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#1103927 - 04/03/16 03:27 AM Chance (updated please critique)  
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Jackie444 Offline
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Chance
By Jacqueline Richter
Copyright 2016
All rights reserved. BMI

Brings joy with his smile
and a twinkle in his eye
Waits in his wheelchair
as the bus drives by

He sometimes seemed naughty
Teacher didn't mind
Thought Chance was so Special
So loving and kind

Being different isn't easy
signs with his little hands
excited to see what
teacher has planned

He sometimes seemed naughty
Teacher didn't mind
Thought Chance was so Special
So loving and kind

Thinks about her life
as she wipes his chin
Wonders if she could adopt
a little boy like him

He sometimes seemed naughty
Teacher didn't mind
Thought Chance was so Special
So loving and kind

She is thankful they gave her a Chance.





https://www.reverbnation.com/jacquelinerichter/song/13756688-nashville-by-jacquelinerichter

Last edited by Jackie444; 12/16/17 12:17 PM.

Jacqueline Richter
Mommy, wife, and songwriter
#1103929 - 04/03/16 04:10 AM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Jackie444]  
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Jackie444 Offline
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Should my verses be in a different order?


Jacqueline Richter
Mommy, wife, and songwriter
#1103931 - 04/03/16 09:25 AM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Jackie444]  
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Hi Jackie.
Not a simple subject for a song but you did fine with it.
I got the message quite early so I think you should replace or drop the last verse (he was born different ....)
It reads awkward and you don't need it to tell the story.

Vic


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#1103945 - 04/03/16 02:10 PM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Vicarn]  
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Thanks Vic. I agree I'm going to delete that one. Thank you for your feedback.
-Jackie


Jacqueline Richter
Mommy, wife, and songwriter
#1103964 - 04/03/16 06:00 PM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Jackie444]  
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beechnut79 Offline
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I don't know if I agree with that. Think you should keep the being "born different" part for emotional effect. I myself had what they now refer to as Asperger's Syndrome although that name didn't exist when I was a child, so that made me a little different as well. But, wouldn't it be a very boring world if we were all the same.

#1103989 - 04/03/16 10:42 PM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: beechnut79]  
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Hi Beachnut
Thank you for your feedback. It is not easy being different. I work with children with special needs. I am trying to put a lot of emotion in to the song to make others understand.
-Jackie

Last edited by Jackie444; 04/03/16 10:44 PM.

Jacqueline Richter
Mommy, wife, and songwriter
#1104225 - 04/06/16 09:05 PM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Jackie444]  
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Made more changes ...


Jacqueline Richter
Mommy, wife, and songwriter
#1104285 - 04/07/16 05:24 PM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Jackie444]  
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Jim Colyer (D) Offline
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This is the kind of song that appeals to country music fans. Possibly an album cut.

#1104295 - 04/07/16 07:18 PM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Jim Colyer (D)]  
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Hi Jim,
I am really glad you liked it. Thank you so much. I really hope it goes places. : )
-Jackie


Jacqueline Richter
Mommy, wife, and songwriter
#1104447 - 04/09/16 07:25 PM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) *DELETED* *DELETED* [Re: Jackie444]  
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Post deleted by Jackie444

Last edited by Jackie444; 04/09/16 07:25 PM.

Jacqueline Richter
Mommy, wife, and songwriter
#1116764 - 10/04/16 01:10 AM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Jackie444]  
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Updates...


Jacqueline Richter
Mommy, wife, and songwriter
#1116789 - 10/04/16 04:07 PM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Jackie444]  
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Jim Colyer (D) Offline
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When I see a lyric like this, I realize how trivial my own problems are.

#1118802 - 11/01/16 11:54 PM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Jim Colyer (D)]  
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Thanks Jim. I work with children with physical disabilities, I love them all.


Jacqueline Richter
Mommy, wife, and songwriter
#1119002 - 11/07/16 02:30 PM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Jackie444]  
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beechnut79 Offline
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Am trying to think what more I can add to this one. I believe it brings a positive aspect to those who are born different or become that way's through life's happenstance.

#1119066 - 11/08/16 10:43 AM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: beechnut79]  
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Jackie, It's rare to find a such a well-written narrative lyric filled with this kind of emotion and feeling. You have painted a portrait in just a handful of verses. Whether or not there's a real life Chance or he's just an archetype doesn't matter. He exists now in your lyric. You brought him to life.


