JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum The Request

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1W-PvazN3MclTrCGGfmr0-vC5mNkTwpZy/view?usp=drivesdk

The Request
V1
Another bar, another town
Another song for the crowd
He’s chasin’ a big dream
An hour down, two to go
Soon he’ll be back on the road
Rewind and repeat

Pre:
He tunes up his guitar, Digs down in the tip jar
Finds a fifty and a note, Somebody wrote...

CH
“I don’t wanna hear another love song
Don’t dedicate the next one to me
I’m so tired of pretending this is working
This ain’t the way it’s supposed to be
Yeah i’m mad but dammit i still love you
And i’m so done with being alone
Tonight my only request...
Is come home”

V2
Fumbles through another song
Everything he plays is wrong
He knows she’s in there someplace
And even though the lights are dim
(He) finds her starin’ back at him
Yeah, the look on her face… says

CH
“I don’t wanna hear another love song
Don’t dedicate the next one to me
I’m so tired of pretending this is working
This ain’t the way it’s supposed to be
Yeah i’m mad but dammit i still love you
And i’m so done with being alone
Tonight my only request...
Is come home”

Br:
He tells the boys he’s needi’n a minute
Asks them to play “The Chair”
She lets him pull her close on the dancefloor
Whispers into his ear

CH
Dammit I still love you
And I’m so done with being alone
So tonight my only request
Tonight my only request
Is come home
Come home
That’s my only request
Come home
Baby, let’s go home

Copyright 2020 Tracy Richardson, Craig Kuchler, Brent Baxter

Sure wish I trusted "Google drive"... I'd love to hear this...

That's a fantastic lyric. Got everything, visual, an original angle, the romantic tension of a rom-com movie.

Musically, it's good, but I felt like the chorus doesn't really punch through. I didn't realize it had started; it felt like a pre-chorus. It's not the chorus itself, so much as the transition to it. A drum roll might help, I suppose, or maybe, instead of ascending the scale with the words "I don't want to...," start on a higher note and come down the scale.

Great stuff!

Dude, that's a hit! Extremely well crafted in every way. Pitch this baby like you're Nolan Ryan.

Thanks for the DB link CT!

Yep, this is definitely well polished and country radio worthy, BRAVO! One day I'll figure out how to record vocals like that.

Now, just so I can say I gave you a proper listen lol...

What is that I'm hearing on the 4 beat in the beginning? It doesn't sound bad, I just can't tell what it is lol.

I like the way "come home" crescendos at the end, but I think the slight pause in the music could be more pronounced in the previous choruses during "come home" to break things up a bit and add more tension to the last chorus. Does that make any sense lol?

Great Job!

Definitely something to think about if we re-demo. Thanks for the input and constructive criticism JAPOV.

Very good song, pro work and it shows.
Best of luck with ut
John

Hats off to Tracy and Brent my co-writing partners. Thanks Travis.

Weil written and well done.

The outro is interesting.

_ _ _ _ _
Have fun !

Excellent.............good luck with this if you are pitching this ;-)

Thanks for the positive feedback John, Guy and Jim. Always appreciated and makes me better.

Outstanding country song with excellent production. It's a solid write and performance.

I have two observations:

1. The lead vocal is too forward in the mix even for country.
2. It sounds like there are some background vocals that sing "come home" at the end of the choruses? If I am hearing right, then I would mix these much higher in the mix. If I am just imagining it, then a call and answer to the "come home" with backing vocals on the tailend of the choruses would be a nice touch.

Overall, a superb job!

Props,
TC

Got rid of the background vocals.

Some Lines seem crowded, hard for the singer to get them all in. Any edits could ease that a bit.

The Chorus seems to go on too long, leaning into 'exposition', the telling of the story, instead of summing up.
The 'I'm mad' Lines might be deleted to shorten it and get more directly to THE Hook/title Line. See below.

The Request (You get it done in 3:15. That's radio-friendly. I think they're going to like it.
V1
Another bar, another town
Another song for the crowd
He’s chasin’ a big dream ('a' big dream. Or 'his big dream'. Letting him own it is interesting.)
An hour down, two to go
Soon he’ll be back on the road
Rewind and repeat

Pre:
He tunes up his guitar, Digs down in the tip jar
Finds a fifty and a note, Somebody wrote...

