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#1151535 03/12/19 12:07 PM
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Little Black Book of Scars (Neil Cotton)
https://www.soundclick.com/html5/v4/player.cfm?songID=13851700

He was writing at a corner table
Two women were fighting at the bar
I asked if I could sit down with him
To avoid the flying mason jars

I asked what ya doiní there
He glanced up then pointed to a chair

He was making an entry in
His little Black Book of Scars
Page 5 said donít cheat with
Women at the bar
He keeps track of short falls in
His little Black Book of Scars
Itís a guide for going forward
With his little Black Book of Scars

I offered a shot of bourbon
He said a Coke check out page four
It read heís got himself a problem
He canít stop till heís flat on the floor

His 4th wife messed up her back
Trying to lift his sorry drunken ass

He was making an entry in
His little Black Book of Scars
Page 5 said donít cheat with
Women at the bar
He keeps track of short falls in
His little Black Book of Scars
Itís a guide for going forward
With his little Black Book of Scars

Page one , they were too young
Page two , he pawned her jewels
Page three, they couldnít agree
Page four, heís on the floor

He was making an entry in
His little Black Book of Scars
Page 5 said donít cheat with
Women at the bar
He keeps track of short falls in
His little Black Book of Scars
Itís a guide for going forward
With his little Black Book of Scars


He looked up- winked at a waitress
He laughed she could be page six

He keeps track of short falls in
His little Black Book of Scars
Itís a guide for going forward
With his little Black Book of Scars

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I'll have to get me one of them, Neil.

I like the two lines:
I offered a shot of bourbon
He said a Coke check out page four

What I'm not so keen on is all the lines starting with "he" and "his".

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

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Originally Posted by Vicarn
I'll have to get me one of them, Neil.

I like the two lines:
I offered a shot of bourbon
He said a Coke check out page four

What I'm not so keen on is all the lines starting with "he" and "his".

Vic

Ok I'll look into the he, his lines
thanks

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Good hook too many his and he's


Making an entry in
The little Black Book of Scars
Page 5 said donít cheat with
Women at the bar
keeping track of short falls in
His little Black Book of Scars
Itís a guide for going forward
That little Black Book of Scars


looked up- winked at a waitress
He laughed she could be page six

keeping track of short falls in
His little Black Book of Scars
Itís a guide for going forward
All in the little Black Book of Scars


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Originally Posted by Travis david
Good hook too many his and he's


Making an entry in
The little Black Book of Scars
Page 5 said donít cheat with
Women at the bar
keeping track of short falls in
His little Black Book of Scars
Itís a guide for going forward
That little Black Book of Scars


looked up- winked at a waitress
He laughed she could be page six

keeping track of short falls in
His little Black Book of Scars
Itís a guide for going forward
All in the little Black Book of Scars



Thanks my friend !!!

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Neil,

Well, first off, Iím going to depart from the sage advice of my wiser peers regarding the ďHeĒ and ďhisĒ usage. Visually, looking and reading the lyrics, yes, they stand out, so I see where they are coming fromóbut itís less noticeable in the singing . . . and the repetition, I think, offers a bit of structure to the chorus. (Sigh . . . music is so subjective!)

But there are other elements that donít quite sit well with me. For example, the second line of the first pre-chorus doesnít quite provide a clean transition into the chorus. The idea behind the second verse is great, but the lyric doesnít quite flow. I like the concept fo the bridge, but maybe a little more specificity might help it hit home.

So, I guess what Iím saying is, I love the idea of this songóand itís got some slick lines in it, and some nice structure, and a strong melody. But with a little more elbow grease on the lyricóthis could really shine. :-)

All the best,

Deej

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Hi Neil


A nice catchy hook.
This has a good flow to it..........

He keeps track of short falls in
His little Black Book of Scars
Itís a guide for going forward
With his little Black Book of Scars


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

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Originally Posted by Deej56
Neil,

Well, first off, Iím going to depart from the sage advice of my wiser peers regarding the ďHeĒ and ďhisĒ usage. Visually, looking and reading the lyrics, yes, they stand out, so I see where they are coming fromóbut itís less noticeable in the singing . . . and the repetition, I think, offers a bit of structure to the chorus. (Sigh . . . music is so subjective!)

But there are other elements that donít quite sit well with me. For example, the second line of the first pre-chorus doesnít quite provide a clean transition into the chorus. The idea behind the second verse is great, but the lyric doesnít quite flow. I like the concept fo the bridge, but maybe a little more specificity might help it hit home.

So, I guess what Iím saying is, I love the idea of this songóand itís got some slick lines in it, and some nice structure, and a strong melody. But with a little more elbow grease on the lyricóthis could really shine. :-)

All the best,

Deej

Thanks Deej. it'll get second look for sure.

The line before the chorus is just part pf the imagery and explaining his access to the book., hence the chorus

Last edited by Neil Cotton; 03/13/19 08:16 AM.
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thanks Cal, is it OK if I call you Cal? Just won't "call you Al"

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Deej
Try this....

He glanced up then pointed to a chair
I asked him what ya doiní there

He was making an entry in
His little Black Book of Scars etc.

Last edited by Neil Cotton; 03/14/19 07:14 AM.
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Hello Neil,


Yeah, Cal is ok.......I've been called a lot worse :-)


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

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Originally Posted by Calvin
Hello Neil,


Yeah, Cal is ok.......I've been called a lot worse :-)


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Really ? LOL

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Neil,

Yes, I think flipping those two lines as you did helps--and it's a more natural transition into the chorus (where the singer is invited to sit down, and then asks his question, which is answered in the chorus). I'll look forward to seeing the next iteration, Neil. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Regards,

Deej

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Originally Posted by Deej56
Neil,

Yes, I think flipping those two lines as you did helps--and it's a more natural transition into the chorus (where the singer is invited to sit down, and then asks his question, which is answered in the chorus). I'll look forward to seeing the next iteration, Neil. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Regards,

Deej

Working on anew song...will return to this shortly


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