JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Don't go to Memphis (with music). Travis & Vic

Travis sent me a lyric about his visit to Tennessee recently.
I thought, hmmm! I could probably do something fun with this.
It revolves around the customs guy in Nashville and the bus driver in Memphis.
I mixed it up a bit for the music to fit and put in a few lines of my own.
This is the result.
Country rock, Outlaw Country. I don't really know but I feel a bit of Waylon in it.

Vic
https://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold/dont-go-to-memphis


Don't Go to Memphis © 2020 J. Vaughan & V. Arnold
V
"Don't go to Memphis" said the customs guy
"Elvis would move if he was still alive
Here in Nashville's where you want to be
Good bars, good beer ... and the music's free".
We took his advice and got a hotel
with its tours and trips they wanted to sell
We did them all left the best till last
Paid our homage ... to the man in black
C
"Don't go to Memphis. Stay here instead
or you'd better bolt your doors, before you go to bed".
Asked if he had shares in music row and bars on the strip
He said "Oh, No, no!
Just take my tip .....
Don't go to Memphis".
V
*Rolled on down Highway 40, ignoring his advice.
Bumping some Shakira, that we all kinda liked
Bus depot later, tired and had our fill
Driver said, "Take Some advice. Don't go to Nashville"
So we laid back in the bus in an alcohol daze
Rode back to Nashville all in that same day
Packed the Stetson and the T-shirt. Burned up our expenses
but can't recall which was which. Nashville or Memphis?
C
He said, "Don't go to Nashville stay here instead
Listen to the blues, man. Country music's dead
Elvis would have stayed and never would have moved
Don't listen to strangers
with bad attitude
Don't go to Nashville"
*Thanks to suggestions by Steve Altonian to first two lines of second verse

Sigh.

I don't know what this is about but I think the first vs says that while in Nashville "we" ( who's the second person? Or however many there are?) paid homage to Johnny Cash. Cash got his start at Sun and is closely associated with Memphis. I'm sure there are places in Nashville that pay him due honor, but in a song that pits Memphis and Nashville against each other, it seems odd to mention Cash who had dual citizenship.

I've been to Nashville many times and I never met anyone from customs.

Again, I'm not sure what this is about but carry on.

And be sure to visit CAZ the next time you're in Arizona...the Couchgrouch Autonomous Zone.

Sigh,

If you were arriving in Nashville from England, you would need to go through customs.

Couch, your losing it again. Seems I have to remind you there is a JC Museum in Nashville, maybe it wasn't there last time you visited in 1948 or maybe you wandered round there looking for your own museum and just missed it. .

If you had arrived in Nashville from the UK like our two tourists you would have come across a customs guy asking for your passport.
Try and keep up.

Thanks for the bump anyway. Now I'll carry on.
Vic

It doesn't say anything about coming from England, or internationally. That's something for the first line. Or just make it the cabbie.

And Memphis has good bars, beer and I don't think they charge more for music than Nashville. Use that line to describe the differences in their music.

Vic, I mentioned that very thing in my comment. Cash has roots in both cities. If you're going to pit Nashville vs Memphis, use someone known for only Nashville. I know Cash from Memphis. I've got a framed photo of the Million Dollar Quartet on my wall. Walk the Line focuses on Cash at Sun. Oh, that's right...I'm wearing a friggin' Johnny Cash at Sun t-shirt.


I blame myself. After hate grew where Rosemary went, I knew better than to listen to this. There was a good chance it'd be a head scratcher and I'd be tempted to comment.
I vow to not comment on your next one.

I've been to Nashville within the last ten years and I've signed songs with both Music Row publishers and Memphis publishers. I suspect I'm younger than you guys.

I like the track and when I heard the vocal and overall sound it seemed to be haunting, perhaps with a twist of humor so without going too far into the lyric what it means to me, is both classic music cities are shadows of what they once were and are no longer the iconic cities they once were. but the locals are vying for bragging rights.

