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#1157630 - 10/11/19 05:34 AM My Cheesy Song - first post!  
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 170
PaulCanuck Offline
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PaulCanuck  Offline
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I wrote this all the while thinking "I'm not going to write something cheesy".
But if you think it is cheesy, I will be happy. smile
Thanks for listening and any advice on how to make it cheesier smile

My Cheesy Song

My girl has a job in a cheese shop
We meet in a room at the back
We whisper so no-one can eavesdrop
Except for the Monterey Jack

This is my cheesy song
I swear it won't be very long
Its notes are as sharp as an old Parmesan
But I hope you can sing along

Her lips are a soft Mozzarella
Her skin is a smooth Camambert
I love when she calls on her fella
To remove Gouda chunks from her hair

This is my cheesy song
I swear it won't be very long
Its notes are as sharp as an old Parmesan
But I hope you can sing along

I am her Edam - she is my Eve
We roll in a garden of Feta and Brie
Jalapeńo kisses as hot as an oven
She melts my resistance with her cheesy lovin'

And
This is my cheesy song
I swore it wouldn't be very long
But I have to go now - our pizza is done
And so is this cheesy song

Yes I have to go now - our pizza is done
And so is my cheesy
Easy
Brie-zy
And so is my cheesy song!

#1157631 - 10/11/19 05:40 AM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
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Roy Cooper Offline
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Hi Paul

I like this a lot, very clever lyrics..

Maybe some wine added somewhere would make it taste a tad better.. maybe not..

God Bless Roy


'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

Our Record Label
#1157636 - 10/11/19 06:28 AM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
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Calvin Offline
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Calvin  Offline
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Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hello Paul,


Nice to meet you & WELCOME to JPF.


Your song is very entertaining, thanks for sharing your talent.


Calvin

https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=11440

#1157640 - 10/11/19 08:30 AM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: Calvin]  
Joined: Oct 2019
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PaulCanuck Offline
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PaulCanuck  Offline
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Originally Posted by Roy Cooper
Hi Paul

I like this a lot, very clever lyrics..

Maybe some wine added somewhere would make it taste a tad better.. maybe not..

God Bless Roy

Thanks Roy smile

Originally Posted by Calvin
Hello Paul,


Nice to meet you & WELCOME to JPF.


Your song is very entertaining, thanks for sharing your talent.


Calvin

https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=11440



Cheers Calvin - I'm happy to be here smile

Thanks for listening guys smile

#1157644 - 10/11/19 09:29 AM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
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Dave Rice (D) Offline
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Dave Rice (D)  Offline
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Morning, Paul:

Glad you found us. Clever song... well performed. Send more soon. I hope you've "found a home" with us.

All the best, ----Dave

#1157646 - 10/11/19 11:09 AM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
Joined: Jul 2006
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Michael Zaneski Offline
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Michael Zaneski  Offline
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California
Hi Paul,

Loved this. Put a big cheesy smile on my face. Impossible to not be in a good mood after listening.

The only thing I'd consider changing would be to nix the article "the" preceding Monterrey Jack in the first verse, giving the listener a little mystery which helps make them want to "turn the page"...

--and probably the only time in music listening history a person will ask themselves, "is that a man or (the) cheese?"

When singing "brie-zee"--since it sounds just like breezy (a homophone?)-- think about truly breaking up those syllables, giving brie maybe a dotted half note and then a full stop--otherwise folks might miss that "brie" is in there. Sure, that one'll get a groan, but still....

And be aware that since you use "brie" earlier at the end of a line, that weakens the punch of the "brie" at the end..are there any other popular cheeses with a long ee sound that could work to rhyme with "eve"....? just thinking aloud..cheddar is a poor rhyming word, but cheddarly..hmmm....Lady Cheddarly.....now I'm just having fun at your expense. I apologize for that. I'll shut up now. smile

BTW, welcome to JPF!

Mike

Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 10/11/19 12:17 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1157656 - 10/11/19 01:48 PM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: Michael Zaneski]  
Joined: Oct 2019
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PaulCanuck Offline
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Originally Posted by Dave Rice
Morning, Paul:

Glad you found us. Clever song... well performed. Send more soon. I hope you've "found a home" with us.

All the best, ----Dave


Thanks Dave - looking forward to hearing more tracks on here. Looks like a thriving community smile


Originally Posted by Michael Zaneski
Hi Paul,

Loved this. Put a big cheesy smile on my face. Impossible to not be in a good mood after listening.

The only thing I'd consider changing would be to nix the article "the" preceding Monterrey Jack in the first verse, giving the listener a little mystery which helps make them want to "turn the page"...

--and probably the only time in music listening history a person will ask themselves, "is that a man or (the) cheese?"

When singing "brie-zee"--since it sounds just like breezy (a homophone?)-- think about truly breaking up those syllables, giving brie maybe a dotted half note and then a full stop--otherwise folks might miss that "brie" is in there. Sure, that one'll get a groan, but still....

