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#1175262 - 03/25/21 03:47 AM Porcelain Princess. (Further recording & revised)  
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Travis david Offline
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Vocal Matt Welch
(Music and Lyric copyright John Vaughan 2021)


https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=14221643


Porcelain Princess(Rewrite on lyric)
V
Porcelain Princess alone in her fine gown
heard what it's like on my side of town
Her mum told her someday soon you'll find
A man like your dad rich as a gold mine.
V
Mum didn't marry for love only wealth.
Sadly she thought of no one but herself
Her daughter a different soul, would say
destiny, not greed would one day hold sway
V
Each day at her window waiting and waiting
but her prince never came and feared she was fated
Seemed trapped forever in this ivory tower
So imaginary lovers Sweetened long hours
B1
On days in a café we'd both frequent
where your presence was valued
More than money you'd spend
She requested songs from this troubadour
as I sang them for her,
Love grew, like never before
Music
B2
Her future mapped out in the candleabra set
left all the trappings, not a single regret
Swapping silk and expensive perfume
for kaftans, and an incense bouquet-
In each room
V
Bohemian jewellery, Mountain Red wine
We'd sit by a log fire, talked away till bedtime
She wore red sandals, shunned sensible shoes
a rose for her hair, eyes radiant blue
Outro
No high garden walls
to feel trapped within
No imposing iron gates
that shudder in the wind
Now the meadow was our garden
with scented flowers for gathering
Porcelain Princess floats free as the wind



------------------------------------
orcelain Princess(Rewrite on lyric)
V
Porcelain Princess alone in her fine gown
heard what it's like on my side of town
Her mum told her someday soon you'll find
A man like your dad rich as a gold mine.
V
Mum didn't marry for love only wealth.
Sadly she thought of no one but herself
Her daughter a different soul, would say
destiny, not greed would one day hold sway
V
Each day at her window waiting and waiting
but her prince never came and feared she was fated
Seemed trapped forever in this ivory tower
So imaginary lovers Sweetened long hours

B1
On days in a café we'd both frequent
where your company was valued
More than the money you'd spend
She requested songs from this troubadour
as I sang them for her,
Love grew, like never before


Music


B2
Her future mapped out in the candleabra set
left all the trappings, not a single regret
Swapping silk and expensive perfume
for kaftans, and an incense bouquet-
In each room
V
Bohemian jewellery, Mountain Red wine
We'd sit by a log fire, talked away till bedtime
She wore red sandals, shunned sensible shoes
a rose for her hair, eyes radiant blue

Outro
No high garden walls
to feel trapped within
No imposing iron gates
that shudder in the wind
Now the meadow was our garden
with scented flowers for gathering
Porcelain Princess floats free as the wind




Last edited by Travis david; 03/28/21 09:11 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1175267 - 03/25/21 09:26 AM Re: Porcelain Princess. (work in progress) [Re: Travis david]  
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The feel, too me, is a little too bouncy/happy I think caused by the guitar picking and drum pattern. But I'm not a big fan of bouncy type songs so I may be totally biased. Also the last part where harmonies come in should have a better balance, IMO. They tend to jump out at you.

Steve


VNORTH2
#1175268 - 03/25/21 09:28 AM Re: Porcelain Princess. (work in progress) [Re: Travis david]  
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Cheers Steve, your points have been noted. The take is very much work in progress.
Thanks for the listen and your help
I'm unhappy with the music break and like yourself outro balance
John

Last edited by Travis david; 03/25/21 09:36 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1175279 - 03/25/21 10:59 AM Re: Porcelain Princess. (work in progress) [Re: Travis david]  
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Thats what I call a real work in progress..... 46 years... lol

I like your opening melody , I wasnt digging the chord change.

If you could repeat the first line, exactly as the first line, maybe change it up a bit third line and back to that for forth.

Thats the strongest part of the song, the ear drifts after it, i think anyway. I dont think its bouncy

Why did he stop paying drums, they sounded cool.

