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#1177373 06/07/21 02:05 AM
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Hi folks,

This melody, title, and partial chorus wormed its way into my brain while I was riding my bicycle one morning. I think it's finally to a point where it can use some input from others. I'm sure I'm way too close to it at the moment.

Thanks in advance for any feedback/thoughts. (Looking forward to listening to and commenting on some of your work as well.)

Rob

Slow Down (SoundCloud)

CHORUS 1:
Slow down
Aw baby, slow down
Wish you'd make it clear
That you know Iím here
As you pass by

Slow down
Please baby, slow down
When you sail right past
Without a glance
I wanna die

VERSE 1:
When the Mayflower van turned our corner late last Summer
There you were sporting pink kicks and attitude from the start
Then I heard Johnny Cash crooning outta your bedroom window
When the school year started you already had my heart.

CHORUS 1

VERSE 2:
Eyes straight ahead as you walk Rex past our driveway
Staring straight down when you pass me in the hall
Just a nod or a glance to imply thereís a chance would be fine, babe
Give me some indication that you notice me at all

CHORUS 1

BRIDGE:
But then something new
Straight out of the blue
You asked me to Minecraft with you

CHORUS 2
Slow down
Aw baby, slow down
For goodness sake
You can tap the brake
We can take our time

Slow down
Please baby, slow down
Letís take it slow
Donít go-go-go
Now that youíre mine


Rob's Music is also on SoundCloud
Rob L #1177377 06/07/21 11:54 AM
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Good idea for a catchy pop song. I think it works well. I might remove the "baby" from Chorus 1 and "babe" from verse 2, because at that stage she hasn't even noticed him. "Girl" might work better. Or even better would be to give her a name. Songs where the girl has a name are more memorable imo. Something like:

Slow down
Aw Judy, slow down (or Sally or Sadie or Julie etc,)

A name beginning with S also provides a catchy alliteration.

Rob L #1177384 06/07/21 03:00 PM
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I think you should cut your drum tempo by half and try for a riff. "Slow down" {riff} "Aw baby, slow down" {riff}, give it some attitude! smile

Rob L #1177392 06/07/21 05:25 PM
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Rob, I mean this with complete sincerity, not trying to be funny, the song should be called "hurry up" or Speed up, not slow down, cause the track is moving. I get that the girl is fast and your asking her to slow down, but i think its more of an upbeat song.

You dont need a riff cause the underlying line is infectious, it just needs to be heard more prominently.

It doesnt need to be taken literally, dont have to call it speed up or hurry up, but a lyrical theme that invoves movement, its more like an exercise track. New lyrics are in order.

My take.








Last edited by Fdemetrio; 06/07/21 05:27 PM.
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Originally Posted by Gavin Sinclair
Good idea for a catchy pop song. I think it works well. I might remove the "baby" from Chorus 1 and "babe" from verse 2, because at that stage she hasn't even noticed him. "Girl" might work better. Or even better would be to give her a name. Songs where the girl has a name are more memorable imo...


Thanks, Gavin. I appreciate your thoughts. Interesting concept about using a specific name. I'm not sure if the singer would actually know her name early on in the story, but I agree it would give the song more individualism for sure. Thanks for listening and commenting!

Rob


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Rob L #1177412 06/08/21 01:32 AM
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Love it Rob..............a super clean demo. Light, and fast moving. Sounds like a lot of fun.
And as many say, the fun is in the chase!
;-)
-Tom

JAPOV #1177473 06/09/21 01:15 AM
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Originally Posted by JAPOV
I think you should cut your drum tempo by half and try for a riff. "Slow down" {riff} "Aw baby, slow down" {riff}, give it some attitude! smile


Thanks for the feedback/idea. To be honest, this one popped into my head pretty much as is, and I never really liked any of the different approaches I tried. So I figured I'd stop fighting it and just roll with it. smile I'll play around with this concept. Much appreciated!

Rob


Rob's Music is also on SoundCloud
Rob L #1177492 06/09/21 11:06 AM
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I like this pretty much as is. Very catch chorus!

I would like to hear the vocals more buried into the music. Get those guitars up a bit and rock!

Sing has a really good vibe.

Nice work.

