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I Don't Want To Be A Cowgirl
(c) Diane Ewing 2005
Country?

(V1)
Sitting in a local tavern
breathing other people's smoke.
Country music playing loudly.
Whiskey's filling me with hope.

(V2)
Got my mind set on that cowboy
who's been strumming his guitar.
If he wasn't in the program,
I'd be nowhere near this bar.

(Chorus)
I don't want to be a cowgirl.
Rhinestones covering my clothes.
Big hair underneath a wide brim,
leather boots with pointy toes.
I don't want to be a cowgirl,
but I have to play the part.
It's the only way to lasso
that young cowboy's roaming heart.

(V3)
Heard he likes his women rustic
with a lot of western flair.
So I bought a denim outfit
and some Dolly Parton hair.

(V4)
When he looks in my direction
with his penetrating eyes.
Hope he doesn't see right through me
and my country girl disguise.

(Chorus)
I don't want to be a cowgirl.
Rhinestones covering my clothes.
Big hair underneath a wide brim,
leather boots with pointy toes.
I don't want to be a cowgirl,
but I have to play the part.
It's the only way to lasso
that young cowboy's roaming heart.

(Bridge)
When the set is over, I'll invite him for a drink
Try to show him I have country roots.
If we step out for a dance, I don't know what he'll think.
I can hardly walk in these damn boots.

(Chorus)



[This message has been edited by Diane E (edited 03-15-2005).]

Hi Dianne-
Interesting catchy idea.
How about placing a positive message on a good idea?
Most "great" guys, (keepers) may lose interest if a girl is forcing herself on him;
(putting on an act) to get his attention.
This applies to either gender.
You may wish to consider taking a different approach: just one example.

Title-

I'd Love To Be A Cowgirl

(Chorus)
I don't want to be a cowgirl.
I'd Love To Be A Cowgirl
Rhinestones covering my clothes.
Big hair underneath a wide brim,
leather boots with pointy toes.
I don't want to be a cowgirl,
I'd Love To Be A Cowgirl
but I have to play the part.
I'll always live the part
It's the only way to lasso
that young cowboy's roaming heart.

Just a few thoughts;
Good luck

Cal







[This message has been edited by Cal (edited 03-15-2005).]

that young cowboy's ROAMING heart.
Who wants to win a guy with a roaming heart?
I would delete that word and have a hit song. Great work. I have a song Montana Cowboy - I'll post it. Yours is excellent.


[This message has been edited by BigAppleLyricist (edited 03-15-2005).]

Diane

Good structure,, good meter, good premise.
You might consider the following change to
the chorus:

I JUST GOTTA BE A COWGIRL,
RHINESTONES COVERING MY CLOTHES,
BIG HAIR BENEATH A WIDE BRIM,
LEATHER BOOTS WITH POINTED TOES.
I JUST GOTTA BE A COWGIRL,
AND I GOTTA PLAY THE PART,
IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO LASSO,
THAT COWBOY'S ROAMING HEART.

(of course you would have to change the title)
I don't have a problem with roaming heart as
bal does. It seems that this girl wants to tame this wild cowboy and make him her own.
I think the lasso metaphor is clever and
creative.. I could be wrong , just my opinion..

Mike



[This message has been edited by Mike Claxton (edited 03-15-2005).]

You folks are wonderful to take the time
and give me such good advice!

Cal,
Very interesting idea, and one that I hadn't thought of! Do you think the verses I wrote would need to be changed if I change the chorus? I like your idea a lot!

Wirdaz,
Thanks so much for your kind words. I will take a look and see if I can give it more
zing!! Thank you!

Hi BAL,
I liked the "roaming with the lasso." I was thinking that once his heart was lassoed, it wouldn't be roaming anymore? What might be a better word that would work? If I eliminate "roaming", I guess I should have another word to replace it, so I can keep the tempo thingy going? Looking forward to "Montana Cowboy."

Thanks again for all the advice!

Diane

Hi Mike,

I was posting while you were posting!!

Your idea is good too! I was also thinking of "I Wish I Were A Cowgirl."

Yes, that is exactly what I was thinking for the "Roaming" part.

Thanks for taking the time to take a look at this.

