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#1171826 - 11/29/20 02:06 PM Who I Am  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 132
VNORTH2 Online content
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VNORTH2  Online Content
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Posts: 132
Windsor, NS, Canada
Back when I was a teenager, playing in a rock and roll band, our lead singer died in a motorcycle accident. We were the best of friends and his death affected me all the years. Only within the last couple of years could I finally comes to terms with his death through the writing of this song. Some of the lines I spoke to him at the grave site telling him I could never have another friend.




https://soundcloud.com/user-944741980/004-who-i-am


Who I Am
V1
Too soon to say goodby
I need to find a place to cry
Don't want to feel this pain
Could someone please explain

V2
Why I can't see my friend
How did this all just end
You were there and now you're gone
How do I move on
How do I move on
My friend

Chorus
If there's a God above
Talk to me
If you're a God of love
Hold me
I need to understand, understand
Who I Am

V3
you'll never age a day
I'll always think of you that way
Perhaps another time
I'll smile when you cross my mind

V4
And now it's time for me to go
But here's what you must know
I never want another friend
I can't go through this again
Go through this again
My friend

Chorus
If there's a God above
Talk to me
If you're a God of love
Hold me
If there's a God above
Talk to me Lord
And if you're a God of love
Hold me close, hold me close
I need to understand, understand
Who I am, who I am Copyright 2019© Steven McDonald


VNORTH2
#1171875 - 12/01/20 01:49 AM Re: Who I Am [Re: VNORTH2]  
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,336
JAPOV Online happy
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JAPOV  Online Happy
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,336
I really like your style, great vocals as well! "But....." (and remember, I'm just one opinion in cyberspace lol)

Lyrically it seems like you have two songs here. Your chorus is so powerful that I forget you're singing about a lost friend, and your hook "Who I Am" makes it about yourself.

Just a thought...
If there's a God above
Talk to me
If you're a God of love
Explain to me
Without my friend, I can't understand
Who I Am smile

#1173014 - 12/31/20 12:31 PM Re: Who I Am [Re: VNORTH2]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 132
VNORTH2 Online content
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VNORTH2  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 132
Windsor, NS, Canada
I really like your style, great vocals as well! "But....." (and remember, I'm just one opinion in cyberspace lol)

Lyrically it seems like you have two songs here. Your chorus is so powerful that I forget you're singing about a lost friend, and your hook "Who I Am" makes it about yourself.

Just a thought...
If there's a God above
Talk to me
If you're a God of love
Explain to me
Without my friend, I can't understand
Who I Am smile


Thank you JAPOV for the comments ... most appreciated. The song is about my struggle over the years of the loss of my friend


VNORTH2
#1173015 - 12/31/20 12:53 PM Re: Who I Am [Re: VNORTH2]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 767
Steve Altonian Offline
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Steve Altonian  Offline
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Posts: 767
Los Angeles, California
Beautiful tune...Love the piano & the intricate vocal. But I would shorten the time on this where I can

For a Ballad 4:16 is simply way too long...There is some fat you could & IMO should trim...Your intro I would cut down to 8-12 seconds...(Saving 10-12)

Also, I would cut those 2 extra lines in verse 2 & 4...You are simply repeating line 4's information in each and these line really serve no function...You don't need those lines. You really do not need lines 5 & 6 at all IMO, & you certainly don't need to tell us what you already told us...Just launch to your CHORUS...You should save another 24-26 seconds between both of these...So with this trimming it would cut 30-38 seconds off & get you comfortably under 4 minutes


Why I can't see my friend
How did this all just end
You were there and now you're gone
How do I move on
How do I move on
My friend


And now it's time for me to go
But here's what you must know
I never want another friend
I can't go through this again
Go through this again
My friend


Just a thoughtt....


Steve Altonian---"I'll just do my best & let God do the rest"

http://www.stevealtonian.com
#1173065 - 01/02/21 08:21 PM Re: Who I Am [Re: VNORTH2]  
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 10
Calcoic Offline
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Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 10
Washington State
Wow you have a great singing voice.

Suspense was killing me waiting for you to really belt it out and you did ramp it up near the end of the song.

Sorry for your loss.


