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#1068811 - 12/14/14 02:38 AM Away From Home  
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,429
Rick Norton Offline
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Rick Norton  Offline
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Posts: 1,429
St. Augustine, FL
I don't have much that I never posted before, but this is one of my newer ones that may be still virgin.

Right after I wrote it USA Today had a contest to write a song about or protesting the BP oil spill in the gulf. So I used the same music and wrote new lyrics called "Free from Oil". It didn't win. Oh well.

https://soundcloud.com/gnometones/away-from-home

Away From Home

Walking all alone through an empty parking lot
In the middle of the night
What a lonely sight
Do you feel alright?

Standing all alone by the edge of the woods
In the middle of the day
You'd better pray
Is there a better way?

Away from home
Without a friend
Alone together with your silence
Away from home
Away from home
Away from home

Sitting all alone on an old Greyhound bus
In the middle of nowhere
Does anyone care?
Will you ever get there?

It's been a year since you slipped away
Fifteen dollar rooms turned to cardboard tents
Now you've had enough
It's only common sense

Away from home
Without a friend
Alone together with your silence
You're going home
You're going home
You're going home

#1068919 - 12/15/14 03:44 AM Re: Away From Home [Re: Rick Norton]  
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 253
Chris Erhardt Offline
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Chris Erhardt  Offline
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This could be a real nice sing along hymn! Love it and thanks for sharing!


https://tunedly.com

Contact me at chris@tunedly.com
#1068947 - 12/15/14 01:27 PM Re: Away From Home [Re: Chris Erhardt]  
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,521
Janice_and_Bud Offline
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Janice_and_Bud  Offline
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Southeastern USA
"It's been a year since you slipped away
Fifteen dollar rooms turned to cardboard tents
Now you've had enough
It's only common sense"

Oh yeah! A fine write and vocal. We both much
enjoyed it.

J&B


Check out our new album Janice Merritt "Am I Blue Enough?"
on Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora, Amazon and others.
#1068956 - 12/15/14 02:31 PM Re: Away From Home [Re: Janice_and_Bud]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,894
Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
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Wisconsin
I like the folk feel of this one, a "500 miles" vibe. The final verse and the choruses are the strongest things in the song. They have the starkest and hardest hitting lyrics. If it was my song, I'd toss everything else but that and dig deeper for more imagery like you did there. The last three lines of each of the other verses don't say nearly as much as they could. I think it's worth putting more effort into. Just some thoughts,

Ricki

#1068968 - 12/15/14 03:48 PM Re: Away From Home [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Jim Colyer (D) Offline
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Jim Colyer (D)  Offline
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Nashville, Tennessee usa
Being away from home can be hard, and going home can be nice.

#1069041 - 12/16/14 01:24 AM Re: Away From Home [Re: Jim Colyer (D)]  
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,429
Rick Norton Offline
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Rick Norton  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,429
St. Augustine, FL
Songcat, thanks for the listen and comments.

J&B, glad you enjoyed it. Thanks.

Jim, thanks for leaving a comment.

#1069043 - 12/16/14 01:26 AM Re: Away From Home [Re: Rick Norton]  
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,429
Rick Norton Offline
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Rick Norton  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,429
St. Augustine, FL
Ricki,

Thanks for the constructive comments.

Here are the alternate words I wrote for the music for the USA Today contest. Maybe a little more descriptive.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=31052&songID=9380098

Free From Oil

Lying on a beach littered in oil and tar
A pelican dies
Another bird cries
The whole world sighs

Swimming in a sea of melancholy crude
Marine life decays
We'd better pray
Is there a better way?

Free from oil
A better world
The sea is bluer in its absence
Free from oil
Free from oil
Free from oil

Sitting all alone on a deserted beach
A fisherman stares
Does anyone care?
Will the fish be there?

Free from oil
A better world
The sea is bluer in its absence
Free from oil
Free from oil
Free from oil

Solar energy and wind power
Alternatives to all this madness
Now we've had enough
It's only common sense

Free from oil
A better world
The sea is bluer in its absence
Free from oil
Free from oil
Free from oil

Free from oil
A better world
The sea is bluer in its absence
Free from oil
Free from oil
No more oil

Last edited by Rick Norton; 12/16/14 01:32 AM.
#1069050 - 12/16/14 03:34 AM Re: Away From Home [Re: Rick Norton]  
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,616
Nelson Offline
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Nelson  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,616
Baltimore, MD
Thought provoking lyrics and a touching vocal performances.

Well Done, Rick.

#1069067 - 12/16/14 01:03 PM Re: Away From Home [Re: Nelson]  
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,985
floyd jane Offline
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floyd jane  Offline
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Tampa
A good "folk song feel" to that, Rick - sort of early-John Denverish...

A nice presentation. "..an old Greyhound bus" was a little bumpy. I don't think you need the "old" - "..a Greyhound bus" is plenty descriptive - and would sing smoother..

floyd

#1069068 - 12/16/14 01:08 PM Re: Away From Home [Re: Nelson]  
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 2,704
Kurt Fortmeyer Offline
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Kurt Fortmeyer  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 2,704
Tennessee
I'm not sure what this song is about, but that is probably okay. It's probably about whatever it evokes to each listener, but I would like to have had a little more story.


I love words. They say so much.

http://kurtfortmeyer.com
#1069181 - 12/17/14 03:29 AM Re: Away From Home [Re: Kurt Fortmeyer]  
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,429
Rick Norton Offline
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Rick Norton  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,429
St. Augustine, FL
Nelson,
Thanks for the comments and listen.

Floyd,
Ditto as above. I added "old" to get the syllable count up to the other verses and to add a little more description figuring an old bus fits the mood more than just a Greyhound bus.

Kurt,

You're the second one who asked for more meat in the verses. I was trying to convey loneliness without giving much detail using the bridge to give a little background. Early Beatles were very simple songs about holding hands and "be my girl" Of course their musical licks and harmonies are what sold the songs.

Thanks.

Rick


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