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That sure is a out of the box structure Marty . I'm a crusade to use REAL Drummers lately . But you don't have to participate. I don't hammer artists and their vision Groovy tune man !!!
I've listened to this now a couple of times, Marty. You have a very good base to jump from here and for this being your first "rap" style attempt it ain't too bad at all. I would suggest tightening up the timing a little on the vocals. I look forward to seeing this one evolve.
My DAW has a function called "Audio bender." It allows you to go in and grab transients and shift them forwards or backwards in order to align them with the beat more exactly. I thought about doing that here, but my worry was the unintended consequences that might arise in the audio if I did that throughout the song... so I left the timing natural. There is also a line that I kept telling myself to re-write and I never did. It still bugs me a little.
As for the future of this one, I've already uploaded it to DistroKid. Beyond that, I'm not sure what I might do with it.
Thanks again for taking the time to comment, Marty
Well....a lot to take in here! You know I'm a fan, and I like this. Having said that, I'm not sure rap is your thing. Good rap should be packed with internal rhymes. This just seemed like you'd stripped the melody away. It didn't sound bad, but the thing I like best about your stuff is the warmth of your vocals and there's not a lot of room for that in rap. I love the change-ups - really held my interest - but I like the balladeer, the crooner and the soloist better than the rapper
Gavin Thanks for stopping by. A think that rap, by strict definition, is the melody stripped away. Sorry that you didnt think that my rap was any good.
I think that there are some internal rhymes. As this song evolved, I found myself enjoying not feeling "shackled" by any preconceived notions of what anything should be. It was one of the most enjoyable writes that I've ever done for that reason. I plan to take that freedom forward.
All that aside, I can cross rap off my bucket list and leave this world knowing that I gave it a shot.
I cant hold myself out as a rap expert. It is not something that I study or listen to. This song started heading off that way and I let it go.
Don't agree that it is spoken word, unless by definition, rap is also spoken word...because someone is speaking words.
I didn't get Gavin's comment about internal rhymes either, because there are several there. And, most importantly when I looked at it on my DAW's graph it was landing on the "beats" pretty much. I could have gone in and nudged the transients but I didnt think that would accomplish much and ran the risk of creating squanks and so forth.
To discuss and investigate this in more depth , I called a special meeting of the Paradigms Committee, which is my dog and cat and several invisible friends. After serious contemplation we decided that your Neil Diamond assessment was a no-sale.
I listened again, Marty and, yes, there are some internal rhymes. I noticed them in the first line. I don't really notice them anywhere else. What I meant is that rap will usually throw these at us pretty fast, sometimes several at a time and in a playful manner. Don't ask me to give examples LOL. I don't enjoy the genre and my observations are based on times I've been subjected to it by someone else
Dom, I'm not irked. You posted a comment about "Cracklin' Rosey" or something, and I could not truly make sense out of it...so I appropriately consulted my cat, my dog and a group of people who do not exist, for their guidance in the matter.
I have consulted them again. My dog wants to argue the point, but I dont know exactly what his barking means. My cat left the room and laid on the floor in front of the TV. I turn it to Tom & Jerry reruns for him. The invisible people said, feel free to think the song is about Neil Diamond, Billy Joel or whoever.
Dom, I'm not irked. You posted a comment about "Cracklin' Rosey" or something, and I could not truly make sense out of it...so I appropriately consulted my cat, my dog and a group of people who do not exist, for their guidance in the matter.
I have consulted them again. My dog wants to argue the point, but I dont know exactly what his barking means. My cat left the room and laid on the floor in front of the TV. I turn it to Tom & Jerry reruns for him. The invisible people said, feel free to think the song is about Neil Diamond, Billy Joel or whoever.
As for me...I'm staying out of this one.
Have a good weekend, Marty
I compared it to girl, you'll be a woman, by Neil diamond not cracklin Rose. And I'd like to be compared to Neil, he's a good writer.
If you listen to his song at twelve seconds in, he goes into a dialogue that could be considered a white man's rap, or a prelude to the genre. Play that part, and then play your rap section.
Your doing similar things. Talking, half singing, same monotone melody. if it was manuscript, it be all triplets flat lined. He does a bit more with it.
You don't have to accept it, it's what I heard. We should be so lucky to have people listening and hearing their own takes on it
And I did say that's a good part in there that might be your best singing yet.so, your welcome.
Yes this is easily spoken word ish, way more than rap. But again don't have to accept it
I've always like the tone of your voice and it's evident here even with the rap-like style of the vocal deliveries. Really ambitious production--definitely something different from you, and it works well on a lot of different levels. One suggestion on the sections where the lyrics are delivered a bit more quickly might be to pan right and left alternating lines--might be interesting, but not sure it would work. It sounds like you are doing just that on certain sections, but not all? Dunno, It's just a thought. Sounding good as is.
I must have missed this the first time round....love the casual opening...really good phrasing ....rap....hmmm... you didn't step outside the box, you burned it ...LOL nice job Marty
Steve
Creators of music have a responsibility to their craft. When they have finished using all the notes and words, they must pass them down to the next generation with a simple request. “Use these to create new music.â€...Steven McDonald
Brian: This, rescued from falling off MP3 page. More civilized discussions. Before the spread of the AI red dot disease. Bill
Thanks Bill. I had no desire for Dom to quit the site...again. He was doing some relevant stuff and it was pretty good. I was hoping that Brian would effectively give him his own page, so that the rest of us could tell what was what.
One suggestion on the sections where the lyrics are delivered a bit more quickly might be to pan right and left alternating lines--might be interesting, but not sure it would work.
Deej
DJ I did do that in certain sections. The idea, as you picked up, was to make it sound like a couple of voices were calling out from across a room to each other. The wider that I panned the voices to get the effect, the weaker they became in the mix. I had to bring them back towards the center to get some punch. The effect is still there in part of the song, but not as prominent as I originally wanted it. A real sound engineer could have made it work.
Thanks for stopping by. Your presence, particularly your vocals, enhances the site.
I must have missed this the first time round....love the casual opening...really good phrasing ....rap....hmmm... you didn't step outside the box, you burned it ...LOL nice job Marty
Steve
Thanks Steve. I didn't plan to do this kind of a song when I started. It sort-of did itself.
Brian: This, rescued from falling off MP3 page. More civilized discussions. Before the spread of the AI red dot disease. Bill
Thanks Bill. I had no desire for Dom to quit the site...again. He was doing some relevant stuff and it was pretty good. I was hoping that Brian would effectively give him his own page, so that the rest of us could tell what was what.
C'est la Dom.
Yes I agree. One of the 3 lyric forums could be used. I was hoping for a larger and more controlled response from the JPF crew at large, and it was starting to happen. Simply this : lyrics need to be tested with music...AI music training software can be used this way. spark the lyric forums. Bill
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