10 members (Fdemetrio, VNORTH2, Gary E. Andrews, Perry Neal Crawford, couchgrouch, Sunset Poet, Guy E. Trepanier, bennash, Bill Draper, David Gill),
4,088
guests, and
270
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 690
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 690 |
One question I have: Is the word "touch" too weird for the end of the chorus? I originally had "meet" but was just wanting a stronger word there.
Open for any other suggs too!
Thanks.
YOUR MISTAKE
You tossed me in a river A child you couldn't claim Now I'm a lonely drifter Did you ever feel ashamed?
I grew up never knowing you I grew up in the sea You never came to rescue But did you ever miss me?
I live in a haze Surrounded by waves
Somehow I survived our broken ties And I guess I'm doing fine I wonder if your still alive In some sort of disguise And would you ever want to touch Your mistake
I never asked to be here But thanks for your mistake I know one thing is crystal clear I'm a glass that can only break
Without me in the way Was the love you found enough? Without me in the way We're you able to rise above?
Somehow I survived our broken ties And I guess I'm doing fine I wonder if your still alive In some sort of disguise And would you ever want to touch Your mistake
YOUR MISTAKE
You tossed me in a river A boy you never claimed Now I'm a lonely drifter Did you ever feel ashamed?
I grew up never knowing you I grew up in the sea You never came to rescue But did you ever miss me?
I live in a haze Surrounded by waves
Somehow I survived our broken ties I long to see your eyes I wonder if your still alive In some sort of disguise When I dream you find me Paralyzed
I find a way to be assured Then I think I'm a mistake Sorry that I'm so veneer I feel weak but I won't break
I'm lost in a maze Becoming it's slave
Somehow I survived our broken ties I long to see your eyes I wonder if your still alive In some sort of disguise When I dream you find me Paralyzed
Last edited by Ricky Layne; 01/29/21 08:43 PM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,280 Likes: 3
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,280 Likes: 3 |
in this are you referring to ..like a woman that gave this person up? as a child? I thinking so.
So thinking that..."do you ever wonder... we all make mistakes".. to me this is more general.
to me, in the write your saying your mistake, that is an assumption. this person might not think so...maybe she/he had nothing and wanted you to have something better than she/he could give you. some people think like that. that person she/he might have had a circumstance. that warranted that action. Know what I mean? Just my thought. Lane
like the lyric..
Last edited by lane1777; 01/26/21 08:18 PM.
"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction, one might save you from the other...Vincent
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 690
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 690 |
Lane
I absolutely agree with you and maybe "your mistake" is a bad theme.
But my thought was from the child's perspective growing up they could think they're a mistake? And reaching out to the parent in this way might make the parent get it touch to explain. Mistake or no mistake.
I think the child at some point figures they are a mistake.
I get it though. It's not a clear lyric yet. It certainty doesn't have to be "your mistake".
Thank you!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,280 Likes: 3
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,280 Likes: 3 |
ok, I see now, if your anything like me, I have to rewrite and rewrite...lol and then when I think its ok, I post it? and have to edit that! there are lots of people around that give their thoughts on the boards so you`ll have help. with others here, I have some ok songs. you have a great night and lots of luck with this. Lane
"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction, one might save you from the other...Vincent
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 690
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 690 |
Thanks Lane.
Updated some of the lyrics.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 169
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 169 |
Maybe change touch to “heal”.
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,717
Posts1,160,950
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|