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#1176898 - 05/28/21 02:12 PM Waiting For The Rain  
Joined: Dec 2000
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John Voorpostel Offline
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John Voorpostel  Offline
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Waiting For The rain
© 2021 John Voorpostel

Recent lyric contest entry that did well...put to music.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kL4arOWGgsc


Rain clouds all evaporated
temperature soared
fires charred the highlands
almost emptied reservoirs
soil’s drying and yearning
locusts raising Cain
all the while we’re waiting
waiting for the rain


Blue’s as unrelenting
as blazing midnight sky
choke valves on the well pumps
‘cause underground it’s dry
desperation’s dawning
driving us insane
all the while we’re waiting
waiting for the rain

Yearning for flash floods, some of all or none,
I’m so tired of waiting for rivers to run

There’s water in abundance
but only in our dreams
where we splash around in ebbs and flows
and cloudbursts last for weeks
daylight brings the nightmare
we’re still looking up in vain
another day of waiting
waiting for the rain

another day of waiting
waiting for the rain


If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

My Youtube Channel <<<>>> iAccountant
#1176900 - 05/28/21 02:33 PM Re: Waiting For The Rain [Re: John Voorpostel]  
Joined: Oct 2017
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Fdemetrio Online content
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Fdemetrio  Online Content
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The waiting for the rain part is pretty good, might be a bit cliche.

Seems your rushing the verses just to get to the chorus, cant make anything out until that point.

Also, might be my computer, but the synching or video and sound seems to be way off.

More of this,l ess of the other stuff

#1176902 - 05/28/21 02:44 PM Re: Waiting For The Rain [Re: John Voorpostel]  
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John Voorpostel Offline
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John Voorpostel  Offline
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Thank for looking in on that FD. Not sure of your browser or connection but it works for me

Yes sound quality and enunciation need work for sure, valid comment...and glad you like "the hook". Do want to drive towards that hook ..perhaps too much so...

Also happy to see you "compartmentalize" ...and I hope it does not sound condescending because it it well meant.


If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

My Youtube Channel <<<>>> iAccountant
#1176910 - 05/28/21 04:55 PM Re: Waiting For The Rain [Re: John Voorpostel]  
Joined: Jun 2005
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VNORTH2 Online content
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VNORTH2  Online Content
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Windsor, NS, Canada
John

There is a lot to like about this song. I agree with Fd about rushing and probably enunciating a little bit better. I had no trouble with the sync. I think slightly different phrasing might help as well. I also think the song is too short. Maybe go back to the bridge and then out with waiting for the rain. Being a fan of fewer words is better, I wrote down some small changes that you might want to consider. I also think a simple statement of "Another day of waiting" is more dramatic. Just some thoughts. Great potential here,John.

Steve





Rain clouds all evaporated
temperatures soar
Fires char the highlands
Empty reservoirs
soil dry and yearning
locusts raising Cain
Another day of waiting
waiting for the rain

Blue’s as unrelenting
As blazing midnight sky
choke valves on the well pumps
The underground is dry
desperation dawning
driving us insane
Another day of waiting
waiting for the rain

Yearning for a flash flood some of all or none,
So tired of waiting to watch the rivers run ....wild

Water in abundance
Only in our dreams
we splash inside the ebbs and flows
Cloudbursts last for weeks
Waking to the nightmare
Sill looking up in vain
another day of waiting
waiting for the rain

another day of waiting
waiting for the rain

Yearning for a flash flood some of all or none,
So tired of waiting for the rivers to run ....wild

another day of waiting
waiting for the rain
another day of waiting
waiting for the rain


VNORTH2
#1176918 - 05/28/21 08:19 PM Re: Waiting For The Rain [Re: John Voorpostel]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 11,159
John Voorpostel Offline
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John Voorpostel  Offline
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Thanks for looking at this and your suggestions

That is now both you and FD thinking I am rushing and not enunciating well..so I will slow it down some...and your suggestions to go through the bridge one more time is a good one

What would also be added in a full production is an intro, outro and perhaps some more music between verses.


If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

My Youtube Channel <<<>>> iAccountant
#1176920 - 05/29/21 12:58 AM Re: Waiting For The Rain [Re: John Voorpostel]  
Joined: Jun 2019
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JAPOV Online happy
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JAPOV  Online Happy
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Decatur, Alabama
Try this with a slow rhumba beat at around 105bpm. smile

#1176949 - 05/30/21 12:10 PM Re: Waiting For The Rain [Re: John Voorpostel]  
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John Voorpostel Offline
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John Voorpostel  Offline
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...in a nutshell, slow it down, enunciate....maybe add a bit more

Thanks you all


If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

My Youtube Channel <<<>>> iAccountant
#1177402 - 06/07/21 07:51 PM Re: Waiting For The Rain [Re: John Voorpostel]  
Joined: Jun 2009
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ejlawrence Offline
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ejlawrence  Offline
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John, I liked this tune. Lyrics are really good. Could see this tune going more mainstream country. Wouldn't take much. Think you have room to instrumentally expand the bridge. Thanks for sharing.

