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This is TAKE A PASS.

https://soundcloud.com/sunset-poet-of-texas/take-a-pass-song-about-self-worth

Any feedback would be appreciated.
Of particular concern is the way the sound comes through your speakers.
I play back through:
Yamaha H5 monitors
Old Bose computer speakers
Bose something or other that I just bought
F150 sound room. My pick up truck. (best)

Audio sounds fine except through old BOSE computer speakers.
Please comment as to whether you hear the sound muffled or clear.

Thanks
Martin

V1
To you, my life means little
To me, it means a lot
To you, I’m just for fun.
For me, I’m all I’ve got.

To you, I’m just A one-night-stand, or two
Tonight, I’d rather feel alone…than used

CH
I’m gonna take a PASS.
Gonna skip your all night dance.
This life’s not such a blast
When I try to live too fast.

I'm just gonna go home.
I'll be just fine alone.
Don't wanna wake somewhere at dawn.
Wishin' I hadn't gone.

V2
Looking toward what’s yet to be.
I hope there’s someone there for me
Tonight is when I start to be
Someone that I would want

For Sure, I've got a history.
But there's a voice somewhere in me.
Callin' on my dignity.
It's time I heard the call.

CH2

BR
Seems we get one shot at life
to get it right.
You win or lose with choices
like mine tonight.

Living right for just one night
Will not change my life
But I'll have one less regret.
When I greet the morning light.

Ch3
outro

[quote][/quote]

Finally, someone seriously interested in "overall sound"

I've recently discovered "space designer" and "vintage console EQ" in LogicX. They've caused me to completely re-think the way I mix/master. So, currently, overall sound is at the top of my list lol... I've even scrapped my old drum kit.

True story... I came across a movie in Tubi, a re-vamp of "Charlie's Angeles". High energy action flick with lots of 70s/80s rock. Of course, I actually own a lot of the original recordings of the tracks in that movie... So, I immediately heard a major difference. The sound track in that movie is awesome! It motivated me to try and figure out WHY?

Anyway...

What I immediately hear in your current recording is a focus on everything "mid-low to mid-high". I'm not surprised it doesn't sound good through your Bose system... Mid-lows are also kinda' saturated and "muddy". Overall, the recording is very lo-fi.

I recommend listening to some of your favorite music through your home system (not your computer). Then, without making any EQ changes, play this recording for comparison.

Also... DON'T TRUST A SUB-BASS WHEN YOU'RE RECORDING! Unless you're a rapper, a sub will totally screw with your ears!

Good song BTW, hope this helps

Thanks Dom.

Very legit observation about the piano run, but I liked it so I left it in.
"introverted narration" is accurate and apt...but I prefer "introspective narration."

My voice is naturally talky and my attempts at vibrato sound odd and fall out of the melody. I can't count the number of times I recorded and re-recorded the vocals. I'm afraid this is the very best that I was able to do with them.

Thanks for your input.

Marty

Thanks for the feedback Tony.

My biggest problem was dealing with sibilance. pass,dance,blast,fast.
When I brightened the vox, they sizzled and became harsh and brittle. And worse, my voice is nothing great and when I try to project it, I get a non-musical raspy-ratchet sound from my vocal chords. That produced some ugliness in the upper mids, which was also hard to tamp down.

Additionally, my voice happens between roughly 500 and 1500 hz. The song is heavily layered with several overlayed instruments. That frequency range was loaded up. I tried all of the things that you suggested and still struggled to find some kind of acceptable balance. EQ, clip gaining and automation were the most effective tools that I had. Clearly I was out of my depth on this.

The song sounds fairly clear and clean through the Yamaha monitors and in my truck cab. But both of my Bose systems and my headphones sound muffled. I don't know which ones to believe.

On my next song, I'm going try to use fewer instruments that naturally spread out in the frequencies and see if I can get a better result.

Thanks again for your input.

Marty

Sounds good . lyrically it comes off what I women might say to a man . but it could go that way a man tellng a women that

These days...I think that it could be either.

It is actually a personal recollection from about 40 years ago. I was at home on a week night watching TV and got a call from a woman that I had been on a couple of dates with who was at a bar and wanted to come over for the night.

I said "come on."
Then she said..."to be clear, we are only about sex and nothing else."

Raw and unflattering statement. I thought about it for a second and said..."understood, but I think that I'm going to take a pass tonight."

