Who's Online Now
7 members (bennash, Gary E. Andrews, couchgrouch, Sunset Poet, Gavin Sinclair, Fdemetrio, 1 invisible), 4,759 guests, and 337 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
ShoutChat
Comment Guidelines: Do post respectful and insightful comments. Don't flame, hate, spam.
What's Going On
redkattseven
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/30/23 08:48 PM
Inspirational Videos Post Them Here
by Sunset Poet - 11/30/23 07:24 PM
Old Bill Bailey's, Lancaster, Ohio
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/30/23 06:25 PM
Let's Save Him The Trip
by Fdemetrio - 11/30/23 04:56 PM
Overflowing (2023 Version)
by VNORTH2 - 11/30/23 11:12 AM
Deanna Webb, Steamboat Springs, CO
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/29/23 11:12 PM
Deanna Webb
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/29/23 11:11 PM
Abbey Rodeo, Mentor, Ohio
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/29/23 11:01 PM
Frankie's Plaza, Eastern Kentucky
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/29/23 10:50 PM
Crossroads Cultural Connections, Henry County, IL
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/29/23 10:36 PM
Twisted Cork
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/29/23 10:25 PM
Deep Stream Records, Berkshire woods
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/29/23 09:17 PM
Accidentals, Colorado Springs
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/29/23 02:59 PM
12 Pack Jack
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/29/23 02:45 PM
Shook Twins
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/29/23 02:31 PM
Lean on my Love indie cut
by Sunset Poet - 11/29/23 12:03 PM
Laurel Cove Music Festival, Pineville, KY
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/29/23 10:54 AM
Saint Luminus, Burbank
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/29/23 10:46 AM
Guild Theory
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/29/23 10:15 AM
Chin Ho, Burlington
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/29/23 10:06 AM
Jack Lindey, Warrendale, PA
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/29/23 09:54 AM
443 Social Club & Lounge
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/29/23 12:35 AM
New World Tampa
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/29/23 12:12 AM
Rueggenbach Brewing Company, Marshall, TX
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/28/23 02:35 PM
Port City Pub & Cafe, Portsmouth, Ohio
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/28/23 02:29 PM
Steve Free, Marietta College
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/28/23 02:22 PM
Laidback Bar & Grill, Ironton, Ohio
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/28/23 02:13 PM
Love Crumbs, Northampton, MA
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/28/23 02:07 PM
Claire Liparulo, Punta Gorda, Coral Gables
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/28/23 10:38 AM
Brass Monkey, Waverly, Ohio
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/28/23 10:30 AM
Top Posters
Calvin 19,857
Travis david 12,264
Kevin Emmrich 10,938
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,649
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 9,003
glynda 8,683
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
couchgrouch 8,137
Colin Ward 7,911
Corey 7,357
Vicarn 6,913
Mark Kaufman 6,589
ben willis 6,114
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,608
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
Fdemetrio 4,817
DonnaMarilyn 4,670
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,389
Roy Cooper 4,271
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,195
Cindy Miller 4,178
TamsNumber4 4,171
MFB III 4,143
nightengale 4,096
Sunset Poet 4,090
E Swartz 3,982
beechnut79 3,878
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,845
Dan Sullivan 3,710
JAPOV 3,610
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
Nigel Quin 2,891
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
MidniteBob 2,761
Nelson 2,616
Tom Tracy 2,558
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,246
Wendy D 2,235
Judy Hollier 2,232
Erica Ellis 2,202
maccharles 2,134
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,041
DukeWill 2,002
floyd jane 1,985
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,652
Noel Downs 1,633
Rick Heenan 1,608
Cal 1,574
GocartMoz 1,559
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,481
Tom Franz 1,473
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Rick Norton 1,429
Kenneth Cade 1,429
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,409
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
Deej56 1,385
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,294
lane1777 1,280
Gerry 1,280
DakLander 1,265
IronKnee 1,262
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,235
Glen King 1,214
IdeaGuy 1,209
VNORTH2 1,187
AaronAuthier 1,177
summeoyo 1,174
Diane Ewing 1,162
ckiphen 1,101
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
9ne 1,035
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
90 dB 964
Wolvman 960
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
ant 798
Juan 797
TKO 784
Dayson 781
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
Andy K 750
Andy Kemp 746
tbryson 737
Jackie444 731
Irwin 715
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Pat Hardy 690
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Moosesong 668
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
R&M 614
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 590
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
bennash 546
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 513
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
Rob L 439
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Alek 386
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Ann_F 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
ddreuter 371
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
danny 367
Jim Ryan 360
papaG 353
Z - man 350
JamesDF5 348
John K 348
Rob B. 347
Jaden 344
TheBaz 340
Steggy 339
leif 339
tonedeaf 336
rickwork 334
Eddie Ray 332
Johnboy 328
Bob Lever 328
Helicon1 327
lucian 326
Muskie 321
kc 319
Z. Mulls 318
ptondreau 313
ONOFFON 312
Chris B. 310
trush 304
ed323 297
Ellen M 294
markus-ky 293
lizzorn 291
nicnac49 290
Char 286
ktunes 285
Top Likes Received
JAPOV 69
VNORTH2 43
bennash 24
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate Thread
#1177813 06/18/21 10:17 AM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,101
Likes: 14
C
ckiphen Offline OP
Top 500 Poster
OP Offline
Top 500 Poster
C
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,101
Likes: 14
Music and vocals/ David Leckitch

