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#1179886 08/31/21 08:26 AM
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ckiphen Offline OP
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Never could figure out how to structure this for a song. Advice welcomed.
Rivers of Destiny

You wanted them dangerous, you wanted them mean.
I was the friendship you ran to between,
Flings with the bad boy, the loser, the cheat.
Rivers of destiny flow till they meet.

You wanted adventure, you wanted the thrill.
You wanted a guy with looks that could kill.
I wasnt that dangerous, just steady and kind.
You were drawn to a boy with a dangerous mind.

You weathered the dating and found yourself wed;
Woke up his anger with things that you said.
Hed hit you and slap you and push you around,
Threaten to kill you if he ever found
That youd called in the cops or were trying to leave.
If you doubted his fury hed make you believe.

Last night he left for a night on the town,
Came home drunk and knocked you around.
He passed out cold on the living room floor and
You grabbed a few things and ran for the door.

Rivers of destiny flow till they meet.
You turned at the corner and drove down my street.
Id never seen you beaten and battered so bad
Broken and crying, sadder than sad.

I laid you down on my old feather bed;
Sat on the sofa holding my head;
Waiting in silence for his knock at the door and
The yelling and cussing and calling you whore.

Rivers of destiny flow till the meet;
On calm Monday morning, he turned on my street;
Tried to push past me when I opened the door,
Screaming and cussing Ill kill me a whore.
He was lying there beaten and bloody as hell.
She tugged on my sleeve and I woke from the spell;

I was dangerously different as she held on my arm.
She could see that my love was a fortress from harm;
Anger that flowed from love and not hate.
Rivers of destiny flow to their fate.


Ckiphen
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WOW!

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ckiphen Offline OP
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Always been one i liked but can't figure how to structure it without ruining it.


Ckiphen
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As I was reading through this I was thinking that I had heard similar themes in other song but the closest that came to my mind would be the Richard Thompson classic, I believe the title was Vincent 52 Black Lightning about a woman named Molly who was attracted to a dangerous man whose said attraction led to his demise.

But the female character here is also attracted to one who is as well as herself prone to throw caution to the wind. But hey, to some extent that was nearly normal behavior around half a century ago. Quite the opposite is the case today, even before the pandemic hit.

Quite often people who are prone to mood swings will gravitate toward these type of situations. Confess to the sin of being nostalgic for the freer, more swinging times I came of age in. No criminal type activity though.

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I've known a lot of girls and women thru the years who were attracted to bad boys. Tragically some never escape those relationships.


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I've known a lot of girls and women thru the years who were attracted to bad boys. Tragically some never escape those relationships.


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Did you see that TV series Ordinary People? This like that ...rivers converge!
Good one, ckiphen.


Music Music Music.....JAPOV JAPOV JAPOV.....LOL

Bill

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Thanks Bill


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I don't recall the Ordinary People TV series but do recall the movie of that name which was a change of pace for Mary Tyler Moore. Do you know if that series was an offshoot of the movie of the same name?

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Never saw either one.


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Originally Posted by beechnut79
I don't recall the Ordinary People TV series but do recall the movie of that name which was a change of pace for Mary Tyler Moore. Do you know if that series was an offshoot of the movie of the same name?


TV series was not an offshoot.

But now that I think of it.....the TV series is like 8 or 9 episodes, so too long to watch as only a small part relevant to this lyric.

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Tells a familiar story with a positive end twist.

As a lyric, there's the problem with your "Rivers of Destiny" sometimes being the first line and sometimes the last.
And the change in the wording of the line for the final.


Marty my home

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Drawn to the flame, loving the thrill
Hot for the guy with the looks that kill
I'm not so reckless, I bide my time
You were the angel with sin on her mind

You liked'em dangerous, you liked'em mean
I was the friend that you kept in between
Flings with the bad boy, the bruiser, and the cheat
Rivers of destiny flow till they meet

You met your match with a Harley an' tattoos
He revved you up and made you say I do

He'd hit the bottle then slap you around
Threaten to kill you if he ever found out
That you called the cops, or tried to leave
If you doubted his fury he'd make you believe

One night he left for a night on the town
Came home hopped up and knocked you down
Passed out cold with his boots on his feet
Rivers of destiny flow till they meet

Moment of clarity, made up your mind
Life's too short, you gotta' leave this time

You grabbed your purse, mashed the gas to the floor
Screaming mad you made your way to my door
I'd never seen you battered so bad
Broken and crying, sadder than sad

The witching hour, you finally closed your eyes
Waiting in silence I took off my disguise
I'd hear that bike coming down the street
Rivers of destiny flow till they meet

Sunday morning, sun burning red
God forgive me for the thoughts in my head

Tried to push by me when he kicked in the door
Screamin' and cussin' bout'a worthless whore
My brass knuckles really rang his bell
Put him down toothless and bloody as hell

Dangerous and different as you held my arm
You saw my kindness was a fortress from harm
Love is vicious when hearts are in sync
Rivers of destiny flow till they meet

Last edited by JAPOV; 07/26/22 08:40 PM.
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ckiphen Offline OP
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This should be interesting.


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Dude, you can't name a song "Rivers of Destiny". The cheese factor is off the Richter Scale. You might as well call it "Canyons of my Mind".

I even think a law was passed in both Tin Pan Alley and Music Row back in the late 40s. Jail time for first offenders. No probation.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
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Lol, good'ol slouchgrouch...
Would you happen to have an alternative suggestion in that enormous head of yours smile

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ckiphen Offline OP
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I’ll call it what I want. If we avoided every title that has been used we wouldn’t have anything new


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My post was intended to be humorous yet true. My critique of the title had nothing to do with it being used before, but with it being, well...bad.

I didn't expect you would change it, which is why these sites are more social than useful. Always have been.

But for this to be a viable song, you'd need to meter it, which is actually more important than changing the corny title.

Plus, abuse songs are old hat.

Goodbye, Earl is pretty good. And I've always been proud of Get the Dodge Out of Hell.

Carry on my wayward song...


Ps How could I forget "Six"? I should post that. Hey, I only commented on a whim because the title cracked me up. You guys have fun with it.

Last edited by couchgrouch; 07/29/22 12:28 AM.

Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love
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Oh, come on Grouch! You know this is still workable. Whatcha' thinkin'? smile

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As it is both the original and the revised version tell a good story. But I do cast my vote for the original. Might just pick up where that Richard Thompson classic left off.

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@JAPOV - the soundclick link didn't work.

@BEECHNUT - Assuming you are talking about Richard Thompson's "She Said It Was Destiny". Love that song. Other than the title I don't see tying these two together.
There are however some real songwriting lessons in analyzing that one. It has a V - C1 - C2 - V - C1 - B - C1 - C2 structure that creates a really strong lyrical composition.
The first line of C1 is the title, the second line uses the "she said" to start it, the third line uses the "it was destiny" to end it. Overall just a really well constructed chorus.
Using the identical melody and cadence, C2 starts with the "She said" to tie them together but doesn't repeat the full title line or destiny within. Instead it relies on the familiarity of the phrases "it was in the stars" and "Venus aligned with Mars" to carry it.

Last edited by Marty Helly; 08/05/22 02:42 PM.

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