JPF Home Page Forums General Messages Songwriter Message Forum Your perfect life!. post it here!

My perfect life would be having a partner/husband who loved music and made enough money so that I wouldn't have to work at something I hate all day. A job that had health insurance so that I wouldn't feel guilty every day that I'm chasing a dream... instead of getting a cavity filled.

How do the "real" songwriter's do it? I have no idea. Because unless you're a single guy with no kids and can live on ramen noodles.... that's my competition. The guy out there every single night.... making connections, hooking up, networking.... THAT'S all of our competition.!

I have 3 children to support so yes, money is a consideration. You can't exactly afford to make demos, spend night after night downtown nashville singing and plugging your songs without someone in your corner.

That's why once again, there are many more successful male songwriters than female.. because their wives SUPPORT them.

Sorry, I'm just in one of those "giving up" moods..........

What's YOUR perfect life scenario?

I certainly know what you mean. I'm 38 with a wife and 3 kids as well. I'm writing alot and practicing the guitar, but I can't get out that much. I've recorded a CD worth of my own songs, but to what end. I've decided to start hitting open mics once a week or so...but it does sometimes seem fruitless.

I've got this passion inside, but I'm a bit cynical about the music industry...

Perhaps it's more about expression than it is about performance?




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Paul
paul@volcanicarts.com

Hi, Kay-lynn,

I can really relate to your post; I am a mother ( one "soon-to-be-12 years old" son) and an artist. I teach Choral music to 4th and 5th graders full time in a public school...I am pursuing a career as a songwriter/painter/musician...

It is certainly a challenge to be a dedicated artist when the obligations of family/earning a decent living seem to come first.

I have a few thoughts on this: My husband, who is a professional writer, says that even though marriage and parenthood do take time away from creativity, that the rewards of knowing you have made a difference in the life of a child is priceless. The "big" picture is meaningful...there are many out there who may been envious of your family and/or your accomplishments...

However, I have become depressed many times when I realize that I cannot compete with the songwriters that have no obligations and can live on next to nothing, out every night at showcases and songwriters' events...
And, I seem to have known a large number of people who live on trust funds and are wealthy- they can spend all their time on themselves - don't ever have to work for a living...

At times like this, I try to remind myself that perhaps God wants me to do things differently;
maybe it's hard to see the reason now, but there must be one.

Don't think that being a mother means you can't succeed as an artist; it just means that you need a strong support system to get out more... I have a few friends that I trade babysitting with- that has helped.
I also try to include my son in any of my career stuff that is appropriate for someone his age...

I do think that it is complicated to be a woman AND an artist - so many complex issues to deal with.. :::sigh:::

Something else to share on a personal note:
My mother gave up lots of time with her children so she could pursue a very successful career. She neglected her family big time, and even though she became quite successful, gave up something that can never be replaced. I was a "latch-key" child. This is an extreme example - she had NO support emotionally, and that made it worse. As an adult, I am not nearly as close to her as I would have been if she had spent more time with me as a child. I always felt like an interruption to her
more important job and work. I love my mother, but will always feel like there is
something big missing.

Every artist, man or woman, needs a cheerleader - someone who supports thsir goals and ideas, who believes in them 100%.

That's why we are here in JPF land.

Hang in there, Kay-lynn. You're a pure artist, and nothing can take away your talent and passion for your art.

Don't EVER give up. Keep writing!

Emily



[This message has been edited by Emily Sanders (edited 07-05-2003).]

My life couldnt be any better but if it could hah! I too would love to kick the day job thing have good health insurance coverage for my family a house about an hour from Nashville maybe even chattanooga i have friends there and write 6 days and nights a week with all the great writers in Nash. and surrounding areas THATS THE PERFECT LIFE Oh and to have my Guitar and pencil and pad with me wherever i go!!1 Thats all S.Dee

Now hold on there Red, whilst I find sumpin' to hit you with!...LOL

I happen to be that single dude who has realized the ability to live off of air. I'm more of an artisan than artist. I've spent the largest part of my adult life as a starving woodworker, in an area which does not financially support such work with eaze. I've become a carpenter over the years simply because it pays the bills better. But it's still seasonal money, and sometimes it can really suck.
I've made many trade-offs in life, one thing for another, but it still doesn't make me an automatic songwriter...nothing can!
I don't come home from a hard days work, inspired to dive into a song... lately I have to dive into a cold shower, and drink water until I go to bed, simply to survive the next day! My eyes are cloudy and burning from sweat and the baking sun, and my skin feels like it's on fire all night... Mood for writing? Inspiration?..Hah! I don't think so! If it spawned anything at all it would be death metal, fer cryin out loud.
There is no perfect life. Some people do have more spare money, time and energy...yet everyone has something the other person wants. The perfect life is your life, because it's the only life.
Living off of air is nothing to yearn for, if the situation demands you live off of air!
But..if you want me to brag about it.. I'll stick my chest out like the proudest of roosters. I can go a month without working and survive! Am I your hero? LOL

