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Little Black Book of Scars (Neil Cotton)
https://www.soundclick.com/html5/v4/player.cfm?songID=13851700

He was writing at a corner table
Two women were fighting at the bar
I asked if I could sit down with him
To avoid the flying mason jars

I asked what ya doin’ there
He glanced up then pointed to a chair

He was making an entry in
His little Black Book of Scars
Page 5 said don’t cheat with
Women at the bar
He keeps track of short falls in
His little Black Book of Scars
It’s a guide for going forward
With his little Black Book of Scars

I offered a shot of bourbon
He said a Coke check out page four
It read he’s got himself a problem
He can’t stop till he’s flat on the floor

His 4th wife messed up her back
Trying to lift his sorry drunken ass

He was making an entry in
His little Black Book of Scars
Page 5 said don’t cheat with
Women at the bar
He keeps track of short falls in
His little Black Book of Scars
It’s a guide for going forward
With his little Black Book of Scars

Page one , they were too young
Page two , he pawned her jewels
Page three, they couldn’t agree
Page four, he’s on the floor

He was making an entry in
His little Black Book of Scars
Page 5 said don’t cheat with
Women at the bar
He keeps track of short falls in
His little Black Book of Scars
It’s a guide for going forward
With his little Black Book of Scars


He looked up- winked at a waitress
He laughed she could be page six

He keeps track of short falls in
His little Black Book of Scars
It’s a guide for going forward
With his little Black Book of Scars

I'll have to get me one of them, Neil.

I like the two lines:
I offered a shot of bourbon
He said a Coke check out page four

What I'm not so keen on is all the lines starting with "he" and "his".

Vic

Ok I'll look into the he, his lines
thanks

Good hook too many his and he's


Making an entry in
The little Black Book of Scars
Page 5 said don’t cheat with
Women at the bar
keeping track of short falls in
His little Black Book of Scars
It’s a guide for going forward
That little Black Book of Scars


looked up- winked at a waitress
He laughed she could be page six

keeping track of short falls in
His little Black Book of Scars
It’s a guide for going forward
All in the little Black Book of Scars

Thanks my friend !!!

Neil,

Well, first off, I’m going to depart from the sage advice of my wiser peers regarding the “He” and “his” usage. Visually, looking and reading the lyrics, yes, they stand out, so I see where they are coming from—but it’s less noticeable in the singing . . . and the repetition, I think, offers a bit of structure to the chorus. (Sigh . . . music is so subjective!)

But there are other elements that don’t quite sit well with me. For example, the second line of the first pre-chorus doesn’t quite provide a clean transition into the chorus. The idea behind the second verse is great, but the lyric doesn’t quite flow. I like the concept fo the bridge, but maybe a little more specificity might help it hit home.

So, I guess what I’m saying is, I love the idea of this song—and it’s got some slick lines in it, and some nice structure, and a strong melody. But with a little more elbow grease on the lyric—this could really shine. :-)

All the best,

Deej

Hi Neil


A nice catchy hook.
This has a good flow to it..........

He keeps track of short falls in
His little Black Book of Scars
It’s a guide for going forward
With his little Black Book of Scars


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Thanks Deej. it'll get second look for sure.

The line before the chorus is just part pf the imagery and explaining his access to the book., hence the chorus

thanks Cal, is it OK if I call you Cal? Just won't "call you Al"

Deej
Try this....

He glanced up then pointed to a chair
I asked him what ya doin’ there

He was making an entry in
His little Black Book of Scars etc.

Hello Neil,


Yeah, Cal is ok.......I've been called a lot worse :-)


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Really ? LOL

Neil,

Yes, I think flipping those two lines as you did helps--and it's a more natural transition into the chorus (where the singer is invited to sit down, and then asks his question, which is answered in the chorus). I'll look forward to seeing the next iteration, Neil. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Regards,

Deej

Working on anew song...will return to this shortly