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Here's a new one I'm working on. Still needs a verse or two. Any idea's. It actually starts with the chorus.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/louistwinnmusic.htm

Sometime life's like a box of chocolates
Don't know what you'll get.
Reach for the stars and you wind up face down.
Everyone says quit.

You get up, find your hat and dust if off again and
Chuckle to yourself.
you can't win if you don't know how to take a fall and
get up with a grin.


Sometime life's like a box of chocolates
don't know what you'll get.
Bite off one that too hard to chew
Try the one that's left.


Fall in love, this time you think it's gonna last then
something goes bad wrong.
I guess it's better to have loved and lost than never
tried to love at all.

Sometime life's like a box of chocolates
Don't know what you'll get.
Sometimes sweet and sometimes bitter.
A taste you won't forget.

[This message has been edited by Louis (edited 09-26-2004).]

I think you're trying to take the metaphor too far. "Like a box of chocolates" means full of suprises, but not necesarily full of disaster. Pick the wrong chocolate and you still have a piece of candy, maybe not your favorite flavor, but still a chocolate candy. For me this doesn't corelate to reaching for the stars and ending up face down or falling in love and losing.


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Marty listen here

Is there a setting on the digital delay that will allow me to think before I speak?

Hi Marty, thanks for your comments. I guess it depends on where you buy you chocolate.. lol.. I understand what your saying and I'll give it some more thought, but I kindof like the idea of pushing the envelope a little on this one.

I don't think Forest Gump would like this song. I think you could do something with the box of chocolates,but you are too general and wander. Try to tell a specific story that illustrates why life is like a box of chocolates and try to have a surprise ending.

Thanks Summeoyo, I see what your saying, I should think Gump, become Gump. Shouldn't be too hard.. lol.. surprize ending hmm.. Back to the drawing board.

1st let me thank Marty and Summeoyo for their insight on this song. Realizing the error of my way I re-wrote it, with a surprise ending

Box Of Chocolates

Sometime life's like a box of chocolates.
Don't know what you'll get.
Sometimes sweet and sometimes bitter.
That's what Momma said.

You'll fall down, find your hat and dust if off and chuckle to yourself.
You can't win, if you don't know how to take a fall and get up with a grin.

Sometime life's like a box of chocolates.
Don't know what you'll get.
Sometimes sweet and sometimes bitter.
That's what Momma said.

You'll find love, hope it last forever but if something goes bad wrong Yes it's better, to have loved and lost than never, tried to love at all.

Sometime life's like a box of chocolates.
Don't know what you'll get.
Sometimes sweet and sometimes bitter.
That's what Momma said


Time's your friend, until you run ahead of him then, he's the devil in disguise
Wait and see, soon they'll be a better road ahead ,if you'll give it time.

Sometime life's like a box of chocolates.
Don't know what you'll get.
Sometimes sweet and sometimes bitter.
That's what Momma said

.
Sometime life's like a box of chocolates.
Don't know what you'll get.
Sometimes sweet and sometimes bitter.
That's what I tell my kids.

Sometimes life's like a box of chocolates.
Sometimes life's like a box of chocolates.
Sometimes life's like a box of chocolates

Louis -

This one now makes me smile. If sung with the right attitude it could be real fun. There are so many cliches bouncing around that you'd have to sing it tongue in cheek with a big grin on your face, but one should never approach a box of chocolates too seriously.

I like the twist on the ending.




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Marty listen here

Is there a setting on the digital delay that will allow me to think before I speak?

Thanks Marty, this song makes me smile too now. I think it has a sense of humor to it.

Run Forest, Run. Run with this song and keep a smile on your face. If you were reaching for a smile you got it.

Rob

lol, thanks, you just gotta love Forrest Gump.

I re-recorded with the new version tonight if you'd like to listen.

http://www.audiostreet.net/artists/001/847/song_box_of_chocolates.html

Louis -

Listened as well. I think the melody is delightful, better than the lyric at this point but there's nothing wrong with having a good melody!



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Marty listen here

Is there a setting on the digital delay that will allow me to think before I speak?

Thanks Sqbaum, Marty, yeah melody seems to be my strong suit. I'll keep thinking on the the lyrics.

Well, I've been at it again. I've gotten so many good thoughts on this one I re-wrote it again. I think it's getting even better. Haven't re-recorded it yet though.

Box Of Chocolates

(Chorus)
Sometime life's like a box of chocolates.
Don't know what you'll get.
Sometimes sweet and sometimes bitter.
That's what Momma said.

(vs 1)
You'll fall down, find your hat and dust if off and chuckle to yourself.
You can't win, if you don't know how to take a fall and get up with a grin.

(Chorus)
Sometime life's like a box of chocolates.
Don't know what you'll get.
Sometimes soft and sometimes too hard.
That's what Momma said.

(vs 2)
You'll find love, hope it last forever but if something goes bad wrong Yes it's better, to have loved and lost than never, tried to love at all.

