JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Brighter Day

https://www.reverbnation.com/pollychase/song/31916581-brighter-day

Can't find a way,
can't find a way,
so I'm prayin fo-or
that brighter day.


Tried to get a job
when I went downtown,
but there's no work anymore,
there's no work to-o be fou-ound.

So tell me Jesus,
what's left for a man,
when he's already done
the best that he can.

Sometimes I'm u-up,
other times I'm down,
sometimes I wonder
why am I ha-angin rou-ound.

Oh tell me Lord,
where can we tu-u-urn,
when there's nothing left to spend
and nothing to be earned.

My mother taught me early
and she taught me well,
don't go down any roa-oads
that would only lea-ead to he-ell.

Oh yes she told me
what's right and what's wrong,
she said long as I love Jesus
I will always be stro-o-ong.

I like the song and the lyric. I think there needs to be some diversity though between the verses and the chorus. They, at least to my ear, carry the same progression and melody. For me, it got a little repetitive. That being said, I like the lyric a lot and the melody.

It reminded me a bit of Springsteen from the Nebraska album or Ghost of Tom Joad … lyrically and musically. Thx for sharing.

Dave

Hi Polly.
I like the general tone and your voice.
I think Dave is right about the lack of diversity.
Maybe use one of the verses (verse 1 would work) as a chorus and go into the chord of D there just to make a change.
You could add a harmony there too.

Vic

Enjoyed your song Polly.

Thank you for listening and for the comments and suggestions Dave, Vic, Martin!

Yes I thought of Bruce also with the workmanlike lyric and austere folksie things he sometimes did when he went towards the folk scene. Maybe woody guthrie

But musically it's a bit robotic and not quite there.

I think by the time you get to the Jesus part the listener is tuned out, something as simple as a chord change go to the four perhaps?

I know this style is more lax and doesn't require a lot of change but something in there would help.

Polly,

Dave nailed this . . . really reminiscent of something that Springsteen would have done. Even in the way you sing it, the prosody. The song works well enough for me, but I get what others are saying about diversity. Maybe you could consider slowing down the tempo in one verse, maybe introducing some stops, and then pick back up in the chorus? Or potentially a key change later in the song-- though I’m not sure that trick would work all that well on this one. Good tune as is though, Polly. Enjoyed it!

All my best,

Deej

I enjoyed this Polly.
This has an Arlo Guthrie reminiscence to it, for me.
I really like the lo/fi sound to this recording.
Love it!
-Tom

Thank you!!

Thank you Deej, Fd. I understand your comments about needing more diversity. I was aiming for plain simplicity with this song though, trying to sound very folkie. But I see your point.

Key change? Nah. It's often done in country, although I don't always like it, but I have not heard it done in plain old folk. But thank you for the suggestion! I might try to write a song some day that changes key. I have studied classical and jazz so who knows maybe I can do that.

No, for classic folk you don't hear much change, that's because the sentiment is the thing, what' your saying is most important. If it's too entertaining or polish it takes away from what's beimg said. I'm not sure we are in that era any more and unless you are Woody Guthrie or Bob Dylan it be hard to get people to pay attenion.

I posted a classic folk tune a while ago, and everybody wanted changes, I'm like that's not what I'm writing here.But your audience will be limited.

Check out my folkie tune if you will

https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=1431078&content=songs

That's a nice song Fd. I wouldn't necessarily call it folkie though, especially not with a piano.

I personally love the sound of the real traditional melodies and chord patterns, and that's what I try to imitate in my folk-style songs. I don't even hear them as simple, just different than our modern popular styles.

I do get listened to, by certain people, who happen to resonate with the traditional sounds. It's not for everyone.

That's not piano thats acoustic guitar lol, I tried to use pickings that sounded like a Merry go round, to paint the picture . I guess it does sound like a spinnet. It's about as folk as I get. But there is reverb which you dont hear much of in that style.

I'd say do what feels natural to you, the main person you have to please is yourself , and some will understand what your trying to do.

Oops now I know why you heard piano, I posted the wrong song lol
Working at the mall

https://www.soundclick.com/music/songInfo.cfm?songID=13980988

Beautiful. I really like all your songs I heard so far. And great singing and guitar.

Well yeah I guess there is no other way. I do try to vary my style somewhat though, and not all my songs are as traditional sounding as this one. But it is those traditional sounds -- and I don't even know exactly how to explain them -- that resonate most with me. I love old time fiddle music, and bluegrass, and all that.

Thanks. yeah andthat style was big at a time when attention spans were greater than they are today. If you don't hook them right away they tune out . But the good thing is the audience for your style are people probably all the same age and are willing to sit and listen.

But even if this kind of stuff is not commercially popular there are still artists making it. Every genre still operates even though we never hear most of it.

I'm sure somebody released a traditional folk, nothing but acoustic guitar and had harmonica album today, probably hundreds of artists released something like this today alone.

There is an audience for it at some of the open mics. Sometimes I even got a free beer. Of course, now the open mics are online so there's no free drinks anymore.

Hey you're lucky, when I did gigs, it was either free beer and no pay, or pay and no free beer. Never got both. I remember having an argument with a bar owner and he said you drank 10 beers do you think that grows on trees? I said no barley leaves...lol

Yeah hopefully open mics come back after the virus blows away for good.

Haha, yeah you could say beer grows on trees, or at least some kind of plants.

I miss the good old days of real life open mics. But today there's a real life 4th of July music party! Yay!

Nice, im going to Bro's for first pool party of the year, not much brewing today though

I guess we'll be keeping a distance, but I'm bringing my bluegrass banjo that can be heard from a distance.

Yeah these folks were doing the social distance ing thing for so long now, we're allowed in nj to have gatherings up to thirty but I think maybe 15 are going

It's been a long boring spring, but we're doing a lot better than other states now, during April we were the hardest hit.

I'm in NY state, which won the prize for the worst. But it seems ok now.

Now all the denier states are getting hit. Just hope they dont track it back

Hi Polly...We are who we are musically. And I "get you"...Even your tune "Brighter Day" isn't really bright...I too am a Balladeer & l get it...

That said, This needs a Bridge to give it the diversity mentioned above....Maybe here @ MY MOTHER TOLD ME (You will need to sing differently, with a different melody to fit the Chord Progression & maybe change some lines after "My mother taught me")... Please NOTE...I cannot save the CHORDS to go over the words where it should be. EXAMPLE the D chord is supposed to be over the word early. But the Progression for the BRIDGE would be

Em-D-G-(D/F#)-Em-Am-C-D (CAPO IV)

I played this on acoustic with Capo IV

Em D
My mother taught me early

G D/F# Em
and she taught me well,

Am
don't go down any roa-oads

C D
that would only lea-ead to he-ell.

back to Chorus:

G Em etc

Can't find a way,
can't find a way,
so I'm prayin fo-or
that brighter day.

Thanks Steve, I'll try it!