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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 09/12/24 09:36 AM
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Joined: Jul 2023
Posts: 34 Likes: 3
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Jul 2023
Posts: 34 Likes: 3 |
Pre course
If your worried about everything that could happen over time
Put your heart away we'll use mine
Ch.
Put your heart away we'll use mine
I'll show you what love can be
Just take a chance on me
And if it falls apart you'll be just fine
If you put your heart away and just use mine
Verse????
We'll run it through the sunshine
And the pouring rain
Only thing I know
Our love will only grow
Preach
And if your worried about blah blah need at least one decent verse and I can just keep running out your heart away we'll use mine over and over. 2 decent lines if you can help me out that's be great
Floyd marvin
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 19,654 Likes: 13
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 19,654 Likes: 13 |
Some suggestions:
1. Tell us in the first verse, with specificity, what she is afraid of.
2. In the pre-chorus, tell us why you can bear that burden.
3. Tell us how you will work together to keep the troubles at bey.
4. In the bridge, take the 1000 foot view about how the whole world deals with these troubles, and that is by finding their partner in battle, like you have.
5. The final verse shows how the troubles are behind and the new ones will be no trouble together.
These are just simple suggestions. Tell us a story WITH DETAILS, not just platitudes. Make it personal because by doing so you actually make it more universal. I know it seems counter intuitive, but humans are much the same and problems are rarely unique or unrelatable. Give us something to identify with and give us someone in the story to care about and root for. See how that can work?
Try implementing these things, and come back and shows us what you have!
Brian
Brian Austin Whitney Founder Just Plain Folks jpfolkspro@gmail.com Skype: Brian Austin Whitney Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney "It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..." -Brian Austin Whitney "Sometimes all you have to do to inspire humans to greatness is to give them a reason and opportunity to do something great." -Brian Austin Whitney
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,764 Likes: 43
Top 50 Poster
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Top 50 Poster
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,764 Likes: 43 |
I saw this back when it was first posted but thought I'd wait and see what transpired.
Here's what I'd do with it.
Put Your Heart Away! (We'll Use Mine) copyright Richardeddimhs 7-9-2023 jpfolks.com
Need a co writer for this song verse ideas
Need a co writer for this song verse ideas
Pre course If your worried about everything that could happen over time Put your heart away we'll use mine Ch. P...
(Pre-Chorus)
If you're worried what may happen over time,
Put Your Heart Away! We'll Use Mine! (Repeat identically, each time.)
(Chorus)
Put Your Heart Away! We'll Use Mine!
I'll show you what love can be!
Girl take a chance on me!
If it all falls apart you'll be just fine!
Put Your Heart Away! We'll Use Mine!
(Verse I)
We'll run life through the sunshine
And the pouring rain!
We have everything to lose,
and everything to gain!
The only thing I know is,
our love will only grow!
If you're worried what may happen over time,
Put Your Heart Away! We'll Use Mine!
Ch.
Put Your Heart Away! We'll Use Mine!
I'll show you what love can be!
Girl take a chance on me!
If it all falls apart you'll be just fine!
Put Your Heart Away! We'll Use Mine!
(Bridge)
Carry me through Sunday!
Carry me through time!
I'll carry you from Monday,
until the end of time!
If you're worried what may happen over time,
Put Your Heart Away! We'll Use Mine! (Repeat identically, each time.)
Ch.
Put Your Heart Away! We'll Use Mine!
I'll show you what love can be!
Girl take a chance on me!
If it all falls apart you'll be just fine!
Put Your Heart Away! We'll Use Mine!
(Coda)
Put Your Heart Away! We'll Use Mine!
Put Your Heart Away! We'll Use Mine!
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,686 Likes: 103
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,686 Likes: 103 |
Pre course
If your worried about everything that could happen over time
Put your heart away we'll use mine I always thought this was a great opener too... Brian has some good suggestions, but this doesn't have to be a "storyline" song; Too cliché, been done... I think the focus should simply be how "He" recognizes her tender heart, appreciates her tentative affection, and is ready to play the "long game" to earn her trust. Gary hits on that a bit with his "Carry me" lines... but, there's nothing here describing the relatable battle between desire and apprehension... the indecisive non-commitment. He's already committed enough for both of them; She just doesn't realize it yet. "Put your heart away, we'll use mine..." for a time Love is courageous by design
The journey is definitely more important than the destination...
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,686 Likes: 103
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,686 Likes: 103 |
PC;
Tongue tied and twice shy
But willing to let me try
I can work with that...
Ch;
Hide your love away, it's OK
Don't worry, your eyes tell me what you want to say
Put your heart away, we'll use mine... for a time
Love is courageous by design
Last edited by JAPOV; 02/10/24 12:44 PM.
The journey is definitely more important than the destination...
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