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Extinct
by bennash - 10/03/24 11:35 AM
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Not Bad
by David Gill - 10/02/24 01:40 PM
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A bit of a social commentary on love in the modern world. I would have preferred to call it Modern Love, but that Bowie fella kind of made that title his own. I know lots of songs share titles, but when it's that well known, it would be a bit like writing a song and calling it Hey Jude Verse 2 is a wee bit rude. I think it comes across as playful rather than offensive, but I do have an alternative version, which I've placed at the end of the lyric. All suggestions and comments much appreciated, as always. SoundCloud Link https://soundcloud.com/themysteriousbeings/modern-loversMODERN LOVERS Meet Martin, his friends are very few Living with his mother at the age of forty-two But after dinner, upstairs in his room He talks to Geraldine for hours over Zoom He’s a modern lover, and he’s on the Internet With a lady in New Zealand that he hasn’t met yet She’s just having breakfast, it’s the end of his day In fact, it's past his bedtime, what would his mother say? It’s modern love! It’s modern love. This is Larry and he’s something of a loner Got some pills off the Internet that guarantee a boner She’ll phone when she’s alone and He’ll be smiling when she says, "So Larry, what you up to these days?" He’s a modern lover and he’s ready to connect To Connie in Connecticut as soon as he’s erect They’re finding love, 90 miles apart And we’d better leave it there because the fun’s about to start. It’s modern love! It’s modern love. This is Madge, she’s one hell of a catch If you believe the picture at her profile up on Match When she’s finished with the ironing, exactly at eight She takes her phone up to her bedroom, ‘cause Madge has a date She’s a modern lover, doesn’t play by the book You’ll never reel him in without that bait on your hook And no, he won’t have a seizure when he sees her She’s pretty sure that picture isn’t really him either Modern love! It’s modern love. Guitar soloDanny’s friend Dinah, that he met online It seems that he’s a trucker from South Carolina But he’s actually quite cute, and Danny doesn’t mind. The way he sees it, you take her as you find her, Modern love! It’s modern love. This is Billy, and he's feeling rather silly For sending all the ladies a picture of his willy But everybody’s doing it, or so he understands And you’ll never find romance without an iPhone down your pants He’s a modern lover but he’s pining for the time When you brought a lady flowers and took her out to dine One evening in the produce aisle he checks out Caroline And together they check out a bottle of wine It's modern love! It’s modern love. Here's the slightly toned down version of the second verse, relying more on innuendo because some listeners might be put off by some of the words which don't usually find their way into popular music. I think I prefer the original straightforward version to this one, but would be interested in what others think.
Phil’s little pill gives him brand new superpowers He’ll seek medical assistance if they last more than four hours She’ll phone when she’s alone and He’ll be smiling when she says "So Phil. what’s up with you these days?" He’s a modern lover and he’s ready to connect To Alanna from Atlanta when the tablets take effect They’re finding love, five hundred miles apart And we’d better leave it there because the fun’s about to start. It’s modern love! It’s modern love.
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Hey Gavin,
This was a fun song to listen to--perhaps many will surely relate to the internet love game and others will enjoy. I think the song has a humorous yet realistic approach to online dating that will keep the listener's riveted--melody works well with this tune as well. Clever lyrics!
As far as the 2nd vs--my thoughts are if you were to pitch this is that the original verse would of course be funnier and maybe more direct to the point, but I think it may after several listens start to lose its original humor and begin to lose the original unexpected humor and gradually become considered a bit crude--thus I think your 2nd version will get the same message across without losing it's longer term humor and also be less disconcerting in keeping a listener's full attention -- Ex: In a live stage show when a line gets a big laugh, the characters on stage wait till the laugh dies down a bit before continuing their upcoming dialogue so that it doesn't get lost in the scene etc.-- you can't do that with a song however.
Maybe I'm wrong and its not a big deal, I do surely think its funny, but longer term, the more bland version may 'stay' funny and appeal to a wider group--but you follow your own instincts, as a songwriter, its cool to be brave as well!
steady-eddie
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B O N E R ! In a SONG! LMFAO.... I love BONER! I say BONER stays! BONER BONER BONER BONER
The journey is definitely more important than the destination...
