JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Where the sun has never shined

https://on.soundcloud.com/KdSHD8k9mquwik4R9

Where the sun has never shined
verse
I walk about like a zombie.
I neither laugh nor cry.
Hope has become a faint mirage.
All of my dreams have died.
[pre chorus]
What happened I don’t remember.
I’ve blocked it out of my mind.
Pushed it below, pushed it below.
where the sun has never shined.
[Chorus]
where the sun, where the sun
where the sun has never shined.
where the sun, where the sun
where the sun has never shined.
verse
I lie awake in my coffin.
I’m afraid of the dark.
The monster who rapes young children
out playing in the park.
pre chorus
What happened I don’t remember.
I’ve blocked it out of my mind.
Pushed it below pushed it below
where the sun has never shined.
[Chorus]
pushed it below, pushed it below
where the sun has never shined.
where the sun, where the sun
where the sun has never shined.
bridge
The bruises have healed on the outside
but the wounds inside still bleed.
In the darkness, in the darkness
I see what he does to me.

This is a rough demo on Udio I'm guessing?? But it could have done quite well a few years ago....I see it struggled with ...coffin and children out
Steve

The chorus is good musically and lyrically

The verses don't really fit. It's too vague.and not sure that's pop subject matte

What does walk about like a zombie actually mean? Guy with his arms out? I neither laugh or cry....meh

What your doing is trying to tell the reader or listener what he's doing or how he is affected by his history. But to the listener it doesn't mean anything. If the character is really there, those descriptions would be more specific.

Not sure the hook is really supported either.

Id totally keep the chorus, if you're able to add new verse.

But to me, id make it about an angry woman, kiss me where the sun dont shine...ish.

It has that vibe, it actually sounds like Hole, or Courtney Love, I'd bet a mint it's patterned after her

It can't be used due that reason but good reference

Try it out, if not, then you don't but..

Think of what where the sun dont shine means to you, and write verses that support that idea. It doesn't really sound like it in this.

I think the chorus works

My two cents, it needs the lyrics to be a bigger part in order to blow it up

Just an amateur lurker....

Oh, and on tricky words like coffin. Spell it wrong, like cough in. it works

bump