(Chorus)
Sometime life's like a box of chocolates.
Don't know what you'll get.
Shouldn't bite off more than you can chew up.
That's what Momma said

(Bridge)
Momma always, had a way of speaking words that, a kid can understand.
She said.

(Chorus)
Sometime life's like a box of chocolates.
Don't know what you'll get.
Sometimes sweet and sometimes bitter.
That's what Momma said
Sometime life's like a box of chocolates.
Don't know what you'll get.
Sometimes sweet and sometimes bitter.
That's what I tell my kids.

(Tag)
Sometimes life's like a box of chocolates.
Sometimes life's like a box of chocolates.
Sometimes life's like a box of chocolates

Hi Louis!

I noticed this title earlier. A box of chocolates...yum. Thanks for posting on my song.

I like where you have gone with this. I almost like the middle version best although I could easily be sold on what you're doing with the latest version. Just have to consider the changes in the chorus each time and see if I like that.
As I thought about a box of chocolates I was thinking it's all good. Could you squeeze that into the bridge:
Mama always spoke in ways I understood
Something about every piece in a box of chocolates being good.
Just a suggestion. Very fun song. I will go have a listen now.

Had a listen. Really nice melody in character with the lyrics. I'd rather hear you sing both notes on wrong than sing bad wrong.

Vondelle


[This message has been edited by Vondelle (edited 10-01-2004).]

Hi Vondelle, thanks for commenting.. Hey how about this for a bridge.

Mama always spoke in ways I understood, and boy that chocolate was good. She said. etc etc.


saw your edit, I could sing both notes on goes.. thanks.

[This message has been edited by Louis (edited 10-01-2004).]

Well I've been steady working on this one. Made some lyrical changes and re-recorded it tonight, singing with a little more gusto.. You can never get too much chocolate.

http://www.audiostreet.net/artists/001/847/song_box_of_chocolates.html

This song is choppy. It needs more iambic pantameter - the smoother ups and downs.
Life is somethin' like a box of chocolates.
No way you can tell what you will get.

iambic pantameter ,, never heard of it. thanks.

Hey Louis,
I think your getting there.
Good work!
I think an "iambic pantameter" is used to check the temprature of a bic lighter flame down south. I dont know what its used for in the big apple.

Rob

lol, thanks Rob. I tried the P-gauge on the first line as "Life is somethin' like a box of chocolates" It did smooth it out but loses the punch, I think. I'll keep thinking about it.

By the way Louis,
How far from the Mississippi border is Brookwood. I lived in Red Bay, Alabama for a short time many moons ago, jut on the MS/AL border.

Rob

Yeah I know where Red Bay is. I live just 13 miles east of Tuscaloosa, towards B'ham.

Hi Louis.

I gave another listen and it is very enjoyable and mellow. On the bridge, I wish you had gone somewhere slightly different musically. Your listener might be ready for that and it would take us back into the chorus more effectively. Try starting on the same note as the chorus and then I think you could go down by a third.
You can stick a toothpick in this idea and see if you like it...

Vondelle

Thanks Vondelle, I'll give it a whirl.

Yeah Neighbor!!
I used to drive to tusculusa and tuscumbia all the time. This was back in the mid 80s.
I met a lot of fine folks there. My hometown is New Albany Mississippi. I get back home every chance I get.

Vondelle, can't make it work, the verses are already a 3rd up from chorus.

Hey neighbor, Tuscaloosa's really grown, you probably wouldn't know it now.

Chocolate apples or a link for those theoretically poetically challenged.

Its a monday kinda tuesday after a three day ...

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Marty listen here

Is there a setting on the digital delay that will allow me to think before I speak?

Interesting link

Louis,

Like the song Ok - I went to UA shortly after Forrests' daddy - 70's - yeah, all of them - didn't want to rush things. Use to ride my dirt bike down the Hurricane creek run out near Brookwood - that was one sweet ride - it was the sticks back then. My dad's from Phil Cambell - a hoot and holler from Red Bay - palidin must of worked at sunshne mills - it's the only thing there - but it's one more thing then Phil Campbell's got.

roll tide and keep on writing

Mike

Hi Mike, they got a new bridge over Hurricane Creek now. My daughter goes to BAMA.. Roll Tide Roll..

I had forgotten about Sunshine Mills, Is the motorhome manufacturer still in business there, I forget the name. I had a small painting business going there ( very small) I was the CEO,The foreman and the one employee and the go-geter, I got so tired of it I just fired myself.

Rob

I cut and trimmed and made it a little shorter.

http://www.audiostreet.net/artists/001/847/song_box_of_chocolates.html

Sometimes songs are like chocolates -
sweet and leaving you wanting to taste them again. I think you've gotten there with this one.


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Marty listen here

Is there a setting on the digital delay that will allow me to think before I speak?

Thanks Marty