Base it on that opening line, and youll have a nice melody

actually first two lines sound good, i wouldnt change the melody until the chorus.

It reminds me of a ballad the kinks might have done.

This has potential.

#1175280 - 03/25/21 11:35 AM Re: Porcelain Princess. (work in progress) [Re: Travis david]  
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He Fde
You raised some good points too, I agree whole heartedly the song needs a boot it's far from bouncy.
Thanks for the opening suggestions and the drums which I too thought sounded good.
Never thought about the Kinks really but I take the point.
Saw them in 1964 on tour in the UK and again in the 70s.
Thanks for the potential, I think so but there's a lot to address
Cheers
John

Last edited by Travis david; 03/25/21 11:35 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1175281 - 03/25/21 12:08 PM Re: Porcelain Princess. (work in progress) [Re: Travis david]  
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Reminds me more of Ralph McTell in places than the Kinks.

At some points it seemed like the lyric was an awkward fit to the melody and the singer had to rush the words or phrase them unnaturally. Easy enough to fix, I think, just by tweaking the lyric, e.g.

eyes of deepest blue becomes eyes deepest blue.
Her mum told her (with the unnatural stress on her) becomes mother told her
A husband like daddy becomes a man like daddy
Her daughter was different becomes Her daughter was a different soul (flows better and adds a wee poetic touch)
Each day at her window becomes every day at her window (the consonants at the end of each and beginning of day don't combine well - in fact, I would never use the word each except before a vowel)

I had some difficulty making out the words that followed imaginary lovers. It sounded like sufficed the long hours, but you wouldn't write that, would you?

I like this. I think it really has potential. The image of the porcelain princess in her window is a striking one and conjured up a vivid picture in my imagination. I think it is great to post a work in progress at a stage when feedback you receive can easily be used if you think it is useful.

#1175282 - 03/25/21 12:33 PM Re: Porcelain Princess. (work in progress) [Re: Travis david]  
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Hi Gavin
Thanks for chipping in.
Ralph did come to mind on the initial run through of the intro I got out quickly it sounded too much like Streets for comfort!. Soul I like cheers, ill work that in.
Too many mouthfuls agreed and noticed, but as you say it's fixable.
It's good to post unfinished songs and get the response needed.
Good constructive advice is great.
Good to know you think it's got potential too.
Thanks for looking, listening
John

PS yes suffice lol

Last edited by Travis david; 03/25/21 12:34 PM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1175284 - 03/25/21 01:33 PM Re: Porcelain Princess. (work in progress) [Re: Travis david]  
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I don't think you can use "suffice" that way grammatically. It is almost always an intransitive verb. I did find an old instance of it being used transitively as in "that will suffice me," meaning "be enough for me." Obviously, that won't work with hours. Why not make that word work to justify its place in the line, adding more meaning or texture, something like "imaginary lovers perfumed the long hours." Seems weird at first, but makes you think and adds in another sense beyond the visual. Maybe I'm being too arty-farty LOL.

#1175286 - 03/25/21 01:44 PM Re: Porcelain Princess. (work in progress) [Re: Travis david]  
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Nothing wrong with arty farty Gavin good suggestion as well.
Yes it would certainly work, it is a love story of sorts so why not!
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1175287 - 03/25/21 01:45 PM Re: Porcelain Princess. (work in progress) [Re: Travis david]  
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If bad grammar weren't allowed in songs we wouldnt have ALOT of songs today.

We have songs that survive on just the sound of the words. No meaning found, no purpose served, just they sound so cool, and fun to sing.

#1175288 - 03/25/21 01:59 PM Re: Porcelain Princess. (work in progress) [Re: Travis david]  
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Yes true there's plenty of examples of intentional and I daresay unintentional misuse. It's good to get suggestions that appear better though . Even if these are subjective in some instances..
All appreciated what else is there to do in retirement, with a lockdown lol
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1175289 - 03/25/21 02:03 PM Re: Porcelain Princess. (work in progress) [Re: Fdemetrio]  
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Originally Posted by Fdemetrio
If bad grammar weren't allowed in songs we wouldnt have ALOT of songs today.