Shame on you! Now pick yursef up and dust yursef off already and keep on keepin' on!
-Gary

Perfect life, Kay-lynn? HA!!
You are who you are BECAUSE of your life and circumstances! If you had enough money to not work you wouldn't have the appreciation of money that you do. Emily talks of these trust fund people, I have an original song about them called "North Shore Girl". Money means nothing to them because they don't know what life is WITHOUT it! I have not seen my children in two and half years due to having the most horrible ex-wife in the world. I could no longer take her putting the kids in the middle of her trying to destroy me. It wasn't fair to them. I watched my son melt down one night because I wasn't going to do something his mother told him he'd better do. He was shaking like a leaf. I knew she would never stop, so I had to let my own kids go (at least for now). Luckily I now share 2 great kids with my 2nd wife. God gives AND takes away. Now, reading this, picture if YOUR kids were taken away from you. Got a hole in your gut? Ya, you could not have them and be hanging with those people that don't need anything to survive. You think that would be gratifying? You'd be completely different. Those people are who they are because of their circumstances. THEY GO HOME AT NIGHT ALONE. Would you really like that? Alot of people I know with money are the most miserable people I know!! Why? People are always trying to get something from them. It's (not that I would know) probably just as tiring as trying to raise 3 kids on not ENOUGH money, just in a different way. I am a mortgage broker I come home drained from trying to think about every little detail on every loan so they close smoothly. Is it easy to come home and try to write a song then? No, my brain is usually drained. I have so many ideas for songs! If I didn't have to work I'd have a hundred. But then, I WOULDN'T BE THE PERSON I AM. Working hard gives me a perspective I couldn't have otherwise. I don't know how to not work hard (although it would be fun to try).
Emily wrote-
At times like this, I try to remind myself that perhaps God wants me to do things differently; maybe it's hard to see the reason now, but there must be one. What a wise woman!!
I suggest that I/you/everyone, We are all where we are supposed to be. THINGS IN LIFE HAPPEN FOR A REASON. Don't say to yourself, why aren't I like those people, or why don't I have this or that, or why do I have to work so hard! CELEBRATE the fact that you are who you are and just look at what God is trying to teach you from being who you are. It may not be the obvious.

Herbie

OK, I can breathe now : - )

Herbie.. I swear your post put tears in my eyes. What an un-grateful witch I must sound like.... (sigh). You're absolutely right of course... if I didn't have my children to love I would surely go slowly and quietly insane. sorta reminds me of that song.. from The Color Purple called "Maybe God is trying to tell you something".. what a great line that is huh?

Thanks for all the support you guys give me... at least I know I'm not alone.. and I certainly don't wanna be labeled a whiner.. hahah

And thank you Emily !

and Gary... .. I'm ducking!!

"What's YOUR perfect life scenario?":

I'm in it 24 hours a day. I once knew it, once forgot it, then realized it again, never again to be fooled. Just being able to be a person is perfect enough. The rest, good and not so good, (music biz or whatever)seem to be important to growing and feeling all aspects of life.

Most importantly is my family, with having the best parents, loving sister, then a great wife, and the most loving, caring and gifted daughter and son who love me very much. To have nothing but the family that loves me, and all that goes with that, is perfect. The rest is what it should have been, with fault or no fault of my own.

I found love very early on in people and music, which continues today! I played with many interesting big name artists and tuned for just as many recently, having the chance to talk with them about their lives.
I wish for nothing else but what was, and what is, EXCEPT to be greedy and want my dad even longer than I was priviledged, (43 years knowing him).

Hooky maybe, but all the choices I made, I made because at the time they were the right ones. Guess I really didn't want the music business that badly, and chose to be with my family in my home town. NO regrets! Dreaming was fun, but, real life has been even better. Nothing's perfect, but this is perfect enough! Dealing with our occasional pain is all part of knowing how "good" feels.

John Daubert



[This message has been edited by dhsongs (edited 07-06-2003).]

it appears this subject should be a book in itself!!! title : THE PERFECT LIFE... and just put in excerpts of people's own perceptions as they have gone through life.. and what made it perfect....
Might be the next big chicken soup series.. (steal my idea... and you will be sorry) hahahah

I like it.. I'm going to compile it... submit away and I'm going now to post on every board on the internet for other people's stories about THE PERFECT LIFE.

