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#1084121 - 05/25/15 10:36 PM When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale)  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,130
TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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New Hampshire
NEW SONG COLLABORATION! Fab and emotional FAWM lyrics of my friend Geneva (Nightengale), was so happy to find music in these words. This is for all of us who know the days before an expected loss of a loved one. I love finding my feelings in another person's words and having their words bring out that music from me.

I chorded and recorded this on my Tascam, nothing too fancy, just to get the idea of the melody across.


WHEN YOU GO on Soundclick


Link for all of those handsome men out there that prefer SoundCloud


When You Go

(c) 2015 Geneva Griffin/Tammy Carlson

Verse 1
Who's gonna warm my heart,
when all the spark is gone..
And I feel so alone my blood runs cold....
Who's gonna ease my mind,
when I can't go on..
And you're not there when I need you most....

Chorus
Cause you're leavin',
You gonna leave me,
I don't know how to be alone..
Soon you're leavin,
You gotta leave me,
And you can't take me with you when you go..

Verse 2
Who's gonna lift my spirit,
in my darkest hour..
When my entire world is fadin' fast....
Who's gonna hold me close,
When I cry all night..
As all our sweet mem'rys take me back....

Chorus
Cause you're leavin',
You gonna leave me,
I don't know how to be alone..
Soon you're leavin,
You gotta leave me,
And you can't take me with you when you go..

Bridge
Who's gonna kiss my lips,
When I need tenderness,
Who's gonna make me smile,
The way only you can....
..Til I get to heaven..

Chorus
Cause you're leavin',
You gonna leave me,
I don't know how to be alone..
Soon you're leavin,
You gotta leave me,
And you can't take me with you when you go..


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1084133 - 05/26/15 08:12 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: TamsNumber4]  
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Calvin Offline
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Calvin  Offline
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Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hi girls.

Wow...everything about this is beautiful.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1084139 - 05/26/15 09:37 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: TamsNumber4]  
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Michael Zaneski Offline
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Hi Tammy and Geneva,

We all have these thoughts when a loved one is about to pass. We try to pretend we don't, and they riddle us with guilt..but we all have them, and it's an amazing and brave write, to say it as directly as you do, Geneva.

Tammy, your singing has never been better; I am hearing just you in there. No more Natalie Merchant comparisons, cuz you sound like you now, to me. What a strong set of pipes--and your pallet of expression seems limitless! Great chording choices; they express the sadness of the singer without being in any way coddling for sentiment.

Beautiful work, all around, ladies. smile

Mike


Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1084148 - 05/26/15 11:50 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Aug 2008
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DonnaMarilyn Offline
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I can only echo Calvin's and Mike's comments, Tams. smile

Absolutely lovely vocal (and chording/melody) rendition of Geneva's moving lyrics.

Just a real pleasure to listen to. A fine collaboration from two fellow FAWMers. smile

Donna


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend




#1084162 - 05/26/15 01:56 PM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: DonnaMarilyn]  
Joined: Apr 2008
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lane1777 Offline
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south of the mason,dixon line
great job Tammy sounds very good for nothing to fancy. also Geneva ...very good lyric. enjoyed this. Lane



"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction,
one might save you from the other...Vincent
#1084163 - 05/26/15 01:58 PM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: DonnaMarilyn]  
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Ricky Layne Offline
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Ricky Layne  Offline
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Oregon
Awesome vocal. Nice job Tammy!

Sounds SO good as a 1+1. (with harmonies of course)

Harmonies are very effective.

Chorus is REALLY good.

Can't think of much I would change here. Congrats on your progress!

Ricky

#1084182 - 05/26/15 03:47 PM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: Ricky Layne]  
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Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
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Geneva and Tammy,

Haunting interpretation of these sad and brave lyrics. The only thing I would re-think is the bridge lyrics. With the exception of the last line, which is the AH-HA moment of the song, what you say here are the same things you say in the verses. That last line needs something else to support it, something other than what you've already said. Other than that, well done!

Ricki

#1084186 - 05/26/15 04:06 PM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Paul H. Gaines Offline
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Paul H. Gaines  Offline
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Sanger California
Hey Tammy

Such a painful place for the human heart to reside, good write Geneva, Tams your melody and vocals really carry the lyrics to a soulful place, good job!!

Cheers
Paul


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1016904

Complacency is failure's mentor.
Book of Paulverbs
#1084195 - 05/26/15 05:55 PM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: Paul H. Gaines]  
Joined: Jan 2005
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Michael LeBlanc Offline
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Michael LeBlanc  Offline
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Louisiana
really nice lyrics Geneva!Some mighty fine singing and playing Tammy!You really put this together nicely Tammy.Mike

#1084220 - 05/27/15 01:46 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: TamsNumber4]  
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Posts: 3,828
Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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USA
Hi Tammy & Geneva,

Hey! Good to see you both! smile And good to see a FAWM creation!