CH
“I don’t wanna hear another love song
Don’t dedicate the next one to me
I’m so tired of pretending this is working
This ain’t the way it’s supposed to be
Yeah I’m mad but dammit i still love you
And i’m so done with being alone
Tonight my only request...
Is come home”

(That shortened Chorus:)
CH
“I don’t wanna hear another love song
Don’t dedicate the next one to me
I’m so tired of pretending this is working
This ain’t the way it’s supposed to be
Tonight my only request...
Is come home”

V2
Fumbles through another song (The pronoun 'He' to start the Line could be stronger, easier for listeners to 'get'.)
Everything he plays is wrong
He knows she’s in there someplace
And even though the lights are dim ('And' might be easy to delete, maybe making the Line clearer.)
(He) finds her starin’ back at him
Yeah, the look on her face… says

CH
“I don’t wanna hear another love song
Don’t dedicate the next one to me ('the' or 'your next one'? Would 'your' be stronger?)
I’m so tired of pretending this is working
This ain’t the way it’s supposed to be
Yeah i’m mad but dammit i still love you
And i’m so done with being alone (Here's another 'And' to consider deleting.)
Tonight my only request...
Is come home”

Br:
He tells the boys he’s needi’n a minute
Asks them to play “The Chair” (This may be a popular Song, or listeners may not know it.)
She lets him pull her close on the dancefloor
Whispers into his ear

CH
Dammit I still love you (Saving 'dammit' for here, one time, might be stronger.)
And I’m so done with being alone (And)
So tonight my only request
Tonight my only request
Is come home
Come home (Good dramatic ending Melody)
That’s my only request
Come home
Baby, let’s go home

Copyright 2020 Tracy Richardson, Craig Kuchler, Brent Baxter

Totally agree with Gary...
"I'm mad but I still love you" would be easier to sing and hear.
"I'm mad but dammit I love you" works great at the end

Could probably still cut the drums at "request" 1-2

Great Track!

Very radio-ready IMO.
Love that steel guitar gluing all the percussive instruments together.
There's a few spots where words are jammed in and prosody suffers a bit but overall very pitchable IMHO.

cheers
Paul

This is great one on this foruum ...one of the best!!

Thanks everyone for the positive feedback. Every song is up for tweaking until on radio or other format. Some good recommendations from all. Gary thanks again for the in depth. Thanks for listening JAPOV and Paul. Bill your comment warms my heart.

My ears are old but sounds like candy to me. Congratulations you have one cracking song here and good luck with pitching it.

Gerry

Getting late to this one but a sweet (as in well done) song. Love it.

Thanks Marilyn and Gerry for your positive thoughts and for listening to our song.

Love this song...WOW...really nice feel...Kenny Chesney?

One of the better songs I've heard here

Steve

Link doesn't work for me, would like to hear it.

This is fantastic. The vocal is too up front in the mix but whoever sang that is a great singer. Very well done! Overall, very good track.

Well-written. There's a couple of places you can whack out a word and it will sing easier.

For instance...

"Somebody wrote" could be "someone wrote."

"The next one" could be "the next." Or maybe a singer can practice it to sing "the next one" smoother.

"Supposed to be" could be "s'posed to be."

I omit words constantly when I am writing. I sing the song a bazillion times to find places I can make it sing easier. It's always better. These are very subtle differences but it's a major part of polishing a gem. It's not only omitting words but also has to do with phrasing in a major way... the timing of the syllables and subtle pauses here and there.

Terrific melody!

CT,

First off, I really like this song and production/arrangement in general. Great vocals and "up front" is a standard with today's modern country. I thought the singer handled the areas quite well that "might" be considered a bit crowded prosody-wise--sometimes this when done well IMO creates "attitude & realism that the average listener relates to whereas songwriter critics sometimes see it more objectively an issue-- I wouldn't change those lyrics. Now if a singer can't handle or find an acceptable prosody--change should be in order.

My only thing that perplexed me "slightly," was I almost felt the snare back-beat was off slightly.......? I'm not sure and maybe my brain is locked into 4/4 time and this isn't that? Help me there.

This IMO, has great potential! Good luck with it.

steady-eddie

This is really well written. If anything needs improving it’s the chorus which needs more impact and melody imo.
I can hear this as a male/female duo.

Vic