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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 09/12/24 09:36 AM
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,279 Likes: 23
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OP
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Hey there everyone.... It's been almost a year since I have recorded any of my songs. This is the latest write of among some 10 others I've written this year. As always, any and all comments are welcome, while first impressions are most welcome. “Go On Ahead”Words & Music By Tom Tognacihttps://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=14831178 And if, by chance, you feel that I’d follow you blind Over the cliff, with me right behind…. Go on ahead and make your case Try to convince me with a straight face Don’t mind my laughs Oh, pretentious sage I’m laughing at the curtains you peer through on stage And if, by chance, you feel that by coming on strong I’ll see the light and where I’ve gone wrong…. Go on ahead and make my day Try to persuade me to try your way Don’t mind my jeers It’s all in good fun Your odds of changing my mind are zero to none And if, by chance, you feel that the mask you have on Cleverly hides the face of your con Go on ahead, give it your all Make up and clown suit, juggle that ball Don’t mind my back As I walk away I’m on to much better things. You have a nice day And if, by chance, you feel that I’d follow you blind Over the cliff, with me right behind…. You go on ahead
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3 members like this:
JAPOV, Bill Draper, Guy E. Trepanier |
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Joined: Oct 2017
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I think you got a ray Montagne vibe here. I like it, I wonder if the structure could be changed to make it better.
" Cause if by chance".... That sounds like your refrain, but your placing it in front of what seems like verses.
I think it might prevent it from being really catchy.
I think that's a good melody, might work better as a verse chorus thing.
Nice to hear something raw here.
Good feel and vocals
Last edited by Fdemetrio; 08/12/24 04:20 PM.
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IronKnee |
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Joined: Dec 2016
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Tom,
I think it's pretty brilliant just as is. Excellent listen!
Deej
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IronKnee |
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Joined: Nov 2005
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Tom,
I've always loved your songs. This one is really good. Good instrumentation and excellent vocals. Good job!
All the best
Robert
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1 member likes this:
IronKnee |
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Joined: Jul 2011
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I think you got a ray Montagne vibe here. I like it, I wonder if the structure could be changed to make it better.
" Cause if by chance".... That sounds like your refrain, but your placing it in front of what seems like verses.
I think it might prevent it from being really catchy.
I think that's a good melody, might work better as a verse chorus thing.
Nice to hear something raw here.
Good feel and vocals Hey there Fdemetrio...........thanks for listening and commenting. As all my songs, I don't think too much on building a recognizable structure. The songs come out as they come out. And I love the fact that this structure is "odd". I didn't plan on that, and didn't even realize it was until you and a couple others pointed it out. To me, it makes the song all the more unique. Again, thanks for stopping by ;-)
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Joined: Jul 2011
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Tom,
I think it's pretty brilliant just as is. Excellent listen!
Deej Thanks, Deej................I really appreciate the support!
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Joined: Jul 2011
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Tom,
I've always loved your songs. This one is really good. Good instrumentation and excellent vocals. Good job!
All the best
Robert Thanks, Robert...........so much!
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Joined: Jun 2005
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There is a lot to like about this song, IK...the vocal is superb with great tone to your voice...the subtle guitar work is perfect for the vocal, and I am a big fan of writing down what you want to say and leaving it as that...a good song is a good song regardless of structure...really well done
Steve
Creators of music have a responsibility to their craft. When they have finished using all the notes and words, they must pass them down to the next generation with a simple request. “Use these to create new music.”...Steven McDonald
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Joined: Oct 2017
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If songs didn't need structure, there were be no structure in songs.
I think he wrote here more than what he wanted to say, it's clearly conceived of and all the rhymes did not just come out.
The structure here is AAA, it wasn't chaotic or disorganized, the writer knew what he was doing. Generally the hook would come at end of the stanza, but I have seen it like this
I just think melodically to start with the best part of the song leaves you no where to go.
We shouldn't be critiquing the critiquer. Trying to up it even better
Last edited by Fdemetrio; 08/13/24 11:35 AM.
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Very likeable tune. Has a nice "drift."
Can't really say why, but it makes me recall Vince Gill.
Your voice has an easy timbre that makes it easy to listen to.
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Joined: Jul 2011
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OP
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There is a lot to like about this song, IK...the vocal is superb with great tone to your voice...the subtle guitar work is perfect for the vocal, and I am a big fan of writing down what you want to say and leaving it as that...a good song is a good song regardless of structure...really well done
Steve Hey there V........Thanks for listening and commenting. I understand there are those with staunch structure ideology. I'm not one of them..............we cannot help structure when writing, but I let the melody take me where it wants to take me, followed by the lyric. If the song works......then congratulations are in order. Thanks, for "getting" it!
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Joined: Jul 2011
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Very likeable tune. Has a nice "drift."
Can't really say why, but it makes me recall Vince Gill.
Your voice has an easy timbre that makes it easy to listen to. Thanks for stopping by.... I appreciate the support!
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,279 Likes: 23
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If songs didn't need structure, there were be no structure in songs.
I think he wrote here more than what he wanted to say, it's clearly conceived of and all the rhymes did not just come out.
The structure here is AAA, it wasn't chaotic or disorganized, the writer knew what he was doing. Generally the hook would come at end of the stanza, but I have seen it like this
I just think melodically to start with the best part of the song leaves you no where to go.
We shouldn't be critiquing the critiquer. Trying to up it even better Why do you feel that I wrote more than I wanted to say? This song is everything I wanted to say. It was written very quickly ( in one weeks time), with only one minor line adjustment. And the rhymes did just come out........I was inspired. ;-) Anyways........ Thanks, again!
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Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 6,194 Likes: 41
Top 40 Poster
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Top 40 Poster
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 6,194 Likes: 41 |
If songs didn't need structure, there were be no structure in songs.
I think he wrote here more than what he wanted to say, it's clearly conceived of and all the rhymes did not just come out.
The structure here is AAA, it wasn't chaotic or disorganized, the writer knew what he was doing. Generally the hook would come at end of the stanza, but I have seen it like this
I just think melodically to start with the best part of the song leaves you no where to go.
We shouldn't be critiquing the critiquer. Trying to up it even better Why do you feel that I wrote more than I wanted to say? This song is everything I wanted to say. It was written very quickly ( in one weeks time), with only one minor line adjustment. And the rhymes did just come out........I was inspired. ;-) Anyways........ Thanks, again! No the previous poster mentioned he was a fan of just writing what your thinking, and that a song is good regardless of structure. But this HAS structure a very common one, and it wasn't written off the cuff. No biggie, just t trying to see what might make it better
Last edited by Fdemetrio; 08/13/24 02:30 PM.
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Joined: Jun 2019
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HA! Well... "Go On" with your baaad self then, Tom  NICE!
The journey is definitely more important than the destination...
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Joined: Jul 2011
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OP
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HA! Well... "Go On" with your baaad self then, Tom NICE! Thaks JAPOV.........nice to see ya too!
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