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by Fdemetrio - 04/25/24 01:36 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/24/24 10:25 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/20/24 03:22 PM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/20/24 12:36 PM
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Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,859 Likes: 3
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OP
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Here's a new mid tempo blues song I'm currently workin'.
Thanks for the looksie.
Happier Singin the Blues Copyright 2021 OpenMikeMusic
V1 I stay far away from the drama and the fray, I'm more than just okay all by myself. It's just me and my dog and together we slog through the rules we've written ourselves.
I'm not looking for love but if it happens to come I've never been one to refuse. But with my history it's no mystery I'm happier just singin' the blues.
Chorus
I dont need no rock n roll to feed my cold and angry soul. Love songs are only there to make you cry. But if you're walking in my shoes you're just happier singin' the blues 'cause sometimes the truth's more painful than a lie, when all that's left to do is smile.
Solo 1
V2 I stay at home and read, I dont watch TV. To me, society is dead. So I just sit outback with a joint and some Jack, reenacting the past in my head.
I'll grab my guitar and play for the stars 48 bars of a song. It wont make ya scream and cry. You'll just wanna smile and sing along.
I dont need no rock n roll to feed my cold and angry soul. Love songs are only there to make you cry. But if you're walking in my shoes you're just happier singin' the blues 'cause sometimes the truth's more painful than a lie, when all that's left to do is smile.
Solo 2
Bridge
Now I'm not sitting here in the middle of Texas feeling sorry for myself, waiting for the chariots to come. But I dont lose no sleep, 'cause it's my soul he gon' keep, when I'm done.
When Im gone!
Cause I dont need no rock n roll to feed my cold and angry soul. Love songs are only there to make you cry. But if you're walking in my shoes you're just happier singin' the blues 'cause sometimes the truth's more painful than a lie, when all that's left to do is smile.
'cause sometimes truth's the most painful thing in life, and all that's left to do is smiiiiiiiiiiillllllllle..........
Outro Solo
Last edited by Michael W. Brown; 05/14/21 08:51 AM. Reason: Misspelled. Rewrite
Write on, Man, Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi
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Joined: Jun 2019
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"slog on...??" Lol, how about plot along... Great Write! Hurry up and record this one!
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Joined: Jul 2009
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OP
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It does sound better! 😂
I'll work it in. Thanks for taking a look.
MB
Write on, Man, Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi
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(A Song Title should Repeat the same way each time it is sung, and in the same places. By ending Verse I with the Title, THE Hook, I would expect every Verse to end with it. That Structure is a 'Refrain-Type Chorus', as opposed to the 'Stanza-Type Chorus' comprised of several Lines. Your Rhyme-Scheme breaks out of the straight Rhyme of Lines 1 and 2, 3 and 4, or 1 and 3, 2 and 4, with more of the Nursery Rhyme Structure, Rhyming 1 and 2, and a third Line Un-Rhymed, with that Rhyme picked up later after Rhyming 4 and 5, and Line 3 Rhymed in Line 6. You also use internal Rhyme, which is very effective in making a Lyric memorable for the listener. Rhyme helps them retain the ideas so the unfolding storyline is coherent; they 'get' it.)
"Happier Singin the Blues" Copyright 2021 OpenMikeMusic
Verse I I stay far away from the drama and the fray, I'm more than just okay all by myself. It's just me and my dog and together we slog through the rules we've written ourselves.
I'm not looking for love but if it happens to come I've never been one to refuse. But with my history it's no mystery I'm happier just singin' the blues. ('Happier Just...' or 'just Happier Singin' The Blues'?)
(If the Refrain-Type Chorus is the Structure, then this next Stanza might be labeled a Bridge. It does have THE Hook/title in it, but somewhat buried, not emphasized, followed by more Lines. Ideally a Chorus emphasizes THE Hook with position, first Line and last Line, for example, or more commonly, last Line, possibly with Repetition.) Chorus
I don't need no rock n roll to feed my cold and angry soul. Love songs are only there to make you cry. (Rhyme1 and 2, 3 Un-Rhymed) But if you're walking in my shoes (Do you need 'But'? Better without it?) you're just Happier Singin' The Blues 'cause sometimes the truth's more painful than a lie, when all that's left to do is smile.
(You could move Lines around to end on THE Hook, making that the last Line left ringing in their ears as this Stanza ends. I don't need no rock n roll to feed my cold and angry soul. Love songs are only there to make you cry. Sometimes the truth's more painful than a lie, when all that's left to do is smile. If you're walking in my shoes you're just Happier Singin' The Blues 'cause s
Solo 1 (An Instrumental Interlude serves the function of a Bridge, breaking Repetition with Change, to sustain or renew listener interest.)
(Your Rhyme-Scheme goes a bit awry in Verse II, but probably works.Verse I, Musical Movement 1, has eight Lines. Movement 2 has seven Lines. Verse II, Movement 1 has six Lines, and Movement 2 has six. Verse II doesn't end with THE Hook, what I would expect to be a pattern set by using it to end Verse I.) Verse II I stay at home and read, I don't watch TV. To me, society is dead. So I just sit outback with a joint and some Jack, reenacting the past in my head.
I'll grab my guitar and play for the stars 48 bars of a song. It won't make ya scream and cry. You'll just wanna smile and sing along.
I don't need no rock n roll to feed my cold and angry soul. Love songs are only there to make you cry. But if you're walking in my shoes you're just happier singin' the blues 'cause sometimes the truth's more painful than a lie, when all that's left to do is smile.
Solo 2 (The length of a Song becomes a consideration. How long can you keep an audience hooked, paying attention. Radio likes them short, leaving more time for commercial ads. Modern (2021) modus operandi for music may not be primarily radio, so other modes of 'consumption' may work for longer compositions. But it is worth consideration.)
Bridge (A Bridge functions to break the Repetition with Change. These short Lines with an obviously variant Melody, different from either that of the Verse or Chorus, should work well.)
Now I'm not sitting here in the middle of Texas feeling sorry for myself, waiting for the chariots to come. But I don't lose no sleep, 'cause it's my soul he gon' keep, when I'm done. (Do you need 'But' and 'cause? Or could it be better without them?)
When I'm gone!
Cause I dont need no rock n roll to feed my cold and angry soul. Love songs are only there to make you cry. But if you're walking in my shoes you're just happier singin' the blues 'cause sometimes the truth's more painful than a lie, when all that's left to do is smile.
'cause sometimes truth's the most painful thing in life, and all that's left to do is smiiiiiiiiiiillllllllle..........
Outro Solo (The final Musical Movement of a composition is the 'Coda'. 'Intro' is short for Introduction. There is no word, Outroduction. Although, maybe there logically should be.)
There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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Joined: Jul 2009
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Thanks so much for the critique. I will heed all advice on the rewrite.
Thank you! Appreciate it! MB
Write on, Man, Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi
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