I know I can do it... because I<<< want to read it... and I know other's will too!

yipeeeeeee A new goal....!!!

Kay-lynn,
I can relate and I can advise. AND I'm a man!
I'm married, with 3 kids, in a small town I did not want to live in. I did about 10 years in the Air Force, then got out because my wife got tired of the military life. I understood, for the kids sake, getting them settled someplace. I had intended to move to a city like Nashville, Atlanta or Charlotte so I could make better time with my songwriting and performing activities, but my wife didn't want to live in the city. She wanted to be near her family so I agreed to move NEARBY. She left early with the kids to set up house, before I actually left the military. We'd agreed we would live in Columbia or Greenville SC areas when she left. I ended up in the small town where her family came from ANYWAY.
I'm a positive thinker, so I let it go. There are no jobs here. I ended up driving over an hour to Columbia or Greenville to work anyway. There were no co-writers here, so I wrote with a guy from Israel via e-mail & phone calls. 6 of our songs were signed to publishing contracts. There was no place to really network here. JPF had no chapter in SC; until I started it! Our first meeting is July 26th. Not only that, I'm starting a statewide network and using my chapter as a springboard for that to launch it!
Emily said God may have his reasons, and I do believe that is true. If I had left my family, like I thought about doing, where might I be now? Worse off or better? Who knows.
I joined the Air National Guard here too. Got activated on Sept 11. Travelled the world for 19 months and now I'm home with my kids full-time because my employer went out of business while I was gone. Nobody's hiring. So I write songs all day. I'm living on my savings and by the grace of God. When my kids go back to school, so will I. I'll make more money here being a student and have more time to write songs and build my network.
Instead of being a victim of my circumstances, I've become solver of my problems. You are what you make yourself and that's what God might want from you--now collect all these posts and let me know when the book is coming out.
Montez Simmons

P.S. If you ever wanna co-write.....

Life is interesting, but it is not perfect. I've been a mom since I was 17, and all these years later, music still has a grip on me. My youngest is now 16, so in a couple of years things won't be so critical and I may be able to explore creative opportunities I've had to shelve.

Along the way, music has been my companion, as well as the therapeutic blanket in which I've been able to wrap my fears, triumphs, and everything in-between.

When I decided to re-enter the workforce to help my family make ends meet, music was my first choice. After a while, I had to go with plan b, as I had no desire to play clubs, singing Jimmy Buffet cover tunes at the beach bars. I have nothing against doing it, but I knew it wasn't for me. I chose to take a part-time corporate position so I could help do what needed to be done, yet still keep time for the music.

Eventually, a part-time musical opportunity was afforded to me. It wasn't doing my music, but it was a chance to make real (part-time) money as a music director for a local church. I'm still there. I don't have health insurance, but I'm earning, and it's music!

This led me to wonder where else in the musical universe I might be able to fit in. Since I can play the guitar pretty well, have knowledge of the piano and music theory, can sing, and have a handle on performing, I decided to start tutoring people of all ages who want to learn more about music. I'm not making a lot of money, but it's a part of the puzzle. My younger daughter's old bedroom has been successfully transformed into a rehearsal studio where I can teach in comfort!

I'm still performing and decided to make a niche by starting a concert series at a local theater. I used contacts I'd made by being the president of a now defunct not-for-profit corporation to find a theater that would back my concept. I don't make a lot of money peforming, but it is part of the puzzle.

When taken all together, I'm helping my family stay above the poverty line (my husband is self-employed, so we're both trying to live our dreams while raising a family), and I'm doing it with music! My next musical project is on the back burner and moving forward every day. It will be another part of the puzzle.

It isn't the perfect life, but I am doing what I enjoy for a living, so it really isn't work!

Wishing everyone here a successful life filled with music!

Donna Klein

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http://donnaklein.com

I am once again humbled at the replies.

Here I am whining and I live 30 minutes from music row.. (geesh)..


[This message has been edited by redwriter1 (edited 07-07-2003).]

My perfect life would be to make a living from music, without compromising my home life. My husband and I are really good about taking turns being the primary breadwinner, as we both have creative bents. It's been his turn the past year. It certainly helps that we don't have kids.

In September I left my day job so that I could promote my CD, and try to line up income from music. A lot of the ideas I had just didn't take, so I will probably have to take a day job again soon.

I do have 3 voice students and hopefully that will snowball and be a source of good income. But if not, I'll at least be helping others to chase their passion like I have.

