Keeping it Cool

Keeping it Cool #1192142 12/04/23 04:09 PM
Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada B Bill Draper OP Top 500 Poster
OP Bill Draper Top 500 Poster B Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada	I wish I could write a good song and sing it w my uke or guuitar as instrument. To this end I joined a song writing workshop. At the end of the course we have a two hour stage show in a downtown nightclub and must sing 2 songs each. Dec 17. So I'm focused...need help! V1 Kicked to the curb At 72 What do I do? What do I do? Chorus Keeping it cool Breezing along Sing a song, or two Keeping it cool V2 A little disturbed By current events What do I do? What do I do? Chorus Keeping it cool Breezing along Sing a song or two Keeping it cool. V3 Pandemic inflation Warring nation What do I do? What do I do? Music interlude Bridge I'll make a hugh pot of stew Get some bowls Take it to the door Of the war nations border Side step a warlord , or four Feed the Poor Feed the Poor Chorus Keeping cool Breezing along Sing a song Or two Keeping it cool. Last edited by Bill Draper; 12/08/23 01:50 AM. Reason: added bridge lines

Re: Keeping it Cool Bill Draper #1192147 12/04/23 11:05 PM
Joined: May 2017 Posts: 2,207 Likes: 29 Conover, North Carolina, USA Gavin Sinclair Top 200 Poster
Gavin Sinclair Top 200 Poster Joined: May 2017 Posts: 2,207 Likes: 29 Conover, North Carolina, USA	I think your chorus should rhyme. Choruses should be fun to sing, independently from their meaning, and that's where rhyme comes in. All you have to do is change the order of the lines. Depending on the melody, you can either keep or drop the "or two." If I was writing the melody, I'd keep it, stress the word "song" and sing "or two" as part of the next line, but a different melody might benefit from dropping it. I'm keeping it cool Singing a song, or two Keeping it cool Just Breezing along Good luck with your show! "I may or may not be an enigma." http://mysteriousbeings.com/ https://soundcloud.com/themysteriousbeings https://www.facebook.com/mysteriousbeings/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTfa7oRxhligSvZjv0u_vjg

Re: Keeping it Cool Bill Draper #1192148 12/05/23 07:05 AM
Joined: Dec 2006 Posts: 5,929 Likes: 46 Portsmouth, Ohio, USA Gary E. Andrews Top 50 Poster
Gary E. Andrews Top 50 Poster Joined: Dec 2006 Posts: 5,929 Likes: 46 Portsmouth, Ohio, USA	"Keeping It Cool" Copyright December 4, 2023 by Bill Draper (Verse I) I'm a little disturbed by current events. What do I do? What do I do? (Chorus) Keeping It Cool! Breezing along! I'll sing a song or two! Keeping It Cool! (VII) Pandemic! Inflation! Warring nations! What do I do? What do I do? Keeping It Cool! Breezing along! I'll sing a song or two! Keeping It Cool! (Instrumental Bridge) Keep it brief. (Lyrical Bridge) I'll make a huge pot of stew, take it to the border of the nation next door! Feed the Poor! Feed the Poor! Keeping It Cool! Breezing along! I'll sing a song, or two! Keeping It Cool! (Coda) Keeping It Cool! I'll sing a song, or two! The 'kicked to the curb' Verse was not coherent with the other two, and was not given relevance by other Verses or the Chorus, or the Bridge. Simplify. Seeking 'focus' you can make it about the 'current events' which ARE given relevance and coherence with each other, and in the Lyrical Bridge. There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com

Re: Keeping it Cool Bill Draper #1192151 12/05/23 08:45 AM
Joined: Jan 2017 Posts: 1,869 Likes: 81 Nashville -California, The to... bennash Top 200 Poster
bennash Top 200 Poster Joined: Jan 2017 Posts: 1,869 Likes: 81 Nashville -California, The to...	You can hear it in the sound, so get up on your feet I got no time to be, got enough of playing safe The rain beats on my skin Sad memories return (Chorus) But I'll Keep keeping It Cool! Breezing along! I'll sing a song or two! Keeping It Cool! I think you need the (But ) , its the drama then the answers with but Have fun on stage Last edited by bennash; 12/05/23 08:54 AM. https://www.facebook.com/elvisnashofficial/ https://nashvillecalifornia.com/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXvPS3XP6d9a0EruAyxlv_g https://www.duvateen.com/recording-studio https://www.studio132.com/about.html https://www.soundclick.com/elvisnash https://open.spotify.com/artist/6iuky9EzwMmcd87gV8r8Ni

