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Hi- Since the craze lately all over the news has been 50 Shades of Grey, I had come up with this idea a little while ago and thought I would give it a try. It is of course country, Miranda Lambert or Carrie Underwood style.


I know the bridge looks long but I hear it being done rapid fire like a hick-hop style so to me it would not be too long if done musically and vocally like I hear..I hope not anyways.
Thoughts?
Kimberly


50 Shades of Crazy



Verse One
My best friend’s always been the kind I can depend on
for a little entertainment from time to time
Working along ‘side her can be quite an adventure
When a customer claims his steak ain’t cooked just right

Verse Two
I always thought her man was some kind of wonderful
He’d baby sit the kids for an hour or two
So we could get a girls night to dance and chill out
or bitch about cramps, and talk about who’s doing who

Pre-chorus
Last Friday night, 3 drinks in, feeling alright
Til her man walked in with a bleached blonde type

Chorus
She turned 50 shades of crazy
In all my years I’ve never seen her that way
Yeah girlfriend turned 50 shades of crazy
And you’re damn straight I got the hell outta her way

Bridge
It’s on Facebook as we speak, if you missed it; it looked something like this…
Her man, the coward, drove off like a NASCAR race
Black mascara was running down his bimbo’s face
Blonde hair extensions were hanging off the Miller Lite sign
Fake “ho red” fingernails were floating in some chick’s wine
She had one fist balled up, a broken pool cue in the other
Everybody knows you never piss off a woman
who’s either redneck, tired or southern

Verse 3
Everybody told the cops the details were too hazy
In no time they were done filling out the paperwork
No charges were filed; I guess they both knew better
And the desk clerk grinned when she walked free, cause the man’s a jerk

Chorus
Yeah…
She turned 50 shades of crazy
In all my years I've never seen her that way
Yeah, girlfriend turned 50 shades of crazy
And you’re damn straight I got the hell outta her way

You’re damn straight I got the hell outta her way!

© Kimberly Hales Kime 2/13/15 BMI All Rights Reserved

Hi Kim!

It's been a while. You have plenty of action here, especially in the bridge. An 8-line bridge is workable if the music is right. I just recorded one with an 8-liner. Your bridge had me thinking along the lines of Gretchen Wilson, more so than Miranda or Carrie, although all 3 like to fight. But as long as your friend gets her girls night out, shouldn't she tolerate her man and his bleached blonde?

It's a great story Kim!

I could hear this one!

Geneva

I find the bridge interesting, perhaps the most interesting bridge in a song since "Dead Man's Curve". And that song turned out to be very prophetic for Jan Berry who actually lived that song when he had a bad accident that put him out of commission. Anyhow, getting back to the topic at hand, I somehow feel as if the whole society, or at least a sizable portion of it, has become 50 shades of crazy. Perhaps a bit of a rewrite on this would work as well.

Not sure Gretchen Wilson is even performing much anymore which is a shame. What is this? Her man should be able to run around on her because he watches their kids so she can have a free night out? No way buddy.

Thanks for taking a look at this one.
Kimberly

Thank you Geneva. I hope to get it to music one day...

Kim

I remember that song Dead Man's Curve and Jan and Dean.
When you speak of a bit of re-write can you be more specific on what you feel needs change? thanks
Kim

I believe that what I was referring to is that there could be a separate version of the song reflecting what's going on in society at large, sort of a modern-day take on the "Eve of Destruction" from a half century ago this year. And isn't it a shame that this particular song still seems as relevant today as it did then, albeit for slightly different reasons. Peace.

Hi Kim,

That was a fun read -- very entertaining!

I'm not even sure if you need the third verse telling us that they went free ... I was thinking that the story works without it and it might even be good to add a little mystery!

One mysterious piece here that I think needs to be addressed though, because it just nags at the mind, is that he was supposed to be babysitting the kids. When I saw that he walked in with the bimbo, I was thinking that, if I were me ... my FIRST question would be ... where are the children?

I also thought it might be fun to play up the 50 shades thing by listing a couple of the shades. Maybe first she blushed ... and then at the end of it all... she was bright red and puffing or something!

Lisa

I like Lisa's suggestion here - which could make your 8 line bridge more supportive of your title. You already have some lines dealing with color. The man could drive off in a yellow car, etc. I'd like to see V3 after CH1, then follow with CH2, then your bridge. Chronologically, the Facebook post would follow the police action - or inaction as the case was. And it's better structure as well for a song.

This has a ton of potential IMO Kim.

The Bridge and most of the lyric are fantastic. There's two big weak spots IMO:

IMO your opening lines are pedantic. Sorry. IMO opening lines are critical to great lyrics and you just need something w/ a little zing.

The second line of the Chorus would be another place to put another clever zinger. The right line here could put your lyric over the top IMO.

Also, you might consider giving your girlfriend a name like Dawn, or Grace or Suzy.

Peace,

Ian