Songs don't have to mean anything either.

We crossed over there Gavin but thanks anyway.

Vic

The mention of the customs guy is actually a really economical way of informing us that these guys are arriving from out of the country without having to say it. It adds to the story and the humor. It's good writing.

Vic, I enjoyed this but I was a bit surprised by the music. I was expecting a more straight-up humorous treatment. This is, as FD says, haunting, almost as if something bad is going to happen. It might just be the reverb, which could maybe be turned down a little.

Couch,
You continue to have issues with every lyric I write,
In this instance I penned 75% of the story.
The events were a true account of my trip to both Nashville where we landed, the we being my son and I.
Later we went on to Memphis.
The conversation regarding our intended trip to Memphis was a true account. Not verbatim as the conversation with the US customs guy wouldn't rhyme!
You might have a framed photo of the Million Dollar Quartet photo on your wall even the T-shirt unaware that Johnny Cash wasn't involved in Sam's recording?
Likewise you have missed the whole plot here too.
For god sake man, get a life, grab some humility and stop picking holes in everyone's efforts.
Criticism yes, snide comments, no

Actually Gavin, something haunting HAS happened, the music is not as good there any more, and possibly the ghosts of Elvis and Cash are roamimg.........that's how I see it.

Yeah Couchgrouch get a life.

Couch. There is a clue in the first line to them being foreigners. They don't have to be from England.
That's why the customs man is there. Show, not tell as is said.

You may be trying to be helpful in your next paragraphs but your idea wouldn't work because the good beer and music thing is a sales pitch by the customs guy and later maybe used by the bus driver to get tourists to spend their money in their town. Not meant to be a true description of whether one beer or music is better than the other city's beer and music. The message is "Don't spend your cash there! Stay here and spend it!"

Yes, I met JC too a couple of times at the BBC but that doesn't mean I write great songs. Maybe you did. I have no idea. But one thing I am sure about is that I wouldn't want you writing ours. You could turn it into a tourists instruction guide and it wouldn't be funny.

I was thinking btw, that in all the years I have been coming to this site that you never commented on any of mine and suddenly you wade into two of them. Just curious.

You can't be much older than us if at all. Travis and I have already one foot in the grave each.

Vic

We need to all step back just a bit, IMHO. I worked in Nashville for five years and enjoyed every minute. I've been to Memphis many times and must admit... there is a natural tension between these two great Cities. Most of all, I enjoyed the story-line and Vic's Johnny Cash sounding vocal. To my knowledge, there may not be international flights coming into Nashville, although they enlarged the airport there significantly just as I was headed back to Texarkana. I agree with Gavin... there would have been a "Customs Man" involved whether in NYC, Boston or Miami.

Great job, Travis and Vic. I enjoyed hearing this and wish you luck with it.

Regards, ----Dave

Ps Vic and Travis I think my take on it has some appeal. May not be what youwere going for but I see it as a battle of two music meccas, and the locals trying to sway the tourists .

But that's just one guys opinion

This is super good in many ways. The HOOK is great & "Don't Go To Memphis' sings & sticks in your head...That is a HOOK...When I heard the HOOK I said ahhhh...Is this a final or "open" to ideas? If it's done disregard...But I have a couple thoughts.

Vic on a production note, the verb is washing too much on your VOX. The extra verb affects the overall track IMO. The track is stellar as usual, but I would dial it back significantly...

Great Story Travis & the lyric is real good, but I think BOTH first lines of BOTH VERSES should be looked at...For different reasons...

Your CHORUS stands alone...So the opening line of each verse seems a waste of a line...Because your CHORUS stands alone...

The first line jumps right into "Don't go to Memphis"...I personally don't think it's a good idea to use the TITLE words in the VERSE. It's normally a wasted word or phrase, that you already say in the CHORUS. You put the TITLE in the first line, CHORUS, & in Verse 2 you ALSO use the TITLE "Memphis"...You already are gonna tell me "Don't go to Memphis" & hammer it home in your great stand alone CHORUS...You are wasting prime real estate that you need for further story development...