Re: Keeping it Cool Gavin Sinclair #1192155 12/05/23 12:14 PM
Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada B Bill Draper OP Top 500 Poster
OP Bill Draper Top 500 Poster B Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada	Originally Posted by Gavin Sinclair I think your chorus should rhyme. Choruses should be fun to sing, independently from their meaning, and that's where rhyme comes in. All you have to do is change the order of the lines. Depending on the melody, you can either keep or drop the "or two." If I was writing the melody, I'd keep it, stress the word "song" and sing "or two" as part of the next line, but a different melody might benefit from dropping it. I'm keeping it cool Singing a song, or two Keeping it cool Just Breezing along Good luck with your show! Yes thanks for that suggestion Gavin. I DO want the chorus to be fun to sing w catch melody with rhyming. I need to work on the music now to test the rhymes. One thing I noticed reading through various lyrics here and elsewhere is the use of a prechorus, to power into the chorus. I could start the verses slow, then a prechorus like....pick it up, pick it up, pick it up....then full swing sing in the chorus. Bill

Re: Keeping it Cool Gary E. Andrews #1192156 12/05/23 12:22 PM
Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada B Bill Draper OP Top 500 Poster
OP Bill Draper Top 500 Poster B Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada	Originally Posted by Gary E. Andrews "Keeping It Cool" Copyright December 4, 2023 by Bill Draper (Verse I) I'm a little disturbed by current events. What do I do? What do I do? (Chorus) Keeping It Cool! Breezing along! I'll sing a song or two! Keeping It Cool! (VII) Pandemic! Inflation! Warring nations! What do I do? What do I do? Keeping It Cool! Breezing along! I'll sing a song or two! Keeping It Cool! (Instrumental Bridge) Keep it brief. (Lyrical Bridge) I'll make a huge pot of stew, take it to the border of the nation next door! Feed the Poor! Feed the Poor! Keeping It Cool! Breezing along! I'll sing a song, or two! Keeping It Cool! (Coda) Keeping It Cool! I'll sing a song, or two! The 'kicked to the curb' Verse was not coherent with the other two, and was not given relevance by other Verses or the Chorus, or the Bridge. Simplify. Seeking 'focus' you can make it about the 'current events' which ARE given relevance and coherence with each other, and in the Lyrical Bridge. Thanks Gary. I like understand and agree with all of that....great post. Kicked to the curb is the outlier, i wasn't 100% on it , but didn't really know why. Cool. thanks so much for that. Bill

Re: Keeping it Cool bennash #1192158 12/05/23 12:31 PM
Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada B Bill Draper OP Top 500 Poster
OP Bill Draper Top 500 Poster B Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada	Originally Posted by bennash You can hear it in the sound, so get up on your feet I got no time to be, got enough of playing safe The rain beats on my skin Sad memories return (Chorus) But I'll Keep keeping It Cool! Breezing along! I'll sing a song or two! Keeping It Cool! I think you need the (But ) , its the drama then the answers with but Have fun on stage Thanks bennash. Like that chorus change suggestion...adds definite bounce, with the T (but) and alliteration Ka,ka, T cooo...excellent. Thanks also for the verse suggestion...heavier thematic, power to it too, rich poetic. Bill

Re: Keeping it Cool Bill Draper #1192171 12/06/23 04:14 PM
Joined: Jan 2017 Posts: 1,869 Likes: 81 Nashville -California, The to... bennash Top 200 Poster
bennash Top 200 Poster Joined: Jan 2017 Posts: 1,869 Likes: 81 Nashville -California, The to...	Hey Bill its 2nd fret capo in G chord formatiion Just walk downs, if ya want the melody https://soundcloud.com/elvisnash/cool You can hear it in the sound, so get up on your feet I got no time to be, got enough of playing safe The rain beats on my skin Sad memories return (Chorus) But I'll Keep keeping It Cool! Breezing along! I'll sing a song or two! Sliding along in a groove Keeping It Cool! Last edited by bennash; 12/06/23 04:51 PM. https://www.facebook.com/elvisnashofficial/ https://nashvillecalifornia.com/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXvPS3XP6d9a0EruAyxlv_g https://www.duvateen.com/recording-studio https://www.studio132.com/about.html https://www.soundclick.com/elvisnash https://open.spotify.com/artist/6iuky9EzwMmcd87gV8r8Ni

Re: Keeping it Cool bennash #1192204 12/11/23 02:01 PM
Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada B Bill Draper OP Top 500 Poster
OP Bill Draper Top 500 Poster B Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada	Originally Posted by bennash Hey Bill its 2nd fret capo in G chord formatiion Just walk downs, if ya want the melody https://soundcloud.com/elvisnash/cool You can hear it in the sound, so get up on your feet I got no time to be, got enough of playing safe The rain beats on my skin Sad memories return (Chorus) But I'll Keep keeping It Cool! Breezing along! I'll sing a song or two! Sliding along in a groove Keeping It Cool! Hey Ben, Thanks for input. Establishing verse to chorus connection is the tricky bit, and I like the singer introspection notion you have. Its what I'm going for....dragged down by the world, but "don't worry be happy" in the chorus. I've a rewrite, added some lines, expanded the bridge....see following post. I decided on some music, but need to sing it to proof. The link to your music didn't work...if you upload again, I'll listen immediately. Bill