Diane

You caught me on your ending. I was expecing a differen twist ending:
"hope he don't wear spurs in bed"

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Diane E:
You folks are wonderful to take the time
and give me such good advice!

Cal,
Very interesting idea, and one that I hadn't thought of! Do you think the verses I wrote would need to be changed if I change the chorus? I like your idea a lot!

I just took another quick read.
The verses seem to fit.

Cal

Yeh, the lasso that roamin' heart is great!

I think by rearranging the lines in your first verse, you'll have a stronger start:

Country music playing loudly.
Whiskey's filling me with hope.
Sitting in (a--this) local tavern
breathing other people's smoke.


------------------
http://shayneman.proboards19.com/

[This message has been edited by shayneman (edited 03-16-2005).]

Hi Dennis,

Well, that wouldn't rhyme with roots!!

Thanks for taking a look!

Diane

Hi Shane,

I thought it would be better to have the
whiskey line as a lead in to the chorus, to
explain what I'm hoping for? You're point is a good one, though. A strong beginning is important. Thanks for the advice.

Diane

diane,
I like it. Good idea, especially if people are familiar with how many people go out every weekend trying to be someone they are not, to get someone they dont really want, and impress people they don't even like. I think it's a good song idea - the last line about the "damn boots" caught me off guard as well - classic.

hi diane

I think this is very good. I like the idea very much, its fresh. I think not wanting to be a cowgirl, or cowboy for once is great. So damn many songs about cowboys, bars, and that atmosphere! Whew! Anyway good writing as well. Reading the comments, you may decide to move some lines, or words, but whatever you decide, this is a good one. I have one suggestion in between B.A.L., and Mike about "roaming", made use "elusive". Just a thought. Keep writing

bigm1978

Hi Diane, I like your lyrics to this...sounds like you will get it exactly the way you want it after all this good advice from everyone. I can "almost" hear a tune to this already...good luck.

shelia

Diane,
Darn good twist on life, I don't want to be a cowgirl. There are several question to ask.
1) does the song say what you want to say?
2) does it say it in the shortest message?
3) is the melody simple and catchy?
4) have you switched lines aroung and listened the the difference?

I like what you have. good job. Monte

Keep or Sweep Diane.

I Don't Wanna Be A Cowgirl

(c) Diane Ewing 2005
Country?

(Chorus)
I don't wanna be a cowgirl.
Rhinestones coverin' my clothes.
Big hair underneath a Stetson,
Leather boots with pointy toes.
I don't wanna be a cowgirl,
But I gotta play the part.
It's the only way to lasso
That handsome cowboy's heart!



[This message has been edited by BigAppleLyricist (edited 03-20-2005).]

BigApple,

Why not put brackets around whatever you changed so other viewers and reviewers can find those changes?

And why re-post the whole song?

Diane's "penetrating eyes" was perfect.

------------------
TallT

The brackets get confusing.

Hi JBussey,
Thanks for taking a look at this. I like
the "damn boots" line too!

Hi bigm,
Thanks for your comments. I'm still leaning towards keeping the "roaming," but we'll see.

Hi qbaum,
My maiden name has a "Baum" in it. Is that a part of your name? Just curious. Glad you liked this. Wish I could hear a tune!!
I'm pretty stagnant when it comes to music.
Thanks for your comments.

Diane

Hi Diane, In response to your question about my name....my last name has the "baum" in it. ha...

here's my music link...

http://www.soundclick.com/sheliaquattlebaum


I do all kinds of music, just recently been doing a lot of country..

do you have some songs I could listen to?

shelia

Hi again, BAL,

I appreciate your efforts on my behalf, but
I think I'm going to pass on your version,
which doesn't convey the idea that I was trying to convey in my version. I may not have done such a good job of it!!

In verse one, your "breathin in a lotta smoke" could mean I'm smoking too. I wanted it to sound like I'm a bit disgusted because I'm forced to breathe other's smoke.

I like the use of Stetson in the chorus, but wonder if someone who doesn't have a bit of country in them would know about Stetsons?
I'm really happy with the "lasso and roaming"
and am leaning towards keeping it. Handsome just doesn't do it for me. I'm 53 and can't remember the last time I heard a guy described as handsome.