We have songs that survive on just the sound of the words. No meaning found, no purpose served, just they sound so cool, and fun to sing.




True, FD. In fact, you're echoing something I said on a different thread about the sound of words, but none of that applies to this line. By all means, break the rules, but do it for a purpose.

That purpose can be as simple as using language that corresponds to the tone and content of the song. "Bad" grammar is entirely appropriate for achieving a casual conversational tone. This ain't that kind of lyric. Did you listen to it? "Porcelain princess, alone in her fine gown."

#1175290 - 03/25/21 02:10 PM Re: Porcelain Princess. (work in progress) [Re: Travis david]  
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Well i wasnt focusing on the lyrics to this as much cause they werent posted.... which in reality, is how we hear music. Forums make people feel the lyrics are right in front of you.

I read a funny sorty about Oasis "champaign supernova"

Gallagher basicly states. THE SONG HAS NO MEANING. Vague meanings here and there

But i was on songmeanings.com. And it was funny for me to hear people giving their impression of what the song meant. Thats music, you make interesting lyrics without them meaning a damn thing.

He said he got blasted for this line "Slowly walkin down the hall, faster than a cannonball"

He literally admits he couldnt think of anything that rhymed with hall... but how do you move slowly...faster than a cannonball

But what that does is create this enormous..."Wow i wonder what that means" even if it means nothing. He says when 60k people are singing the words, are you telling me it doesnt mean something to them? eveyone one has their own meaning"

I sometimes do that with titles. I say what does that mean...i dont know yet, let me write it

I think espeically in pop and rock its bout the sound of the words, if it sounds better use it, over something grammatically correct or meaningfully correct.

I strive for a balance.

#1175296 - 03/25/21 04:04 PM Re: Porcelain Princess. (work in progress) [Re: Travis david]  
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Vague meanings here and there is a great line and path to follow sometimes.
Having spoken of his songwriting, to listen to one of his nterviews is buttock clenchingly embarrassing. Every reply features, "you know what I mean like?"
He comes from my home town Manchester where the phrase is widespread, still annoying nonetheless.


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1175297 - 03/25/21 04:11 PM Re: Porcelain Princess. (work in progress) [Re: Travis david]  
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Thanks for all the help so far, lyric posted and rewritten
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1175316 - 03/26/21 06:01 AM Re: Porcelain Princess. (work in progress) [Re: Travis david]  
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A second take including the new lyric should be ready next week sometime
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1175444 - 03/28/21 06:26 AM Re: Porcelain Princess. (work in progress) [Re: Travis david]  
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This is a new take of the song by Matt Welch.
The intro has been changed as has the music break and outro.
There's a few rewrites too lyric wise.
I tried to do a English folk song but I'm not happy with the result so I'm pretty sure it's the last take
Words crammed and generally worth walking away from
John

Last edited by Travis david; 03/28/21 06:40 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1175446 - 03/28/21 11:29 AM Re: Porcelain Princess. (work in progress) [Re: Travis david]  
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Nice song John.

Possibly the bouncy issue would be solved by eq'ing the drums down in the higher frequencies and reducing the volume very slightly. The drum sounds a little sharp and too forward in parts of the song (to my ear).

EZ Drummer has a drum tuner built in. If you are not using that and have the drums on a separate track...a high cut on an eq may do the same thing and lay the drum in a little better.

All a matter of personal taste.

#1175477 - 03/29/21 03:46 AM Re: Porcelain Princess. (work in progress) [Re: Travis david]  
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Hi SP
Thanks for your suggestions on this which have been sent to Matt.
Also pleased you liked the song.
I don't know if you saw my initial posting but the lyric or most of it was written in 1976 and managed to survive at least 12 house moves and a fractured marriage!
Refards
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

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