's road.

In the first verse you're saying "my first love, my mate" a puppy love I guess is what you mean because in the third verse you're saying, "if I had been in love" So I'm assuming you think the listener will pick up on the two types of love, puppy and more mature.....Just a point to contemplate.....I really like the idea and this great right off the cuff....


Eric

Good mornin' Ida Marie,

this flows well and the rhymes all work, but I had to force myself past the title and keep turning off the headtune to "I Am Sixteen, Going On Seventeen"...from the Sound of Music, I think.

Probably just me though...Bobbie will tell you I am easily distracted.<g>

dawg

Hi Eric, I woke up this morning--No, this afternoon, and was very pleased to see a favorable response to this quicky. I guess, reading between the lines you can tell I have always been a dreamer and I am always the hero in my dreams. I often wonder if other people ponder the possibilities of a different lifestyle if they had made different choices in the formative years. That old, "I could'a been a contender' thing
or What if I had married Bill instead of Bob. I even picture the kids that might have been, the house I might have had, the carreer I could have excelled at. They say the grass is greener in the other guy's yard, but, when I wake to reality and look out my own window, I am truly satified with what I have. Besides, I ran into Bill a few months ago and he got so old looking I almost didn't recognize him! LOL Bob is still lookin' pretty good to me!. Anyways, on reading this lyric through, I see a couple of spots that need a little nudging. I will think on it. Thanks for stopping by. Idamarie

Hi Dawg, Jeeze, I never thought about that song. HMMM, how about shortening the title to Sixteen. The head tune that came with this is not even close to that one, though I remember that one fondly. I don't see too many similarities to that lyric with this one. This story is more nostalgic. That song is an "I am" song and should only be sung by the young. I was trying for a wider age range, anywhere from 20 to 99. Thanks for your first impression. I will think about it some more as I am editing out some of the nits. I value your opinion.

Hi Idamarie
I was 1st married 1 mt. after my 16th birthdayI had 2 children by age 22.,and another one at age 27.So
that took care of my teen yrs.We had dated
since I was 14 & he was 16.........At the
time ,my only dream was to be happely
married,have children,grand children,and a player piano,so the family could gather around the piano,sing,and live happely
after.(my grand;ma had a player piano,we
had such fun,especially on Christmas Eve)

Well the happely ever after didn't make it,nor did the player piano.
I remarried yrs later,I'm truly happy.now.
My husband and I often talk aout it,such as why didn't we meet in our youth?Only
God knows,but rest assure ,He has a reason for everything.

I like your song ,as you can see it brought back memories,for me.
I'm truly content with my life now
I like the title Sixteen best.It's stonger
God Bless
ClaireJeanne
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/claireandrick.htm



[This message has been edited by clairejeanne (edited 02-02-2003).]

Hi Clair, Your story sounds like mine started, I was also married at sixteen. Had three kids before I was 20 and interupted a budding TV career, but, I was very lucky and I am still with the same guy and still loving him. That could explain why I have so many damn dreams about where I could have ended up. Especially on the days I scrub the bathrooms! Of course, I always envision fame and fortune, but, in reality, it just as easily could have been a road to ruin and a career as a drugged up porn star in class F movies. Wheeee! There I go again-- Dreamin! I am glad this lyric tugged on your memory. It was my intention for this song. Thanks for the nice reply. Idamarie

Hi Idamarie,

Gettin’ hard for me to remember back that far.

Nice lyric, enjoyed.

Good Luck.

Regards
Bill

Ah. thinjking back Idamarie. Don't we all do it.
And ain't it nice?
For me. Every time ai do it, i thank my lucky stars. My first great love eneded up have ing nothing but twins and broke her husband's jaw a time or two.
Still remember those days with fondnes though.
And thankful that even ihn the fifties I wasa great believer in safe sex..
Like itma lot Idamarie.
Graham

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http://www.songramp.com/homepage.ez?Who=grahamhenderson

Hey Idamarie, Enjoyed this. My choice for the optional lines in the second verse is "Those were my dreamin' days". I DIDN'T have the 16 Going on 17 thing in my head lol. However, I did end up with a tune for it as I read - fairly easily. --jeff

Hi Idamarie,

Hope you got some sleep after getting this out of your system..and some sweet dreams while you were at it! Think probably everyone wonders those what if's from time to time. Some of us are slow learners.

