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#1144360 09/01/18 02:18 AM
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Hi, all:

Well, I could probably play with this mix for the next 20 years (feels like I already have) and still not get it right. Just going to let this one fly for now and hope your kind suggestions will help guide me, as they usually do. I hope it's worth the listen.

Love Goes

It’s not your fault, I know;
but I can read the writing in your eyes— so you know.
It really shouldn’t come as a surprise.
It just shows even all the best things fall apart,
however hard you try.
And I wonder where it goes—
how love comes to your heart
then disappears.

Restless hearts, restless minds;
say goodbye to what we’ll leave behind.
Reckless thoughts, reckless words—
maybe time will finally heal the hurt.
(Who knows where love goes?)

It’s not my choice to leave;
and I can hear your voice sound like a symphony,
playing sweet upon my doubts and empathy—
it’s a melody you’ve played before
to bring me to my knees,
but not anymore,
and so, darling, can’t we please
just let this go.

Restless hearts, restless minds;
say goodbye to what we’ll leave behind.
Reckless thoughts, reckless words—
maybe time will finally heal the hurt.
(Who knows where love goes?)

Too late to turn the hands of time,
to undo what was said,
to undo what we’ve done;
a song can’t be unsung—
no, our time has run.

Restless hearts, restless minds;
say goodbye to what we’ll leave behind.
Reckless thoughts, reckless words;
maybe time will finally heal the hurt.
(Who knows where love goes?)

2018(c) DJ Lekich

Deej56 #1144371 09/01/18 10:37 AM
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Really beautiful song with such a true, sad sentiment. Enjoyed your vocal and the heartbreak reflected as you sang and played it. Best of luck with it. ----Dave

Deej56 #1144372 09/01/18 11:08 AM
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Hello Deej,


Impressive & beautiful.
Your vocal always sounds cool.


Calvin


Maggie Udder..... http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Deej56 #1144380 09/01/18 01:03 PM
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Hi Deej.
Apart from the sudden transition into the chorus it flows nicely for me.
That part maybe could do with a rethink.
It's good.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

Deej56 #1144385 09/01/18 02:12 PM
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I liked it. Vic's call on the transition is spot on. In the chorus if the background vocal isn't synced it just sounds....wrong. Instead of the bridge that's there I'd like to have heard one that started with: "Who knows where love goes"
Good stuff!
-Mike



Deej56 #1144396 09/02/18 02:34 AM
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Man....I like this.
This sounds like something the Bee Gees would write. And your vocals seem to have that Bee Gees pointed sentiment, as well.....substantiating my point.
At first it "looked" to be very wordy....but, I am pleasantly surprised....the song flowed smooth and timelessly. I enjoyed this right up to the end.
Good stuff!!
-Tom

Deej56 #1144405 09/02/18 09:48 AM
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Hey Dee Jay,

Great tune. Love the melodies you come up with. A few nits and suggestions.

First, the drums need to come up. After your piano and bass intro, you have a drum fill bringing in the band and then the drums really quiet down. I think it needs to maintain the volume of that intro fill. Hope that makes sense.

Second , the ransition to the chorus seems rushed, I think because vocally, the two syllable word (restless) is hard to fit in after singing the last word of the verse. A suggestion might be to have that first line of the chorus sung by a chorus of background singers, treating it like almost a call and answer kind of thing, with the lead vocal re-entering on 2d line and chorus of background singers coming back with “restless thoughts.” Hope all that makes sense.

Love love the stop after “unsung,”

Good stuff.

Dave

Deej56 #1144440 09/04/18 02:31 PM
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Hi Deej

That is very cool and strong. Your voice is compelling and unique. The piano provides great support. I particularly like the way the melody line rises. I agree with the Bee Gees comparison and maybe a little Badfinger. Very enjoyable.

Deej56 #1144471 09/06/18 12:32 AM
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Dave R., Calvin, Vic, 9ne, Ironknee, Gocart, and Mike:

Thanks for stopping in and giving this a listen. It seems like the flow, pace and melody worked for all of you--production flaws aside--so that's good to hear at least. Your kind feedback and support is always appreciated.

Vic, 9ne and Dave:

You reveal in a common comment the value of JPF. It was always something I had to focus on while singing--that transition from the verse to the chorus--and yet it didn't occur to me that the transition would seem rushed to the listener. But, yeah, I hear it now.

Gocart (Dave): I'm not sure, without changes to the lyrics, that the "call and answer" approach would work. But, I think I can add a measure between the end of the verse and chorus. It will mean I have to tweak how I sing it (and redo this whole thing from scratch). But I ran through it on guitar (which is all I play) . . . and it just may help accentuate the chorus if I can figure it right. We'll see . . . but thanks to you, Vic and 9ne: I wouldn't have seen it without your input.

