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Really like the second verse Bill...stands out for me.
The first makees me go mmm because it is not a coherent thought like the second. You might lead with v2 and rewrite a V2 to show a consequence of rolling the dice which to me is the active thought in v1
Also the chorus may be more powerful as
Know what you have to give Break when you got to live
then maybe even add a double rhyme as an alternate ending last line
Stake when you have to bring everything
edit: and then I went back and listened to the song...so never mind
Last edited by John Voorpostel; 08/02/2110:34 AM.
If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop
Thanks for the in depth look see John. V1 and V2 are so weirdly different in simple conversation tones. The organizer of our song circle said to me after I sang it...what was that first verse again?...lol. Well I was singing w my mask on so hard to hear...but still.
My inner voice intended in the first verse....write hard times, conflict, confusion, doubt lines....because these things cause fear, make me for one, selfish, self centered. In the v2, I emerge from that, and like that.. easier, more open, healed in a sense. But you know I shouldn't have to explain....so I will look at that again. Thanks John Bill