You girls have a touching song here.

Tammy, you add a haunting melody and vocal to this story. I like how the chorus opens up with the melody etc. and those harmonies. Good playin’ too!

Geneva, the lyric shows so much vulnerability. I like how it starts out right away with “who’s gonna warm my heart” and goes on from there to really express those thoughts.

You've done a great job!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#1084306 - 05/28/15 06:10 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
Joined: Jun 2013
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Dave Whitehead Offline
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Dave Whitehead  Offline
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What a great collab! Nice writing Geneva. Maybe your best.
Tammy, that was a very intimate, artistic delivery.

Perfect.

Dave smile

#1084339 - 05/28/15 03:48 PM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: Dave Whitehead]  
Joined: Sep 2013
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iggyiggy Offline
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vctoria bc
Hi Tammy,

Really liked the song and vocal delivery.... especially the chorus..

In my opinion, there would be a more poignant emotional give and take if the bridge took this form as a changeup from the verse structure:

ORIG:
Who's gonna kiss my lips,
When I need tenderness,
Who's gonna make me smile,
The way only you can....
..Til I get to heaven..

CHANGED:
I want to kiss your lips
Show you my tenderness
Feel how you make me smile
The way only you can....
..Til I get to heaven..

Just some impressions.. Excellent work!

#1084340 - 05/28/15 03:55 PM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: Dave Whitehead]  
Joined: Dec 2006
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Fiji
Hey Tams and Geneva,

Tams, great to hear your voice again mate. smile

Well, that was a great listen. Delivery, depth and passion.

Nice interplay between the minor chording, and the occasional major to give it lift and hope ( the strength part comes across really well )

As such a serious song, it could be a bit depressing, but with what you have done, it seems to have reversed the pain into an almost uplifting song.

Work on it. It's a keeper. smile

cheers, niteshift

#1084400 - 05/29/15 01:24 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: niteshift]  
Joined: Nov 2011
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E Swartz Offline
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Ohio
Hey Tammy,

Beautiful song musically and lyrically. Nice performance vocally as others mentioned.

What IMO, could improve the write, is to establish a better transition between vs. to chorus. Perhaps a pause, then jump on the chorus, perhaps tweak the last vs. melody line to better launch chorus--or both. It's not bad, just I think a better transition will strengthen the chorus and give it better identity.

Also, I like the lyric message throughout song, IMO, your Bridge feels lyrically too much like your verses. I think "any Bridge" should "both" musically and lyrically take a different and dramatic direction to be effective to it's potential. Starting it out with a "questions" that is similar to the verses feels too similar IMO. Many directions lyrically available to relate to the song story--but the bridge should feel like a break in pattern with the story, just as your music does.

Nice job performing and a song with much potential IMO. Enjoyed this!

steady-eddie.

#1084406 - 05/29/15 08:20 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: E Swartz]  
Joined: Nov 2010
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Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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UK
Imo, possibly your best performance yet, Tammy.
Love those subtle vocal harmonies.

As others have suggested changes to the bridge melodically I won't repeat that.
The only thing extra you could try is to leave out the pause during the last line of the chorus. I felt that it was slightly irritating. It was like waiting for a surprise without getting one.

You just keep getting better.
Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1084476 - 05/29/15 05:04 PM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: Vicarn]  
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Lisa Gundling Offline
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HI Tammy and Geneva,

Oooohhh...it sounds wonderful -- pulls at the heartstrings for sure ... lovely collab, you two!!

Lisa

#1084594 - 05/31/15 01:59 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: Lisa Gundling]  
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maccharles Offline
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maccharles  Offline
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I really am with Eddie on the fact the chorus is hidden, it's not defined enough to feel like a chorus. I think your performance chops are totally arriving now, it's obvious you are about to take the next step, and I look forward to hearing it happen.

You seem to be on to a good writing thing with Geneva, keep on!

Woot!

Last edited by maccharles; 05/31/15 02:01 AM.
#1085108 - 06/08/15 10:17 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: maccharles]  
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Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Used Soundcloud Some men are tall dark and handsome, I'm tall and in the dark handsome!
Great song folks, love the vocal too.
hope it does something for you commercially. you never know!
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1085800 - 06/18/15 12:54 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: May 2010
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TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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Calvin....

