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A Kiss
by Marilyn Oakley - 03/18/25 02:17 PM
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The Works
by Michael Thomas Ellis - 03/18/25 02:11 PM
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Janita
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/17/25 10:54 PM
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Bonepony
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/16/25 07:01 PM
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,279 Likes: 5
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OP
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I'LL LOVE YOU TILL THE END ( 2nd draft
V
Don't want you and the willow weeping
when I leave here. I'll just be sleeping.
Just remember this my lovely friend
Should have said this by now, I'll love you till the end
V
Dreams unfulfilled were hard to handle
when fate stepped in blew out the candle.
Then like boxers,we got up fought again
we kept on fighting and I'lll love you till the end.
B
Come that time you all gather round me
I know you'll be the first to take my hand
I'll close my eyes, picture how it used to be
when I smile only you will understand.
Music
V
If I could live my life all over
I'd make the same choice no other
We've sailed on clouds no need for wings
Soaring on the wind,I'll love you till the end
Repeat verse 1
Don't want you and the willow weeping
when I leave here. I'll just be sleeping.
Just remember this my lovely friend
Should have said this by now, I'll love you till the end.
Last edited by Travis david; 11/08/22 03:04 AM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Jul 2017
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Ckiphen
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Thanks ,pleased you liked it Ckiphen
Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Jun 2011
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A new verse added verse 3.
Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: May 2017
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Nice lyric. Not sure about the condor, just because of the repeated mention of the weeping willow. Unlikely to find both of those in the same place and the condor has such strong associations with South America and Andean music. This might interfere with the "authentic" folk feel to the song. Replacing it with an eagle is the obvious alternative, but that's more of cliche than a condor. Albatross? Also not likely to be found anywhere near a weeping willow, but less strongly associated with another locale. Also fun word to sing...
Sail through the clouds on albatross wings
Whatever you choose, I think you should ditch the word "on" after "sail" for the sake of the rhythm and then replace "with" with "on" later in the line as I did above. Easier to sing and more poetic.
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Hi Gavin
I had nightingale and albatross then went for condor,yes I agree with you and I've ditched the onand with as well.
Undecided on what bird now!
Perhaps it doesn't have to be a bird?
This 3rd verse was slotted in earlier today I wrote about 3 others and probably chose the worse!
Thanks for your suggestions
Yes albatross is a fun word.
Vic is taking a look at this one so, it'll probably be a different approach anyway.
John
Last edited by Travis david; 11/06/22 03:55 PM.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Jun 2005
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Sail through the clouds ..no need for wings
Just a thought
Steve
Creators of music have a responsibility to their craft. When they have finished using all the notes and words, they must pass them down to the next generation with a simple request. “Use these to create new music.”...Steven McDonald
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Hi
VNORTH2
Thanks I've adopted and adapted your suggestion.
However Vic has written a 3rd verse as well to compare ideas
Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,582 Likes: 67
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Just remember this my lovely friend
What a great line and a great way to express oneself to another
Steve
Creators of music have a responsibility to their craft. When they have finished using all the notes and words, they must pass them down to the next generation with a simple request. “Use these to create new music.”...Steven McDonald
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Thanks Steve,glad you liked that line
Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Jan 2009
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I'LL LOVE YOU TILL THE END ( 2nd draft V Don't want you and the willow weeping when I leave here. I'll be sleeping. Remember this, my lovely friend Dreams unfulfilled were hard to handle. Then fate blew out my candle. My fight is gone, and I won't fight again. [This is what I hear/see for the first verse. The "singer" has passed away.] But after that, I am stomped. I am not sure the message is coming through, and the "signability" falters. IMO of course.  ] Thank you for sharing.
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