I didn't quite understand your line 2 in the prechorus 1. Also thought you might consider this for the last two lines of your chorus:
The most important one for me
Was the year I turned sixteen
Just seemed to flow a bit more smoothly for me.

Between sixteen and seventeen
I had a LOVELY dream

I like this a lot. I also got a melody when I read it...so it flows pretty well IMO.

Bobbie

Hi Precious, I read this one last night when it was on zero and have pondered it quite a bit since then. Can't really find any nits but I had the same feeling as Bobbie about the second line of the pre-chorus. My fix would be: "The boy to manhood years", or "The girl to woman years". Other than that it looks fine - nice job. Love Judy

Hi IdaMarie,

Just wanted to say I really enjoyed reading these lyrics. I think you got some great suggestions, especially with the change of title.

Good luck with it.

Bandit

The what if and how comes...very cool line. Liked that alot. Good stuff lady. Maybe Judy's suggestion will work for that 2nd line.

Nice reminiscing story, Idamarie! As with some of the others, I tend to think back to what might be if I had married so-and-so instead of my hubby (30 years this year!!). Most of the time, I think how disastrous it would have been if I had actually married some of the guys I dated! LOL I do think changing the title to "SIXTEEN" is a good idea. Good luck with this one!

------------------
Mary Lou

Hi Bill, I am so glad you like my lyric. I value your opinion. Ida

Hi Gray, So glad you like my song. I just finished the music for one of Harriet's lyrics. I think it is dynamite! Want to see what you Aussies think of it. As soon as I get it demoed I will be sending you a copy. It's strictly BLUES! I'll let you know when it's ready. Thanks for stopping by, Ida

Hi Jeff, Yep, It seems like a lot of people are getting a tune with the read. I wouldn't be surprised if the head tunes are very similiar as the one I will be using is fairly simple. No funny surprises. If it weren't so long, I'd hang a bridge in there to give it some kind of flair, but, then maybe simple is good enough. I'm still working on it. Thanks for the nice reply. Ida

Hi Bobbie, Funny you should suggest that change of A most important, to--- the most important. I had, the most important and I changed it to a most important for two reasons. One, it sang better for me and two,
I have had many years more important than the sixteenth. So I am sticking with A most- however I did change that lofty to lovely. Thanks for that fix. I used it. Glad you liked this one. I appreciate your help always. Ida

Howdy Judy, I am missin' you, woman!! I got out your book of words last nite and went thru them. Man, you wrote some gooooood stuff. I need more time to rummage thru some of them, but, I saw a couple that I think we should tune up and I don't think you have done them yet. I'll get to you after I finish this one with Harriet and I also have a good one going with Clairejean and Bill(not finished yet) Still not happy. I'll E-mail you soon with the titles I am looking at to see if they are available. Anyway, I did change that line for you. See if it rings any better now if you have time. I want to keep this one as gender free as possible. Thanks for the encouragement. I adore it when good word people like my words too.

Hi Bandit, You are right. I think Sixteen is a good title. I think the suggestions gleaned from this board are some of the finest you can get from some excellent lyric writers. Sometimes you are too close to the picture to see what others do and it is a blessing to have honest appraisals in the polishing of a lyric. I used to get upset when someone said try this or that instead of falling in love with what I originally wrote. Then I started editing my stuff and threw out some badly written assumptive lines. Now I usually edit a couple of times before I post. Then I hope some of the good guys come by and check it out too. They haven't disappointed me yet. One song had edit lines almost as long as the lyric. It's now one of my favorites. Glad you like this one. THanks a lot. Ida

