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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 51
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OP
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Hi! I posted this song here in its rough form and got some great critiques from some musical minds. You guys gave me some great advice on the kick, the excessive EQ scooping, the vox level, and the song structure. About two years later, here it is in its almost-finished form, thanks greatly to your help. I wanted to give it one more pass here since you all gave me such great tips the first time around. Thank you! https://soundcloud.com/joejohnstun/when-youre-bad When You're BadYou're beautiful when you're bad You push me to the edge You have it all when you're bad Your lipstick left on a cigarette You dance on the table, dressed like a lady, Drinking and driving me crazy You're beautiful Vodka In a shot cup With the sound up And the Do Not Disturb us on the door You're an artist In the darkness I am breathless And the bedsheets beg me, beg for more You're beautiful when you're bad You push me to the edge You have it all when you're bad Leave your lipstick red on a cigarette You dance on the table, dressed like a lady, Drinking and driving me crazy You're beautiful When you're bad In a second We're suspended As she dances With her French Connection on the floor We leapt in To the deep end She's a legend And I'm letting her think that she's in control, you're in control
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Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,985
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Hey Joe.
Have to say... I just flat-out LIKE this! One of the most commercial things I've ever heard on this forum. That's a compliment, btw.
The opening is inviting. The acoustic guitar and vocal are so very "immediate"... The introduction of kick and strings is done perfectly. (I'd be really interested in how this was recorded - did you do all of this? what software...what loops... where it came from...and what is that bass?)
The lowering of vocal range was a surprise. And quite interesting...
Love your lyric on this. Esoteric, a bit cryptic, but still cohesive and telling a story. Many people fail when attempting this. This succeeds in spades. Poetry set to music masterfully.
I did not care for the melody choice at 2:59. But, so what... the song is so very original you should be allowed leeway...
You blew me away. You have talent. I look forward to hearing more.
Man! This is good.
floyd
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,521
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Wow! Cool (in the best sense of the word) write, vocal, arrangement and production. It sounds terrific on the KRK's.
We are both knocked out by the overall quality. Floyd said it all better.
Super listen and it's going straight to our SC playlist!
J&B
Check out our new album Janice Merritt "Am I Blue Enough?" on Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora, Amazon and others.
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,313
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Joe, Wow! Nice write and well performed! Very current and relevent sound. Really enjoyed my listen! Only thing I'm a little on the fence about is switching to the lower vocals on your second verse. It is sung well and works but for me the higher range just feels better and sounds more engaging. Just my olpinion and it's not that it sounds bad. I just really dig the higher range. Awsome song! Thanks for sharing! Look forward to hearing more from you!
Tom
Last edited by Tom W.; 05/17/16 05:11 PM.
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,280 Likes: 3
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Posts: 1,280 Likes: 3 |
nothing I could say would be enough compliment for this song,,,write and music. top shelf work. Lane
"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction, one might save you from the other...Vincent
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
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great mix and an interesting presentation and write.
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
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Good luck with this one, Joe:
Best wishes for success.
----Dave
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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 51
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OP
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floydjane: Thank you, Floyd - big fan! I did everything, for better or worse. Recorded/mixed in Sonar; mastered in Ableton Live. Drums are Sonar's own SessionDrummer; bass and all other synths are Sonar's Dimension LE; guitars/vox are live.
janice&bud: Ooo, KRKs! I wish I had those. Thanks for liking this on SoundCloud!
tomw: That's a really good point about the low register verse. Going from low verse to high chorus is a common pop/punk trick. Tacking on a high chorus before the low verse then back to the high chorus, I guess is less common. I did 3 alternate versions to try to solve this less-engaging-ness, but they all ended up with problems of their own, which I thought were more serious than this slight ear surprise the first time you hear the song going from high to low. So I ended up keeping this version. But I feel you, man. It's a deeply flawed song.
lane1777: Wow, man- thanks!
Joe.
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Joined: Apr 2008
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What a cool surprise! I didn't hear this in its "rough form" but this sounds great. I can only imagine where this relationship is headed! Ricki
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,125 Likes: 29
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Posts: 4,125 Likes: 29 |
"You're an artist In the darkness"
Gotta like that.
Also like the way the higher vocals float across the kick drum and bass guitar.
Nice song.
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,857 Likes: 1
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Hi Joe,
WOW, what a nice song. I like it as is BUT, I think I'd like it even better if the vocal was one way or the other.
Calvin
Good Girls And Bad Boys..... http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Joined: Feb 2007
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Sounding quite good to me, mighty fine stuff.
This line bugged me a bit: "You dance on the table, dressed like a lady,"
The "dressed like a lady" didn't sound "modern" to me. Just a thought. Very creative, you got it going on this tune.
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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 51
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Hi guys, thanks so much for your critiques! The main constructive feedback I received was that the switch from high to low vocals was a bit jarring. I thought it might be a formatting issue, so I made a reprise version of the song. This new version clears out the whole boring buildup and weird twists and turns and doublebacks, exchanging them for a more normal, coherent format like a regular, sane pop song. Check it out! Here are the two versions so you can tell me which you like better. Thanks! When You're Bad 2.0 (new reprise version): https://soundcloud.com/joejohnstun/when-youre-bad20When You're Bad (original): https://soundcloud.com/joejohnstun/when-youre-bad
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Please excuse the non technical nature of my following suggestion. The vocals start off in the singer's throat and then move up into his mouth. Imo...it is a much more pleasing sound from the mouth. The throaty sounds fall out of the melody and the discordance doesn't work so good imho. I suggest that entire lower sequence be sung from the mouth. btw...Like the song a lot.
Last edited by Martin Lide; 06/16/16 12:30 AM.
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Joined: Jan 2014
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Thanks Martin! That's actually a REALLY good suggestion. I thought when I was singing low notes it had to be way down there, but trying it out a little, I actually can eliminate the throat thing and it actually sounds way better. Thanks!
Joe.
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Joined: Apr 2008
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Joe, this sounds great all over again. I didn't have a problem with the other version but if it sounds better to you, go with it. You have a great voice, wherever it is on the scale. Ricki
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Joined: Jan 2014
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Thank you, sir! You're very kind.
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That would be sirette to you.
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Joined: Nov 2010
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Masterful! The lower voice underlines the "bad" element although it would be better without the sinister tone.
Vic
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Ricki: Ah yes, Ricki with an 'i'! My bad. Vicarn: Thanks! Bad without sinister? Aren't they synonyms?
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Joined: Apr 2007
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Hi there Joe,
Looks like I'm a bit late to the party on this one, but it was certainly worth the wait. Personally, I like the second one better, only because it seemed you opted with the verse first instead of the chorus (unless I missed that?)....
Also, I'll echo with what has been said by some of the other posters. This has a very "modern" feel to it and can imagine it on the radio.
As primarily a lyricist, I also really liked your rhyme scheme, your loose rhymes and a number of your turns of phrase. Particularly enjoyed this:
You're an artist In the darkness I am breathless
Keep up the good work, and thanks for sharing!!
Cheers, Beth
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