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#1193357 03/08/24 12:48 AM
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rpirone Offline OP
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Something I've been working on. Comments are welcome and appreciated.

NYC MOTEL 1972

The desk clerk leans back in his chair
Thumbing the pages of his racing form
He keeps one eye on the TV
And the other eye on the door

A ragged old man’s passed out in the lobby
After an all-night jag of booze and skag
By morning he’ll be on ice down at the morgue
Just one more John Doe in a body bag

The night seems to drag its feet
He checks in some regulars and their tricks
Most of them are out of state business men
Or first-time wide-eyed hicks

Twenty-dollar hookers in ten-dollar rooms
Hourly rates no questions asked
The cops all look the other way
For a kickback and a piece of ass

The walls are yellow from nicotine
The halls reek of desperation and piss
She takes his money, turns the key and says
“I won’t backdoor and I don’t kiss”

Through the paper-thin walls
You can hear every thud
From some dragged out sister
Acting like she’s in bed with some stud

And the air is thick with taxi fumes
Seeping into the dingy rooms
Sound of the traffic assaults your ears
While the hot sticky rain pours down like tears

And the alley is a minefield
Of junkies and homeless souls
Just one more little corner of the world
The Lord let get out of control

From the Bowery to Skid Row
There’s just darkness and despair
Cos the rings of Hell are empty
And all the devils are here







[size:14pt][/size]

rpirone #1193358 03/08/24 11:59 AM
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Hey rpirone...

So much allegory with this one. :-) Very descriptive and really paints a picture.

As it doesn't seems to follow a set song structure, are you thinking this to be more of a spoken lyric over backing music?

Peace,

Dave


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rpirone Offline OP
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Thanks for checking this out. Much appreciated. Not sure what to do with this yet. Posted it to see if there were any suggestions that might clue me in. Kind of considered it in a Tom Waits style.

Last edited by rpirone; 03/08/24 02:14 PM.
rpirone #1193360 03/08/24 03:02 PM
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"The Devil's Suite Hotel"

A Desk Clerk keeping tabs on
the old man in the lobby,
his tv, the foyer
and today's racing form
The old man who's passed out
from too much booze, no doubt
will be a John Doe tomorrow
the clerk will check in the morn

The foyer hosts deals
all conducted in secret
a little money for flesh
in the dim of the light
no one pays attention
it's none of their business
unless your business is upstairs
with a lady of night

The Devil's Suite Hotel
they come far and near
Hell is quiet this evening
'cause all the sinners are here


As always, KOS. Good luck with this one!!

Peace,

Dave


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rpirone Offline OP
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Nice job. A rather sanitized version of the original. I'm partial to the grittier version myself but I can't deny the merit of your work.

rpirone #1193363 03/09/24 12:05 PM
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It talks alot about hookers
It would make sense to put a hook in there
Such was life in a NYC MOTEL in 1972

Pretty dark man , good job

bennash #1193366 03/09/24 11:31 PM
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rpirone Offline OP
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Thanks, Ben. I wanted to get the bones in place before I massage it into a format I can work with. I agree there's work to be done.

rpirone #1193370 03/12/24 09:06 AM
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Thanks, rpirone.

I can certainly appreciate the allure of the grittier prose. I just wanted to present it in a different light for fun.
I look forward to your updates with this one.

Peace,

Dave


"Where there's a Gill, there's a way"
rpirone #1193390 03/15/24 02:33 PM
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Hi rpirone!

Wow you paint a viscious pic.....all one sided hell. I like your idea of massage....back into a more viable reality. Like humour, maybe...haha. what does the mayor intend....bulldozers maybe. How about a trip advisor rating...heehee!

Bring in a saint or two, save a few souls.
Bill

Last edited by Bill Draper; 03/15/24 02:33 PM.
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rpirone Offline OP
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Bill, I remember as a 15 year old kid walking around the Times Square area well before it was Disney-fied. It was a scary and possibly dangerous place. I saw street walkers, junkies, guys like the one I described in the motel lobby. All of which came to inform the lyric. I guess you never know which experiences will end up song fodder. Thanks for taking the time to check out the lyric.

rpirone #1193399 03/16/24 06:50 PM
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There's a circus in the alley
Of tweakers and lost souls
Where sinners dare the Devil
To come and take them home

From the Bowery to Skid Row
The angels dare to tread
Desperation smells like money
And the saints just bow their heads

Just avoiding blaming God wink

JAPOV #1193401 03/17/24 12:40 AM
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rpirone Offline OP
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Nice verses. Not so squeamish where God is concerned. He's a big boy. I think he can take it.

JAPOV #1193411 03/17/24 02:18 PM
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God has nothing to do with it , Its probably the same now in NY on skid row, he could probably leave out the year

Last edited by bennash; 03/17/24 02:19 PM.
rpirone #1193454 03/21/24 10:26 AM
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Very discriptive! Can picture the whole thing.


Ckiphen
rpirone #1193500 03/26/24 12:43 AM
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Thanks. I was trying to describe the vibe that I saw back then in NYC. Appreciate your taking the time to check it out.


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