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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 48
Serious Contributor
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 48 |
Hi Guys: I'm new to this site. I'd aappreciate it if you would look over these lyrics and critique. A demo is being made soon. Thanks so Much!! Dance with the Devil
Verse 1: He wakes up in the morning, that is if he has slept. The first thing on his mind, is where his stash is kept. All his good intentions, that were born just yesterday. Are lost in the light of a brand new day.
Chorus: He dances with the devil every day. The dance will last forever, it will never go away. From the arms of the devil, he knows he won’t be freed The best that he can hope for is to lead.
Verse 2: The mirror reflects a stranger, the one who plays the clown. To cover up the pain he’s caused to all those that he’s let down. He vows today is different. Today he’ll take the chance. And just say “No” when the Devil asks to dance.
Chorus: He dances with the devil every day. The dance will last forever, it will never go away. From the arms of the devil, he knows he won’t be freed The best that he can hope for is to lead.
Verse 3: And he will lead, for just one day. And for that day the devil backs away. And then tomorrow, he’ll take another chance. And just say “no” when the devil asks to dance.
Chorus: He dances with the devil every day. The dance will last forever, it will never go away. From the arms of the devil, he knows he won’t be freed The best that he can hope for is to lead.
Susie Whiting Copyright 2006
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 840
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I wouldn't change a thing, it's beautiful in every way. Though, I know you are looking for feedback from others. Your friend, Brenda
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 71
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Hey Susie,
Welcome,
I'm not a lyricist, and the guys here will give you much better input than me, but from a muso's point of view, can't really fault it. It says what it needs to say, is straight foward in it's diction, and gets the point across without fluff and circunstance. Put up a rough demo on mp3, just the lyric and melody line with simple backing, and see what the folks think. If you do that before you do the "real" demo proper, then the feel of the song will come through, and you'll get some musical suggestions as well as lyrical. A song such as this really depends on it's delivery, so I'm sorry I can't help much more........ I like it's concept, and if well delivered it has possibilities.
cheers, niteshift
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Joined: Nov 2006
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 48 |
Thanks Brenda. Nice to see you on this site.
Niteshift: Thanks for the input. I've a lot to learn about the music industry. Your help is appreciated.
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Joined: Oct 2006
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Susie, Feedback from musicians is something that we really need. This site will be very helpful to us. Glad to see you here.
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,608
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Hi, Nice to meet you. This is nicely written. Can't think of anything to do differently on it. I'd look forward to hearing it played out. I liked "best that he can hope for is to lead." Nice touch. This has been a great site for me too. I've been here since this summer. The feedback is excellent and everyone is usually quite helpful and means well. I've had good experience with the critique I've received. People will let you know where the flaws are, but in a nice way. Good luck with the demo, and I'm looking forward to reading more from you. Linda ------------------ Linda Adams Read about my novels: http://www.alyssastory.com Bits & pieces of music: www.soundclick.com/lindaadams
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 48
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 48 |
Thank you Linda. I appreciate your reviewing. As soon as I get the demo, I will post it and let you know where to find it. Thanks Again.
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