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Thanks for the detailed answer, Eddie. It's nice when someone actually reads a specific question and responds to it rather than just saying it's great or it stinks LOL. I think you make some good points and I'll consider them as well as any other feedback I get. Thanks again!
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("""Here's the slightly toned down version of the second verse, relying more on innuendo because some listeners might be put off by some of the words which don't usually find their way into popular music.""") Let's make "BONER" popular!
The journey is definitely more important than the destination...
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"She’s a modern lover, doesn’t play by the book You’ll never reel him in without that bait on your hook And no, he won’t have a seizure when he sees her She’s pretty sure that picture isn’t really him either"
That's priceless, Gavin. A fun little romp. One observation as a listener and of course that's totally subjective. There are a lot of verses and they are all strong lyrically but it started to lose some of the comedic effect for me after awhile as a result with the only break in the action being the brief solo.
It seems to my ear that one of two possibilities would strengthen it in that regard. And I'm only going to spend this much time in details cause frankly, the song and your tongue in cheek delivery kind of remind me of...well...ME!!! Okay, okay, so I liked it on its own merits. There. Are ya happy?
So...The observations...
1) Cut a few verses. I know it's hard when they all have their own individual charm but to strengthen the whole work it might be prudent.
2) And this might be preferrable of the two. Keep the solo and maybe even add a little turnaround or something completely abrupt and out of the ordinary musically just for a second...something perhaps just a bit quirky musically (just enough to raise an ear but not be distracting) with the briefest of pauses just to throw the listener off the scent..and then jump right back in just as abruptly with the chorus, "Modern Love" and continue on with the remaining verses. Another option would be to take one of the more humorous verses and make it into a bridge. You'll break the monotony a second time while maybe even giving those lines a brighter spotlight as a highlight...and then go for the finish in a last verse.
Lots of words, I know. I'm to the point of not making suggestions with an eye on "pitching the song" anymore. I think a more impactful input from me is simply, did I like it or not and why. That's what the audience we all seek is listening for. They're not record company execs. They are not going to try to pick the pepper out of the fly droppings through a magnifying glass either. Did it or didn't it move them in some way emotionally.
In this case suggestions are for the purpose of simply making it more impactful in its whimsy and comedic element....or not. Why? Because it moved me on an emotional level. It was lighthearted and made me grin a lot through the journey. I feel it time well spent.
Regards, Steve
I'm the only person here who is not unique.
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By the way, Gavin. I find I prefer the more subtle version of the second verse, especially because of the understated comedic delivery. Onstage I can imagine the response of the audience as you totally deadpan the delivery on..
"Phil’s little pill gives him brand new superpowers He’ll seek medical assistance if they last more than four hours"
Your call, of course but I think the more subtle approach would get a better reaction.
Oh, something else I want to address. I've only been on here I think twice in the last 5+ years. I survived a very long and lifethreatening illkness and after a few months when I could somewhat type again I came on to address what someone else had written on my behalf and the nice comments to that.
I remember you pointing out we were next door neighbors buit at the time and for a long timer after Iwas pretty much an island unto myself.
I couldn't physically play an instrument and my voice was pretty much destroyed by 7 weeks on a mechanical ventilaor and 5 months with a trach. Honestly I lost all interest in makig music for the most part so there was no reason in my mind for hanging around songwriters and producers, etc. I didn't mean to be rude.
Truth is, after finding the site was back up I hoped you would find out and show up so I could respectfully introduce myself. If you would be interested I'd certainly be up for an introductory get together sometime. I see you're in Conover. We're actually just a little behind the Hickory airport.
Just wanted to address that as well, Sir.
Steve B.
I'm the only person here who is not unique.
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Thanks for the detailed comments, Steve. Some interesting ideas to think about and I'll definitely do that.
So that's two votes for the subtle version and JAPOV adamant in his support of the boner so far.