So what's my dream? To be a big fish in a small pond, and that's something I take steps towards constantly and feel is doable.


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Marian Mastrorilli
mastrose@aol.com
http://www.projectmercury.net

[This message has been edited by mastrose (edited 07-07-2003).]

My perfect life would start this very week if I could win the lotto because at the moment that is the tool I need to help my children, family and friends and community.

I would help out the local Catholic Schools and nonprofit private schools (including mine) by providing funding for scholarships to those schools to allow needy children to go to those schools which would help ease the burden of the local school districts and give children who really want to learn the opportunity to do so.

I would create a huge Fine Arts Education Organization which has a website with free downloadable videos, slide presentations, printable documents and illustrations and educational music to help teachers incorporate the Fine Arts into the curriculum and also integrate them into core subjects. There would be lesson plans inline with State Curriculum Guidelines. It would have positive discipline forums, idea sharing and a musical, visual arts, and drama gallery for students to show off their work. I would hire artists and musicans to help me with the organiztion and website. I would also hire software people to help me design free teaching software applications to be used in the schools. I would create as many jobs as I could within the organization. (Membership would be free and open to anyone who works with children.)

I would also create a similar organization and website for religious organizations and make worship music and religious education music and artwork available at no charge.

I would produce my secular music and sell that too but turn the profits over to other charitable organizations or to help fund the website.

I would provide seed money to schools and organizations to create recordings as fund raisers. In economically depressed areas, I would work in a partnership with musical instrument companies to create an instrument lending program for students who can't afford to rent or buy one and hire musicians to give lessons once a week in afterschool music programs. I would also have an Arts outreach program to help at risk youth develop and use their talents in productive ways and if possible help with scholarship.

Some of the money would be invested and the profits used to guarantee ongoing support for these projects. Some of the money would go to the projects above, some saved for my family, and of course a "certain" free music networking organization would receive generous funding as well to help achieve its goals.

(I would also like to start a chain of small cafes or restaurants where musicians can get paid for gigs but also work there as a day job. It would also be a great opportunity to help at risk young people get their first real job. )

I would enlist the partnerships of companies to help me with this dream.

After a few years of doing this and getting everything in place and working, I would find a place to retire to which has a nice vegetable garden and fruit trees and make delicious jellies and jams to give to my family and friends. (I already helped them so that's all they are going to get for Christmas). Except my grandchildren and grand nieces and nephews, of course, LOL. )

I would have a little cottage for myself and adjacent to that a recording studio and art studio and a huge guesthouse for my friends and family to stay in when they visited me.

Hmmmm, maybe two big guesthouses. Hmmmm that would be a pretty neat place for artist in residence programs and Fine Arts retreats. Hmmmm and maybe a vacation place which has free or low cost Fine Arts camps for kids. Hmmmm. Kind of sounds a little like Sundance. LOL. Doesn't sound like retirement either. Oh well. It would be cool though.

Then I would die and face my maker with confidence that I had been a good steward of the gifts I had been given.
The End.

JeanB

Oh and I would hire a homemaker to keep house for me and pay him or her very well and include a retirement plan and health benefits so I won't have to do housework ever again.




[This message has been edited by AKA JeanB (edited 07-07-2003).]

Are your children Healthy and Happy?

There is no such thing as a perfect life!
Yes is seems to be that way for some people.
I am always reminded of the lyrics in one of
the best rock songs ever written.
That would be "The Grand Illusion" by STYX

Welcome to the Grand illusion
Come on in and see what's happening
Pay the price, get your tickets for the show
The stage is set, the band starts playing
Suddenly your heart is pounding
Wishing secretly you were a star.

But don't be fooled by the radio
The TV or the magazines
They show you photographs of how your life should be
But they're just someone else's fantasy
So if you think your life is complete confusion
Because you never win the game
Just remember that it's a Grand illusion
And deep inside we're all the same.
We're all the same...

So if you think your life is complete confusion
Because your neighbors got it made
Just remember that it's a Grand illusion
And deep inside we're all the same.
We're all the same...

America spells competition, join us in our blind ambition
Get yourself a brand new motor car
Someday soon we'll stop to ponder what on Earth's this spell we're under
We made the grade and still we wonder who the hell we are

Interpretation

It's easy to buy in to the media-induced fantasy about what is important in life, but, as Dennis says in concert, "that's all bullsh**.!" Who you are inside is what really matters.

