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#1176558 05/13/21 01:01 PM
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,849
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Here's a new mid tempo blues song I'm currently workin'.

Thanks for the looksie.

Happier Singin the Blues
Copyright 2021 OpenMikeMusic

V1
I stay far away
from the drama and the fray,
I'm more than just okay
all by myself.
It's just me and my dog
and together we slog
through the rules
we've written ourselves.

I'm not looking for love
but if it happens to come
I've never been one
to refuse.
But with my history
it's no mystery
I'm happier just singin' the blues.

Chorus

I dont need no rock n roll
to feed my cold and angry soul.
Love songs are only there to make you cry.
But if you're walking in my shoes
you're just happier singin' the blues
'cause sometimes the truth's more painful than a lie,
when all that's left to do
is smile.

Solo 1

V2
I stay at home and read,
I dont watch TV.
To me, society is dead.
So I just sit outback
with a joint and some Jack,
reenacting the past in my head.

I'll grab my guitar
and play for the stars
48 bars of a song.
It wont make ya scream and cry.
You'll just wanna smile and
sing along.

I dont need no rock n roll
to feed my cold and angry soul.
Love songs are only there to make you cry.
But if you're walking in my shoes
you're just happier singin' the blues
'cause sometimes the truth's more painful than a lie, when all that's left to do
is smile.

Solo 2

Bridge

Now I'm not sitting here
in the middle of Texas
feeling sorry for myself,
waiting for the chariots to come.
But I dont lose no sleep, 'cause it's my soul he gon' keep, when I'm done.

When Im gone!

Cause I dont need no rock n roll
to feed my cold and angry soul.
Love songs are only there to make you cry.
But if you're walking in my shoes
you're just happier singin' the blues
'cause sometimes the truth's more painful than a lie,
when all that's left to do
is smile.

'cause sometimes truth's the most painful thing in life,
and all that's left to do
is smiiiiiiiiiiillllllllle..........

Outro Solo

Last edited by Michael W. Brown; 05/14/21 08:51 AM. Reason: Misspelled. Rewrite

Write on, Man,
Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
Mahatma Gandhi
Joined: Jun 2019
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Online Happy
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"slog on...??" Lol, how about plot along...

Great Write! Hurry up and record this one! smile

Joined: Jul 2009
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It does sound better! 😂

I'll work it in. Thanks for taking a look.

MB


Write on, Man,
Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
Mahatma Gandhi
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,038
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(A Song Title should Repeat the same way each time it is sung, and in the same places. By ending Verse I with the Title, THE Hook, I would expect every Verse to end with it. That Structure is a 'Refrain-Type Chorus', as opposed to the 'Stanza-Type Chorus' comprised of several Lines.
Your Rhyme-Scheme breaks out of the straight Rhyme of Lines 1 and 2, 3 and 4, or 1 and 3, 2 and 4, with more of the Nursery Rhyme Structure, Rhyming 1 and 2, and a third Line Un-Rhymed, with that Rhyme picked up later after Rhyming 4 and 5, and Line 3 Rhymed in Line 6. You also use internal Rhyme, which is very effective in making a Lyric memorable for the listener. Rhyme helps them retain the ideas so the unfolding storyline is coherent; they 'get' it.)

"Happier Singin the Blues"
Copyright 2021 OpenMikeMusic

Verse I
I stay far away
from the drama and the fray,
I'm more than just okay
all by myself.
It's just me and my dog
and together we slog
through the rules
we've written ourselves.

I'm not looking for love
but if it happens to come
I've never been one
to refuse.
But with my history
it's no mystery
I'm happier just singin' the blues. ('Happier Just...' or 'just Happier Singin' The Blues'?)

(If the Refrain-Type Chorus is the Structure, then this next Stanza might be labeled a Bridge. It does have THE Hook/title in it, but somewhat buried, not emphasized, followed by more Lines. Ideally a Chorus emphasizes THE Hook with position, first Line and last Line, for example, or more commonly, last Line, possibly with Repetition.)
Chorus

I don't need no rock n roll
to feed my cold and angry soul.
Love songs are only there to make you cry. (Rhyme1 and 2, 3 Un-Rhymed)
But if you're walking in my shoes (Do you need 'But'? Better without it?)
you're just Happier Singin' The Blues
'cause sometimes the truth's more painful than a lie,
when all that's left to do
is smile.

(You could move Lines around to end on THE Hook, making that the last Line left ringing in their ears as this Stanza ends.
I don't need no rock n roll
to feed my cold and angry soul.
Love songs are only there to make you cry.
Sometimes the truth's more painful than a lie,
when all that's left to do
is smile.
If you're walking in my shoes
you're just Happier Singin' The Blues
'cause s

Solo 1 (An Instrumental Interlude serves the function of a Bridge, breaking Repetition with Change, to sustain or renew listener interest.)

(Your Rhyme-Scheme goes a bit awry in Verse II, but probably works.Verse I, Musical Movement 1, has eight Lines. Movement 2 has seven Lines. Verse II, Movement 1 has six Lines, and Movement 2 has six. Verse II doesn't end with THE Hook, what I would expect to be a pattern set by using it to end Verse I.)
Verse II
I stay at home and read,
I don't watch TV.
To me, society is dead.
So I just sit outback
with a joint and some Jack,
reenacting the past in my head.

I'll grab my guitar
and play for the stars
48 bars of a song.
It won't make ya scream and cry.
You'll just wanna smile and
sing along.

I don't need no rock n roll
to feed my cold and angry soul.
Love songs are only there to make you cry.
But if you're walking in my shoes
you're just happier singin' the blues
'cause sometimes the truth's more painful than a lie, when all that's left to do
is smile.

Solo 2 (The length of a Song becomes a consideration. How long can you keep an audience hooked, paying attention. Radio likes them short, leaving more time for commercial ads. Modern (2021) modus operandi for music may not be primarily radio, so other modes of 'consumption' may work for longer compositions. But it is worth consideration.)

Bridge (A Bridge functions to break the Repetition with Change. These short Lines with an obviously variant Melody, different from either that of the Verse or Chorus, should work well.)

Now I'm not sitting here
in the middle of Texas
feeling sorry for myself,
waiting for the chariots to come.
But I don't lose no sleep, 'cause it's my soul he gon' keep, when I'm done.
(Do you need 'But' and 'cause? Or could it be better without them?)

When I'm gone!

Cause I dont need no rock n roll
to feed my cold and angry soul.
Love songs are only there to make you cry.
But if you're walking in my shoes
you're just happier singin' the blues
'cause sometimes the truth's more painful than a lie,
when all that's left to do
is smile.

'cause sometimes truth's the most painful thing in life,
and all that's left to do
is smiiiiiiiiiiillllllllle..........

Outro Solo (The final Musical Movement of a composition is the 'Coda'. 'Intro' is short for Introduction. There is no word, Outroduction. Although, maybe there logically should be.)


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,849
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Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,849
Thanks so much for the critique. I will heed all advice on the rewrite.

Thank you! Appreciate it!
MB


Write on, Man,
Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
Mahatma Gandhi

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