https://soundcloud.com/carroll-kiphen/fifteen-feet

Fifteen feet away/ distant star
Verse
You light the room with your smile.
I wish you shined for me.
If I could have but one wish
Itd be that you loved me.
Pre chorus
How I wish, how I wish
Youll be mine someday.
Distant star, distant star
So, so far away
Chorus
This room is a galaxy
Yet youre fifteen feet away.
Fifteen, feet, fifteen feet away.
Verse
It breaks my heart you dont see
The way I look at you.
If I could kiss you one time
Itd be my dream come true.
Pre chorus
How I wish, how I wish
Youll be mine someday.
Distant star, distant star
So, so far away
Chorus
This room is a galaxy
Yet youre fifteen feet away.
Fifteen, feet, fifteen feet away.
Bridge
I lay awake at night
Gaze out at the sky
Dream of my distant star
The way your smile shines.
Tag
It feels like a billion miles
But youre fifteen feet away.

Last edited by ckiphen; 06/18/21 01:40 PM.

Ckiphen
ckiphen #1177816 06/18/21 11:49 AM
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 4,817
Likes: 11
F
Top 50 Poster
Online Content
Top 50 Poster
F
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 4,817
Likes: 11
Sounds like DJ.... I think

Catchy and nice feel, it woulda helped if you had edited the lyrics to fit what was being sung...

To my ear the "how I wish" sounds like the chorus, and the title. Kinda buddy Hollyish

The fifteen feet part sounds like a bridge, which would probably be better used once, after the second chorus. But then you have another bridge, so i dont know how that would work.

One possibility is changing the how I wish lyric.... into fifteen feet.....
fifteen feet....fifteen feet,
add line...

(twenty feet would sing better with that melody... lol)

Just some ideas to toy around with, all free of charge.








Last edited by Fdemetrio; 06/18/21 11:53 AM.
ckiphen #1177818 06/18/21 01:35 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,101
Likes: 14
C
ckiphen Offline OP
Top 500 Poster
OP Offline
Top 500 Poster
C
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,101
Likes: 14
Yes it's Deej. He changed up the lyrics slightly.


Ckiphen
ckiphen #1178034 06/27/21 01:12 AM
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 844
Likes: 1
Top 500 Poster
Offline
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 844
Likes: 1
Hey Carroll,

It's always a challenge when a song has 2 TITLES cause if the writer isn't sure what to name it, what's the listeners take on what to call the tune? I get why you did it, because of the contrast between close quarters and a galaxy far, far away. I would rather one TITLE be more dominant in the LYRIC, but the way the LYRIC is, it's pretty difficult to distinguish what should be the TITLE...So in the end I guess a dual TITLE was necessary.

Good fun vibe to the tune & the storyline is clear & you feel for the main character who is so close & yet so far...

Nice job guys






Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
ckiphen #1178035 06/27/21 01:23 AM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 3,610
Likes: 68
Top 100 Poster
Offline
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 3,610
Likes: 68
I think Deej did a fine job with this! I just wish the recording had more "UMPPH"... smile


Link Copied to Clipboard
Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Newest Members
yasir252, cathennashira, Samwise, HappySousa, Jasmine_Kurb
21,469 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums117
Topics125,424
Posts1,159,535
Members21,469
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
Just Plain Quotes
"Talent + Drive + Knowledge = Success" –Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
Paul Tessitori (40)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5