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#1131110 - 09/29/17 10:18 AM I Can't Stop Drinking About You - rewrite  
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 993
David Gill Offline
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David Gill  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 993
Buffalo, NY
"I Can't Stop Drinking About You" by David Gill (c) 2017

We had it all
but now it's gone
The same old sh!t
the same old song
No matter what I try to do
I can't stop drinking about you

Another night
so many bars
the same old hurt
the same old scars
No matter if I've had a few
I can't stop drinking about you


This beer don't seem
to ease the pain or
help me to forget
But every time I
hear your name
I take another sip


I said some words
you said 'em, too
the same old me
the same old you
No matter what we've both been through
I can't stop drinking about you



This beer don't seem to
ease the pain or
help me to forget
But every time I
hear your name
I take another sip


We had it all
but now it's gone
The same old sh!t
the same old song
No matter what I try to do
I can't stop drinking about you

Last edited by David Gill; 10/04/17 11:16 AM.

"Where there's a Gill, there's a way"
#1131111 - 09/29/17 10:36 AM Re: I Can't Stop Drinking About You [Re: David Gill]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,138
Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,138
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Great hook David!
Yeah we've heard them and written them but still they keep coming.
Good lyric
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1131113 - 09/29/17 02:40 PM Re: I Can't Stop Drinking About You [Re: David Gill]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,015
9ne Offline
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9ne  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,015
N.E. of Toronto
Liked that hook also; so much so, that I thought you should use it at the end of each verse!
As an example:

We had it all but now it's gone
The same old sh!t the same old song
You left me here to live alone
Sitting by a silent phone
So I down a few
I can't stop drinking about you

Best of luck!
-Mike


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=170948

I think what makes satan so attractive to others is
that he tastes like chocolate...
....and he played real drums
#1131127 - 09/30/17 01:55 AM Re: I Can't Stop Drinking About You [Re: David Gill]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,372
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Posts: 1,372
David,

It's a great, great line, and everything else about the lyrics are solid. I like the structure of the verses, and would err on the side of underusing that great hook--keep it in the chorus, only, IMHO. But as is always the case when you read lyrics, the devil is in the melody. I'm guessing you may want to tweak a word or line or two as it hooks into song--but an easy adjustment whichever way the melody takes you. The lyrics are strong enough to go wherever the music takes them. Nice read.

Regards,

Deej

#1131133 - 09/30/17 06:21 AM Re: I Can't Stop Drinking About You [Re: David Gill]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,404
in2piano Offline
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in2piano  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,404
Oregon, USA
David

Decent hook...no doubt.
I can hear the music as I read your lyrics.
Always a good sign.

Good luck with it.

Larry


Can't find the stairway to 'heaven'...but I know where the elevator is.

Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us" - Albert Schweitzer.
#1131169 - 10/02/17 01:15 PM Re: I Can't Stop Drinking About You [Re: David Gill]  
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 993
David Gill Offline
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David Gill  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 993
Buffalo, NY
Travis, Mike, Deej and Larry....

All good stuff! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and crit. This is certainly a very rough draft of an idea I've been toying with for quite some time. I agree that perhaps I am under-utilizing the hook just a bit. I'll tweak and repost and see how it turns out.

Thanks again!

Peace,

Dave


"Where there's a Gill, there's a way"
#1131185 - 10/03/17 02:29 AM Re: I Can't Stop Drinking About You [Re: 9ne]  
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 158
MATT STONEHAM Offline
Serious Contributor
MATT STONEHAM  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 158
Le Monde
Why not start the Chorus with that Hook as well as finishing with it

Also Try a Temporary key change on the Chorus that would make the Chorus stand out


I would keep it away from the Verse

Great Idea Best Wishes with it


Without the right music your clever lyrics will never be heard, if you want success be prepared to re write many times and even change the meter you chose originally
#1131203 - 10/04/17 11:15 AM Re: I Can't Stop Drinking About You [Re: MATT STONEHAM]  
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 993
David Gill Offline
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David Gill  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 993
Buffalo, NY
Thanks for the sugg, Matt! I gave this one another go and think I may have screwed it all up but.... Take another read, if you please.. :-)

Peace,

Dave


"Where there's a Gill, there's a way"

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