Beautiful....we'll take that, thanks!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1085801 - 06/18/15 12:56 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: TamsNumber4]  
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TamsNumber4 Offline
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Mr. Zaneski,

All of that from you has made my day...thank you for boosting my confidence!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1085802 - 06/18/15 12:57 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: TamsNumber4]  
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TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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Donna,

Thanks for giving this a listen, it may sneak in on 50/90, glad you enjoyed it!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1085803 - 06/18/15 12:57 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: TamsNumber4]  
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TamsNumber4 Offline
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Lane,

Thanks for stopping in and giving this a spin, glad you liked it!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1085804 - 06/18/15 12:58 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
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TamsNumber4 Offline
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Ricky,

That all means lots to me my friend, I'm glad you can tell I've been working hard at getting better....

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1085805 - 06/18/15 12:59 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,130
TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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Ricki,

Always glad to see you drop by, thanks for the comments!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1085806 - 06/18/15 01:00 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,130
TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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New Hampshire
Paul,

Thank you for describing it that way, my goal is always to move folks emotionally, I'm glad this felt that way to you...

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1085807 - 06/18/15 01:02 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,130
TamsNumber4 Offline
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New Hampshire
Michael,

Thank you friend, always glad to have you stop by for a listen, glad you liked it!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1085808 - 06/18/15 01:03 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,130
TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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New Hampshire
Kristi,

Hey girl, good to see you, glad you liked it and be warned it will probably show up at 50/90! LOL!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1085809 - 06/18/15 01:03 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,130
TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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Posts: 4,130
New Hampshire
Dave,

Thank you so much for your kind comments!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1085810 - 06/18/15 01:05 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,130
TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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New Hampshire
Iggy,

Always appreciate your listens and comments!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1085811 - 06/18/15 01:06 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,130
TamsNumber4 Offline
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TamsNumber4  Offline
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New Hampshire
Geoff,

Always nice to see you my friend, thanks for giving this a spin and I am thrilled that you enjoyed it...still trying to get better, glad you still listen...

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1085913 - 06/19/15 02:06 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: TamsNumber4]  
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,616
Nelson Offline
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Nelson  Offline
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Posts: 2,616
Baltimore, MD
Way to go ladies, this is a wonderfully touching song.

Such heartfelt lyrics and equally heartfelt performance.

Harmonies are blowing my mind.




#1086340 - 06/23/15 09:40 PM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: Nelson]  
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 880
Doug Buche Offline
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Doug Buche  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 880
Southern California
LIked it . . . much feeling expressed.

Especially like the sultry . . kinda smoky flavor of the vocals.

Thanks for sharing.

Doug

#1086342 - 06/23/15 11:03 PM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: Doug Buche]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,763
Vicarn Online content
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Vicarn  Online Content
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,763
UK
Your turn, Tammy!


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

#1086474 - 06/25/15 09:52 PM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: Vicarn]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
Dave Rice (D) Offline
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Dave Rice (D)  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
Texas
I am nearly at a loss for words to describe the emotions this song wrings from the listener. Sad, brave, poignant, beautiful and it touches nearly every base of the human love experience.

Stunning write and vocal. Thank you both for sharing this with us and I wish you the best when you decide to "pitch it" to the Music Industry. ----Dave

#1086476 - 06/25/15 10:10 PM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: Dave Rice (D)]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,174
summeoyo Offline
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Harrisburg, PA, USA
TAMS I enjoyed your performance. I think your keeping this simple with Geneva's well-written lyric is what may get you at the very least a placement in a film. I think you both popped up to the next level on this one.

#1086746 - 06/29/15 01:20 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: summeoyo]  
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Posts: 395
Dannyk1 Offline
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Dannyk1  Offline
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Irving, Texas, USA, Earth, Sol...
Beautiful song Tammy.


The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing of." —Blaise Pascal, 1670
#1086755 - 06/29/15 08:39 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: Dannyk1]  
Joined: Dec 2008
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Posts: 9,802
PA
Excellent work here Tams and Geneva! Great vocals!

Best, John smile

#1086980 - 07/01/15 05:52 PM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: John Lawrence Schick]  
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 415
kyrksongs Offline
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Delaware, Ohio USA
Excellent job on this. I repeat excellent!


I have never been lost, but I will admit to being confused for several weeks. (Daniel Boone)
#1088122 - 07/17/15 01:31 AM Re: When You Go - collab with Geneva (Nightengale) [Re: TamsNumber4]  
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Oakdale, Ca.
Hey, Tams...

That may be the best I've ever heard from you. Beautiful instrument, beautiful lyric, beautiful heartbreak (wait...what?), beautiful voice...just by-god beautiful!

Diff


rms

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