I'm glad you are feeling better. I'm up for a get together. Maybe somewhere in beautiful downtown Hickory? I'll PM you.
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Nothing is more optimistic than a big fat manly "BONER"!
The journey is definitely more important than the destination...
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Nothing is more optimistic than a big fat manly "BONER"! I see your point there
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Right! Especially if it identifies as an 18yo blonde female cheerleader
The journey is definitely more important than the destination...
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Scads of fun Gavin.
I too like the more subtle approach so, sorry Tony, but you are on your own here
Like Steve's commentary too...makes some good points if you want to experiment some
If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop
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Fine, I'll just keep it to myself then... lol
The journey is definitely more important than the destination...
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Fine, I'll just keep it to myself then... lol Not an image I care to dwell on lol.
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Ha! I know that's right! The women in the ladies room at Walmart hate it when I go in there... I may "feel" like a woman, but I still pee in the sink
The journey is definitely more important than the destination...
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Ha! I know that's right! The women in the ladies room at Walmart hate it when I go in there... I may "feel" like a woman, but I still pee in the sink You think you're Shania Twain? It's not the peeing in the sink that upsets the ladies but the way you murder that song while you're doing so.
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Would be funny if that were true lol... I usually sing "Fat Bottom Girls"
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Wow You nailed it, all of the actually anti social anti physical, long distance, electronic love that goes on. I am so glad that i grew up when I did. Well done Gavin.
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Scads of fun Gavin.
I too like the more subtle approach so, sorry Tony, but you are on your own here
Like Steve's commentary too...makes some good points if you want to experiment some Thanks John. Another vote against Tony's boner. My huge listening audience seems to be coming down firmly on the side of a slightly more subtle approach.
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Ha! Yeah', OK... I'll own it! "huge"..."coming"..."firmly"... Lol
Last edited by JAPOV; 08/21/22 06:46 AM.
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Went to listen to this and got an ad instead, had to shut it down immediately......ugh.
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Went to listen to this and got an ad instead, had to shut it down immediately......ugh. Yes, that can be annoying. Soundcloud has gone to displaying the occasional ad unless you're a PRO subscriber. That's the first time I've heard of one popping up immediately when you click on a link. I've only noticed it between songs before. At least it spared you having to listen to me sing LOL.
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You're good at those comic lyrics Gavin. Made me chuckle. Music sounds a little straight out of the box though. That'd be worth working on. Maybe a touch of the subdued Calvin sound?
Vic
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Wow You nailed it, all of the actually anti social anti physical, long distance, electronic love that goes on. I am so glad that i grew up when I did. Well done Gavin. Thanks Matt. I didn't really set out to nail anything, just have a bit of fun with the characters in the song, but it did kind of turn into a bit of a critique of the very things I find funny about their situations
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You're good at those comic lyrics Gavin. Made me chuckle. Music sounds a little straight out of the box though. That'd be worth working on. Maybe a touch of the subdued Calvin sound?
Vic Thanks Vic. Glad to have brought about a chuckle. I was chuckling as I wrote it. I don't think I could channel Calvin - he's pretty unique Also, not sure that it would work with this particular song. What I wanted was a straightforward up-tempo boppy feel. I get what you are saying with "a little straight out of the box," of course LOL.
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The journey is definitely more important than the destination...
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No, Tony, it doesn't matter how nicely you ask. I'm not playing with your ding-a-ling.
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OMG! I certainly stepped in THAT one... O_O
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Hi Gavin..............put a smile on my face from the git-go. Love the rhyming. Your comedic timing and delivery is great. Very entertaining. Fun stuff! -T
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Gavin,
You really do have a way with words, with a fresh and always clever take to storytelling—excellent write. Like this a lot—Gavin and The Mysterious Beings at their very best. Nice production as well; vocal sits very nicely in that mix. Well done!
All my best to you,
Deej
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Hi Gavin..............put a smile on my face from the git-go. Love the rhyming. Your comedic timing and delivery is great. Very entertaining. Fun stuff! -T Thanks for listening, Tom. Glad you enjoyed it.
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"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
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