Hey Blake, I did change that second line. If my buddy Judy says it needs fixin' I do it real quick! Glad you liked my song. Thanks for reading . Ida

Hi Marylou, LOL!! I saw a couple of my old flames and I am convinced that I had alzheimers of the brain and cataracts in my teen years!!! The only two guys I stayed in love with all these years are the one I married and Cary Grant! Even though Cary was an older man, he could have had me--unless he had bad breath, which I read in a magazine one time. It broke my heart! THanks for the good word here. I appreciate it. Ida

Oh.. IDAMARIE!!! I love this!!!! You should think with your fingers all the time! LOL!!! I just posted a late night mess of thoughts (well, it's late for me...), but this one sounds down right organized and brilliant!! The only think I wanted to change was this:

A most important year for me
WHEN I WAS IN BETWEEN

The only reason I say that is because you're talking about between 16 and 17, but as it is now, you're just "turning" sixteen, which wouldn't technically place you at that "in between" the two stage... am I rambling? OH heck, this is just GREAT, Ida... really enjoyed it!!

Tink

Me again, and you're way too flattering - if you're talking good word people, TINK's made an excellent suggestion, makes the whole lyric work just that much better. Can't wait to hear some of your new tunes and you know you're welcome to anything in the "book". Got one I want you to tune up for me just for fun, called "Red Haired Girl", I'll post it soon. Love and look forward to your e.

Yeah Tinkapooh has a good one there..

and class F pornstar would you still have kept that pair of glasses in your hair..... or would you be something nasty with em.....oops too much imagination


oh, and nice look at the early years of love.

Hi Tinker Belle, Thank you thank you thank you. Perfect fix for a spot I wasn't too thrilled with. Even sounds better melodically. Yup, This is starting to look like a song and I have room for a couple more changes if anyone sees room for more improvement. Jeeze, Woman! Coming from you, I am totally flattered that you like this. You made my day and improved my lyric. One more thanks. Ida

OK Jude! I can hardly wait to see Red Haired Girl. Oh Yea, You would know about that. You have to write me a Red Haired Guy for Bob. And no--- I do not hand out overblown compliments. I am very proud of the melodies that I have been able to create around your smooth flowing lyrics!! I have to agree with you about Tinker Belle. She also has the gift as well as many of our family here at JPF. I am constantly amazed at how much talent the people who gather here have and how willing they are to share with each other and thankfully with me. I am looking at the lyric on the first page of my book. Also many others jump out at me. I will E you soon. I finished Harriet's Blues song. I love BLUES! You know that. One of my favorites is Swingin'Thru The Blues, one of your best lyrics, IMHO. I am now getting requests for it at my shows. Love Ya. Ida

Hi, my Teddy Bear John, Yes, I too liked The Tinker's line. so I copped it real fast. See what you guys don't know about those glasses is. They make everything look bigger!! Us old could'a been porn stars all make sure we have our glasses close at hand! LOL Actually, I wear them up there so I don't have to crowd up my breast pockets. Looking forward to Piney Fest 2003. I will still be wearing those babies in my hair!

G'day Idamarie Naelitz. You are to be congratulated for writing such a bonzer song as you have here. I love your song. best wishes, Ray in Australia.

Hi Ray and Verell, I am very glad you like my song Thanks for the really nice reply. Hope you are all well down under. We are all pretty cold up here in the north. Feels like the North Pole. We had a heat wave yesterday. It got up to 25 for an hour or two
and then dropped back down into the single digits. Cuddle up time here. See, something good can happen. Take care, you guys. God Bless you both.

Girl....married at 16 whewwwwww
Ida,
Really nice.....gee the post didn't follow me over here to this reply ugh anyhow 16 and 17 were the some of the best times of my life.....memories la la la so I think you've got a real doable topic- and I can't wait to hear ya singing this one!
Pam

Hi Pam, Thanks for the kind words. Hey! Where did you get that little Eye blinking blue guy? He is so cute!!. Ida

Bump