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This song is a personal story that Ricki brought to precious life! The fact that Ricki pulled a certain kind of life out of death is special to me beyond words. I posted this on Forum 3. It was called “Wake Up, My Dream.” Ricki significantly edited the lyric down and renamed it appropriately…Benjamin. Benjamin's heart stopped beating on September 11, 2001. Ricki didn’t know that when she sent me the MP3 two days ago. To say that I think she created a beautiful song is an understatement. Thank you, Ricki, for putting your great talent, and your heart, into this! Lisa BENJAMIN -Soundclick BENJAMIN - Soundcloud ©Ricki E. Bellos & Lisa Gundling I call him in my mind Staring at the ultrasound How can such a heavy loss Weigh less than a pound Sixteen weeks of life Feeling him so much alive Begging him to be strong Truth cuts like the surgeon’s knife Benjamin, I scream And will his heart to beat on that screen Please won’t you stay Don’t fly away Benjamin, wake up, my dream, wake up After all these years My cheeks have never dried Through the blood and all the tears The mother in me still dies Benjamin, I scream And will his heart to beat on that screen Please won’t you stay Don’t fly away Benjamin, wake up, my dream, wake up It was such a wondrous time I was ready to share my body and soul Ready for his life but not his end Benjamin, I scream And will his heart to beat on that screen Please won’t you stay Don’t fly away Benjamin, wake up, my dream, wake up Benjamin, I still call to him Wake up, my dream, wake up Benjamin
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As I mentioned above, Ricki made significant lyric edits ... I loved every word of the very first edit she sent to me! Below is the original version.
Wake Up, My Dream...(original version)
Benjamin! I called to him in my mind
As I stared at the ultrasound
Then down at the ground
How could a loss so heavy weigh less than a pound?
Sixteen weeks into his fetal life
I sensed he was more alive than me
I expected him to be so strong
’Til life and death went wrong
Chorus
Benjamin! I wanted to say
I won’t let you float away
Benjamin! it will be okay
But only if you stay
Benjamin! I wanted to scream
Make your heart beat on that screen!
Benjamin! this is just a bad dream!
Wake up, my dream, wake up…
I’m sorry your baby didn’t make it
I heard the doctor telling me
Next step surgery
Right away there’s no time before you start to bleed
I’m bleeding already for my son
Can’t you see the bloodshed in my tears?
After all these years my cheeks won’t dry
The mother in me dies
Repeat Chorus
Bridge
Benjamin! I still call to him
Wake up my dream, wake up…
Benjamin!
Repeat Chorus
(c) 2015, Lisa Gundling
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this is very heart wrenching.Nice job on such a sad one.Mike
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Thank you Lisa for trusting me with this very personal lyric. Not being so close to the reality of the situation helped me to edit all the information in a sort of clinical way, leaving just the heart and soul of your words to tell your story. I'm happy that you and your family are so pleased with the results.
Ricki
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Hi girls, A beautifully sad song.....I certainly remember it from the Lyric forum. And with Ricki singing your song, well....you just can't hardly go wrong. Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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A very moving emotional song ... well written and performed ... great job ladies!
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Lisa, my heart hurts for you.
Ricki - you did an amazing job of honing this down to the essence of Lisa's original write.
A difficult listen.
floyd
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This turned out very well.
Not an easy task for both of you.
Vic
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Thanks for listening, Mike. It is a sad story.
Ricki
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Beautifully sad...thanks for that, Calvin.
Ricki
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Wow, this is powerful. So good. Great work all. Now that's what a song should do..move you.
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Lisa and Ricki, A heart wrenching story. The music has a folkish, almost Simon and Garfunkel feel to it. A beautiful song. Many tears must have gone into this one.
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All I can say is riveting!!
Doug
Learn all the musical rules inside and out- Then break 'em...
Grace..Peace...Love
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Hi Michael,
Thanks so much!
Ricki sure knows how to turn that wrench...
Lisa
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Hi Ricki,
Thank you again ...every tissue in my house is gone...
Lisa
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Hi Calvin,
Well said.
I knew that "Benjamin" was in good hands!
Thank you.
Lisa
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Hi Jimmy,
Thank you very much!
I like those words you used "moving" and "emotional."
That beautifully describes Ricki's performance!
Lisa
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Hi Floyd,
Awww... thank you for your lovely comment!
It's comforting to know that other hearts were touched by Benjamin, and Ricki made that happen by taking on this difficult song!
Your observation that she honed it down to its essence is spot on!
Thanks again...
Lisa
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Lisa and Ricki,
What a painfully sad memory to write on, Lisa. I can really feel your loss and it's just plain sad. My heart goes out to you. Ricki, I agree, you find the heart of the song with your editing and musical choices. Beautifully rendered, every bit of it.
