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Getting all deep and, you know, contemplating the human condition and stuff.
https://on.soundcloud.com/Lij7g

OMG!! GAVIN DROPPED THE "EF" BOMB!!

This really appeals to the child in me

Must admit... I saw the ending coming

shutup...


Gavin,

You are the king of novelty songs. You got an outright BIG laugh with, "you know...playin' possum" LOL...that whole verse is very entertaining, your timing and all.

There's a pronunciation problem on the word "there's" (a little matter of my broken heart)" at 0:25 which is typically pronounced "th air z" --and yours is "th air sss" make you sound like English is not your first language--or that maybe there's a snake in the pool, too!

Actually, all kidding aside, there's a STRESS on the word "in" in the chorus with "IN my pool", I was wondering if "keep my cool" could have a similarly expressed sentiment but of the form: "_in _ _ool" IOW so that "keep" is not matched/inner rhymed with "in"--then I looked and found this to be a challenging rhyme, and admit it might sound forced going with something less sensical than "keep my cool" --though keep/in does appear to be a slightly weak link in a very clever song, though it's just an inner rhyme I'm talking about.

And "crueller/pool or something..." --I don't think if you sang "or" like "er" that the meaning would be lost. It's not exactly maple "surple."

Loved it!

Mike

Mike,
I think you and Solaria have been squashing syllables too long lol...

UNPLUG, MAN!

LOL

I was just razzing Gavin over him using the term "makes it sound like English is not your first language" with Eddie/Travis/Mimmo's song as well as mine. Just a winky razz...cuz he razzed me with "human condition." All done with love in my heart, swear to God!

BTW, I haven't used Solaria in several days. She hasn't been needed on the last couple things I've been working on.

You were way ahead of me, Tony. I didn't see the ending coming. I added it as an afterthought

I think your borrowing the tune from the unicorn song...

But I agree it's fun, your stuff could make good YouTube videos, stranger [naughty word removed] has gone viral.

But your still good with lyrics ....

Enjoyed!

Thanks, Mike, for your insightful comments. I went back and listened to that "s." My accent is more inclined to pronounce it unvoiced, or at least less voiced, but it does sound a little strange. There are a few things I'll probably go back and change.

As for your other suggestion, I hadn't thought of an internal rhyme there, which is not like me as I usually spray internal rhymes all over the place. The only one that immediately springs to mind is the Irish mythological hero Finn McCool. I wonder if I can work him into the story somehow LOL.

Gavin, see my response to Tony: the paragraph about "there'sss" was half "in jest" as I was playfully poking in response to "human condition" --but wanted to make sure my poke was at least defendable, though extremely in the minutiae category.

Re: keep my cool/in my pool...the best I could come up with was

hillbilly dinn?
(then) why my drool?
--there's a dead possum in my pool

or
what's for dinn
oh crap, I drool
there's a dead possum in my pool

I saw your response to Tony, Mike. "Many a true word spoken in jest," as the saying goes.

Thanks FD. I know that song and there are some similarities but definitely not enough to land me in Ed Sheeran-like hot water LOL.

Sorry for posting a lot on your thread, but I think you get an extra laugh with this as the very part of the last chorus...cuz, you know, the singer is hungry by then:

what's for dinn
oh crap, I drool
there's a dead possum in my pool

--or some form of that

--especially if you add banjo and other hillbilly signifiers there.


Thanks for indulging my exuberance, Gavin.

Your exuberance is appreciated. It leads to interesting suggestions. The hillbilly thing is obviously a bit of a challenge to me. The thing is I find country funny, even the serious songs, so I'm drawn to the genre while not taking it seriously. But I'm aware that my accent makes it all a bit weird LOL.

I'm trying to write a few more of this kind of song because I've taken to performing occasionally and noticed that nobody will look up from their beer or stop talking while the much better singer songwriters are playing something really beautiful, but when I step up with, "How Can I Leave Her Behind When She won't Leave Mine?" or "Hey Chuck, Can I Borrow Your Truck?" everyone looks round, pays attention and joins in on the chorus. The problem is they've started expecting at least some new material each time.

Good to know you are getting out and performing.

