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JDBAC
by JAPOV - 01/16/26 09:42 AM
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WHEN?
by JAPOV - 01/16/26 09:32 AM
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Joan Baez
by Gary E. Andrews - 01/15/26 09:57 AM
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Star Trek
by John Lawrence Schick - 01/14/26 03:55 PM
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,440 Likes: 44
Top 200 Poster
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OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,440 Likes: 44 |
You're my person
When I think of who I could call
my thoughts go straight to you
You're my person
with whom I share my rise and my fall
every one and thing I go through
You're my person
You're my person
You're my person
I just knew from the first day we met
you were meant for me
You're my person
ever since then I've known in my heart
that forever you will be
You're my person
You're my person
I don't need anyone else
there is nobody but you
even when we are apart
My love, this much is true
You're my person
the one I swear that I will cherish
and love every single day
You're my person
The one I laugh with and will always
wipe all your tears away
You're my person
You're my person
I don't need anyone else
there is nobody but you
even when we are apart
My love, this much is true
You're my person
Peace,
Dave
"Where there's a Gill, there's a way"
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 1,018 Likes: 7
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 1,018 Likes: 7 |
Hi David,
I've never had the honor to meet you. I haven't been on JPFolks in many a moon. I just started writing again for the first time since 2016. There was a time when I was very good at critiques but I need some practice to get back up to speed. However, you seem to have good structure to your lyric and a direction that you wanted to go. It flows pretty well I think. I'm afraid for now, I don't have much more to add. Good luck!
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,440 Likes: 44
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OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,440 Likes: 44 |
Hey there, Wes!!
It's an honor and pleasure to e-meet you as well!
For this one I was truly just typing out something to keep the "juices flowing". This is what happens when I sit stagnant for too long between lyrics. LOL!!
Thank you for the kind words and listen, sir!
See ya around!
Peace,
Dave
"Where there's a Gill, there's a way"
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 1,018 Likes: 7
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 1,018 Likes: 7 |
I truly understand the stagnant part. My muse is like a body that has been buried for a decade and then wakes up wondering why anyone buried it.
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Joined: Sep 2020
Posts: 82 Likes: 1
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2020
Posts: 82 Likes: 1 |
Hi David, I really like the gist here, here's a few thoughts keep or sweep,
I'd make the title, You're my person.
I try to avoid ( I don't) it's way overused imo,
you have already said you're my person, no need to mention anyone else, keep it focussed on the recipient,
I'd try and keep it positive, avoid tears etc,
anyway just my thoughts,
all the best, john
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,573 Likes: 74
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,573 Likes: 74 |
Dave,
this is a beautiful, heartfelt love song — simple, pure, and full of genuine emotion. It already feels timeless and personal, like something written straight from the heart (and honestly, it has a wedding vow kind of energy).
Your lyrics look a bit different from what I usually write, which I really like. I noticed you repeat the hook line (“You’re my person”) at the end of each verse. Often when that’s done, a song doesn’t need a separate chorus — but it looks like you’ve included one too. If you don’t mind, I’d love to share an idea for how that could actually work really well together.
(Here’s what that might look like in structure:)
You’re My Person
(Verse 1)
You’re my person
When I think of who I’d call
My heart goes straight to you
You’re my person
The one who’s there through it all
Every joy and trial I go through
You’re my person…
Yeah, you’re my person
(Verse 2)
You’re my person
From the moment we first met
I knew you were meant for me
You’re my person
And I’ve known it ever since
It’s forever — you and me
You’re my person…
Always my person
(Chorus)
I don’t need anyone else
There’s nobody but you
Even when we’re far apart
My love, this much is true
You’re my person
(Verse 3)
You’re my person
The one I promise I’ll cherish
And love in every way
You’re my person
The one I laugh with, the one who
Wipes all my tears away
You’re my person…
Forever my person
(Chorus)
I don’t need anyone else
There’s nobody but you
Even when we’re far apart
My love, this much is true
You’re my person
(Bridge)
Through every high, through every fall
You’re the one who’s seen it all
If the world should fade away
You’re the reason I’d still stay
(Final Chorus)
I don’t need anyone else
There’s nobody but you
Even when we’re far apart
My love, this much is true
You’re my person…
Yeah, you’re my person
What do you think? I really love the heart behind what you wrote — it’s got so much warmth and sincerity. This version just trims and balances a few spots so it flows a little more naturally if you ever decide to record it. Feel free to use any of these ideas.
All the best - Robert
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Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 3,874 Likes: 125
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 3,874 Likes: 125 |
Using the hook on bottom of verse is an old George Strait trick . He does that in a lot of songs , looks good guys
We’re all built from the same dust and dreams,
Different roads, but the same means.
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,440 Likes: 44
Top 200 Poster
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OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,440 Likes: 44 |
Hi David, I really like the gist here, here's a few thoughts keep or sweep,
I'd make the title, You're my person.
I try to avoid ( I don't) it's way overused imo,
you have already said you're my person, no need to mention anyone else, keep it focussed on the recipient,
I'd try and keep it positive, avoid tears etc,
anyway just my thoughts,
all the best, john Thank you, John, for the read and feedback. I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner but will certainly consider your input. Makes a whole lot of sense. :-) Peace, Dave
"Where there's a Gill, there's a way"
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,440 Likes: 44
Top 200 Poster
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OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,440 Likes: 44 |
Dave,
this is a beautiful, heartfelt love song — simple, pure, and full of genuine emotion. It already feels timeless and personal, like something written straight from the heart (and honestly, it has a wedding vow kind of energy).
Your lyrics look a bit different from what I usually write, which I really like. I noticed you repeat the hook line (“You’re my person”) at the end of each verse. Often when that’s done, a song doesn’t need a separate chorus — but it looks like you’ve included one too. If you don’t mind, I’d love to share an idea for how that could actually work really well together.
What do you think? I really love the heart behind what you wrote — it’s got so much warmth and sincerity. This version just trims and balances a few spots so it flows a little more naturally if you ever decide to record it. Feel free to use any of these ideas.
All the best - Robert Thank you, Robert! Your suggestion has definitely given me an idea or two on how to tweak this. I truly appreciate your read and feedback, sir! Peace, Dave
"Where there's a Gill, there's a way"
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,440 Likes: 44
Top 200 Poster
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OP
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,440 Likes: 44 |
Using the hook on bottom of verse is an old George Strait trick . He does that in a lot of songs , looks good guys Thanks, Elvis! Peace, Dave
"Where there's a Gill, there's a way"
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