Mike
Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
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Well, it's all been said already..... You two are both very talented and it shows in this sad song.
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Thanks for listening, Jimmy, and letting us know what you think.
Ricki
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Thanks, and thanks for listening, Floyd, difficult though it is.
Ricki
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Thanks, Vic, I think more difficult for Lisa. Brave, but difficult, I'm sure.
Ricki
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Lisa and Ricki,
Treasures of life include lasting memories of death--A very delicate treatment in this sad song, BENJAMIN! LOL!
Mackie
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Hi Vic,
Thank you!
Yes, not an easy task and I posted it on the forum, never thinking it would ever find its way into song!
When RIcki offered, I was overcome {and delighted}!
Thanks,
Lisa
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Hi James,
Thanks so much!
Rick's songs have that special quality of moving the listener and when she sent me the final version, I was moved beyond words...it felt like the song was meant to be!
Lisa
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Hi Dan,
Yes, many tears, thank you!
I like that Simon & Garfunkel kind of folkish comparison.
That's cool and I see what you mean --- Ricki & Bellfunkel -- lol!
Thanks so much,
Lisa
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Hi Doug.
Thank you for the riveting comment!
I'm sure riveted each time I listen!
Thanks,
Lisa
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Hi Michael,
Thank you for your kind words and thoughts.
You always have an eloquent way of putting things and to say that Ricki found the heart of it is very eloquently put -- and so true!
Thanks again,
Lisa
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Such a gorgeous, heartfelt treatment of a heart-rending theme.
The wonderful harmonies add depth & texture.
Lisa, your original lyric was powerful and brave. Ricki's sensitive edit truly pulled the pearls out of it, and strung them together to create this exquisite tribute to Benjamin, and - in the final analysis - to you, for having the courage to share such a deeply painful experience.
Donna
Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.
Life is too important to take seriously.
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Thanks James. Lisa moved me with her story, I moved her with my interpretation. We're glad we were able to move you with the finished song. You're right, that's what it's all about.
Ricki
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Wow, Dan, S & G are some of my all time favs. Thanks for that. I believe Kleenex stock took a bump!
Ricki
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Rivets and wrenches! Some days I do feel like a mechanic.  Thanks for listening and commenting, Doug. Ricki
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Hi Colin, Well, thank you! I gave Ricki the mechanic a fixer upper and she got right on it with those nifty tools of hers! Lisa
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Hi Mackie,
That's a beautiful sentiment!
Thank you for sharing that and for your nice thoughts on what was indeed a delicate treatment!
Lisa
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Thanks for taking time to listening and your insightful comments, Mike.
Ricki
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Thanks, Colin, for letting us know what you think of this song.
Ricki
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What a sad song. A song that is very relevant for this / our times.
Great job guys!!
-T
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Wow!
A extremely well performed and written
piece de resistance combined with
a heartbreaking backstory.
So strong -- the song and the spirit.
J&B
Check out our new album Janice Merritt "Am I Blue Enough?"
on Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora, Amazon and others.
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Thanks for listening, Mackie. This one called for a delicate touch.
Ricki
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Hi Donna,
Thank you for your exquisite comments and analysis!
I love the metaphor of Ricki taking the pearls and stringing them together...
so true!
Lisa
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Hi Tom,
Thanks so much ... yes, relevant for our times and for time immemorial...
When I posted this on Forum 3, I noted that after I lost Benjamin and went back to work ... I couldn't believe the number of people, men and women, who wanted to tell me about their own similar loss ... some said they'd never talked about it ...the tears were flowing...I was astounded...
Lisa
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Hi J&B,
Ricki was so cognizant about keeping the spirit strong as she did the music, and I'm grateful to her for all the care and attention she gave to this.
Thanks so much for you lovely comments!
Lisa
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Lisa,
This song is a perfect example of why we write.....to express our own experiences and even more important....allow others to use our songs to feel and express their own emotions.
Well done, both of you!!!!!!!!
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Thanks for listening and commenting, Donna. Lisa's lyric, and the fact that she was strong enough to even attempted to write it, really caught me and wouldn't let go. I'm just glad I was able to make her happy with what I did.
Ricki
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A heart wrenching tale indeed.
The performance is masterful in its simplicity and its haunting vocal / harmonies are done to perfection.
Excellent Collaboration
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Thanks, Tom, for taking time to listen and let us know you like this one.
Ricki
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Thanks, J & B, for giving this a listen. Lisa's story spoke to me, which surprised me, and when it wouldn't let go, I figured I better do something about it. Glad I did.
Ricki
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How on earth did you find the strength to write this heart-wrenching story? Thank you both for a collaboration I will remember. Sad is such a short word to describe the overall theme behind this tale of loss. Well done, you two. ----Dave
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Hi iggyiggy and Sweet Sophie,
What a really lovely compliment!
Thank you!
Lisa
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