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HIGH PLAINS (song about losing someone)
My lyrics, Suno everything else

https://soundcloud.com/sunset-poet-of-texas/high-plains

[V1]
I stood beside your bed as if I (was) watching my own death.
Filled with pain and dread, I saw you take your final breath
(The) nurse looked over, my pain was in her eyes.
Though I was standing, She knew, I too, had died.

[V2]
(i) don't remember driving home or walking in the house.
I remember sitting alone with all the lights turned out.
Friends would call, my phone would glow…dimly light the walls.
I stared into that darkness, cried from dusk to dawn.

[PC]
It’s been about a year now, pain won't even fade.
I had to try and do something to feel next to you again.

[CH1]
I rode out on the high plains where nothing blocks the view.
In the hopes that you might see me looking up at you.
I looked up through the stars, imagined out to space.
Wherever that you are, you're saving me a place.

[V3]
My friends all tell me that I’ve got to let go.
Life is for the living and the living move on.
I ain't done no living since the light in your eyes was gone.
All I want is one more day.
Wake up in the morning and see your face,
(A)cross a breakfast table and smiling my way.

[CH2]
I rode out on the high plains where nothing blocks the view.
In the hopes that you might see me looking up at you.
I looked up through the stars, imagined out to space.
Wherever that you are, you're saving me a place.

[SOLO}
[OUTRO].

The link doesn't work....

Great...
CH1]
I rode out on the high plains where nothing blocks the view.
In the hopes that you might see me looking up at you.
I looked up through the stars, imagined out to space.
Wherever that you are, you're saving me a place.

Weak
[V2]
(i) don't remember driving home or walking in the house.
I remember sitting alone with all the lights turned out.
Friends would call, my phone would glow…dimly light the walls.
I stared into that darkness, cried from dusk to dawn

Weaker, cmon my friends all tell me.. overdone and meaningless.


Basically this is chorus , with network filler for verses.

Can be built better

Regarding "weak"

I write about human circumstances and conditions. I don't write to quips and hooks.
It is what I enjoy doing.

I like V2 just the way that it is. I think it describes a human condition in a way that puts a listener in the scene using the relatability of every day circumstances, and thereby evokes empathy. The "hook" is the empathy not some dazzling word-play.

Not all parts of a song need to "swing for the fences." Some are designed to settle the listener in before uplifting them....to the chorus.
Operative principals, continuity and contrast.

As far as "can be built better."
Not as far as I am concerned.


As far as,


"overdone and meaningless" strikes me as not factual and another very thinly veiled insult. Gonna take a pass on responding further to that.

I changed the link from private to public on SC. Should work now.

So the idea is to post a song, and if people don't think it's reaching it's potential , then that's the price they pay for listening/reading?

Only that's great... Accepted?

I can name a hundred songs that say " all my friends say" that's where you got it from without even realizing

So do I write abiut human circumstances, that's all I do.

Writing bland does not make it about the human condition

A listener still has to hear it read it and be interested.

Dom
If you find my songs deficient, you don't have to listen to my songs at all.
I'd prefer that you did not.
I'm not interested in your opinion and would never be likely to act upon it.
I think that this site is best served if you ignore my songs and I let other people comment on yours.



was the fire starter and bait.
And the quote at the top is the next step in spreading the flames.

No takers here. Ignore my songs and comments.
You've said what you think, now leave me alone.

Martin

Yeah you've created a sentiment here that people won't respond to my songs, even though you've proven to be an instigator and a liar , and recruited others.

You created a campaign that I'm somehow the bad guy.

It's ok I post and know my songs kick yours ass and so does everyone else

You want praise but you have very limited ability perhaps you prefer being lied to.

Stay out if your songs after you ruined every song I posted and a great time I was having?and why?

A big middle finger there.

You either apologize or I expose your shite songs

Your choice

Dom
I am not a "liar."
Are you unable to simply leave me alone?
Brian reset the site. Everyone, including you, has (had) a clean slate going forward.
The price of admission is just to maintain the peace.
Are you unable to do that?

Um i get it, setting yourself up to be a victim, trying to bait me.
.
Apologize for ruing 100 threads are you able?

Mr i write abiut human circumstances...

Then why are you such a dick?

Shows how real your songs are

This website is the victim of this.
I'm done with this back-and-forth.

Just leave me alone ok?

Ok

Hey Marty . Good AI song man

Marty,
this song is absolutely beautiful. Very listenable. Very catchy. Well-worded. I would have used the solo as a kind of interlude and repeated the Chorus at the very end once again to make it stickier. But this one is great as is.

All the best - Robert

I lost my wife in 2001 and boy does this bring back memories...thanks Marty..just a great lyric

Steve

Ben

Thanks for stopping by. Your compliments are always appreciated.

Marty

Rob
Thanks for the compliments and feedback. It's AI, so trying what you suggest is just a couple of clicks and I think they are good suggestions.
Appreciate you.

Marty

Steve,
If my math is right, you lost her at around fifty. To say that would be hard is miles beyond an understatement. I'm very sorry that it happened to you all.

I hope the song caused no painful memories.

Thank you for the compliment.

Marty

I was 54 ...the driving home from the hospital was similar....got my only speeding ticket...I didn't realize I was doing 60 in a 30 zone...had no idea where I was...