CALCOIC
#1173071 - 01/03/21 12:00 PM Re: Who I Am [Re: VNORTH2]  
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 744
ckiphen Offline
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- Select One - huntsville, te...
Good song. Very relatable for some of us.


Ckiphen
#1173257 - 01/14/21 01:01 PM Re: Who I Am [Re: VNORTH2]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 132
VNORTH2 Online content
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VNORTH2  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2005
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Windsor, NS, Canada
Beautiful tune...Love the piano & the intricate vocal. But I would shorten the time on this where I can

For a Ballad 4:16 is simply way too long...There is some fat you could & IMO should trim...Your intro I would cut down to 8-12 seconds...(Saving 10-12)

Also, I would cut those 2 extra lines in verse 2 & 4...You are simply repeating line 4's information in each and these line really serve no function...You don't need those lines. You really do not need lines 5 & 6 at all IMO, & you certainly don't need to tell us what you already told us...Just launch to your CHORUS...You should save another 24-26 seconds between both of these...So with this trimming it would cut 30-38 seconds off & get you comfortably under 4 minutes


Why I can't see my friend
How did this all just end
You were there and now you're gone
How do I move on
How do I move on
My friend

And now it's time for me to go
But here's what you must know
I never want another friend
I can't go through this again
Go through this again
My friend

Just a thoughtt


Thanks, Steve, for your comments. This is a demo for now. If I decide to do something with it I will definitely refer to your suggestions

Steve


VNORTH2
#1173270 - 01/15/21 03:44 PM Re: Who I Am [Re: VNORTH2]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 1,659
Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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Posts: 1,659
Conover, North Carolina, USA
I agree with all the positive comments above regarding the performance and the lyric and would add that there is a real sincerity that comes across both in the lyric itself and your voice, which I found very moving.

I also agree with JAPOV about it seeming like two songs. I would leave out the "Who I am" question altogether. It doesn't belong in my opinion. I also agree with Calcoic that you did a great job of building suspense musically leaving me wanting to hear you really belt out a chorus.

Really good. You are clearly a talented guy.

#1173274 - 01/15/21 06:31 PM Re: Who I Am [Re: VNORTH2]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,254
lane1777 Offline
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lane1777  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,254
south of the mason,dixon line
I have to agree with others here, your voice is very good, and stands out.. carries every word you sing, people listen to that, I don`t think you have to be repetitive on any lyric you have here, your making your point and people are getting it.
really a good listen I like the song.. [ just my thoughts] Lane



"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction,
one might save you from the other...Vincent
#1173693 - 02/01/21 11:35 AM Re: Who I Am [Re: Calcoic]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 132
VNORTH2 Online content
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VNORTH2  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 132
Windsor, NS, Canada
Originally Posted by Calcoic
Wow you have a great singing voice.

Suspense was killing me waiting for you to really belt it out and you did ramp it up near the end of the song.

Sorry for your loss.



Thank you for the listen and your kind words. Most appreciated

Steve

Last edited by VNORTH2; 02/01/21 11:36 AM.

VNORTH2
#1173712 - 02/02/21 11:38 AM Re: Who I Am [Re: VNORTH2]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 184
swestern Offline
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swestern  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 184
South Lyon, Michigan
VNORTH2,
I really enjoyed this, I could feel the desperation and sadness, a real longing to have your friend back and the honest questioning of where is God in all this.
So sorry for your loss, so many times there are just no answers that would suffice but I believe God will make all things new again.
Skip

#1173755 - 02/05/21 09:02 PM Re: Who I Am [Re: VNORTH2]  
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,087
IronKnee Offline
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IronKnee  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,087
Hawaii
Good song, man!
Love the writing. The performances are great.

#1173760 - 02/06/21 02:02 AM Re: Who I Am [Re: VNORTH2]  
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 677
Ricky Layne Offline
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Ricky Layne  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 677
Oregon
Beautiful song. Very genuine in lyrics and delivery.

I think you have an opportunity to add to the emotional delivery in a few places. Your melodies are very good but become a little stagnant to me at the end of each verse. It would be a great place to go up in vocal pitch even if it's just on the last couple words imo. Would make great lead ins to each verse and also the chorus.

That's all I can really pick out as something I would consider changing.

