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Hi everyone... here is my first song of this year. This song serves my intent as a warning with getting involved and relying too heavily on A.I with our songwriting.  

I have a psychedelic style of melody for this... I just haven't recorded it yet.

Tell me what you think 😎

Take On The Fire
         Words By Tom Tognaci


Take on the fire, 
The fire will take you, 
You play the game, boy, 
But the rules weren’t meant for you. 

Step in the box, 
The box will shut you in, 
Cut you off, 
Before you can begin. 

 And I know you know better, 
But it’s a game you have to play. 
You just can’t see the stick, 
With the carrot in the way. 

 Take on the fire, 
Into the flames you go. 
Just be careful, boy, 
It’s a world you’ll never know. 

And how you’ll yearn 
That thing no one can teach, 
Always close, 
But always out of reach. 

And I know you know better, 
But it’s a game you have to play. 
You just can’t see the stick, 
With the carrot in the way. 

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BR;?
Let sublime inspiration
Take you with laughter
That mystical melody
Like parting the waters...

ok... I give up.
I'm not much of a poet, and most poetry gives me a headache.
Does this lyric make sense to you or not?

Absolutely lol...
You're lyrics are always good!

I just thought a little line about "actually fighting the fire" would be helpful

I'm probably the one not making sense...

No, not really!
I'm wondering if I should slice a bridge in there somewhere spelling out my intent... or is it best left ambiguous?
As far as fighting the fire, that brand-new thing, I want this to be more of a warning coming from someone who is merely skeptical.

Right now you have a lyric that can be interpreted many ways... That's why I tried to remain "vague", but hinting at success. (water/fire)

Ultimately, I don't believe a bridge EVER hurts

There's nothing wrong with writing lyrics that only you truly understand...

I still don't get "Stairway To Heaven"

Hey Tom!

Your lyric as written has a definite foreboding tone about it. I think you hit that mark quite well, sir.

I have ideas on how I would tweak the wording for a different flow, but since you already have a melody in mind, I don't wish to "muddy" your creative process. :-)

I agree with JAPOV that a bridge never hurts, but it's not mandatory. Just keep plugging away until you feel comfortable.

I look forward to hearing what you record for this.

Peace,

Dave

Yeah, understanding poetry means? having to "crack" metaphors...yikes!

Having had that thought, having read the lyric, I googled the term "existential"....go have a look at that term.

I like the hook....wow, good one. Question: if singer keeps the stick under control (or destroys it), is the carrot lost.

Just some thoughts.
Bill

Still liking and looking at this one.

This could be your bridge:

And how you’ll yearn
(how will you learn)
That thing no one can teach,
Always close,
But always out of reach.

I like the thoughtful comments made by Tony and Dave and felt them helpful in my understanding of the intent of the lyric.
I think...This may be an existential crisis for the writer. The writer has thoughts that are internal only at present. That may be enough. ie as long as the writer understands the game.

In summary:
Fame and Fortune may be the carrot. But one may never get there, even if "the stick" is mastered. But one is even further removed from achievement by not seeing "the stick" as AI.

That's what I'm mulling over right now


Hi Dave... mulling over the lyrics, and the music, as well. I have a good melody, but it is a bit incomplete. My chorus still needs work, and a bridge lyric and melody is a bit out of reach

The inspiration of this is my foreboding with the era of A.I. which is upon us. The "carrot" is the lure of wonderful lyrics and or melodies promised by the various programs offered. The "stick" is nefariously held by unknown entities, that we should be skeptical of. Chasing the "carrot" will soon become the focus, rather than digging deep into our own creative process.
And "that thing that no one can teach" is creativity itself.

Of course, A.I. could be what comes to some minds. A warning of selling one's soul might be where some may go, as well.
I do prefer to keep it as is......if only I can get the melody established for my chorus.

How about:
Take on the fire, the fire of the brand-new sage,
Thinking machines and their algorithmic dreams.
We, the puppets of the age.

A bridge...an outro??

Hmmm... Suggesting AI to be a "sage" when it's only as "wise" as the ones who program and "feed" it may be a stretch.

How about "Take on the fire of the new, faux sage"?

I like the "puppets of the age" line.

As always, KOS.