Thanks for your comments,

Marty

Yup these days , Like Bros Osbourne , Send me songs without girl in them since he's gay . So country music has changed alot . That would not happen in Nashville 30 years ago, I'm weak I would have said come on over for sex , I admire your morality

[quote][/quote]

Thanks Dom.

My vox recording method is to sing what feels good.
When I play that back, it most often doesn't sound good.
Then I get away from it for a week, come back and try to listen as objectively as possible.
Rinse and repeat.

I'm guessing that I re-recorded some aspect of this vocal between 50 and 100 times over the course of 6 months.
Once I get to the best that I can do...clip gain, EQ, reverb, more EQ, this and that, automation.

Marty

I'd like to re-mix this... Just for practice

That would be delightful. I can upload to Google Drive. There are a lot of tracks.
Are just the stems okay?

pm me your email.

Thanks
Martin

You know I'm a fan. That said, addressing your concern, through my headphones this does sound a bit muddy or muffled. I'm terrible at figuring out why. A long time ago, I somehow figured out what works for my voice as far as EQ, etc, is concerned and just return to that template.

You have a very rich sound to your voice, which draws the listener in, so you're starting with great raw material. Not sure what you've done here because I've never noticed this muffled quality in anything of yours before. If you're compensating for sibilance, you might try just going to every "ss" sound and lowering the volume there. This has always worked for me better than any de-esser I've found or messing with the EQ.

I like the theme and the lyric. I've been there and made both choices. The one you made made me feel better - well, not immediately, but later...

Thanks Gavin.
I appreciate your comments.
I don't know what to make of the sound quality. I listen to it on 5 different devices. On some it's fine, others not. It sounds muddy in my headphones for sure. These days that may matter the most.

For sibilance, I create an EFX channel with an EQ and put a shelf on it dropping the high range. Then I send part of the signal there. I listen to it through Yamaha monitors and it sounds okay.

I'm baffled. I got some research to do. May hire a local sound engineer to coach me through this. Tony is going to give it a shot too.
I appreciate your feedback.

Martin

Martin,

I could say this needs some air up top, but after listening through, I kind of like it this way.....it's a low fi feel.

And the lyrics fit said low fi really well.

Thanks for commenting Mac.

Hey there sunset..........
Good song. I like the sentiment, and the vocal relays that sentiment very nicely.

Thanks IronKnee.
Very nice of you to say so. I try to get those things done. I truly try. Some songs better than others

Talk about sounding like a fackin robot lmao

I can't believe the lying comments here.

I mean the song I wrote when I was 16 is better than this, regardless of the boast you get from bought software

And your laughing about robots, this is a human robot, you can't sing stop trying, you bought enough stuff to try and help.

And this fackin lyric, I mean seriously don't ever criticize anyone again, dated? Lol

You're a banana songwriter

This is embarrassing
V1
To you, my life means little
To me, it means a lot
To you, I’m just for fun.
For me, I’m all I’ve got.

To you, I’m just A one-night-stand, or two
Tonight, I’d rather feel alone…than used

CH
I’m gonna take a PASS.
Gonna skip your all night dance.
This life’s not such a blast
When I try to live too fast.


Im GONna take a pass lollllll

Stressing the wrong part of the word.

God awful

So nice to see my song bumped.

The lyrics are about a young person, male or female, who is being propositioned for a one-nighter at closing time.
Clearly, they've accepted the invitation before, but they are seeing it differently this night.., and in a thoughtful and poetic manner, are explaining why they are declining the invitation.

It goes on from what you quoted...

V2
"Looking toward what’s yet to be.
I hope there’s someone there for me
Tonight is when I start to be
Someone that I would want"


As for my singing?
I was disappointed with it on this...but I tried and it is me singing my song.

As for the manner in which "pass" is stressed?
Don't get that one. Will file that one under...whatever.

Thanks again for the bump,

Marty

The point is you are in no position to shite on my work

I could write this while taking a dump

It's as bad writing as it gets

That is a meaningless and empty insult with no basis in reality.
Simply a simple minded insult. Nothing more.

As for "shite on my work."

You advocate for the raw truth in critiques...and received it.
It seems that you should thank me.

Thanks again for bumping TAKE A PASS.

Not raw truth nobody woulda says something nice about this if raw truth.

I advocate for not saying shite is great.

This is shite play it on acoustic Post that

Thanks again for bumping TAKE A PASS.

I'm GONna take a pass kollllllllll

Robot vocals

If that is what you hear, then that is what you hear.
I did my best.