I would like to quote Dr. Wayne Dyer
"Where is the Peace in More"

David
http://www.daviddouglaswright.com

Ahhh......The eternal quest for the intangible gift of perfection. Honestly, it's just as unreachable as the fountain of youth. Always searching, but never quite getting it into your grasp. However, the perfect life is more mundane than you think. What is a perfect life? Winning the lotto and going on a spending spree? Writing the most amazing radio friendly song and having it played at #1 for a full year? Sitting on your a** and doing nothing as your money accumulates in all your high/low risk stock accounts?
A perfect life my friends is nothing but a personal perception from the individual. None of us will ever achieve perfect life status, for to obtain that would mean we've never ever made a mistake in our lives. If you're a christian, then you very well know who the only one in the entire history of man has ever had a perfect life. Unfortunately, there was a fatal cost to that.
Thankfully enough, we can live full, satisfying good lives that over a long period of time helps define our character. I think the single greatest thing a person can learn in their life is how to love unconditionally. If you can do that, then you're on your way.
My life in particular has had many rough rides, but there have been rewards along the way. I am only 25, so I still have a long journey ahead of me. Eventually, I plan on becoming a successful songwriter. But until then, the military will continue to shape my life.
I'm not rich, but maybe someday I will be. But then again, maybe all I need is to enjoy the benefits of marriage and raising a family someday. Either way, I plan to continue with music to enrich my life.

Greg

Hi all,
Red, hang in there, friend. Never, never ever give up. Never. (Do you know the story of Ernest Shackleton?)

Jean, I was also especially intrigued by your reply. As someone who works in the nonprofit world full time, looking for funding to do good things, I would say all those things you listed are possible if you are dedicated and have some focus (and you've obviously given them some thought). There are organizations (foundations, corporations and individuals) out there who are looking for good causes to support. Is it tough to find funding? You bet. Always has been, always will. Like getting a number one hit or leading the league in home runs. The good news: You don't need the lotto, which is good because the odds stink anyway. (One of my favorite quotes: the harder I work, the luckier I get)
SO here's my suggestion. Change each "I would" to "I will" and go for it! We all have too many "if only's" and "woulda coulda shoulda's". Let's just get off our butts and do it. Some people have and will continue to do great things while the rest of us look for the reasons why we can't.

No excuses.

My daughter joined a swim team last year and it has been a wonderful experience for her. Not a false "self-esteem" builder. True self esteem for her has come from real accomplishment, which is the result of hard work, getting out of bed on cold spring mornings and hitting the water before it was warmed by the sun, working until she was tired and then some, you get the picture. She has a t-shirt that sums it up. It says:

Some people dream of reaching their goals. Others wake up and work hard at them!

This past weekend she won two events as an individual and two as a member of a relay. Four trips to the water, four blue ribbons. She worked for it, and it happened. And yes, Red, she has a support system to make it happen. Some do, some don't. Great things are still possible for all of us.

Red, never, never, never give up. We're pulling for you (especially when it feels like no one is.)

G

thank you guildslinger... for the extremely kind words.

I also saw a t-shirt on a 10 year old boy the other day .. on the back it said.."I'm not lucky.. I have SKILLS!".. haha I loved that one.!

I will try to be more positive.

I'm going to workshop tonight with guest host (and hit songwriter/songplugger, Chris Ogelsby).. I'm gonna play Higher Ground and just cross my fingers.

It's just somedays it's hard to pump myself up enough to get back out there into the "warzone"...... it's so much easier to say at home and write songs.... haha... but I'm always glad when I do go out to play music...... !

Thanks again.

Dear K,
Don't be positive just on my account; I know how hard it is to "put that on." Save your energy for the song. And sometimes there's just enough energy to get out there and do it, and not enough to be extra cheery on the way!
Dig down and find it. It's there if you ask for it. Hey Red, break a leg tonight! (I do hope you're familiar with old theatre traditions, and don't think I'm wishing you ill.) I'm jealous that you're going to go out and play a song tonight. So what's stopping me? long story........

Three random and perhaps irrelevant thoughts to leave you with:

1) If a songwriter never sings the song in front of people, will it ever be a hit?

2) Did you know that in the original version of "The Little Engine that Could," the little engine was a little girl engine?

3) Try not.
Do, or do not.
There is no "try."
-Yoda

Wow Kay-lynn!!! When you posted this topic, did you ever dream you'd get this outpouring of love and kindness?? These responses have been so heartfelt and wonderfully REAL. This is a thread to save in your lifes scrapbook, there to read whenever you're feeling a little down. There's easily a song or two in here also. The beautiful thread that runs through this thread is that no matter what response people came up with (and they were pretty varied) music was the thing that held each and every person who responded together, no matter how hard the times are/were in their lives. I sincerely wish we could all get together and listen to the songs that were written by these people with such big hearts, I bet it would amazing.