#1177415 - 06/08/21 06:18 AM Re: Waiting For The Rain [Re: John Voorpostel]  
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Gary E. Andrews Online content
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The Structure is a Refrain-Type Chorus, as opposed to a Stanza-Type Chorus.
The Lyrical Line and Melody of "Another day of waiting, Waiting For The Rain", is the 'Refrain'.
That Structure ties it all together, and sums up what the rest of the Lyric is about.
The Lines are succinct, but not easily understood because of the somewhat abstract subject. THE Hook, the title Refrain is quite conversational and clear though.
I agree that it should Repeat identically each time, to drive that home to the listener as the main idea.
I also like the idea of trying it at different tempos and Song styles, blues, country, rumba, to see what works. It can teach a lot about Prosody to have to 'fit' a Lyric to a different style or tempo.
The abstract reportage, the various 'facts' of the drought might be more interesting if the Singer-Character is also waiting for a Love-Interest Character, someone else inhabiting the 'world' the Song creates.

(Introductory Movement)(Very brief, just enough to serve the function. Good. And interesting. Something there might Repeat later in the Song. I don't think it does.)

(Verse I)
Rain clouds evaporate.
The temperature soars.
Fires char the highlands,
empty out the reservoir.
Soil’s dry and yearning.
Locusts raising Cain.
You and I are waiting,
Waiting For The Rain.
Mmm-hmm.
Waiting For The Rain. (As you sing it.)

(Verse II)
Blue’s as unrelenting,
as blazing midnight sky.
choke valves on the well pumps (This Line seems too abstract for most listeners to know what it means.)
Underground it’s dry.
Desperation’s dawning,
driving us insane.
You and I are waiting
Waiting For The Rain.
Mmm-hmm.
Waiting For The Rain.
Mmm-hmm
Waiting For The Rain.

(Bridge) (I like the variant Melody and emotion of the Bridge.)
Yearning for flash floods, some of all or none. (You used 'yearning' in Verse I. Ideally you don't want to re-use that word, using the space to say something else. )
I’m so tired of waiting for rivers to run.
('We're' so tired...'You're' so tired...'You say you're tired...'
Keeping the Characters 'in' it.)
(The first Line of the Bridge could be less tangled. Flipping the two Lines could be differently effective.)
You're so tired of waiting, for rivers to run!
Yearning for flash floods! All we get is Sun!


(Verse III)
There’s water in abundance,
only in our dreams.
We splash in ebbs and flows.
Cloudbursts last for weeks.
Daylight brings the nightmare.
We look up in vain
You and I are waiting,
Waiting For The Rain.
(Coda)
Mmm-hmm.
Waiting For The Rain.
Mmm-hmm.
Waiting For the Rain.
Mmm-hmm.
Waiting For The Rain

(Back when the world was young short Songs were the norm. Radio liked them because it left more time for commercial ads that paid the bills. This one at 2:21 gets everything done a Song needs to do, two Verses, a Bridge, a Verse III, and a Coda to end. It could Repeat the Bridge to good effect as suggested above.)


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1177433 - 06/08/21 04:01 PM Re: Waiting For The Rain [Re: John Voorpostel]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 11,159
John Voorpostel Offline
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John Voorpostel  Offline
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Thank you Emmanuel for taking the time to listen and commenting. From all I hear, it is worthwhile to work on this some and play around with the sound just to see what might be possible.

Thank you too Gary for some in depth lyrical analysis and offering up some suggestions to play with.

I like the idea of the mystery guest so to speak. I is there now only vaguely and I think I could definitely bring someone in to add something...


If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

My Youtube Channel <<<>>> iAccountant
#1177521 - 06/09/21 04:35 PM Re: Waiting For The Rain [Re: John Voorpostel]  
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 272
Bill Draper Offline
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Victoria,BC Canada
Hello John,
I like all of it. lyric. guitar. singing. Seems topical as well...waitng on the world to change....please!
If anything in your delivery, its just a tiny bit ....too happy? maybe...hmmm...more drone effect.....sinking lost buried heavy hand doomed! oh probably thats going overboard to make a point.

But , cool folksong kinda statement w a larger metaphor for these times.
Bill

#1177625 - 06/10/21 11:21 PM Re: Waiting For The Rain [Re: John Voorpostel]  
Joined: Dec 2000
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John Voorpostel Offline
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John Voorpostel  Offline
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Wow Bill nice to see a voice from the past.Thanks for the comments. Yes still a work in progress and I have to try to get a consistent emotion in it if it's going to get any good

Glad you got he bigger picture ... that desperation for something vitally important


If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

My Youtube Channel <<<>>> iAccountant
#1177627 - 06/10/21 11:46 PM Re: Waiting For The Rain [Re: John Voorpostel]  
Joined: Aug 2002
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rpirone Online content
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If this song is a work in progress it's well on its' way. The lyric is compelling and I enjoyed the listen.

#1177667 - 06/12/21 12:36 PM Re: Waiting For The Rain [Re: John Voorpostel]  
Joined: Dec 2000
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John Voorpostel Offline
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John Voorpostel  Offline
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Yes it is still WIP ...the first version I threw up after entering the lyric in a contest where it did well...was entered into the song of the month contest...did OK but I know the production value was zilch and things were still raw

Here it is the same. I will likely play it this way for awhile, then maybe grow it and "play with it" when I know it well enough to stray...

Thank you for listening and glad you enjoyed it


If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

My Youtube Channel <<<>>> iAccountant

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