Rob L #1177511 06/09/21 03:29 PM
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Just to clarify, I'm not suggesting you slow the song down, just the drum rhythm. Make it less mechanical and driving, but more "choppy"! Does that make sense?

JAPOV #1177519 06/09/21 04:25 PM
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Originally Posted by JAPOV
Just to clarify, I'm not suggesting you slow the song down, just the drum rhythm. Make it less mechanical and driving, but more "choppy"! Does that make sense?


Gotta agree with JAPOV ... the drums should have more attitude.. IMO there is not enough variety/change to keep me wanting to listen. The vocals need a little work..maybe a key change


VNORTH2
JAPOV #1177567 06/10/21 12:00 AM
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Originally Posted by JAPOV
Just to clarify, I'm not suggesting you slow the song down, just the drum rhythm. Make it less mechanical and driving, but more "choppy"! Does that make sense?


Yes, I believe so. I'll play with a few patterns that (in the terminology of someone who is not a drummer smile ) have fewer, but more powerful beats. Thanks!


Rob's Music is also on SoundCloud
VNORTH2 #1177568 06/10/21 12:01 AM
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Rob L Offline OP
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Originally Posted by VNORTH2
Originally Posted by JAPOV
Just to clarify, I'm not suggesting you slow the song down, just the drum rhythm. Make it less mechanical and driving, but more "choppy"! Does that make sense?


Gotta agree with JAPOV ... the drums should have more attitude.. IMO there is not enough variety/change to keep me wanting to listen. The vocals need a little work..maybe a key change


Got it. I'll try sprinkling in a little more variety (and attitude) in as well. And thanks for your thoughts on the vocals!


Rob's Music is also on SoundCloud
Fdemetrio #1177569 06/10/21 12:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Fdemetrio
Rob, I mean this with complete sincerity, not trying to be funny, the song should be called "hurry up" or Speed up, not slow down, cause the track is moving. I get that the girl is fast and your asking her to slow down, but i think its more of an upbeat song.

You dont need a riff cause the underlying line is infectious, it just needs to be heard more prominently.

It doesnt need to be taken literally, dont have to call it speed up or hurry up, but a lyrical theme that invoves movement, its more like an exercise track. New lyrics are in order.

My take.


Interesting idea concept of aligning the title with the speed of the song. It came to me while exercising, so I guess sounding like an exercise track makes sense. smile Appreciate your thought about making the underlying line more prominent. I'll play around with that. Thanks for listening and your thoughts!


Rob's Music is also on SoundCloud
IronKnee #1177570 06/10/21 12:06 AM
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Originally Posted by IronKnee
Love it Rob..............a super clean demo. Light, and fast moving. Sounds like a lot of fun.
And as many say, the fun is in the chase!
;-)
-Tom


Really appreciate it, Tom. Thanks for listening and commenting.


Rob's Music is also on SoundCloud
Ricky Layne #1177571 06/10/21 12:07 AM
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Originally Posted by Ricky Layne
I like this pretty much as is. Very catch chorus!

I would like to hear the vocals more buried into the music. Get those guitars up a bit and rock!

Sing has a really good vibe.

Nice work.


I have to agree that I would LOVE to bury my vocals LOL. But I will definitely try mixing them lower and pumping up the guitars. Thanks, Ricky. Much appreciated.


Rob's Music is also on SoundCloud
Rob L #1177572 06/10/21 08:11 AM
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Hey it sounds good! Congratulations for the great work.

Rob L #1177585 06/10/21 11:25 AM
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From the title, I expected the verses to be fast with a change of pace in the chorus. The song is well-written. I was just looking for more dynamics. Best of luck.

kanes333 #1177631 06/11/21 12:52 AM
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Originally Posted by kanes333
Hey it sounds good! Congratulations for the great work.


Thanks for the listen and the comment. Appreciate it.


Rob's Music is also on SoundCloud
rpirone #1177632 06/11/21 12:54 AM
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Rob L Offline OP
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Originally Posted by rpirone
From the title, I expected the verses to be fast with a change of pace in the chorus. The song is well-written. I was just looking for more dynamics. Best of luck.


Thanks for your feedback, and for the listen.


Rob's Music is also on SoundCloud

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