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#1178630 - 07/17/21 12:09 AM Know What you got to give  
Joined: Jul 2002
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Bill Draper Online content
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Bill Draper  Online Content
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Victoria,BC Canada
Sang both my song efforts a Mondays circle...just banged away at it and enjoyed .
This Mondays topic is giving....this will be different. may not work.

Know What you have to give

V1
Hearing cries
Folks get wise
Seeing twice
Battled vice
Tension trouble
Burst that bubble
Long to heal
Down done-it hill

Chorus
Know what you have to give
Take when you got to live

V2
Lots to give
I see you
Lots to live
Yeah me too
Give it up
Roll the dice
After that
Don't think twice

Chorus
Know what you have to give
Take when you got to live

Bridge
I can imagine where your at
Maybe I been there too
Go on open up
I just might be there beside you
If not so what
I got your back
I will not betray you.


Chorus
Know what you have to give
Take when you got to live

Tag
Trust is a funny word
Who knows for that rocket
Lets build it up and lock it








Last edited by Bill Draper; 07/19/21 04:11 PM. Reason: Japov chorus insert + strike 1st draft
#1178632 - 07/17/21 02:07 AM Re: Know What you got to give [Re: Bill Draper]  
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JAPOV Offline
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JAPOV  Offline
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Hmmm...

Know what you have to give
Take when you got to live

#1178649 - 07/17/21 01:59 PM Re: Know What you got to give [Re: Bill Draper]  
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Bill Draper Online content
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Thanks Japov. I like it. lighter and righter on the "g" alliteration...and says something I had been thinking of, but didn't emerge in first write.
Bill

Last edited by Bill Draper; 07/17/21 01:59 PM.
#1178651 - 07/17/21 03:38 PM Re: Know What you got to give [Re: Bill Draper]  
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JAPOV Offline
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You're lucky to be part of such an active group! smile

#1178733 - 07/19/21 04:20 PM Re: Know What you got to give [Re: JAPOV]  
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Bill Draper Online content
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Bill Draper  Online Content
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Originally Posted by JAPOV
You're lucky to be part of such an active group! smile


Its a very forgiving circle, but good benefits. It schools, by requiring me to perform....and see the effect first hand of the melody the words...etc.

here is simple music to this one: I had to edit because....on the spot, no excuse...sing the song and be judged....

https://soundcloud.com/wbdraper/know-what-you-got-to-givewav

Bill

#1178759 - 07/20/21 06:51 AM Re: Know What you got to give [Re: Bill Draper]  
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JAPOV Offline
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Simple but effective, that's always a great start! smile

#1178809 - 07/21/21 11:20 AM Re: Know What you got to give [Re: Bill Draper]  
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beechnut79 Offline
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The lines you drew through should be kept, IMO. And this should be recycled on the Tuesday following Thanksgiving for sure.

#1178820 - 07/21/21 02:02 PM Re: Know What you got to give [Re: beechnut79]  
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Bill Draper Online content
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Bill Draper  Online Content
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Originally Posted by beechnut79
The lines you drew through should be kept, IMO. And this should be recycled on the Tuesday following Thanksgiving for sure.

Cool!

Thanks beechnut. I couldn't quite manage chords and a melody for those parts, and wanted to polish what I had, smooth it out so less bobble in open mic.
Now I have until Nov/2021....lol!

#1179187 - Yesterday at 10:30 AM Re: Know What you got to give [Re: Bill Draper]  
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John Voorpostel Offline
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Really like the second verse Bill...stands out for me.

The first makees me go mmm because it is not a coherent thought like the second. You might lead with v2 and rewrite a V2 to show a consequence of rolling the dice which to me is the active thought in v1

Also the chorus may be more powerful as

Know what you have to give
Break when you got to live

then maybe even add a double rhyme as an alternate ending last line

Stake when you have to bring everything


edit:
and then I went back and listened to the song...so never mind smile

nicely done


Last edited by John Voorpostel; Yesterday at 10:34 AM.

If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

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#1179197 - Yesterday at 11:42 PM Re: Know What you got to give [Re: Bill Draper]  
Joined: Jul 2002
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Bill Draper Online content
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Thanks for the in depth look see John. V1 and V2 are so weirdly different in simple conversation tones. The organizer of our song circle said to me after I sang it...what was that first verse again?...lol. Well I was singing w my mask on so hard to hear...but still.

My inner voice intended in the first verse....write hard times, conflict, confusion, doubt lines....because these things cause fear, make me for one, selfish, self centered. In the v2, I emerge from that, and like that.. easier, more open, healed in a sense.
But you know I shouldn't have to explain....so I will look at that again.
Thanks John
Bill


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