And be aware that since you use "brie" earlier at the end of a line, that weakens the punch of the "brie" at the end..are there any other popular cheeses with a long ee sound that could work to rhyme with "eve"....? just thinking aloud..cheddar is a poor rhyming word, but cheddarly..hmmm....Lady Cheddarly.....now I'm just having fun at your expense. I apologize for that. I'll shut up now. smile

BTW, welcome to JPF!

Mike


Thanks Mike - glad you liked it - some good points. I initially had "especially Monterey Jack" which would have been ambiguous too. I racked my brain for another cheese sounding like "eeee". I wanted to keep it to commonly known types though so may have boxed myself in. Good spot on brie-zee. It was a last minute add-on which I am sure can be annunciated more like "brie".

Thanks again for taking the time smile
Paul

#1157681 - 10/12/19 12:28 PM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
Joined: Nov 2011
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90 dB Offline
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90 dB  Offline
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Florida
This is delightful! Do you write Musical Comedy? You have a very Musical Comedy type of delivery.


Enjoyed it immensely.



Regards,


Bob

#1157686 - 10/12/19 04:38 PM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
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CTthomas Offline
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Loved it Paul. Reminds me of Roger Miller and Ray Stevens type song. Not a bad group to be thrown in.

#1157687 - 10/12/19 04:39 PM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
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JaneK Offline
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California
Hi Paul,

Your name sounds familiar - think you might have been on another forum I used to be on.

Well, anyway welcome to JP folks.

Love your piano playing and vocal and your production is right on.

If you mixed this yourself, it is very good. I love humor in songs and you nailed this one.

#1157708 - 10/13/19 11:17 AM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: JaneK]  
Joined: Oct 2019
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PaulCanuck Offline
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PaulCanuck  Offline
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Originally Posted by 90 dB
This is delightful! Do you write Musical Comedy? You have a very Musical Comedy type of delivery.


Enjoyed it immensely.



Regards,


Bob


Thanks Bob. I guess I must write musical comedy - though I never set out to. smile

Originally Posted by CTthomas
Loved it Paul. Reminds me of Roger Miller and Ray Stevens type song. Not a bad group to be thrown in.


Thank you! - I'll take that comparison any day smile


Originally Posted by JaneK
Hi Paul,

Your name sounds familiar - think you might have been on another forum I used to be on.

Well, anyway welcome to JP folks.

Love your piano playing and vocal and your production is right on.

If you mixed this yourself, it is very good. I love humor in songs and you nailed this one.



Hi Jane - yep - been on other forums for a while. This seems like a friendly one too smile Thanks for the kind remarks on my cheesy song smile

#1157714 - 10/13/19 01:05 PM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 1,716
Gavin Sinclair Online content
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Gavin Sinclair  Online Content
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Joined: May 2017
Posts: 1,716
Conover, North Carolina, USA
Ha! I loved it. And yes, I was singing along. Your voice is perfect for this kind of song and, for me, the production is spot on. Nice gentle humor.

Welcome to JPF, I'm really looking forward to hearing more.

#1157793 - 10/15/19 12:11 AM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,372
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Paul,

Killer first post! Magnetic from the start . . . pulls you right in, and then the harmonies on the chorus keep you wanting to listen. Deft hand on production on this one; nicely layered as the song progresses. Impressive write and production. (And stellar use of the spoken word to add to the tune). The harmonies on the close—sweet. Admirably done!

Oh, and welcome to JPF!

My very humble regards,

Deej

#1157825 - 10/15/19 09:15 PM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Oct 2019
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PaulCanuck Offline
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Originally Posted by Gavin Sinclair
Ha! I loved it. And yes, I was singing along. Your voice is perfect for this kind of song and, for me, the production is spot on. Nice gentle humor.

Welcome to JPF, I'm really looking forward to hearing more.


Thanks Gavin smile

Originally Posted by Deej56
Paul,

Killer first post! Magnetic from the start . . . pulls you right in, and then the harmonies on the chorus keep you wanting to listen. Deft hand on production on this one; nicely layered as the song progresses. Impressive write and production. (And stellar use of the spoken word to add to the tune). The harmonies on the close—sweet. Admirably done!

Oh, and welcome to JPF!

My very humble regards,

Deej


Cheers Deej - very kind of you smile

#1157955 - 10/20/19 11:13 AM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
Joined: Apr 2008
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Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
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Wisconsin
Nice to meet you, Paul and welcome to JPF. This is about as cheezy as it gets! grin I think you've hit on all the popular types and so cleverly too, I've got nothing to add. Well done!

Ricki

#1157970 - 10/20/19 05:22 PM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,828
Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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USA
Hi Paul,

These are cleverly written lyrics that go to very cheesy depths! smile Those near rhymes are so creatively conceived: “cheese shop/eavesdrop, cheesy song/Parmesan Mozzarella/fella...and the list goes on. Very enjoyable! Good production too.

I really enjoyed the whimsy of it all!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#1158084 - 10/22/19 09:19 AM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
Joined: Oct 2019
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PaulCanuck Offline
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PaulCanuck  Offline
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Originally Posted by Ricki E. Bellos
Nice to meet you, Paul and welcome to JPF. This is about as cheezy as it gets! grin I think you've hit on all the popular types and so cleverly too, I've got nothing to add. Well done!