Re: Keeping it Cool Bill Draper #1192208 12/11/23 05:02 PM
Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada B Bill Draper OP Top 500 Poster
OP Bill Draper Top 500 Poster B Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada	rewrite some, for music I will try Chorus C, Am, F, G Verse Fmaj, C G, Em Fmaj, C, G Bridge vamp in G V1 If I am Kicked to the curb At 72 I will survive the rocky news By Chorus Keeping it cool Breezing along Sing a song, or two Keeping it cool V2 If I am A little disturbed By current events I will click the link for less intense, And be Chorus Keeping it cool Breezing along Sing a song or two Keeping it cool. V3 Pandemics inflation Warring nations I will need a plan to keep my patience, And be Chorus Keeping it cool Breezing along Sing a song or two Keeping it cool. Music interlude Bridge I know, I know, this is what I will do Get some bowls for a big pot of stew Truck it to the doors of the sad wars borders Side step a warlord or four, And be Chorus Keeping cool Breezing along Sing a song Or two Keeping it cool.

Re: Keeping it Cool Bill Draper #1192221 12/12/23 01:39 PM
Joined: Jun 2019 Posts: 4,930 Likes: 116 Decatur, Alabama JAPOV Top 50 Poster
JAPOV Top 50 Poster Joined: Jun 2019 Posts: 4,930 Likes: 116 Decatur, Alabama	Some great suggestions above! Why don't you post a "phone rough" so we can get a better bead on your rhythm/prosody The journey is definitely more important than the destination... https://www.soundclick.com/odiumoideion

Re: Keeping it Cool JAPOV #1192230 12/12/23 04:47 PM
Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada B Bill Draper OP Top 500 Poster
OP Bill Draper Top 500 Poster B Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada	Originally Posted by JAPOV Some great suggestions above! Why don't you post a "phone rough" so we can get a better bead on your rhythm/prosody Just working on the music now. Kept my original + my own changes for now and will pull from above suggestions as needed or required. Only five days to go before live perform. I'll post music link here as work in progress. Later

Re: Keeping it Cool Bill Draper #1192236 12/13/23 02:27 PM
Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada B Bill Draper OP Top 500 Poster
OP Bill Draper Top 500 Poster B Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada	Here is audio file: Keeping it Cool I used two mics into ZOOM R8. then created a "movie" w VSDC (free video editor) I'm not used to using mics...so good practice...staying close to mic, enunciating, trying to avoid huffing and hissing etc. Other notes: I've changed the words slightly here and there....I need to update final sheet. I think Ben's verse would fit in somewhere as well: You can hear it in the sound, so get up on your feet I got no time to be, got enough of playing safe The rain beats on my skin Sad memories return Last edited by Bill Draper; 12/13/23 02:30 PM.

Re: Keeping it Cool Bill Draper #1192238 12/13/23 03:57 PM
Joined: Jun 2019 Posts: 4,930 Likes: 116 Decatur, Alabama JAPOV Top 50 Poster
JAPOV Top 50 Poster Joined: Jun 2019 Posts: 4,930 Likes: 116 Decatur, Alabama	I can hear what you're trying to do with the guitar rhythm, but it seems that it may be too difficult to play and sing at the same time. I would suggest simplifying your strumming rhythm and just focus on your vocal delivery. Don't be afraid to sing your melody over just one rhythmic chord. Save the chord changes to signal verse/chorus/bridge etc. You have a decent voice, WORK IT! The journey is definitely more important than the destination... https://www.soundclick.com/odiumoideion

Re: Keeping it Cool JAPOV #1192239 12/13/23 04:43 PM
Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada B Bill Draper OP Top 500 Poster
OP Bill Draper Top 500 Poster B Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada	Originally Posted by JAPOV I can hear what you're trying to do with the guitar rhythm, but it seems that it may be too difficult to play and sing at the same time. I would suggest simplifying your strumming rhythm and just focus on your vocal delivery. Don't be afraid to sing your melody over just one rhythmic chord. Save the chord changes to signal verse/chorus/bridge etc. You have a decent voice, WORK IT! Excellent Tony! I'll work on just that. Bill