Write from your heart, not what you think others want to hear.

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#1119678 - 11/19/16 05:30 PM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Dan Sullivan]  
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Thank you Dan. I am glad you liked it.


Jacqueline Richter
Mommy, wife, and songwriter
#1119679 - 11/19/16 05:31 PM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: beechnut79]  
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Thank you Beachnut79. I am glad that you like it.


Jacqueline Richter
Mommy, wife, and songwriter
#1119957 - 11/26/16 04:38 AM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Jackie444]  
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Roy Cooper Offline
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Hi Jackie. I like where you are going with this one. I have been doodling a bit with your lyrics and have some ideas if you are interested.

God Bless Roy and Helen


'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

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#1124039 - 02/12/17 07:16 PM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Roy Cooper]  
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Hi Roy,
I would to see what you have.
Thanks,
Jackie


Jacqueline Richter
Mommy, wife, and songwriter
#1124054 - 02/13/17 12:24 PM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Jackie444]  
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Roy Cooper Offline
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I'm so sorry Jackie, I seem to have lost the notes that I made when looking at your lyrics.
I will try to remember my thoughts.

God Bless Roy and Helen


'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

Our Record Label
#1133737 - 12/16/17 02:55 AM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Jackie444]  
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Jackie444 Offline
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How can I make this song better? Help please. Think I need another verse. What though?

Last edited by Jackie444; 12/16/17 03:10 AM.

Jacqueline Richter
Mommy, wife, and songwriter
#1133740 - 12/16/17 06:51 AM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Jackie444]  
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Roy Cooper Offline
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Hi Jackie.. had another look and doodled somewhat.

please use, lose, or abuse all or parts of my offering.

-----------------------
Chance
By Jacqueline Richter
Copyright 2016
All rights reserved. BMI

He sometimes seemed naughty
Teacher didn't mind
Thought Chance was so Special
So loving and kind

She saw joy in his smile
Then the bus drove on by
Still he sat in his wheelchair
Refusing to cry

He knew he was differant
would talk with his hands
Every day was exciting
To see what was planned

He sometimes seemed naughty
Teacher didn't mind
Thought Chance was so Special
So loving and kind

Gave thanks for her life,
In which Chance played a role
'cause when she was with him,
He made her feel whole.

He sometimes seemed naughty
Teacher didn't mind
Thought Chance was so Special
So loving and kind

She was always so greatful,
To be given a Chance..

God Bless Roy and Helen

Last edited by Roy Cooper; 12/16/17 06:52 AM.

'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

Our Record Label
#1133744 - 12/16/17 12:08 PM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Jackie444]  
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Hi Roy,

So sweet! Thanks for taking the time to look at this one. You are so talented. I love it! I shared the The Magic of Christmas last night, lol. It is hard to find time to write with working full time. Thanks for some ideas.

I am thinking that the song needs to tell a little more.

Jackie

Last edited by Jackie444; 12/16/17 12:22 PM.

Jacqueline Richter
Mommy, wife, and songwriter
#1133747 - 12/16/17 01:53 PM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Jackie444]  
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Roy Cooper Offline
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Originally Posted by Jackie444
Hi Roy,

So sweet! Thanks for taking the time to look at this one. You are so talented. I love it! I shared the The Magic of Christmas last night, lol. It is hard to find time to write with working full time. Thanks for some ideas.

I am thinking that the song needs to tell a little more.

Jackie

Your welcome Jackie. I have always found your lyrics to be inspirational and therefor easier for me to work on.
By the way, I had OUR Christmas song redone with a new singer, here is the link to the youtube video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=3&v=3-8zyluWft4


God Bless Roy and Helen

if I can think of some more for your 'Chance' song I will...

Last edited by Roy Cooper; 12/16/17 01:54 PM.

'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

Our Record Label
#1133750 - 12/16/17 04:20 PM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Jackie444]  
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Vicarn Offline
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It's a nice idea, Jackie.
Maybe try to eliminate some cliché, (a twinkle in his eye, loving and kind etc.)
Good luck with it.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1137082 - 02/14/18 01:12 AM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Jackie444]  
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Bump


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#1137105 - 02/14/18 08:02 AM Re: He Is Special (updated please critique) [Re: Jackie444]  
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Well you certainly captured the feeling in a few short verses. nice work I like this.


Just a writer of words

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