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#1169362 - 09/19/20 07:09 PM TALK TO ME  
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 143
CTthomas Offline
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CTthomas  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 143
Talk to Me

Verse 1:
Who knows when things began to crumble
What I did or didn’t do goes through my mind
I can’t remember when the drinking started
Or the places that I left her on her own...
All alone

She said.....talk to me
There’s need for change
But her words rang hollow in my head
Those words she’d said
With pain..…once again
But things always seem to stay the same

Verse two:
Who knows why a man can have such courage
Strength coming from Jack Daniels shots
He feels no need or worry about others
As he sits there pours another, getting ever drunker
All alone

She said.... talk to me
There’s need for change
But her words rang hollow in my head
Those words she’d said
With pain….once again
But things always seem to stay the same

Verse 3:
Who knows where this story will be ending
If the bottom of a bottle can’t be found
When you’ve lost all that really matters
And you find yourself crying and hell bound....
All alone

She said.....talk to me
There’s need for change
But her words rang hollow in my head
Those words she’d said
With pain…..over again
But things always seem to stay the same

There was a time two lives really mattered
Two hearts so connected beat as one
To a tune of love not known by many others
Till the walls of what we had came tumbling down

She said.....talk to me
there’s need for change.......

copyright 2020 craig kuchler

Last edited by CTthomas; 10/14/20 08:55 AM.
#1169363 - 09/19/20 08:58 PM Re: TALK TO ME [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400
John W. Selleck Offline
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John W. Selleck  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400
Hi Craig,
Rough subject, well done. This is usually the story, and the ending usually the same.

Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost forever.

https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=1468958 For Selleck/Kay co-writes
#1169388 - 09/20/20 04:13 PM Re: TALK TO ME [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,795
beechnut79 Online content
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beechnut79  Online Content
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,795
Villa Park IL
The last verse in the piece is what is known in the field as "hitting bottom". And can apply to other things besides only excessive drinking. That's when you reach the point when you may wonder why you even got out of bed. Perhaps I'll come up with one with that theme. Felt very fortunate that I never developed a huge taste for drinking-- only a beer every now and then. For another powerful piece on this subject, check out Lucinda Williams' "Drunken Angel".

#1171983 - 12/02/20 09:39 PM Re: TALK TO ME [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Sep 2019
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CTthomas Offline
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CTthomas  Offline
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Thanks John. Tough row to hoe. Like Beechnut I’m lucky I haven’t taken that road though I’ve been close.

Thanks Beechnut. Hitting bottom would be a tough place to hit.

#1172023 - 12/04/20 12:13 AM Re: TALK TO ME [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,194
Gary E. Andrews Offline
Gary E. Andrews  Offline

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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,194
Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
You don't have THE Hook.
"Talk To Me" is your intended title, but it's not the gist of the Storyline. Even though she says it, there's no follow-up. She doesn't ask again, just that one time in the Chorus. And he doesn't talk to her.
And using it as the first Line of the Chorus makes it forgotten by the end of the Chorus.
THE Hook is the main idea of a Song. When you hear it it sums up what the Exposition in the Verses has been leading up to.
The last Line of a Chorus is a strategic position. Even if you use it in the first Line using it again in the last Line means that's what's left ringing in their ears.
I'd rewrite to get "Talk To Me" into the Exposition in the Verses. She wanted to talk to try to fix the relationship, to fix the drunkard. Even if there's no happy ending, that missed chance to talk and maybe have a different outcome is the main idea of the Storyline. It might be too clever to find a happy ending if they do talk. Sad Songs are easier to write. The ones where things are going good and stay good are rarer, and harder to write, maybe. Maybe not. If I were you, I'd talk to her. In fact, if you don't, I'm probably the guy who will. LOL

There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1172213 - 12/08/20 11:49 AM Re: TALK TO ME [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Sep 2020
Posts: 38
johnparagreen Offline
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johnparagreen  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2020
Posts: 38
fife scotland
Hi, I wrote a song with this title years ago, it's near the bottom on my soundclick page,
just to kinda explain what Gary means the chorus goes

Talk to me
Talk to me
We have nothing to hide
Don’t shut me out
Don’t keep it all inside,
Let me into your world
Your voice is the key
Take me into your heart
Talk to me.

I like your idea of

She said, talk to me

but I also suggest ending the chorus on it

all the best,john.

please visit my soundclick page to hear songs recorded by musicians world wide

#1175179 - 03/22/21 03:25 PM Re: TALK TO ME [Re: Gary E. Andrews]  
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 143
CTthomas Offline
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CTthomas  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 143
Definitely needs work Gary. Love your suggestions.

#1176451 - 05/09/21 10:48 AM Re: TALK TO ME [Re: Gary E. Andrews]  
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 143
CTthomas Offline
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CTthomas  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 143
This song definitely needs some rework Gary. I will take all your suggestions in when re-writing. I and I’m sure many others on this site appreciate all the critiques you give to us. They are mostly spot on and always will make for a better song. I just hope that those that take your ideas to heart myself included will include you in the co-write credits. I have on a couple of tunes.

#1177957 - 06/24/21 04:22 PM Re: TALK TO ME [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 32
bethanykoubsky Offline
Casual Observer
bethanykoubsky  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 32
I think you have a good start here, but i want to see more of the evolution of the problem.
I also think in the chorus you could be more repetitive...you say "she says talk to me" i imagine her saying it again and again to try to get through to him. You allude to it, but only say it once in each chorus.
What about switching it around and telling it from her perspective? Just as an exercise?

#1178207 - 07/01/21 10:22 PM Re: TALK TO ME [Re: bethanykoubsky]  
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 143
CTthomas Offline
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CTthomas  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 143
Thanks Bethany. Love your ideas. Definitely in my rewrite file.

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