It's the opening line of the verse & a Customs agent is opening your song...What would be the first line of a Customs Agent? "What's your business here"? Then develop from there

Travis, yes it delays your second line, but you are good enough to re-arrange that thought later in the verse...I know, I know, it will screw up your Elvis will move line, but that can come later...... I had a hard time on the first listen following what was going on, to be honest. The First Verse isn't quite opening up to be readily understood for the casual listener. The first VERSE needs a better setting of the table....But you put the TITLE of your CHORUS in that first line...Pet peeve. Your CHORUS stands alone and should not need this line.

If you disagree & say I absolutely love the set-up of using the TITLE in line 1 of my verse & my second Elvis line, & need it in my tune, I would understand. You may be too far into this to change that, as everything Lyrically trickles down from there. You change line 1 & getting Elvis back in your tune may be a daunting task...

That said....

In VERSE 2: The use of MEMPHIS in the first line should be looked at closely: "We went to Memphis".......You are "TELLING" here & IMO this line falls flat...SHOW here in this line & it's a done deal (You can easily SHOW us this thought) Line 1: "BUS DRIVER spinnin' TUPAC/SNOOP-DOG/RUN DMC clockin' 80 down Hwy 40, Highway 40 is the main route betwwen Memphis & Nashville...In line 3 if you need clarity about where u are, & you want Memphis there, this is a better spot. You can say a more descriptive rolled/pulled/cruised into the "Memphis bus depot". Yes you say Memphis but not "went to Memphis"...It's the "Memphis" Bus depot..A more descriptive angle

THE IRONY OF USING NO MEMPHIS MUSIC OR NASHNILLE MUSIC but music outside these two Music Heavyweights is a great contrast, but it isn't fully developed. It needs development & SHOWING here...Plus your current second line says music we all kind of liked. What kind of music? Beethoven, 70's Classic Rock, Grunge ? Get descriptive here. The previous line I just suggested, or similar, could WRAP or "RAP" that entire thought for you really tightly with a slight re-write to line 2 to fit the story line created in line 1...Or you can go different thought here: LINE 2: "Gen X/Milennial bumping 'da ride, while we sippin' & spillin' iced Mai Tais". Tons of options here Travis...Bumping beats and spilling Mai Tais may work cause the BASS from the music would shake the bus to spill the drinks, along with them getting faded...It also addresses the TELLING you currently have and moves your Lyric on these lines to SHOWING..This also supports your alcoholic haze..

These are simply ideas that you potentially could weave into the fabric of your lyric, with a little snipping & cutting, & of course look at the RHYME scheme....I just think you need SHOW here on these lines Travis. I think your write, specifically these lines, will shine a little brighter if you come up with a more descriptive 2 lines here. Of course you will need to look at all subsequent lines to keep cohesiveness to your lyric.

Great track that I believe would really benefit from less reverb & a look at the first 2 lines of each VERSE, eliminating the TITLE from the VERSE to allow for further story development.

Travis & Vic, if you choose to keep VERSE 1 as is, & you very well may, for reasons I stated above, I believe the first 2 lines of VERSE 2 would benefit from a little TLC..

Those are my thoughts

Hi Gavin
You would need to go through customs,.Being chatty Brits, we had the conversation that led to the song.
I think we flew from London to Philadelphia? But there's a BA. direct flight from Heathrow five days a week or was!
Regards
John

Hi Fde
You mentioned, haunting, which I think is a good description.
Vic had Dire Straits in mind for the music, I'm sure one uncharitable member of the forum will proclaim, D. S. has been achieved. So I'll get it in first!
Some of Knopflers songs and production do have that haunting feel.
Thanks for your listen and comments
John

Hi Dave,
You're right about stepping back, but sometimes...
There's International flights to Nashville, please see my comment to Gavin earlier
I found it more relaxing in Nashville and you're right about Memphis.
We got ripped off in a bar there and refused a drink in another for not having the required I D.
But a great trip nonetheless.
The conversation opener as in the first two lines of the song are factual
All the best and thanks for your comments
John

Thanks, Fdemetrio. You seem to get it ok.
I always liked haunting minor chords even though you wouldn't normally associate them with humour. Adds a little unease to the comical atmosphere.