Ricki


Thanks for the warm welcome Ricki - nice to e-meet you too! Glad you found it cheesy. (never thought I'd say that smile )


Originally Posted by Kristi McKeever
Hi Paul,

These are cleverly written lyrics that go to very cheesy depths! smile Those near rhymes are so creatively conceived: “cheese shop/eavesdrop, cheesy song/Parmesan Mozzarella/fella...and the list goes on. Very enjoyable! Good production too.

I really enjoyed the whimsy of it all!

Kristi


Thanks Kristi - nice to hear that from an obviously accomplished lyricist smile

And thanks again for anyone that took the time to listen smile

Paul

#1158104 - 10/22/19 11:07 PM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
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MFB III Offline
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MFB III  Offline
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ohio
You are a cheese Wiz, and you have captured the tangy tasty essence of dairy whey.
I am off to make a grilled cheese cause you made me hungry. Well Done Paul.

#1158198 - 10/25/19 06:30 AM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: MFB III]  
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PaulCanuck Offline
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Originally Posted by MFB III
You are a cheese Wiz, and you have captured the tangy tasty essence of dairy whey.
I am off to make a grilled cheese cause you made me hungry. Well Done Paul.


Thank you kind sir - glad you found it cheesy enough smile

Paul

#1158269 - 10/27/19 11:06 AM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
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E Swartz Online content
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Paul,

Again, I just came from your more recent post--you have a great art for music comedy--love this early 20th century music intermixed with Beatlesk harmonies--unique! You have some real talent for sure!

steady-eddie

#1158770 - 11/21/19 03:03 PM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
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Michael LeBlanc Offline
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couldn't find any holes in this cheesy song,love it.Mike

#1158880 - 11/24/19 10:15 PM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
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PaulCanuck Offline
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Originally Posted by E Swartz
Paul,

Again, I just came from your more recent post--you have a great art for music comedy--love this early 20th century music intermixed with Beatlesk harmonies--unique! You have some real talent for sure!

steady-eddie


Thanks Eddie smile I guess my first two were musical comedy hehe Never set out to write that but gotta go with wherever my muse takes me. Thanks for listening and commenting smile

Originally Posted by Michael LeBlanc
couldn't find any holes in this cheesy song,love it.Mike


Cheers Mike - there's plenty of holes but glad they didn't jump out at you - thx for the kind words smile

#1158883 - 11/24/19 11:26 PM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
Joined: Nov 2019
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David_Pulizzi Offline
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Definitely clever and well done. The arrangement and delivery feels very Broadway to me. Nice work.

#1158887 - 11/25/19 02:07 AM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
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John W Selleck Offline
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Howdy Paul,
Like Jane says, looks and sounds like you've been doing this awhile. This reads and sounds great. Tickled my funny bone. Look for a PM from me and welcome to JPF.

#1158889 - 11/25/19 06:13 AM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
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Fiji
Brilliant ! grin

cheers, niteshift

#1158914 - 11/26/19 05:59 AM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
Joined: Aug 2010
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John W Selleck Offline
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Hi Again Paul,
You have a PM waiting.

#1158940 - 11/26/19 09:08 PM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,616
Nelson Offline
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Nelson  Offline
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Baltimore, MD
Nicely done Paul

Cheesy,... I don't know.

Outstanding... most definitely.

Ear candy... indeed.

#1159017 - 11/28/19 07:18 PM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: Nelson]  
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 170
PaulCanuck Offline
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PaulCanuck  Offline
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Posts: 170
Originally Posted by David_Pulizzi
Definitely clever and well done. The arrangement and delivery feels very Broadway to me. Nice work.


Cheers David - broadway sounds good to me smile


Originally Posted by John W Selleck
Howdy Paul,
Like Jane says, looks and sounds like you've been doing this awhile. This reads and sounds great. Tickled my funny bone. Look for a PM from me and welcome to JPF.


Thanks John - such a warm welcome I have gotten here - appreciated! smile

Originally Posted by niteshift
Brilliant ! grin

cheers, niteshift


Thanks niteshift - glad you liked it.

Originally Posted by Nelson
Nicely done Paul

Cheesy,... I don't know.

Outstanding... most definitely.

Ear candy... indeed.



Thanks for the kind words Nelson! smile

Hope I haven't missed anyone - if so - thank you too smile

Paul

#1159018 - 11/28/19 07:46 PM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,563
JAPOV Online happy
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JAPOV  Online Happy
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Posts: 1,563
Totally made me blow my diet, thanks for that! smile

#1159028 - 11/29/19 05:00 PM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: JAPOV]  
Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 170
PaulCanuck Offline
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PaulCanuck  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2019
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by JAPOV
Totally made me blow my diet, thanks for that! smile


Sorry about that - thanks for listening! smile

#1159040 - 11/30/19 03:40 AM Re: My Cheesy Song - first post! [Re: PaulCanuck]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,171
Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,171
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
A unique experience Paul! Good lyric well thought through
One for Wallace and Gromit I'm sure.
Well done
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde

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