Herbie

PS I want to come to Nashville SO bad. I know I'd love it!

I'm gonna post that Yoda quote at my desk and in my car and on my fridge! (and send it in to reader's digest too hahah)

Herbie: no, I had no idea of the response I would get... but it's sorta like songs too... you never know how people will react and when they do.. you're like WOW!

I had a good time tonight. I didn't actually play in person, but I did play the cd demo of HIGHER GROUND and it was very well received.. (whewww). Chris Ogelesby was so gracious with his time and let us ask tons of questions at the end. Everything from how they pick songs to how he works with his staff writers and where he finds them etc etc.

It was really great!!

I'm so lucky to live so close to Nashville and sit right next to people in the music business that actually make it happen every day!!

I always feel better after workshop because if I get a good response.. I wanna say.. "well if you think THAT was good,, just wait til you hear.. blah blah... LOL

Thank you again to everyone here who helps us all keep our chins up....... cus after all... WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER (and I'm not just talking about songwriting darlin). (wink)

Red,
I'm so glad the workshop went well. Sometimes (actually, all the time) we need to get out there and get with people to get recharged!

Best,

G

.

[This message has been edited by AKA JeanB (edited 07-08-2003).]

G,
This was a thread about a perfect life. Having to spend 24-7 scrounging around and begging for money is not the perfect way to get it. The perfect way is to just have it .

The thing is not to change the "I would " to "I will" but to find out "if and how I can" which I have been doing for some time. That's reality, the other is merely optimism.

After attending grant workshops and spending hours of research on funding, I have found more restrictions than possiblities.

WHO the grant seeker is has just as much bearing as WHAT the grant is and WHO the grant giver is. There really isn't enough to go around. If there were, grant seeking wouldn't be so competitive.

While I am searching, in the meantime I am working on projects I can do right now to establish credibility in the eyes of givers.

If you know of any real leads you have checked out and know to be both possible and probable, let me know and I'll jump right on it.

JeanB

Hi Jean,
Maybe the perfect way is to just have it. OR maybe it's more perfect that we don't get what we wish for right away, eh? What's the quote - "ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, else what's a heaven for?"
Or maybe the one that says your prayers are always answered - sometimes the answer is "no."

Perhaps this was too much reality to inject into a fanciful topic title, but the tone of Red's original post suggests that reality was barging right in anyway, so I followed.
And no, I don't have any sources to hand you for the worthy causes you described - I spend my fundraising time looking for funders for land preservation. And yes, I get dozens of rejections (foundations politely call them "declinations" as if that will soften the blow) for every single person who says yes. You're also right that funding is tight, that all funders will have their own agendas, their own restrictions, their own favorite ways to play; that's what makes it so much fun!
It sounds like you're on the right track, though, just getting something started to establish credibility. I truly wish you the best of luck in an incredibly competitive arena, because the things you're talking about are good and noble and worth doing. You will find a way.

G

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot - the perfect life. Reading, playing guitar, sharing songs, enjoying my family, sitting by the pool on a summer day, hiking in the spring and fall, travel around this wonderful and strange country to meet all of you, engaging in the type of good work detailed above by JeanB, all paid for by those fat royalty checks that keep rollin' in!

G

Sounds good to me, G.

JeanB

My Perfect Life...that presents some interesting comparisons based on your example Kay-Lynn. I am the ex-hubby of a songwriter, so I know the drill. Go to writer's nights, network with other writers etc. And I was the husband of an extremely talented songwriter, that I know for sure, very attractive I might also add. Without going into the gory details, we both did some things that hurt our relationship. I stood by and did nothing thinking it would fix itself. My biggest mistake!!

Well, now 2 years have gone by and I'd give anything to be waiting at the kitchen table after she comes home from a songwriter's event. So she can tell me all about it, or maybe a new chorus she thought of in the car.

My perfect life is working hard to take care of my family, and hopefully we'll do well enough that she can go to most things she wants. Maybe I'll go sometimes too. (grin) I want to decide everything together, everything, like we did when we first got married.

I do see hope on the horizon that maybe my ex is giving me a second look. After 2 years of looking back on what went wrong in my marriage, I know 2 things. I love my wife more than the day we married. And I've learned some hard lessons from the mistakes I made, and will never repeat them. Neither myself or my wife could ever withstand me making those mistakes again, so I won't! Plain and simple, I can't..Way too much at stake.