Vic

Spot on about the customs, Gavin. I can't understand why some don't see it unless of course they secretly do and are just helping out with the promotion.

The haunting sound is the minor chords at work. I wanted to introduce a slight sense of "where the hell are we now?" That wouldn't have worked imo with the standard major chord, musical arrangement you would imagine to be usual for a comedy song.

Well, the locals are over urging and the vocals are over reverbing.
I tend to use delay on vocals rather than reverb, although I use a smidge on the whole mix. I did think that I may have over done the slap back delay in the beginning of the vocal more than the rest. I will have another look at it.

Thanks again.
Vic

Hi Dave. Thanks for the favourable comment.
Yes, there were flights from the UK. $648.

Travis wouldn't have written that "customs guy" line if he hadn't heard it from the man himself.

Vic

Thanks again Fdem.
That's about it and the fact that the tourists didn't have much memory of it afterwards, apart from the bars. :-)

Vic

Thanks Vic,

Glad to know one can fly from Nashville to London for about the price of a Twang-Town demo. Lots of good memories sitting there at the old terminal with little or no security. Had a flight to Kansas City one day with "Goober" of the Andy Griffith Show. We played cards in the "back of the bus" almost all the way. He was certainly an entertaining guy without his little pointy-rimmed cap. He was headed for a Celebrity Golf Tournament in Iowa and I was making a call at one of the John Deere Plants near the river. Fun day!

----Dave

Well Steve. Thanks for giving me something to think about.
That takes some thinking about.
The thing is to try and get the explanatories all in before they head back. Only two lines to show that they went to Memphis because then they're heading back in the next two lines.
In the first line they're heading down Highway 40 ignoring the advice
then they're listening to some blues in line 2
Line 3 they're exhausted and line 4 the driver says don't go back to Nashville.
Now we got to get them back to Nashville.

I think it may come to rewriting the whole verse.
Not saying it's impossible but hell!

Who knows? I've rewritten songs many times before.

Vic

Doesn't need a full VERSE re-write, in fact don't do wholesale changes...Now you have the lyric past tense....We went, ignored, listened....You can just fix the 2 lines & also make it in the "moment" instead of past as well...instead of ignored use ignoring...Instead of listened (past tense) bumping (present tense)..

Something like this? And your Rhyme scheme is intact, more descriptive lines, & a present tense feel. Small, subtle change, but now the imagery is taking shape a little better then your current lines of went to Memphis & listened to music..And the way I read that first line there is no doubt he left Nashville & is on his way to Memphis...(You clearly ignored his advice "implying" you are now Memphis bound via Hwy 40) And you don't say Memphis. Leave everything else alone...

Rolling down Hwy 40, ignoring the mans advice
Bumping some Shakira, which we all kinda like
Bus depot later, tired and had our fill
Driver said, "Take Some advice. Don't go to Nashville"
So we laid back in the bus in an alcohol daze
Rode back to Nashville all in that same day
Packed the Stetson and the T-shirt. Burned up our expenses
but can't recall which was which. Nashville or Memphis?

Thought I'd answered this, Steve.
I wrote out a reply but must have hit the wrong button.

This would work. I quite like it. We wouldn't have thought of the "Shakira" part. Must be a US thing.
I'll see what Travis thinks.

Thanks

Vic

Good song fellas.
Marty

Thanks Marty.

Vic

Thanks again to Steve Altonian for his suggestions for changes to first two lines of second verse.