Very nice song!

#1173786 - 02/08/21 11:10 AM Re: Who I Am [Re: VNORTH2]  
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 8,944
Mackie H. Offline
Top 20 Poster
Mackie H.  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 8,944
NASHVILLE, TN
VNORTH2

I really think your songs are soaring!

Keep them coming!

Mackie

#1173902 - 02/11/21 02:44 PM Re: Who I Am [Re: ckiphen]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 132
VNORTH2 Online content
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VNORTH2  Online Content
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Windsor, NS, Canada
Originally Posted by ckiphen
Good song. Very relatable for some of us.



Thanks for your comment, most appreciated


VNORTH2
#1173903 - 02/11/21 02:46 PM Re: Who I Am [Re: Gavin Sinclair]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 132
VNORTH2 Online content
Serious Contributor
VNORTH2  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 132
Windsor, NS, Canada
Originally Posted by Gavin Sinclair
I agree with all the positive comments above regarding the performance and the lyric and would add that there is a real sincerity that comes across both in the lyric itself and your voice, which I found very moving.

I also agree with JAPOV about it seeming like two songs. I would leave out the "Who I am" question altogether. It doesn't belong in my opinion. I also agree with Calcoic that you did a great job of building suspense musically leaving me wanting to hear you really belt out a chorus.

Really good. You are clearly a talented guy.


Thanks, Gavin for the listen and your comments. The song is really about my struggle with his death.

Steven


VNORTH2
#1173904 - 02/11/21 02:51 PM Re: Who I Am [Re: lane1777]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 132
VNORTH2 Online content
Serious Contributor
VNORTH2  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 132
Windsor, NS, Canada
Originally Posted by lane1777
I have to agree with others here, your voice is very good, and stands out.. carries every word you sing, people listen to that, I don`t think you have to be repetitive on any lyric you have here, your making your point and people are getting it.
really a good listen I like the song.. [ just my thoughts] Lane


Thanks. Lane, for the listen. I see your point about repeating the line. I'll give it some thought.

Steven


VNORTH2
#1173993 - 02/14/21 02:52 PM Re: Who I Am [Re: swestern]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 132
VNORTH2 Online content
Serious Contributor
VNORTH2  Online Content
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 132
Windsor, NS, Canada
Originally Posted by swestern
VNORTH2,
I really enjoyed this, I could feel the desperation and sadness, a real longing to have your friend back and the honest questioning of where is God in all this.
So sorry for your loss, so many times there are just no answers that would suffice but I believe God will make all things new again.
Skip


Thanks, swestern, for the listen and your comments. It's been a bit of a journey over the years. I totally agree with you on all things new.

Steven


VNORTH2
#1174019 - 02/15/21 11:05 AM Re: Who I Am [Re: IronKnee]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 132
VNORTH2 Online content
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VNORTH2  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2005
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Windsor, NS, Canada
Originally Posted by IronKnee
Good song, man!
Love the writing. The performances are great.


Thanks, IronKnee, for the listen and comments. Most appreciated.

Steven


VNORTH2
#1174127 - 02/18/21 03:49 PM Re: Who I Am [Re: Ricky Layne]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 132
VNORTH2 Online content
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VNORTH2  Online Content
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 132
Windsor, NS, Canada
Originally Posted by Ricky Layne
Beautiful song. Very genuine in lyrics and delivery.

I think you have an opportunity to add to the emotional delivery in a few places. Your melodies are very good but become a little stagnant to me at the end of each verse. It would be a great place to go up in vocal pitch even if it's just on the last couple words imo. Would make great lead ins to each verse and also the chorus.

That's all I can really pick out as something I would consider changing.

Very nice song!


Thanks, Ricky, for the listen and comment. Most appreciated

Steve


VNORTH2
#1174354 - 02/28/21 06:44 AM Re: Who I Am [Re: Mackie H.]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 132
VNORTH2 Online content
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VNORTH2  Online Content
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Posts: 132
Windsor, NS, Canada
Originally Posted by Mackie H.
VNORTH2

I really think your songs are soaring!

Keep them coming!

Mackie


Sorry I missed this, Mackie. Thanks for the comment, most appreciated.

Steve


VNORTH2

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