Seems like an organic path has led you to novelty songs. That can only be a bad thing if you can imagine having to sing them night after night and despising them. Otherwise, they seem to be a strong suit of yours, for sure.

Oh hell...
I'd drive to see that

I wouldn't

A dead possum in my pool lol
This is great man
Sounds like my life.
I was trying to think who you sound like .
But you're original.
Oh them pop songs are always dropping the F -bomb.

lol

Thanks Elvis. If I'm original, it's probably because I can't imagine anyone wanting to sound like me LOL. That's also why I don't have a lot of songs I could pitch to "real" performers.

As for the "F-bomb," I rarely use it, but sometimes nothing else rings true. I have written two novels and the F-word occurs only once. I agonized a bit about it because it's not the kind of book where you'd expect it, but somehow I couldn't imagine another word coming out of that character's mouth in those particular circumstances, and it was funnier for that. Such words are great when used for a purpose

Pitching songs? , Now were opening a can of worms my friend .
Ahh the F bomb is used quiet often in normal life
Sounds good man !!!

Monster hit

"Everybody but your dog" is the best line there. Makes it real. You can hate everything about someone, but never their dog. It serves to emphasize how shitty she thinks everybody else is by the contrast.

It's pretty mediocre as a song, I guess, but when you write about something as relatable as this, you're half way there before the first note. One thing I usually ask myself when critiquing a song here is "what am I supposed to feel?" If the answer is, "I don't know," then I think, why on earth did you choose to write it? And why would I want to hear it? It can be as simple as making your toe tap or as tricky as breaking your heart and still making you want to listen or as in this case just recognition and a kind of solidarity. We all want to say, "[naughty word removed] you" to somebody

Supposedly it was written by a member of Song _ town . I'm not on the story on how all went down , on pitching it .
When I heard it , I thought its a steal from Wheeler Walker Jr . Same concept .




I got no bones on either song . That's divorce, in a nut -shell.
Why would they write em ? What does every writer think about ? {$${ . What are they doing ? Making {$$$}.
Personally , when I write a song, often there's profanity in them . Its not that i think using them is not VALID . They are , I just don't wanna be angry singing it . So I rewrite it . But lets look at a perspective . If your angry ."Oh Gosh" ain't going to cut-it. Psychotic crazy does. Divorce is worse then Death.
How did James handle it ? You can bet he called her a bitch in real life , but not in a song. Well its been fun on profanity in songs Gavin.

You maybe misunderstand me when I ask why they chose to write it. Both these songs make you feel something, which is why they are successful and generate the $$. They know how to write a song that will sell, and that means, among other things, it has to make you feel something - laugh, cry, give a wry smile of recognition or just want to dance, whatever. I see some lyrics here and elsewhere, including some that are fine and polished, rhyme well, scan well, that don't do that, and that's why I ask myself, "Why did he write that?" Of course, there are exceptions like the totally inexplicable success of the execrable Hall and Oates, for example.

And what great harmonies on the James Taylor song!

The Wheeler Walker song could be a whole lot better with more humor to be honest It's weird, but, as soon as he starts singing, pretty much as soon as I see him, I'm kind of pulling for the girlfriend lol. And the dog line definitely pushes you in that direction. Still, it does make you feel something and I can absolutely see how it would appeal to some people. I wrote a song called, "All I Want For Christmas Is Your Fat Ass To Be Gone," and insofar as I have a popular song, that's probably it

Wheeler is like Git-er-done comedian . They're both college educated . So its mostly a act .
Who knows Gavin , maybe they wrote them and Labels said " Hey this going to make us money "
I'm not in there world. I think a HIT is worth half what it was in 1990 . I don't remember the number now. "$250,000 now $500,000 back then"
Something like that. The James song was after the divorce of Carley . What I read, he still won't talk to her after 30-years.
I bought this book " Unfuck Your Brain " Like all fancy people and words : they don't know anything : I'm afraid you have figure out on your own" .
I think a Cadd9 chord, is better then anything she has to say: and her PHD. "They both come from the frontal cortex apparently".
David Geffen was in therapy for 10-years . He asked the shrink : "How do I stop these voices in my head" ? The shrink said your not . "Its your job to ignore them".
"It must of worked : He's worth over a (billion) - dollars"