Peace,

Dave

Take on the fire, the fire of a brand-new age
Thinking machines pull the algorithmic strings
We, the puppets of automated dreams

Great point....but, how many people will bend the knee. A.I is smarter than we... so, if A.I. concludes its opinion, it must be best... right?? The nefarious will use A.I to influence us. We are stupid.
That's my point....but, I feel that I'm only about 70% done with this. I'm trying to get this right!


Yeah....no bells, yet. This is taking some work to get right.
I'm loving it!!

Thanks, guys!

Hi all....
Here's the latest draft and would appreciate your thoughts:

Take On The Fire


Take on the fire; the fire will take you
You play the game, boy, but the rules weren’t meant for you
Step in the box, and the box will shut you in
Cut you off before you can begin

Take on the fire; into the flames you go
Just be careful, boy; it’s a world you’ll never know
And how you’ll yearn for that thing no one can teach
Always close, but always out of reach

And I know you know better
But it’s the game you have to play
You won’t see those puppets’ strings
With the spotlight in the way

Take on the fire; it’s here and all the rage
Yes, it’s tempting, boy; it’s the start of a brand-new age
And you’ll go on, only to one day feel
Rather numb to all that once was real

And I know you know better
But it’s the game you have to play
You won’t see those puppets’ strings
With the spotlight in the way

This is coming along nicely. If I had one nit it might be to change the following:

WHEN YOU step in the box, the box shuts you in
AND soon Cuts you off before you begin


As always KOS. You got a good thing going here!

Peace,

Dave

Thanks, David.
I'm trying to take my writing to a higher level and am wondering why you feel your changes make this better for you.
I have a melody which shapes the lyrical content, but I am very interested in lyrics that can stand on their own as well.
I have my suspicions, but would appreciate hearing from you. For example, Is it a flow problem?
I look forward to hearing from you.

Hey Tom,

For me it's flow, really. However, I anticipate your recorded melody will help my old brain understand your intended syncopation. I can't wait to hear it!

Peace,

Dave

Thanks, David. I really appreciate the comments. I really like the verse melodies, but I just can't seem to hear anything for the chorus. I keep following the same melody into and for the chorus, only with a bit more inflections.
It's something I can't rush.

Hey, thanks, again

Just invert your chord progression

Good suggestion.....I'll give it a good go!

Here is a fresh new look:

Take On The Fire
Words & Music By Tom Tognaci

Take on the fire; the fire will take you
You play the game, boy, but the rules weren’t meant for you
Step in the box, and the box will shut you in
Cut you off before you can begin

Take on the fire; into the flames you go
Just be careful, boy; it’s a world you’ll never know
And how you’ll yearn for that thing no one can teach
Always close, but always out of reach

And I know you know better but it’s the game you have to play
You won’t mind those puppet strings with the spotlight in the way

Take on the fire; it’s here and all the rage
Yes, it’s tempting, boy; it’s the start of a brand-new age
And you’ll go on, only to one day feel
Rather numb to all that once was real

And I know you know better but it’s the game you have to play
You won’t mind those puppet strings with the spotlight in the way

Take on the fire; into the flames you go
Just be careful, boy, as the flames begin to grow
Take on the fire, by the time you feel it’s’ burn
The time will be long past the point of no return

Get er done Tom , looks good. oh bs , your not selling your soul using AI , its a tool. I suppose the Model T was the devil also , nope

This has developed well since the first draft. Two things - second line, first verse could read as gameboy, an early computer game, which could be confusing. Personally, I'd take the "boy" out of all the lines.
Second thing is that the chorus, or refrain, has a question mark first time around and not the second time around. The question mark completely changes the meaning. If it's meant to be a question, I'd go with "Won't you" rather than "You won't", so you don't have to show it's a question with inflection in the vocals (If that makes sense!)
Good song.

Hi John, thanks for your comments and suggestions.
I remember gameboy ;-) but that phrase falls in line with my stylistic way of singing. Melodically, there is a pause between the two syllables which hopefully separates the connection.
The question mark is a typo. What I'm trying to say is that if/when the accolades and spotlight are upon you, one might not notice the puppet's strings.... or worse, not care.

Anyways, thanks!