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#1176414 - 05/06/21 11:19 AM Road I've Never Travelled Before  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,171
Travis david Offline
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,171
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Road I've Never Travelled Before
V
I was so proud to stand beside you
my shoulder you could always rest your head upon
Standing steadfast, nothing we couldn't do
we came through it all for we were as one.

Pre chorus
But sometimes you don't always win
though you fought that battle, never giving in.

C
Now I'm by myself on a road I've never travelled before
not knowing where to go, missing you so
Travelling on a road, I've never been before

V
In that little chapel in the old town
I'll go sometimes its a place to hide away
When thoughts of losing you gets me down
When I need to clear my mind and pray
B
I cry out your name, and there's no one
here to share the pain
Or it seems, so I won't come here again

C

V
They say a journey starts with one step
but when you're a stranger to the place I'm now in
Trying your best to move on but can't forget
failing to understand you can't begin
C


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1176434 - 05/07/21 03:17 AM Re: Road I've Never Travelled Before [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,126
Gary E. Andrews Offline
Gary E. Andrews  Offline

Top 200 Poster

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,126
Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
Your Bridge seems misplaced. A Bridge generally follows a second Repeat of the Chorus, enabling a third and final Repeat of the Chorus. Not every Song needs a Bridge. It depends on Structure, Melody, Repetition of Verses, Choruses.

It 'looks' very 'wordy', long Lines of 'dialogue' or 'recitation' that may not 'sing' well.

Road I've Never Travelled Before (Could the Title, THE Hook Line, be shortened to "Road I've Never Traveled". One 'l' in 'traveled'.)
V
I was so proud to stand beside you (Verse I Line 1 creates the Singer-Character and the Love-Interest Character.)
my shoulder you could always rest your head upon (Line 2 borders on Yoda-speak, seeming to 'twist' a bit to land on a Rhyme-word. Is this how you would actually speak this Line in modern-day conversation?)
Standing steadfast, nothing we couldn't do
we came through it all for we were as one.

(Using this Pre-Chorus Structural component may set a pattern that would Repeat before each giving of the Chorus. It might be better to delete it and go straight to the Chorus. A Pre-Chorus is often simply a Melodic refrain within the Verse, 'lifting' toward the more intense emotional delivery of the Chorus.)
Pre chorus (Philosophical 'shift', away from conversation; the 'collective you'.)
But sometimes you don't always win (You might not need the word 'But'. The 'sometimes/always' seems clumsy.)
though you fought that battle, never giving in.

C
Now I'm by myself on a road I've never travelled before (On A Road I've Never Travelled)
not knowing where to go, missing you so
Travelling on a road, I've never been before (Here I'd Repeat the Title Line identically.)

V
In that little chapel in the old town
I'll go sometimes its a place to hide away ('it's' starts a new sentence.)
When thoughts of losing you gets me down ('get', not 'gets')
When I need to clear my mind and pray
(Here I would expect the Structure to Repeat the Chorus. Then a Bridge, and a final Chorus, without a Verse III.)
B
I cry out your name, and there's no one
here to share the pain
Or it seems, so I won't come here again

C

V
They say a journey starts with one step (This Verse gets philosophical, leaving the direct conversation of VI. VII became philosophical too, a personal reverie, the Love-Interest Character barely still in the story.)
but when you're a stranger to the place I'm now in
Trying your best to move on but can't forget
failing to understand you can't begin
C

RE-WRITE/RE-STRUCTURE:
"Road I've Never Traveled" by Travis David.
Introductory Movement:
Verse I:
I was so proud to stand beside you,
my shoulder for you to rest your head upon.
There was nothing you and I couldn't do.
We came through it all, for we were as one.

Pre-Chorus:
We didn't always win
though we fought that battle, never giving in.

Chorus:
Now I'm by myself, on A Road I've Never Traveled,
not knowing where to go, missing you so!
Our plan has come unraveled,
on A Road I've Never Traveled.

Verse II:
In that little chapel in the old town,
where we went sometimes to hide away,
now my thoughts of losing you get me down.
I need to clear my mind, to go there and pray!

Chorus:
Now I'm by myself, on A Road I've Never Traveled,
not knowing where to go, missing you so!
Our plan has come unraveled,
on A Road I've Never Traveled.

Bridge:
I cry out your name!
There's no one here to share my pain,
so I won't come here again!

Chorus:
Now I'm by myself, on A Road I've Never Traveled,
not knowing where to go, missing you so!
Our plan has come unraveled,
on A Road I've Never Traveled.

Coda:
Our plan has come unraveled,
on A Road I've Never Traveled.


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1176438 - 05/07/21 04:30 PM Re: Road I've Never Travelled Before [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,171
Travis david Offline
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,171
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Gary
Thanks for your take on this much appreciate your suggestions
I do have a tune for it which I hope to turn into a full song, ertainly within the next few months, time permitting.
Line two of the verses were purposely made longer and the melody does fit.
However nothing is set in stone and I'll take a good luck at your suggestions which I'm sure will work also
Thanks
John
PS a new song by myself, Vic Arnold and Geneva Griffin is also waiting in line and the next pisting


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1176447 - 05/09/21 06:41 AM Re: Road I've Never Travelled Before [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,126
Gary E. Andrews Offline
Gary E. Andrews  Offline

Top 200 Poster

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,126
Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
Yes, it's all just a simplification for a 'read' Lyric. What you do with Melody can change its effectiveness immensely. If it's working for you the way you have it then it may not need any modification. Always just my opinion Travis. Rock the house!


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com

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