JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum You're The Hex Vexed On Me

Been a while since I've posted here. Lots of new people I don't know. I hope to be back somewhat regularly here soon. I'd appreciate any comments on this song, if anyone's got some to dish out There might be some nits with the syllables. Style would be rock/pop-metal(Bon Jovi-ish,Poison,etc.)


One dark night I met a woman who put some curse upon me
I laughed but she said you just wait and see
Then the very next night my eyes locked into your contact blues
I never even thought that the spell was coming true

Chorus:
You're the hex vexed on me
Oh lord please take it away
You're the hex vexed on me
There's no other words to say
You're the hex vexed on me
I just can't take it one more day

No matter what I do you're everywhere I go
And I realize there's no escape from you I know
No Friday nights with the boys, or drinkin' at Davey's bar and grill
I don't know what you did but you took away my bachelor will

repeat chorus

It finally happened to me that spell shot me through my heart
Who'd have ever thought a girl could make me wish that we're never apart
I've given up the fight, I can't beat this kind of voodoo
Cause now you've even got me saying I love you

repeat chorus

You're the hex vexed on me
Oh lord please take it away
You're the hex vexed on me
I just can't take it one more day
You're the hex vexed on me
You're the hex vexed on me(fading)

Hi Jim! It's good to see you post again! Now this is a unique title/hook if I ever saw one. Yeah, you probably do have a little tightening up of some of your lines. The one that seems to be most in need is the 2nd line of your last verse: I believe you could shorten it a bit to:
"That girl could make me wish we'd never part"

(If you already have your music then it is probably working as is.)
Good luck with this Jim!!

Jim,
I`m one of the newbies. Ria and Johnny V can vouch for my character, or lack therof!LOL. I thought the "wish that we`re never apart" line could be tightened up like this.

I never thought one girl could make me fear being apart.

Just a thought. Call it my meager opinion.
Keep or sweep, I still liked your song for it`s originality. Dan.

Hi, Jim. I don't think we know each other, so welcome back!

This lyric will do for Poison-style rock, but lemme give you a few comments anyway:

I'm not sure "vexed" is being used correctly in this context, since to be vexed is to be baffled or puzzled.

"Bachelor will" seems like a weight phrase for such a song. And more importantly, this guy has *really* conflicted emotions in that last verse! Does he wanna be in love or not?!

Them's my two pennies, take 'em or leave 'em. Kudos on the different-sounding hook!

Anthony

Thanks for the replies. Thanks for the welcome back Bama. Where's those blues lyrics? Good thoughts for that line Bama, and Dan. I do believe I'll change it. Anthony, I also wasn't sure if vexed was being used correctly...but in the verb transitive form it also means to bring trouble, distress, irritate or annoy. So I'm not sure if it's right either, but if it sounds good in there, I doubt most people listening to it would go to the dictionary. Although some might I'll be giving some more thought to the song, thanks for all the opinions.

I got it sung Ok bar for shufflenig the odd word, but had to make two lines out of every one so i presume you are saving trees and doubling lines.
17 sillybillies in a line. A singer would need to be able to breath through his ears to do that one i think, so a bit better lay out would be a help with this one to critique.
Toward the subject. I see this with a bit of work making a great little novelty song.
Long way from politicaly correct but I would laugh and risk getting beaten with a feminist's shaving strop.
"Looked into your cross-eyed blues past the wart on your nose". seems a good starting point to making it clear the hex was you would fall in love with the ugliest, meanest, coldest, graspingest, woman who never learned to cook you saw that day.
Think you can have a whole lotta fun working this and then singing it at your next party/gig/jam/bath.
Punters will love to hate it.
Regards.
Graham


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http://artists2.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Graham_Henderson/