Thanks again for bumping TAKE A PASS.

I hear an architect trying to be a songwriter.

Stop this nonsense. Do you like photography?

Stop writing songs because I am a registered architect in Texas?
In your mind, what is the connection between being an architect and writing songs for a hobby?

But it means your not a songwriter.

You continue to berate my work, when it's clearly superior to this shite

Perhaps you don't know the difference, hence stick to what you know

Dom,
You continue to hurl empty insults at me.
All they are is insults and nothing more.

I critiqued your song and laid out the basis for my critiques.
Unlike yourself, I didn't just tard out..."your song sucks."
I told you why I think that your song is essentially impotent by any measurement.

Nonetheless, I was delightfully surprised that you bumped TAKE A PASS.
Anyone observing can look at your remarks (insults) and make up their own mind about my song...if they decide to bother.

xoxo
Marty

critiqued my song, no intention of wanting to say something good

I see your other r critiques, if you were being honest .....

The issue is, I know what your doing, I know good songwriting.

But your trying to convince me when your reference point is this shite

But everybody knows so just keep doing what u think you y have to

This sucks

Dom
With the exception of you...I view the regulars at JPF as a small collection of old guys, unconnected to the music business, who love to write songs.
I rarely hear anything that I think is real good. Carroll's recent "Whatever For" was a recent exception that allowed me to praise and actually fully mean it.
Most of the time when I comment, I look for something about a song that I can sincerely say that I like.
Usually there is a lyric worthy of praise, even if the recording is hard on the ears.
I may simply say that I enjoyed listening.

You, otoh, are a ghoul that the admins here, allow to run loose slinging insults at numerous people. Not my website and I accept that.
Being a ghoul, you advocate for raw truth critiques in the interest of "the DOM truth" which you assert will foster the greatest learning to be had.
That's all bullsh*t based in your baseless narcissism.

I am not going to give raw, unveiled critique here...except to you.

But, though you advocate for it, you don't seem to take it so well. Predictably thin skinned, the naked insults come firing back fast.

Heading out for the gym and a beer.

xoxo
Marty

PS ...thanks again for bumping TAKE A PASS.

This comment makes no sense. There is no reason why taking a dump should preclude good song writing if that's where you happen to be when an idea hits and you have a pen and paper handy.

Yeah, and the stank, and farting and the briwn slime, coincides with this lyric.

Not going to pretty which this ain't.

A [naughty word removed] might be the only thing that would inspire this

Reminds me of a modern day Tom T Hall song , it could use a better mix . But sounds bare bones and real.
Is that your name Dom ? Man u need to see a shrink .

No I'm just giving it back, he keep insulting my work, this is what he gets back

Sane for you. It's getting old

I never insulted your songs , I said they were good . Your just upset on the word robot , it no big deal.

It's an insult because you know I don't like it, but you said it anyway, to be a dick.

It's not robots anyway. His voice is much more robotic sounding, very machine gun like

Such lovely prose. A short paragraph employing exquisitely chosen words describing someone "TAKING A DOMP."

But it doesn't describe my songs Domp.
It paints a lucid picture of the repulsive ghoul who wrote it.

It's title should be
"DOMP, DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST".

Or Maybe...
"DOMP AND THE BIRTH OF HIS SOUNDS"

Or maybe....
"DOMP GIVING BIRTH TO HIS ROBOT MUSIC MAKERS."

I think I usually said it sounds pretty good for a robot , but they have a ways to go to improve on sounding real .
I think you might have anger issues. I also wasted my time ( since you have some talent , but that's only 25% of the equation ) how to set up Social Media and to SEO a Vid.
I would move forward with that .

Dom is not going to fix.
His affliction appears likely rooted in imbalances in anatomical substances, possibly, maybe... such as serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine (sp) , cortasol et al.
Whatever it is, it appears intractable. He has a built in need to see his songwriting as great. And that is the delusion that you have to feed in order to keep the insults from flying.
He began stalking me recently over a comment that I addressed exclusively to you...because everything is about Dom to Dom.

But he isnt great and it's lost on him that he is here amongst us old hobbyists, and not in a Nashville studio with a tier-one production team.
The best thing that these admins could do for both him and this site is shut him down, but they don't.
These song sites seem to enjoy letting psychological syndromes unravel in extended exposes on their screens. Other sites end such quickly.

Something is twisted about that also.

The gist...Appeals to reason are pointless.

bump