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#1169362 - 09/19/20 07:09 PM TALK TO ME  
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 158
CTthomas Offline
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CTthomas  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 158
Talk to Me

Verse 1:
Who knows when things began to crumble
What I did or didnít do goes through my mind
I canít remember when the drinking started
Or the places that I left her on her own...
All alone

Chorus:
She said.....talk to me
Thereís need for change
But her words rang hollow in my head
Those words sheíd said
With pain..Öonce again
But things always seem to stay the same

Verse two:
Who knows why a man can have such courage
Strength coming from Jack Daniels shots
He feels no need or worry about others
As he sits there pours another, getting ever drunker
All alone

Chorus:
She said.... talk to me
Thereís need for change
But her words rang hollow in my head
Those words sheíd said
With painÖ.once again
But things always seem to stay the same

Verse 3:
Who knows where this story will be ending
If the bottom of a bottle canít be found
When youíve lost all that really matters
And you find yourself crying and hell bound....
All alone

Chorus
She said.....talk to me
Thereís need for change
But her words rang hollow in my head
Those words sheíd said
With painÖ..over again
But things always seem to stay the same

Bridge-
There was a time two lives really mattered
Two hearts so connected beat as one
To a tune of love not known by many others
Till the walls of what we had came tumbling down

Chorus:
She said.....talk to me
thereís need for change.......

copyright 2020 craig kuchler

Last edited by CTthomas; 10/14/20 08:55 AM.
#1169363 - 09/19/20 08:58 PM Re: TALK TO ME [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400
John W. Selleck Offline
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John W. Selleck  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,400
NJ
Hi Craig,
Rough subject, well done. This is usually the story, and the ending usually the same.


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost forever.

www.soundclick.com/johnsings
www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=1468958 For Selleck/Kay co-writes
#1169388 - 09/20/20 04:13 PM Re: TALK TO ME [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,824
beechnut79 Offline
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beechnut79  Offline
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Posts: 3,824
Villa Park IL
The last verse in the piece is what is known in the field as "hitting bottom". And can apply to other things besides only excessive drinking. That's when you reach the point when you may wonder why you even got out of bed. Perhaps I'll come up with one with that theme. Felt very fortunate that I never developed a huge taste for drinking-- only a beer every now and then. For another powerful piece on this subject, check out Lucinda Williams' "Drunken Angel".

#1171983 - 12/02/20 09:39 PM Re: TALK TO ME [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Sep 2019
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CTthomas Offline
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CTthomas  Offline
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Thanks John. Tough row to hoe. Like Beechnut Iím lucky I havenít taken that road though Iíve been close.

Thanks Beechnut. Hitting bottom would be a tough place to hit.

#1172023 - 12/04/20 12:13 AM Re: TALK TO ME [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,247
Gary E. Andrews Offline
Gary E. Andrews  Offline

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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,247
Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
You don't have THE Hook.
"Talk To Me" is your intended title, but it's not the gist of the Storyline. Even though she says it, there's no follow-up. She doesn't ask again, just that one time in the Chorus. And he doesn't talk to her.
And using it as the first Line of the Chorus makes it forgotten by the end of the Chorus.
THE Hook is the main idea of a Song. When you hear it it sums up what the Exposition in the Verses has been leading up to.
The last Line of a Chorus is a strategic position. Even if you use it in the first Line using it again in the last Line means that's what's left ringing in their ears.
I'd rewrite to get "Talk To Me" into the Exposition in the Verses. She wanted to talk to try to fix the relationship, to fix the drunkard. Even if there's no happy ending, that missed chance to talk and maybe have a different outcome is the main idea of the Storyline. It might be too clever to find a happy ending if they do talk. Sad Songs are easier to write. The ones where things are going good and stay good are rarer, and harder to write, maybe. Maybe not. If I were you, I'd talk to her. In fact, if you don't, I'm probably the guy who will. LOL


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#1172213 - 12/08/20 11:49 AM Re: TALK TO ME [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Sep 2020
Posts: 39
johnparagreen Offline
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johnparagreen  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2020
Posts: 39
fife scotland
Hi, I wrote a song with this title years ago, it's near the bottom on my soundclick page,
just to kinda explain what Gary means the chorus goes

Talk to me
Talk to me
We have nothing to hide
Donít shut me out
Donít keep it all inside,
Let me into your world
Your voice is the key
Take me into your heart
Talk to me.

I like your idea of

She said, talk to me

but I also suggest ending the chorus on it

all the best,john.


please visit my soundclick page to hear songs recorded by musicians world wide

https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandid=429802
#1175179 - 03/22/21 03:25 PM Re: TALK TO ME [Re: Gary E. Andrews]  
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 158
CTthomas Offline
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CTthomas  Offline
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Posts: 158
Definitely needs work Gary. Love your suggestions.

#1176451 - 05/09/21 10:48 AM Re: TALK TO ME [Re: Gary E. Andrews]  
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 158
CTthomas Offline
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CTthomas  Offline
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Posts: 158
This song definitely needs some rework Gary. I will take all your suggestions in when re-writing. I and Iím sure many others on this site appreciate all the critiques you give to us. They are mostly spot on and always will make for a better song. I just hope that those that take your ideas to heart myself included will include you in the co-write credits. I have on a couple of tunes.

#1177957 - 06/24/21 04:22 PM Re: TALK TO ME [Re: CTthomas]  
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 32
bethanykoubsky Offline
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bethanykoubsky  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 32
Omaha
I think you have a good start here, but i want to see more of the evolution of the problem.
I also think in the chorus you could be more repetitive...you say "she says talk to me" i imagine her saying it again and again to try to get through to him. You allude to it, but only say it once in each chorus.
What about switching it around and telling it from her perspective? Just as an exercise?

#1178207 - 07/01/21 10:22 PM Re: TALK TO ME [Re: bethanykoubsky]  
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 158
CTthomas Offline
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CTthomas  Offline
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Posts: 158
Thanks Bethany. Love your ideas. Definitely in my rewrite file.

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