Re: Keeping it Cool Bill Draper #1192266 12/17/23 09:12 PM
Joined: Jun 2019 Posts: 4,930 Likes: 116 Decatur, Alabama JAPOV Top 50 Poster
JAPOV Top 50 Poster Joined: Jun 2019 Posts: 4,930 Likes: 116 Decatur, Alabama	So... How'd it go? The journey is definitely more important than the destination... https://www.soundclick.com/odiumoideion

Re: Keeping it Cool Bill Draper #1192268 12/18/23 02:34 PM
Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada B Bill Draper OP Top 500 Poster
OP Bill Draper Top 500 Poster B Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada	Tony! It was a lot of fun. The show went from 7 to 9 pm and was funded by a City of Victoria grant given to the non-profit organization "Social Gathering Place" for folks recovering from mental trauma. Great stage and fantastic sound equipment and technicians, really good instructor...Ben Wittrock playing a big sounding Taylor guitar. I used all of the advise obtained here at JPF....had a terrible sound check initially, with my two guitar mics for guitar and vocal....but the sound guys did a great job in the mix and added a bit of reverb to my vocal....wow so much fun...it went well...I toned my guitar back and made sure I sang out clear like you advised.... I enjoyed sing the chorus as Gavin advised. The show went so well....my son recited a poem he had written and my daughter sang a beautiful song her first ever completed song....so much fun. Thanks Tony and JPF for your help here!! Bill Last edited by Bill Draper; 12/19/23 02:14 AM. Reason: removed an expired facebook video link

Re: Keeping it Cool Bill Draper #1192271 12/18/23 04:03 PM
Joined: Jun 2019 Posts: 4,930 Likes: 116 Decatur, Alabama JAPOV Top 50 Poster
JAPOV Top 50 Poster Joined: Jun 2019 Posts: 4,930 Likes: 116 Decatur, Alabama	I'll wait for the "debut" Me and buttface don't get along... lol The journey is definitely more important than the destination... https://www.soundclick.com/odiumoideion
	1 member likes this: Bill Draper

Re: Keeping it Cool Bill Draper #1192285 12/20/23 11:18 AM
Joined: Jan 2017 Posts: 1,869 Likes: 81 Nashville -California, The to... bennash Top 200 Poster
bennash Top 200 Poster Joined: Jan 2017 Posts: 1,869 Likes: 81 Nashville -California, The to...	Sorry was gone on biz , glad it turned out well , good cause mental trama https://www.facebook.com/elvisnashofficial/ https://nashvillecalifornia.com/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXvPS3XP6d9a0EruAyxlv_g https://www.duvateen.com/recording-studio https://www.studio132.com/about.html https://www.soundclick.com/elvisnash https://open.spotify.com/artist/6iuky9EzwMmcd87gV8r8Ni

Re: Keeping it Cool Bill Draper #1192707 01/20/24 06:11 PM
Joined: Oct 2017 Posts: 6,447 Likes: 41 F Fdemetrio Top 40 Poster
Fdemetrio Top 40 Poster F Joined: Oct 2017 Posts: 6,447 Likes: 41	Originally Posted by Bill Draper I wish I could write a good song and sing it w my uke or guuitar as instrument. To this end I joined a song writing workshop. At the end of the course we have a two hour stage show in a downtown nightclub and must sing 2 songs each. Dec 17. So I'm focused...need help! V1 Kicked to the curb At 72 What do I do? What do I do? Chorus Keeping it cool Breezing along Sing a song, or two Keeping it cool V2 A little disturbed By current events What do I do? What do I do? Chorus Keeping it cool Breezing along Sing a song or two Keeping it cool. V3 Pandemic inflation Warring nation What do I do? What do I do? Music interlude Bridge I'll make a hugh pot of stew Get some bowls Take it to the door Of the war nations border Side step a warlord , or four Feed the Poor Feed the Poor Chorus Keeping cool Breezing along Sing a song Or two Keeping it cool. Competing with the worst of the worst online, and losing. Try something else

Re: Keeping it Cool Bill Draper #1192709 01/20/24 06:24 PM
Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada B Bill Draper OP Top 500 Poster
OP Bill Draper Top 500 Poster B Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 862 Likes: 47 Victoria,BC Canada	Hey Mr payback....I hear you Bill

Re: Keeping it Cool Fdemetrio #1192713 01/20/24 06:45 PM
Joined: Jun 2019 Posts: 4,930 Likes: 116 Decatur, Alabama JAPOV Top 50 Poster
JAPOV Top 50 Poster Joined: Jun 2019 Posts: 4,930 Likes: 116 Decatur, Alabama	Originally Posted by Fdemetrio Competing with the worst of the worst online, and losing. Try something else Dom, you'd make a lot more sense without Springsteen's dikk stuck in your throat! The journey is definitely more important than the destination... https://www.soundclick.com/odiumoideion

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