But on a lighter note, I have a good job, excellent medical coverage, including dental and vision. I am an excellent cook, as a matter of fact I do all the cooking, a good amount of the cleaning as well. And I don't mind watching the kids while my wife goes to songwriter nights.

I'm currently looking for an even better job, and thinking of moving closer to the city. That would get me closer to her and my children. It's risky, I guess, moving and another new job......... But if you really knew her the way I do, you'd know it's worth it. I believe the past can stay behind, and there's a lot of years left to build a wonderful future.

Well, thanks for letting me contribute, and wish me luck... OTB

I have the perfect life! I have a wonderful supportive wife, three wonderful children who are healthy and wild,a roof over my head, food in my belly (maybe to much!), and a job that allows me to support them all daily. Most of all I know Jesus Christ as my personal savior. If I never get a song recorded or sold I will still know that I am living the perfect dream. Yes we have our ups and downs, but life goes on and we press on. If you think you have it bad, talk to someone who has it worse. It makes you thank god for your situation. There are more important things in life than giving up your family to persue a dream. Live right and one day you will get what your looking for. I don't have to get divorced or go through a self inflicted life crisis to write a good song. Believe in yourself and keep trying and remember with the lord all things are possible. If you find yourself at the bottom there's only one way to go............up!Don't give up your dream, but don't sacrfice the ones you love.

www.songwritercountry.com/songwriterjg

[This message has been edited by Johnny G (edited 07-10-2003).]

Good luck Mr Armour.. but sometimes looking back we only remember the good things.. and we want those things back... but truth be told you may not want all the aggravation and heartache back.

I would move on a little further before you decide the course you should take in your OWN life. You can't base your life on someone else's dream. It's not fair to them or you.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by redwriter1:
You can't base your life on someone else's dream. It's not fair to them or you.[quote]

I guess you missed my point Red. Her dreams are part of my whole familys dreams, myself and my children. I want her to be happy in life, and successful. I still have my dreams, but as her husband I support her in her in hers in every way possible. That's what a marriage is all about, loving and encouraging each other to do well in life.
There is a quote from a Lebanonese poet that speaks to this, his name is Khalil Gibran. Even if you've read this before, it's worth reading again:

"You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow. "

My best friend in the whole world introduced me to that, although I had only read excerpts till last year. It looks like a pretty good roadmap to two peoples happiness I think. It's about the happiness in spirit that will guide you to success in life and marriage.

As far as the "aggravation and heartache" goes that you mentioned, we each did that to ourselves, not to each other. I think my wife and I have also figured that out to. It's only been 2 years, but I feel we are both 50 years smarter.

So I'm gonna do what I believe is right for myself and her, and our children. I pray that she understands that and comes with me.
Because we (my wife and I) have plenty of time to rebuild our lives, no matter how dreary things look right now. I look to the future with great hope and anticipation, as I know I should.
So who knows? Only The Best

Shining Armour
Here is a song I just got through writing that you might sing to your wife

"My New Best Friend"
My New Best Friend (Ver 2)

Darling til then won’t you be my new best friend


I’ve often wondered how far we’ve come
Since you and I where on our own
I’ve wondered where we’d be today
If you wouldn’t have caught my eye that way

Darling would you be my new best friend

I know that I’ll love you
As long as the stars shine in the sky
I know that I’ll love you
Long as you have that sparkle in your eye

Darlin til then won’t you be my new best friend


And I know everywhere I go
I need you by my side
Everyday I know I wish it was night
So I can hold your hand and lay by your side

Darlin til then won’t you be my new best friend


I know that you always love me
Even when the trials are dark and gray
I know there’s nothing that can end it
When I need you your love is on the way

Darlin til then won’t you be my new best friend

I know that I need you everyday
All I have to do is ask
And you’ll be on your way
Darling stay my new best friend
I’ll love you all over again


Copyright © July 23rd 2003 , All rights reserved
John B Glenn Po Box 1431 Killen Alabama 35645
Email glenn93@msn.com www.songwritercountry.com

Perfect life? That's easy for me... living on a beach in the south atlantic in a house with only four walls. No intruding staircases or dividing walls... just one BIG open space with HUGE windows, open ALL the time! I would never ever have to wear shoes and would only wear non-constricting clothing (that means no underclothes, either. ) I would spend the day with my kids and husband gathering fresh fruits and other native foods, swimming in the ocean, home schooling my children, and enjoying the sounds wafting on the trade winds... Nights would be spent sitting by torch light on the beach... listening to the waves, sipping Cruzan Rum, and writing all my innermost thoughts... My philosophy would be simple - "Live happily everafter... somewhere you never have to wear shoes"...