Vic & Travis

Thanks Marty appreciate your comments and listen
John

Hi Steve
Thanks for your interest, help and suggestions in our song.
Very much appreciated
Regards
John

I am glad the lyric works for you guys.............

Just remember 1 thing. "Don't go to Memphis"...

I'll bear that in mind.

Vic

Hey Vic and Travis,

Having read the lyrics in the lyric forum some days ago, I too, like Gavin, expected a lighter vibe musically . . . at least, that might have been the way I went with it. Fascinating again how the same lyrics can take folks in different but equally compelling ways. Because I like what you've done here Vic--nice hard, and as others have said, haunting edge to this one.

I try very hard to say on the sidelines during debates such as those above--music is subjective, and ultimately there are no rules, and so I never see the point . . . I'll just say what I've said before: A song is more than the sum of its parts. The lyric works just fine for me, and married to all the rest of it . . . very good tune, gents. Nicely done!

Good luck with it,

Deej

Hi Dave
Good to see you around here again.. Thanks for the listen
and comments
Regards
John

Thanks for the comment Deej.
Yes, it's a good thing everyone's different. Makes things more interesting.

Vic

Just saw Nashvilles Property Tax Bill passed @ 34%...

"Don't go to Nashville"....

Thanks. I've made a note of that but don't tell Travis. :-)

Vic

Hey guys,


I really enjoyed what ya got going on in this one good job.

Calvin


https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=11440

Thanks Calvin.
Took a while to get it like we wanted but we had some help on here.

Vic

Thanks Calvin, glad you liked our song
Regards
John

Travis & Vic ...

I enjoyed this very much! To me, it has a vibe of Johnny Cash backed up by Dire Straits ... Nuthin wrong with that, in my book! And yes, there's a long-standing cultural animosity between the two cities. Although it's a rather quiet issue, it's still prevent.

I tend to look at the big picture when I listen to a song. Basically, i want you to tell me a decent story with some decent music behind it. For me, both of them are present here. And yes, the big picture is made up of a lot of small things. My analogy, FWIW:

My wife and I are in the very early stages of having a custom home built for us. She likes a certain paint color on the walls - I like a similar but somewhat different color. We're also buying all new furniture. She likes a particular bedroom set - I like another. But, in the end, it's gonna be a beautiful home no matter which way we go with out preferences. And the finished structure is the big picture. In this song, the lyric, musical arrangement, track selection and vocal presentation are some of the smaller parts. Even though I might have used a different backing track somewhere along the way (I probably wouldn't have), it would most liklye still be a great song. Opinions and preferences vary ... makes life interesting! And, usually, in a good way.

Hope all that made sense!

Bottom line ... you told me an interesting story and put some real fine music behind it. And the delivery is spot on for my ears. Works really nicely for me!

Best to both you. Please be safe!

Alan

Thank you, Alan.
You summed it up well.
Good luck with your furniture hunting. I usually give in.

Vic

Thanks Alan
Glad you liked our song
Thanks for the listen
John

I really enjoyed the trip. Sounds like it was an interesting trip John. It resulted in a really good lyric, thats for sure. And Vic, perfect music for that lyric. Ive never been to either Memphis or Tennessee. Any advice, John?

Seriously though, the atmosphere created by the music fit really well. Totally enjoyed.

Dave

Hi Dave.
Glad you enjoyed.
I assume you'll get plenty of advice if you go.

Vic

Hey Vic! I love that sound and style. one "Fav writer I like this reminds me of his style..Walt Aldridge
very good Listen, not boring. Lane

Hi Lane.
Thanks for that.
I never heard Walt Aldridge before. Pretty good.

Vic

He wrote some very good songs, and he is versatile guitar player...some where in the 90`s he wrote a song,
Modern day Bonnie and Clyde..I was interested in it, and how I could get that sound out of a 6 string. found Him ... Lane

I noticed in one of those performances he's playing a Hummingbird which I have.
In theory then, I should be able to play it too. :-)

Vic