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#1159482 12/10/19 02:35 AM
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Hi, all:

Here's a lyric I've been playing with for quite a while, which I'm starting to think is pretty much there. Thought I'd vet it before trying to record something. As always, comments are welcome. Thanks in advance for the read and feedback.

Deej

New Kind of Lover

(V) She turns off the light—
a prelude to a dream
of someone more right
and something less clean.

(PC) I’m thinking it’s time
I should try for a new kind of lover—
someone to fill and thrill
my empty heart.

(V) Just passing the time;
and it’s all so routine.
We say all the right lines,
but it’s not what we mean.

(PC) I’m thinking it’s time
I should find a new kind of lover—
someone to ease and please
my weary mind.

(C) We’ve been playing the same
old game here forever;
ignoring the pain and
forsaking the pleasure,
when all that remains
is a vow we won’t sever—
hey, you gotta know what it’s like;
I’m betting you’ve gotta know what’s it’s like
to want to discover
a new kind of lover.

(V) I’m closing my eyes
to a love I once knew.
And I’m wondering inside,
hey, are yours closing too?

(PC) I’m thinking it’s time
I should try for a new kind of lover—
someone to fill and thrill
my empty heart.

(C) We’ve been playing the same
old game here forever;
trying to sustain
what we ought to surrender.
We’re one and the same,
both fools and pretenders—
hey, you gotta know what it’s like;
I’m betting you’ve gotta know what’s it’s like
to want to uncover
a new kind of lover.

(c)2019 DJ Lekich

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it's a great lyric in my opinion and could make a very moving song. The first verse is in the first third person, while the rest of the song is in the first person. Is there a reason for that? It could work if the first verse was very different from the rest - slower, sparser instrumentation - with the musical change indicating a switch from third person narrator to what is actually going through her mind. Or you could just switch the pronoun in the first verse.

(V) I turn off the light—
a prelude to a dream
of someone more right
and something less clean.

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Deej56 Offline OP
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Gavin,

Yes, the pronouns are the thing, and I may be getting a bit too cute. As I was writing the song I kept asking myself who he’s talking to. And I decided it’s not his current lover—the “She” referenced in line 1.

The “you” referenced thereafter is someone else, perhaps someone he’s attracted to, someone else In a current relationship that he certainly suspects is feeling the same way. Each in an unfulfilling relationship that they can’t quite walk away from.

With that in mind the “we” can work on a couple of levels, referring to the singer and his current lover, the singer and the prospective lover, and in the line “one and the same” all four of them—the singer and his lover, the prospective lover and hers, which is why I went with “fools and pretenders” plural.

So, too cute? Dunno. It could be read more straightforward by making the change you suggest (go first person in line 1). But I just like the idea of him singing to a similarly situated person that he’s tempted by (or perhaps whom he’s tempting) rather than his current lover.

Thanks for helping vet this. Much appreciated.

Deej

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I get it now, Deej. My original interpretation worked well for me too - the idea that both of the people in the existing relationship know deep down that they'd be better to end it, but don't have the courage to sever the vow. To me, it was an imagined conversation between them, one that may never actually happen, and that was the aching heart of the song.

Another way to solve the first and third person thing would be just to change the second line:

(V) She turns off the light—
and I await the dream (or I welcome the dream)
of someone more right
and something less clean.

Not saying you should do it like that. Just sharing the idea.

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Hi Deej,
Almost of it looks great from here. The only things I am not to sure of are the "something less clean", why would he want something less than clean unless he's just looking for some down and dirty sex; and the "hey, you gotta know what it’s like;
I’m betting you’ve gotta know what’s it’s like" are lines I stumble over when trying to sing as they have lots more syllables than the other lines in the chorus. If your melody works with it, great. Good luck with it.

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I'd lose the first verse as it doesn't relate well to the rest of the lyric.
I don't know if it's a printing error but I don't see a Pre-chorus not leading to a chorus. smile
I think you should start with the second verse and lead right into the chorus. (same again with the 3 verse)
If the end is near, then maybe the line should read: "Is a vow to be severed"
Good stuff!
-Mike



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Deej56 Offline OP
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Gavin,

I think you're right that I should revisit the second line, first verse. I was never warm to "prelude" anyway. I'm thinking "She turns out the light . . . then I start to dream . .. " or some variant. The introduction of the first person in that second line might make things more clear.

Your original interpretation is where the song started . . . and I think it still works that way, arguably. But as a writer, I'm attracted to that extra layer. Again, perhaps too ambitious. Let's see how it comes off when I put it to music.

Thanks again for the thoughtful feedback.

Deej

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Deej56 Offline OP
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John,

Good comments and questions. As for the "something more clean" . . . sure, a part of it is the desire for "dirty" sex, as you put it. But more generally, something less formulaic, something more wild and passionate, something less sterile and mechanical. "Clean" was the word that resonated with me when describing the singer's present relationship . . . it's more a description of the relationship he has, than the one he wants.

The lines you mention in the chorus work with the melody . . . I know it's hard to judge a lyric without the melody . . . but it fits well with the chord structure I have. . . actually, it's somewhat the hook.

Thanks for the careful read and helpful comments.

Deej

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Hi, Mike,

Thanks for stopping in and taking the time to comment. Definitely food for thought. I'm not sure I can start with the second verse, without first setting context. But perhaps I need to revisit the first two lines of the song. This is the reason we post lyrics on L3--helps us songwriters validate our thought process. Appreciate the input!!

Best regards,

Deej


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