Jimmy Buffett, WHERE ARE YOU!!??
Tink

You know Kay Lynn, I read and re-read the posts on this subject and I guess it all boils down to the fact, that writers, artists, muscians... people with creativity flowing in their veins, are truly a very different, and misunderstood breed.
I too am a guy that for years, tried to do the "support the wife thing" for a person that could care less, about MY dreams and wishes. Finally, 10 years later, I HAD to say goodbye. The hardest part???? Knowing that my 7 year old daughter would not have her natural mom and dad as a family anymore. It seems that Herbie's post (life) is about the same as mine. It used to be so cute to hear my daughter, when people would ask "where is your daddy"... and she would hold up her little finger and say... "RIGHT HERE". Now, even today, if the "ex" is around, and Brittaney happens to say " I love you daddy"... she immediately turns to the ex and says, "but I love you too mom", as if... she has to defend her love for me.
My decision to move to Nashville has been a hard one, because I know in my heart, the ex will assure my daughter, that I have abandoned her. Altho we have had tearful conversations (Brit and I) about the move, I cant control the actions and words of the ex when I'm away.
Kay, you and I had a conversation about this today, and your words of wisdom hit me hard. You told me, that to follow my dreams, would instill in my children, to follow theirs.... win, loose, or draw. I cant tell you how that one sentence, put my mind at ease. There's no doubt, that I will have to go through a whole lot of hell, just to gain a little bit of heaven (time with Brit) but what little time we will have.... will be precious.
Brandon

It was my son's 14th birthday on July 17th, Brandon. I emailed him and got no return. It surely isn't easy. Luckily, being a Pisces, I seem to be able to block the hurt out of my mind and just go on with what I need to do. I do not dwell on the negative. Once you know in your heart you've done everything possible in a situation, you have to realize that YOUR happiness is important also. I have moved on. I'm sure I'll write a song about it one day. Be strong!!! You are where you are for a reason, whatever it may be and whenever the reason reveals itself to you, it will hopefully make sense.
Herbie

Herbie... if you would be so kind as to take my advice. A 14 year old boy is at the most vulnerable age you can be and when you need your father the most. Email?? It's highly unreliable. Use a stamp!! And send him a letter. Not only will it showed you went to a great effort (lick a stamp, etc)... why does that sound like such a great effort now a day?? LOL... but.. just do it.

And can I tell you something else.? Even if he NEVER replies.... keep writing letters!!! NOT EMAIL!!

Even a 14 year old realizes how easy it is to shoot off an email....give him some credit.

My father sent me letters for about a year.... told me things, told me how much he loved me... etc... but since my mother would not let me respond... he stopped.

Adults can run interference... but for your own peace of mind.... WRITE TO HIM every single week..<<<<< even if he doesn't reply or "can't reply"... you will be doing something most Dad's don't understand the importance of. So please don't base your communiciation on whether he replies...

Hell, I live with my teenager.. and 90% of the time SHE does'nt reply!! LOL

but it's our job as parents to keep giving INPUT.... anyway..

It does sink in.. you just won't see the results until they are grown.
And if you stop writing.... you'll see THOSE results also.

p.s. if you're not sure if your messages are getting thru.. send a balloon thing to his school. But don't just give up. It's your job to show him how a father is supposed to act. Don't expect any gratitude for it now.. the reward comes later.

I hope you get my meaning.

Sweetest regards,
Kay-lynn

[This message has been edited by redwriter1 (edited 07-25-2003).]

Thanks for your thoughtful words, Kay-lynn.
The situation leaves me speechless. How interesting that your Mom kept YOU from talking to your Dad. How stupid people can be. It never ceases to amaze me. It would be a great song topic if one could ever figure out how to write it in 3 or minutes!! Anyway, I have to disagree with you on one point, though. If I mailed him stuff, his mother (who is home all day) would surely open it and either not give it to him or poison everything I said. With Email, since we are both on AOL, I request a read receipt, and not only do I know he read it, his Mom doesn't even know about it (I think). Email is the way to go, it keeps her out of the loop.

Anyway on with the positive. I work for a big mortgage company, and we advertise alot on US99, the country station here in Chicago. Shania Twain is doing a huge free concert here on Sunday. It will be taped and showed on NBC in the fall. Today, from 4-8 she is doing a "soundcheck" mini-concert for only about a thousand US99 sponsors, and my boss gave me 4 tickets. I'm off to see it pretty soon. (Stop groaning some of you, it's a beautiful day here, it's an outdoor event, there's food and drink and it's FREE)
Herbie