Dave: You are absolutely right on the drums. I totally need to revisit them. I dimmed them a bit because I wanted to tone down the high-hat--but that was a lazy response. I need to find a better drum fit. Thanks for calling me out on that.

Appreciate the comments, one and all. Your feedback helps me tremendously

The best to you all,

Deej

Deej56 #1144476 09/06/18 09:40 AM
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Really nice, Deej, lyrically, melodically and vocally. It captures a particular feeling and moment very well. Totally agree about the awkward and rushed transition to the chorus. I wonder if you might tackle it better by eliminating the last line of the verse, replacing...

how love comes to your heart
then disappears.

with...
when love leaves your heart
or...
when love slips from your heart

And then later...

and so, darling, can’t we please
just let this go.

with...
So please,can we just let this go?

Or something along those lines. That would allow space before the chorus and maybe make for a more comfortable transition. Just a thought.

Have you ever thought of getting a job in a Bee-Gees tribute band? I'd steer clear of the later falsetto stuff, both for your health and because it pulls off the near-impossible feat of simultaneously being brilliant and sucking. Seriously, I love the vocal, which fits the heartfelt lyric like a glove.

Deej56 #1144511 09/07/18 10:36 PM
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Hey Deej,

That's a well written tune. The vocals especially have just the right intonation, and that feeling of longing.

I think this tune is in need of musical arrangement and production to bring it up to the level of songwriting and vocal delivery.

It's certainly a keeper and with a bit of work will be a fine sounding tune.

cheers, niteshift

Deej56 #1144584 09/11/18 05:18 AM
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Great song Deej
A slight stumble from the verse to the first word RESTLESS then it flowed well.
Perhaps as Vic may have infered a slower transit into the chirus might work better?
Good work
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
Deej56 #1144746 09/16/18 11:54 PM
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Deej56 Offline OP
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Gavin, Niteshift and Travis,

Sorry for the delayed response, but thanks for giving this one a spin. I think the verdict is out on the need to space out the transition from verse to chorus. Need for find the time and energy to revisit this one. But really appreciate your thoughtful comments. Thanks a ton!

Gavin: I'm loathe to axe those last lines--but then I may not be the most unbiased person to make the call. Thing is, to me, those lines fit like hand in glove to the melody. So if I can solve the transition issue otherwise--e.g., by inserting a measure between the verse and chorus--I'm gonna give that a try first. But I really appreciate your thoughtful comments and suggestions. It's what this board is about!

Niteshift: Yeah, your comment is spot on, and quite frankly could apply to pretty much everything I've posted on this site. Musical arrangement and production are not my strong suits. But I'll keep at it (however hopeless it always seems to feel) Thanks for chiming in.

Travis: As noted above, yeah, that transition comes off rushed. Hope I can find a fix. Appreciate the listen.

The best to each of you,

Deej

Deej56 #1144800 09/18/18 08:52 PM
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Nice one, Deej. Very expressive vocal. The Bee Gees comparison is inevitable...when you've got it, you've got it. smile Yes on the extra measure needed between the verse and chorus. You can sustain the music over that space, easy as pie! smile

Ricki

Deej56 #1144936 09/25/18 11:49 PM
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Hi, Ricki,

Thanks for giving this a listen. I'll admit, I'm not sure I get the Bee Gees comparison on the vocal--just don't hear it myself--but it's not the first time I've gotten that comment, so there it is! I've been playing with inserting that extra measure--thought it would be easy, but, nah, not really. It's almost like I need a half-measure (at most)--and I have no idea how to do that in BIAB. Well, I'll keep working it.

At any rate, appreciate the feedback and support. Thanks much!

Kind regards,

Deej

Deej56 #1144961 09/26/18 06:32 PM
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You've got something solid to work with here. And great job getting the emotion into the vocals.
Agree with other the comments on the transition into the chorus. In general, this is a song where the words are really important and need space to be heard.
I think pauses like the one in "Who knows (pause) where love goes" work better than rushing things.
I liked the strings coming into towards the end, and you might be able to use those earlier bringing them in and out with the dynamics.

It's a good song, and worth the effort to pursue. Maybe put in down for a week or two and come back refreshed?

RainyDayMan #1145234 10/09/18 12:08 AM
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Deej56 Offline OP
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Owen,

Thanks for the listen. Yeah, unanimous opinion on that transition—I will (and have) definitely set it aside for now. It’s not as easy a fix as I first thought (at least not in BIAB, where I’m still very much a newbie). I’ll hope to revisit sometime later.

All the best to you,

Deej


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