I think my current bridge carries the idea that I'm not country, but am trying to pull it off to get this guy.

All in all, I'm pretty content with it, but will probably rewrite another 30 times!!

Diane

Nice to see you again Terry. Thanks for
looking at this. I like the "penetrating eyes" part too! I didn't expect this much reaction to this, and am flattered that so many have taken the time to help me.

Thanks again,
Diane

Hi again Shelia,

No, I don't have any songs. I'm pretty much musically inept and keep my singing limited to the car, when I'm alone!! I'm going to click onto your music link when I get home from work. Looking forward to it.

Diane

Hi diane,

I forgot to mention that I think this song is excellent and that it seems you have come a long way since we met.

(Bridge)
When the set is over, I'll invite him for a drink
Try to CONVINCE him, THAT I have country roots.
BUT If we step out for a dance, IT MIGHT BLOW MY COVER
I can hardly walk in these damn boots.

That last line is great. . . makes me laugh!

------------------
TallT

[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 03-18-2005).]

Hi Again, Terry,

Glad you like the song. Yes, I think I have
come a long way, and not just in writing.
There's a growth process that's needed when we decide to expose our "art" for critisism
and I like to think I'm learning that process. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your comments. Perhaps we'll
meet up in Lyrics 2 again.

Thanks again, TT.

Diane


[This message has been edited by Diane E (edited 03-18-2005).]

Hi,

I have to take your non-response to my Bridge re-write suggestions to mean that you aren't looking for any actual re-wording suggestions. . . and that's O.K.

Just so long as I know for the future.

------------------
TallT

Oh what a dope I am Terry!! I got caught up in the moment and completely forgot about your bridge!!

Actually, I did want to get your advice on it. What you wrote DOES convey the idea that I wanted to say, but I sort of liked my
"drink, think" rhyme. I thought it added a little dimension to the song, but do you think the rhyme isn't needed?

I can't believe I forgot to ask for your opinion on that!

It's Friday night and I'm chillin! Have a good one!!

Diane

Hi Diane,

Oooops, I was so used to your verse rhyme scheme that I missed the new ABAB for the Bridge!

So here's a couple of choices:

Bridge 2
When his set is done, I'll invite him OVER
Try to convince him, that I have country roots.
But If we step out for a dance, it might blow my COVER
I can hardly walk in these damn boots.

Bridge 1
When the set is over, I'll invite him for a drink
Try to convince him, that I have country roots.
If we step out for a dance, I WONDER what he'll think.
I can hardly walk in these damn boots.

It seemed that “I don't know what he’ll think”,
almost needed, (When he sees that)
before, “I can hardly walk in these damn boots.”

Musically, "When he sees that"
could easily be added before the boots line .

I wonder what he'll think
Da da dum dum (When he sees that)
I can hardly walk in these damn boots.

Cheers,
Terry

Hey Diane,

This is great. I agree about the handsome part...seems kinda awkward to me. I was thinking "singin' cowboy" instead of roaming although I see where you were going with it. Either way, I like it a lot.

I've noticed that a lot of people use Dolly Parton in their lyrics. Normally, I think it makes a lyric a bit outdated but in the perspective of your lyric, I think the rhinestone outfit and Dolly Parton wig works well for what you are describing thru the course of the lyric. Along with the way the smoke bothers her, it really paints a picture of a lady who is back into the single scene after a long hiatus and is having some difficulties fitting in although she really wants too in a way. Kinda a sad but cool way of looking at things that I think a lot of people can relate too when they divorce and try to re-enter the dating scene and/or club scene whichever it may be. As someone who is single again after seven years of marriage, I can really relate to that personally. Love the write.

Best wishes,

Wes

Diane E,

Overall I like what you got here with this song, "I Don't Want To Be A Cowgirl"...

On verse 2, the bold word "program" is there any other word that would fit that would sing easier?

(V2)
Got my mind set on that cowboy
who's been strumming his guitar.
If he wasn't in the program,
I'd be nowhere near this bar.

Just a thought anyway... also I do like what the others suggested.

That line that Tall_Terry wrote:
"I can hardly walk in these damn boots."

I like that also! Thats why I mostly wear hiking shoes. Even at the office... makes me a bourgeois bohemian [bo-bo] I guess.

Anyway keep all the notes on this song, I think you have something.

------------------
"digging deep in the verbal sludge of society, for the gems of interest"

This might be a song to pitch to Gretchen Wilson. It might help shape your writing to think about who might be singing the song.

I wonder if you could edit your original message and attach your most recent revision after it. Then we could all read what suggestions you adopted in one post. Just a thought.

Hi again, Terry.

Hmmm. "I wonder what he'll think." Isn't that so easy and perfect. Probably like that the best. Thanks for the thought.

Diane

Hey Wes,

Nice to see you! I was hoping a country boy like you would take a look. "Singin" Cowboy
would work, but I still like the roaming and lasso. You made me think of something else, again, though. Dropping "G's" from a few of the words. I thought about it and decided against it, since I'm not a cowgirl and my dialect probably wouldn't reflect dropped "Gs". I guess. Something else to think about!!
Thanks for your kind words.

Diane

Hi Sharpe,

Haven't seen you for awhile.

I went nuts trying to find a replacement for program, but couldn't come up with anything. I thought about setlist, but that
really refers to radio. Concert, certainly wouldn't work in a bar. If you can think of something better, I'm all ears.

Glad you liked the "Damn Boots" line. That actually is my line. I like it too.

Thanks for taking a look.
Diane

Hi Nashvillecat,

That's a great suggestion, but I'm not
really familiar with Country singers because
um..I'm not a cowgirl!

Honestly, I don't know much about country music, but am going to make a point to learn
more.

I haven't changed anything in the original post yet.

Thanks for looking.

Diane

Hey Diane,

I saw also where you had mentioned wracking your head over the word program in this part...

"If he wasn't in the program,
I'd be no where near this bar"

I don't see any problem with that myself but I thought I'd see if I could come up with something to help ya out maybe...

"I saw his name in neon lights,
Or I'd be no where near this bar"
or...
"If he wasn't on the billboard,
I'd be no where near this bar"

I don't know if those would help or make sense in the way you'd intended. Like I said, I think it's fine the way it is. I just thought I'd give ya a little help.

Wes

Hi Diane,

Now you know what a good song you have here -- all these responses.

I must say that I thought the "program" lines were a strong point that caught my interest on first reading. It says a lot with a little and it's kinda light-hearted funny too.

Terry

[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 03-19-2005).]

Hi Sharpe,
Haven't seen you for awhile.

Have to admit I've been commenting less and lurking more... so as to not wear out my welcome from being overly opinionated!

I went nuts trying to find a replacement for program, but couldn't come up with anything. I thought about setlist, but that
really refers to radio. Concert, certainly wouldn't work in a bar. If you can think of something better, I'm all ears.

I have reconsidered my opinion on the word "program" because Tall_Terry likes it a lot... so now I say leave it as-is because I trust Tall_Terrys insight.

The reason I trust Tall_Terrys insight goes back to this line;

Diane's "penetrating eyes" was perfect.

That was my favorite phrase in the whole song... reminds me of the songs "sad eyes" or "lyin' eyes" et cetera... also years ago this girl I worked with said to me, "what do you think of co-worker [so-and-so]"? I said why, "did he ask you out"? She said no, "he wants me to car pool with him..." I told her to be careful, "that he has the eyes of a killer!" The kind of eyes with the intensity to burn or drill holes through cast iron.

"penetrating eyes"

Perfect just perfect!

Glad you liked the "Damn Boots" line. That actually is my line. I like it too.

Yeah that put me in the mind of like when a "gal" wears pants too tight to show off what she has got, or I have to wear a suit and tie to court... meaning wearing something less comfortable when we would rather dress down for comfort. I am sure most everyone has been there done that!

Thanks for taking a look.
Diane



------------------
"digging deep in the verbal sludge of society, for the gems of interest"

Haven't figured this posting thing out yet.
oops!

[This message has been edited by Turquoise Rose (edited 03-26-2005).]

Just Bumping to get Lyric 1 restarted.. where did everyone go?

Brian